Flames of Guilt

Marilyn paused her anime to look out of the window in front of her. She made a grimace, annoyed by the fact that she could hear the bass from her neighbor’s speaker and see the lights from his windows even though she was all the way across the street. Just like Jeremiah, she thought, that obnoxious arsehole always hosts the loudest raves to celebrate the end of school. Just my luck he decided to go all out to celebrate his graduation this year, at least he’ll take the parties with him when he leaves for Uni.

Marilyn slowly leaned back in her chair, her mind beginning to drift to older times. I can’t believe I used to babysit that little jerk; he used to be so kind. Now I think the neighborhood would be better off without him.

Snapping back to reality, she turned her head to look at the sleeping woman beside her, who contently rested under a warm blanket. Marilyn lovingly leaned towards her partner before placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Sleep well, my love,” Marilyn whispered.

Marilyn lifted her head at the sound of sirens flooding the neighborhood. She tucked an ebony strand of hair behind her ear as she peered through the blinds on her window. Through the narrow slit she could see a couple of police cars and an ambulance park along the street between her and her rude neighbor’s home.

“Oh my god,” she said aloud as she watched paramedics wheel out a stretcher from the back of an ambulance. Marilyn bit her nail in frustration, upset that the blinds made it hard for her to continue watching the scene How would it look for me, a grown woman, to be watching—no, stalking—this poor kid through a window?

Marilyn soon put her embarrassment aside and fully opened the blinds only to see that law enforcement had already left. There’s no way they left a party this rowdy, Marilyn thought. What kind of police officers allow kids to have these kinds of parties?

Marilyn’s thoughts were interrupted by a horrible feeling commandeering her mind. She looked toward the window in fright only to see thick smoke bellowing through every window in her neighbors’ home.

“Jeremiah!”

Marilyn scrambled around to find her cell and thought better of it, assuming someone else had called the fire department. The poor blokes are gonna visit the same house twice in one bloody night, she mused.

Her onyx eyes widened in realization when she noticed no one was running out of the house. She didn’t know what was going on, but she had sinking feeling telling her to get help. Marilyn stood up and opened her window, preparing to quickly exit the house and provide whatever assistance she could.

Just as she was about to spring into action, flames broke out all over the house. Fiery reds and oranges contrasted against the dark black of Night. Marilyn watched in horror as they created an orange haze in the sky.

“Holy shit, holy—” Marylin fell back in fright as the flames kept growing a mere thirty feet from where she was. Well, I… I can’t go now, the house has nearly burned to the ground.

Memories of the last fire she was in flooded her mind and clouded her thoughts. She suddenly remembered the first time she babysat Jeremiah, when she was just a teenager and he a toddler. Some forgotten candle fell over, igniting the walls and cabinets surrounding it.

Young Marilyn was just trying to run towards the door. Frightened out of her mind, she left Jeremiah and just kept running. Later, the firemen rescued Jeremiah and nobody blamed her, given her age, but now Marilyn couldn’t help but think: If I were older, would I have made the same selfish decision? I guess now I have a chance to prove I wouldn’t.

Marilyn stood up from her chair and started pacing around the bedroom to clear her mind. She wrapped her arms around herself, now shivering despite the blaring heat from across the street. Her brow creased in thought and frustration as she went over her options. Do I stay here or go?

The edges of her vision darkened as she wracked her hands through her hair and began to pant. All those poor kids, I can’t just leave them; but if I go into that fire… She fell on the floor in panic and put her head on her knees. It’s so, so warm in here, her sanity decomposed as her mind screamed at her. The poor girl ran out of time to think before she was suddenly surrounded by an insane heat.

Marilyn sat up and looked around her new surroundings. All she saw in every direction was orange flames. Tears streamed from her eyes as she struggled to comprehend what happened.

“Where am I? Why Am I—OW!” She jumped up quickly, burned by the scalding floor. I need to get out, she thought desperately. Marilyn’s head was on a swivel as her eyes scanned the room for an exit. She audibly exhaled when she realized there was a fire-free path directly in front of her.

