The Room that Kept me from Home

I've been through a lot in my life but nothing beats the pressure of a waiting room. The waiting room is torture, a place where everyone is probably suffering, I like to call it; a place where its not all about me. Its just something about being stuffed in that room with everyone that makes everyone question survival.

During my life time I've come here many times actually too many times for comfort. I've seen tears, I've seen blood, I've seen big bellies. Ever since I was young my mother has been terribly sick and not having someone else to take care of me I had to accompany her to the hospital. She'd always ask me on the drive to the hospital "Do you think this is it for me". And I'd smile at her and say 'No, cause after all you still need to take care of me'. I used to think it was my job to give her hope, but now I realize I was trying to give myself hope too. Although I am used to this..today was quite different, right now I have a new acquired fear, something is wrong..I just feel it. No- Everything is fine its just me.

"Excuse me??" a woman says standing right beside me. "Sorry, could I sit right here..?" the lady says with a tired smile, with a hand on her stomach. "Oh yes sorry!" I say. Shes going to have a baby soon..judging by how her stomach looks- its probably a boy. "I'm sorry dear.."she says softly. My husband is about to arrive soon..I just hope he makes it before the baby arrives~" she says giddily. Another thing about waiting rooms, everyone is just trying to find someone to give them hope and tell them everything is going to be alright. So I smile at the lady, "I'm sure he'll make it" I say. "Yeah" the lady says pulling down her shirt. "what are you here for anyways? You look so young! Your not pregnant are you?" "I-I'm not.." I respond surprised This lady talks a lot.

"Good!" she says. "it'd be a shame, wait till your older..Ya here? You look like you have so much potential." she gasps. "I'm sorry, I just blurted that out..its just my mom crammed that in my head, we both have the habit of saying whatever our mind thinks she says with laughter. "But anyways- what are you here for-.." she doesn't get to finish.

"KAY!" a very handsome man yells walking toward us. "Ah your here" the lady or- Kay says trying to get up.

"No don't" the man says but she stands anyways. "You okay..? I'm sorry I couldn't drive you..are you hungry? Any pain? anything?!" he asks freaking out.

"No..I'm fine.." she says with laughter. "Calm down" He hugs her tightly.. I look away. It must be great to have someone to rely on..to lean on, or maybe I'm just scared, scared they'll leave, I mean the only person I've ever relied on is in the hospital, and every time I've stepped in here my hope dies more and more.

"Helloo!..my your in your head a lot aren't you" Ms. Kay says as she waves her hands in my face. "Oh sorry!" I say.

"Its okay..this room brings memories and thoughts, but you talked to me and helped me focus on other things" she says. "I didn't do that on purpose" I respond.

"I know.." she says with a smile. "But you did and it helped since I tend to freak out that's why I have to thank you...and I would also love to know your name..if you don't mind.."

"Oh..its Lia" I say.

"That's a beautiful name!" she says. "Well Lia, I really don't want to leave something is telling me not to leave you alone..but..AH do you have any friends you can call or a family member?" she asks with a hopeful face. I can't just tell her to that i'm fine by myself..shes the type of person to push and push until she gets what she wants.

"Oh yes, I was just going to do that..thank you for your concern" I reply with a smile.

"Great!" she says with almost a jump. "that was not a good idea" she says rubbing her back. "well bye Lia" she with a wave as her husband leads her to the front desk.

"Good luck" I say with a small wave. "Thanks" she says.

I pull out my phone..The only phone numbers I have are my mothers..and...Cal..my sorta childhood friend. Our parents were friends but that doesn't mean we were friends. He mostly ignored me and I would too if I were in his case. I always wanted a brother especially one that was protective..so I tried clinging to him, I tried making him jealous by forcing a boy to say he liked me but all useless, like I said he ignored me. Anyways when my mothers sickness started getting worse she bought me a phone and gave me her number and forced me and Cal to give each other our numbers. It was totally pointless I would never call him and besides our paths started to part, we go to the same school but never talk, it was like that. I mean sometimes I would mutter a hello when we pass but he was a "popular kid" (and also incredibly smart) and I was/am what you call a "Loser" it was the day that he met my eyes as I waved and walked right by, was when I knew, I was embarrassing myself.

I look at his name..'Cal' and the call button..should I call him. No he won't pick up. For some reason my fingers fell and my phone falls I fumble trying to catch it and when I catch it. Its ringing! NO ITS RINGING ON CAL! No No...I hang up. Ugh lets hope nothing comes out of this. Lets think of something else.

