Blowing in the Wind

 “A tent! We’re sleeping in a tent,” the twins’ excitement echoed loudly through the house. Rachel smiled warmly. It had been a long time since they had been this excited about anything. The thought saddened her. She was trying her best every day. After Jack’s death she had to take over both parental roles. It hadn’t been easy, but she had no choice in the matter. Sure, people showed up when he died, offering condolences and casseroles. God, there were so many casseroles. In the end so much of it was wasted, much like the life of her young dead husband. Life goes on, and soon after he was buried, people returned to their normal lives.

The twins were jumping up and down in unison, celebrating the news of a camp out on Friday night. The scowl Rachel got from her oldest, Zoe, told her she didn’t share their enthusiasm. She looked like she might vomit at any second. “Camping? Are we barbarians? No way,” her reply came as she looked back down to her phone, tapping away while smiling at whatever she saw on the screen. Rachel felt an instant irritation. Damn, teenagers were difficult. She knew she should be patient with Zoe. She knew that she had lost her father at such an important age, but they had all lost him. They all missed him. Jack had always wanted a big family. For years after they had Zoe he begged for another child. Rachel was content with her big eyed, sweet little girl, but when Zoe was ten, she had the twins. She felt her girl moving away from her as most of her time was spent keeping the newborns happy. She moved away and she never returned to her. Now, a teenager, Rachel felt this child had become a stranger to her. Most nights she cried in turmoil over Jack’s death and her relationship with her oldest.

“Yes! We are going to camp in the garden. That’s the end of it. We haven’t had much family time since…”she trailed off, not sure she wanted to finish her sentence. “Since Dad kicked the bucket,” Zoe answered cockily gazing at her. Rachel flinched. “Oh, and the phones will stay inside the house” Rachel gave Zoe her best ‘try-me’ look. “This fucking sucks,” Zoe hissed, throwing her hands up in desperation and leaving the room. “Language,” Rachel called after her, and then turned her attention to the happy faces in front of her. She clapped her hands and joined their celebration.

That night as she climbed into the empty bed, Rachel thought back of her first date with the man who became her world. The man who was now gone forever. Jack took Rachel to a park for an afternoon picnic. Rachel wasn’t much of an outside person and asked him whether there would be creepy-crawlies around. He had given a warm laugh, throwing his head back and replied, “None that I couldn’t keep you safe from.” The date had gone well and Rachel was enjoying the butterflies in her stomach every time he smiled at her. He really was a gorgeous man. Suddenly she felt something moving in her hair. She imagined a massive spider nesting in her hair and she started to panic. “Get it off of me, Jack! Help me,” she shouted in desperation. Jack grabbed her face gently and said in a calm voice, “Rachel, look here.” He pulled a flower out of her hair. It was a beautiful frangipani flower and its sweet aroma filled the air instantly. “Everything’s alright, Rachel,” he smiled warmly and that was the moment she knew she had lost her heart to this man. She had shared this story with the girls so many times, wanting to keep him alive for longer. The memory made her cry. She missed him so much. She knew she had to carry on. She had to be strong. She had to give the girls the best childhood that she could. He would want that. She wanted that. When she heard about the blackout, she was agitated. A blackout on a Friday night, honestly! The idea of sitting in a dark room filled with warm memories of the family their once were depressed her. She was grateful that the twins had responded favorably to the idea of camping outside. Zoe would just have to get over it.

By the time they had the fire going and the tent up on Friday night, Rachel, too, was feeling a bit of a thrill. It was nice feeling the wind blow on her face and seeing the fire reflecting off of her girls’ faces. They had meat, salad, and the long anticipated campfire roasted marshmallows. The twins were bursting with energy, from sugar and the idea of sleeping in the tent. Zoe was quiet, but she was here. They played a few rounds of Jenga before Rachel sent the twins to bed. They passed out quickly. She sat close to the fire with Zoe, neither speaking, only the sound of wood crackling. She felt the wind picking up again. The breeze was pleasant, and she smelled a faint and familiar aroma. Zoe jumped up suddenly. Her eyes were big as she pointed behind Rachel and said, “Mom, look!” She saw tears filled her daughter’s eyes. She jumped up and turned nervously. Hundreds of little white insects were approaching. No, they weren’t insects, they looked like flowers. It couldn’t be. Rachel could feel her eyes water up, too, as she realized what she was looking at. Frangipani flowers circled all around them, blowing softly against them, kissing their faces and hair. The floral aroma that Rachel loved so much filled the air around them. She smiled, tears rolling down her face, and saw that Zoe was doing the same. They made eye contact, and in one sweeping motion, they grabbed each other in a warm embrace. She had never felt this close to her daughter. They cried tears of happiness because they knew this was a message from Jack, reminding them that he was still here, telling them that everything was alright.