Her legs almost gave out beneath her as she bolted down the bare strip of floor. Panicking she looked around for her next escape route, her eyes locking onto a window. Before she could reach the window Marilyn heard a shriek from behind her. Not even flinching, she continued her mad dash towards the exit.

“Help me!” Marilyn didn’t even turn around as the voice crying out to her got more and more desperate. “Please! Please, Miss Mary!” Now, Marilyn paused, shocked to be referred to as Miss Mary a name she hadn’t been called since before she married her wife.

“Jeremiah…” Marilyn turned around and stared at a younger, more innocent version of her now obnoxious neighbor. She stared at a young Jeremiah; mouth full of metal braces. Young Jeremiah smiled as he looked at her and she grimaced remembering how painful it was to move when her braces were in.

“Since, you’re here you’ll help me, right?”

Marilyn looked behind her in shame.

“Right, Miss Mary?”

“I’m married now, darling,” Marilyn said, softly. Jeremiah smiled at the sound of his favorite nickname. “So call me Mrs. Marilyn.” Marilyn whipped around and continue making her way towards the window.

“Miss Mary,” Young Jeremiah called after her. “Miss Mary!”

His words were lost on Marilyn, who was already closing the window behind her.

“Miss Mary!”

“Mrs. Marilyn! Mrs. Marilyn!”

Marilyn’s head pounded as her name echoed throughout her skull.

“Mrs. Marilyn!”

Marilyn jerked herself awake and dizzily looked around her surroundings.

“Warm,” she whispered, “it’s so warm.” She deliriously opened and closed her mouth repeatedly in confusion. “Dry,” she croaked, her lips chapped and her throat parched.

“Mrs. Marilyn, I need you to give me your hand.”

Marilyn eyes drifted to the body beside her. “Eliza, you’re still asleep.” Marilyn’s foggy vision cleared as reality knocked the air out of her lungs. “Eliza, Eliza!”

“Mrs. Marilyn, your house in on fire. You need to get out, now!”

Marilyn looked up to see Jeremiah with his hand outstretched towards her.

“But my wife,” Marilyn looked back towards her beloved, now face to face with her burning corpse. “Ahhh!”

“Mrs. Marilyn, calm down and take my hand, yeah? She’s gone, but you can still make it.”

“No, no. It’s because I left you!”

“Mrs. Marilyn, you’re not thinking straight, just take my hand.”

“No, I don’t deserve it! I left you in the fire!” Marilyn’s sobs drowned out the sound of Jeremiah’s voice. “And now she’s dead. Jeremiah, I left you to get out. I’m so, so sorry.”

“That was a nightmare, everything is fine!”

“No, it’s note fine. Jeremiah, leave.”

“Mrs. Marilyn are you quite done? Just take my hand and you can leave, yeah?”

“Jeremiah, I—Jeremiah!” Marilyn yelled as heat started tearing away at her skin. Her crying intensified, as the burning heat spread. “It’s okay.” Marilyn closed her eyes, accepting her fate.

***

Marilyn could hear the voices of people in her room, they felt so distant though.

“She hasn’t spoken since the accident. I—I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Jeremiah, sweetie, you’ve done everything you can and the woman still hasn’t spoken for almost thirty years.”

“Look, I know that, but I… I need to take care of her.”

“Sweetie, you’re such a kind soul.”

“I just wish I could help her get better.”

“I’ve always thought it weird that you feel that way, especially since she hated you after you got too old to babysit.”

“It’s my fault. I know I was a bit of an arse during my high school day.”

“Just a bit, yeah?”

“Mum—”

“Alright, goodbye Jeremiah … and, I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too mum.”

Marilyn heard footsteps and then the door shut. Suddenly Jeremiah leaned into her line of vision.

“Hey, Miss Marilyn.”

“I should have burned in that fire,” Marilyn whispered to herself.

“Miss Marilyn,” Jeremiah uttered, shocked. He knelt down on one knee to match her height in the wheelchair. “Did you say something?”

Marilyn looked over at Jeremiah, her hollow eyes trying to convey comfort that she didn’t feel. “I said, Call me Lyn.” A genuine smile broke out across Jeremiah’s face as he pulled up a chair and leaned his head against hers. Both of them staring out the a window, into the afternoon sky.