I'll just go ask the front desk whats taking so long. I walk up there a man with a wheel chair and drool dripping out the sides of his lips stares at me. "Hi" the lady at the front desk says. She types away as she stares at me with a creepy smile.

"Yeah.... I was wondering when I would be able to see my mom" I asl.

"Name" she says.

"Lidia Carter" I respond. At first she gasps..then smiles back at me then types it up quickly. "Ohkay.." she says reading the screen intensely.

"Shes still in surgery..there's also no date on when she will be free" she meets my eyes. "Anything else?"

"Nope" I respond blankly. I walk away..of course that would happen. I breath a sigh out. My phone buzzes..which is weird. I pick it up.. "Cal calling...."

My chest grows tight. It was an accident he called on accident so I stare at it until it goes away. "Cal calling....."

Another accident..it disappears again. I finally breathe. "Cal calling....." Okay this can't be an accident. I take a breath and answer. "hello" i say.

"Lia! DIDN'T YOU SEE ME CALLING!"

"Yeah I did" I say blankly his voice has gotten deeper...way deeper than I remember.

"This is the first time you've ever called me....is everything okay?" he asks.

"Why do you care?" I say tears fill my eyes. What am I angry about?

"..." its silent.

"if you must know..I called you on accident..sorry." I say to the silence as I wipe at my eyes.

"Where are you right now?" he asks.

"That's none of your business Cal" I respond. "Lia..come on" he says.

"No, stop" I say. "I'll see you later or..whatever okay? bye" I respond.

"Wait-" he says. But I hang up. I press my head against the tiled walls..This feeling..why is this time so different? She'll be fine..it'll be fine. We'll go back to whatever we were. I sigh. Why does Cal suddenly care..? The heck..its ridiculous. I press my head into my palms, I feel warm tears press my face then fall to the floor. Its fine. Its fine. Everything is fine. It'll be fine. All my life my mother has prepared me for this moment telling me when she leaves this earth she wants me to be able to take care of myself by myself..thats all she wished for..but what if I can't? Then what mom?

I don't know how long I stayed in that position but-

"LIA! LIA!" I hear a deep familiar voice call out, I quickly get up. "Yall seen a girl thick deep curly hair..pretty brown eyes!-" when everyone shakes their heads he yells louder. "DAMN! LIA You here?!" he says. He looks so much better than when he did before. Deep black curly hair..hes so much taller now..Cal's changed?

Suddenly he meets my eyes, he squints. I suck in my lips..and lift my hand in a slow wave. "Lia!" he practically screams. "Man you got me looking like a fool out here..if you were here say something" he says as he walks over to me with a white bag.

"How did you know I was here..?" I ask as he slumps right beside me. he stretches his long legs out. "Never mind that...have you eaten? I got a few things..I'm not sure if you like this anymore..but..." he waits for my response as he waves my favorite pack of M&M's. "Oh..kay.." he says when i don't respond or move or flinch. "You've been crying haven't you?" he asks as he rummages in the bag. "Well enough of that.." he says carrying a pack of tissue smashing it in my face. "MM" I say snatching it away. "Thirsty? I got you that drink your always carrying around school..not sure if its the right flavor but....here" he says putting it in my hands. "If your tired just lean on me.. or whatever okay?"

I look at him..my glance unwavering. At first he stares right back but then he looks away. "What?" he asks.

"Did your mom send you or something?" I ask.

"No" he says. "Your dad?" I ask wiping my face slowly. "No! Is it that weird that I came here on my own cause I care about you?"

"Yes its weird..you've ignored me for years..and now that I accidentally call you..you wanna act like..like....a friend? What? did your cool friends not have plans or whatever. What the catch huh Cal?"

"I know- I was not the best..childhood friend..or even a friend..but you know that if you ever needed me I would bend backwards just for you..right?"

"No Cal..I didn't know, actually I've always needed you but you were never there for me. Tell me is this the first time you've heard of my mother being transmitted to the hospital?" I rant losing my cool.

"N-" he starts to say. "NO of course not! When I sat here alone where were you? With your little click at some dumb party..You know what I don't need this right now..My moms in the hospital and i'm freaking out so I do not need this-"

"Your right..I've never acted like I cared about you..and that's cause I never wanted too back when we were small anyways..when we were small people used to call us boyfriend and girlfriend and it was annoying. I did not like being around you back then. So I ignored you in school and by the time I knew it I was so far away from you..and I regretted it"

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask opening up my juice subconsciously.

