Remember Me?

I remember high school well; it was the worst time of my life. High school is unkind to smart, high achieving girls, especially if you’re not conventionally beautiful. High school is a cesspit of pretty blonde bimbos with more boobs than brains, muscle-bound jocks whose knuckles drag on the ground when they walk, weird emo kids who wear dark jackets in the summer and stoners so high they don’t even know who they are.

For 6 long years, I languished in high school. If I wasn’t being teased, mocked and gossiped about, I was being ignored. That was worse than the bullying, being ignored. I was a social lepper just because I didn’t fit in. Even the friends I had in elementary school wouldn’t talk to me. They pretended they didn’t even know me. I was ghosted before ghosting was a thing.

I’d come home and cry my eyes out. I was lonely, unloved and unwanted. Filled with despair I thought of suicide, often. I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to be in pain anymore.

That was 20 years ago.

Things have changed. I’ve changed and after tonight, they will change. They will remember me.

Tonight is our 20-year High school reunion.  I’m not the nerdy chubby girl with glasses anymore. I’m hot. I’ve got a body to die for and legs to heaven.  I’m no longer shy and insecure. I’m not the same girl.

I’ve evolved and by the end of the night, they will be saying my name.

The High school gym was just as I remembered it. It was big and crowded. The noise was loud as former teenagers flowed in. There was excitement and laughter as long lost friends reconnected and caught up.

The years had changed their appearances but they remembered each other, their bonds forever connected them. The name tags neatly laid out of the table by the entrance were almost redundant. As I walked in I searched for the one with my name on it and it wasn’t there. Typical. Even if it was, they wouldn’t remember it anyway.

I see a group blonde of haired women with fake boobs and botoxted faces. They greet each other with sickening insincerity. The tall one hogging all the attention, while aged, is one I know well. Her name is Kristen Torbrook and she was, a long time ago, the most popular girl in school.

I join the group of hangers-on sucking up to Kristen. They listen as she talks about her favourite subject- herself. They fake laughed at her jokes, they gasped at her monstrous engagement ring and fawned over every word that spewed out of those oversized lips.

Kristen looks straight through me and doesn’t even see. She hasn’t changed. In High school, she only noticed me long enough to mock me in front of her friends. Kristen is still the shallow bimbo she always was.

At a table nearby are a few women I recognise. Bianca, Belinda and Lisa were in my science class. They were nice and invited me into their workgroup. I felt it was more to help with the work but it was nice to be invited. Still, I felt like I didn’t belong. I couldn’t join in their conversations, it was like they were talking a language all of their own.

I walk over to them and they don’t take any notice. I lean over and blow on the back of Bianca's neck. She gets a chill and they all get up to go to a less windy spot.

David Rich was the biggest douche bag in High School. He thought he was cool, but really, he was just a loser. He was your typical stoner surfer dude. He and the other surfers used to humiliate me by playing the cruellest practical jokes on me. I’ll never forget seeing my underpants flying on top of the flag pole, kids standing around laughing at me. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Seeing him tonight made me laugh. His long surfer locks were now a receding hairline, much like a tide that’s gone out. His washboard stomach resembled the large rocks that women centuries ago used to wash their clothes on.  His hair was greying and he hadn’t shaved in days. He told stories of his glory days in high school, presumably because he hasn’t had any glory days since.

I walked up behind him and poked him in the back several times. I could tell he felt it but he ignored me as usual. I’d love the chance to humiliate him but he’s already humiliated himself.

My best friend at school was Michelle. When I knew her she was Michelle Hill but these days she was Michelle McCann. She showed me nothing but kindness. The saddest part is we drifted after school and I haven’t seen her a lot. I missed our friendship.

When I saw her sitting alone I became excited. I sat opposite her and said hi. She was staring off into the distance. She looked sad, heartbroken. I asked if she was ok and she kept staring off into the distance. She didn’t look at me, she just kept staring. A tall good looking man walked up and put his hand on her shoulder. She had found herself a good husband. I couldn’t understand why she was so sad.

They got up and walked away. My best friend didn’t even acknowledge me.

Tears ran down my face. No one remembered me, no one acknowledged me and nobody cared. I had never felt so lonely in my entire life. An intense pain welled up inside of me and grew stronger until it became a ball of fiery rage.

For better or worse, I will make them remember me.

At the end of the gym tucked away trying not to be noticed were several large stacks of chairs. They normally are used for the stands but were cleared to make room for the reunion. They would make a memorable crash if they were to fall.

The chairs stacked over 10 feet high, I felt dwarfed standing next to them. I placed my hand on the first stack and imagined the rest toppling over like dominos. I got ready to push when I heard a high pitched squeal. I looked at the front of the gym and saw Hannah Beaumont, our school Captain.

“Hi, everyone,” She announced. “I know everyone’s having a great time tonight. It’s wonderful to see everyone’s faces after all these years, but I just wanted to take a moment to remember someone who isn’t here tonight but should be. Someone who I held in high esteem during high school. I want to take a moment to remember Kathleen Bradley.

I froze and stared up at Hannah in disbelief. She had just said my name. I left the chairs and walked up closer. There were tears coming down Hannah’s face.

“I’m not sure how many of you know, but 2 weeks ago, Kathleen sadly left this world. Tragically, she took her own life, but she leaves behind memories. What I remember most about Kathleen is how envious I was of her intelligence. She was an incredibly smart girl and I always wished I had a fraction of her brains. She’ll be missed.”

I couldn’t believe it, not only was I remembered, but Hannah Beaumont was jealous of me. Tears began streaming down my face.  She invited others to come up and say a few words. One by one people walked up and shared their stories.

The more that people spoke, the more my heart filled with love. It’s a feeling I hadn’t felt during my lifetime.

The final person to speak was Michelle. She was crying and she looked heartbroken.

“ Kathleen was my friend.  I’ll never forget the times shared growing up. My only regret is that over the last few years, we grew apart. I keep thinking that f only I had stayed in touch, I might have noticed the pain she was in.”

As I felt the emotion in the room, my life became much clearer. I was loved, I was appreciated and I was remembered. I just wish I was told.