"I realized I messed up..and by that time..I realized you started to keep to yourself, you didn't need me or anyone. People started talking bad about you..and I had to stop it, so I fought someone and I dated a couple of horrible people so that the attention would get off your back. I knew you hated me..I know you still do..but I just didn't know how to come back to you..but that doesn't excuse anything and I'm sorry"

"Sorry doesn't change anything..but..I really need a friend right now Cal..I need a shoulder to lean on right now." I say tiredly if my mother really is going to- then I really need someone..right now.

"Then lean on me" he says. I place my head on his shoulder..its been awhile since I've done this but it feels good to have someone by your side. Whether he was lying or not..regardless of if I forgive or not..in a way he's family. No matter how far away you are from them, they will always be on the invitation to the cook out.

"Thank you" I mutter. "Don't worry about a thing Lia" he says with a deep voice and a pat on my cheek. "You got taller.." I mutter he laughs. "To me you just got shorter shorty!" he says. "Don't push it" I respond to that with a hidden smile. "Demanding as always I see.." he says. "Hey YOU DIDN'T EAT" he yells. "Not hungry..also your too loud" I respond.

""How could you not be hungry your always hungry" he says. "I AM NOT" I say grabbing his ear. "OW! Okay..Okay! he whines. I let go and laugh he rubs his ear. "Your not freaking out anymore right? thats good" he says with a teasing smile. I gasp..so thats what he was trying to do. "Thank you for coming"..I say. "stop that.." he says.

"Lia Carter! Lia Carter" a voice says from the front desk, my heart stops. There is a doctor standing beside the desk.. I don't like his face that expression..

"I'm right here beside you" Cal says touching my hand. I take a breath and stand up. "Yes thats me.."

"Is that- do you have any body else..other parent or family.." the doctor says.

"I-" I turn around Cal is the only one there..here. "This is it.." I say. "How is she? auntie I mean..?" Cal says. "I-Are you sure you don't have any family anyone you can call" the doctor says with a bite on the lip..hes new to the business that's clear.

"No!" I yell. "THIS IS IT! I'VE WAITED HERE SINCE MORNING! Just tell me..! How is my mother..! PLEASE DOCTOR!.."

"I'm sorry Lia..your mother put up a good fight..but...she has passed I am so sorry for your loss"..No...that can't be..but somehow I already knew..I shake my head slowly..my brain processed it..but my heart couldn't it still can't.

"I'm sorry..is there anyone you can....." he trails off. "Make sure to say thank you to the doctors" my mothers voice trails through my head. "Thank you" I say with a bow. "Lia" Cal says squeezing my shoulders. "Your..welcome I'm sorry again" he says slowly backing away.

"Cal I-" its like i'm frozen in time..my tears won't fall..I can't accept it. "I'm sorry" he says..with tears filling his eyes. He hugs me tightly I don't realize how tight I'm holding him until a lady interrupts.

"Hi..uh excuse me are you Lia?" the lady asks shes young and chubby and smiles sadly shes the lady from the front desk. "Yes- yeah- I" I stammer. "I'm sorry this must be a hard time for you but- your mother..Lidia Carter, she told me to give this to you when she passed." she holds out a boxed cardboard middle sized box. I slowly take it from her hand and look inside it..its filled with 10 letters..and some jewelry. "I know this is weird..but she gave it to me this morning before she went in..she told me that she would pass today and that I should hand this to you." the lady says looking down. "I'm not sure why she chose me...but..I just want to fulfill her wishes..again I'm sorry for your loss" she says walking back to her desk

I can't even say anything to her..I don't know how to feel. Then I remember the conversation in the taxi with mom. "Lia, do you think this is it for me dear?" she asked with a soft voice. "No mom..it can't be" I replied. "I think it is Lia..I think it is.." she said that morning with a bright smile..I couldn't even try to give her hope, she was happy..she didn't need me that morning. She was ready for the pain to end, she was ready to go.

Cal pulls my hand and we walk out of the hospital..I clutch the box..in my hand..my heart has not accepted it yet..I still-

"Cal.." I say pulling my hand back. My eyes fill with tears. "I need you to answer me something..I need an honest answer..please"

"Anything" he replies. I take a breath.."Is- Is my mother dead?" I ask with tears dripping down my cheek. He meets my eyes..and looks away a tear drips down his cheek. He hugs me tightly, and says...

"Yes"