Contest #171 shortlist ⭐️

46 comments

Fiction Fantasy

                              The King’s View

“I’m done with that view. Show me something else,” the King ordered. Dutifully the King’s courtiers unfurled a scroll which appeared in back of the large wooden window frame that stood in the middle of the room.

“Not that one. Another!”

The courtiers unraveled two more before the King settled on a scene depicting a grove of giant sequoia trees. The King laid back and surveyed the scene. The path between the trees revealed burls on some of the redwoods with wood chips strewn across the dirt path and a sky that was barely visible under the huge branches. In the foreground a squirrel munched on a nut oblivious to the rest of the world. The King had never seen a squirrel before, and it was the fury creature which caught his eye rather than the enormity of the trees.

When the King tired of that image, he called for another. Behind the improvised window frame, the courtiers unraveled a painting of the desert. Mesmerized, the King demanded to know “Who painted this one? Bring him here.”

Mohammed, one of the Palace’s oldest scene painters, was brought before the King. Motioning with his arm, the King inquired, “Tell me about this one.” Mohammed took a deep breathe. How does one describe the magic of the desert to one who had never left the Palace, to someone who had only been shown the world through the makeshift window, and had no experience of nature or life beyond the rooms of the Palace.

At his birth, the windows of the Palace had been boarded up by the old King and Queen so that the young prince would never be tempted to venture out and would be protected from those who wished him harm, of whom there were many. The King, now in his late twenties, had never set foot over the Palace threshold, never seen his own stables, or felt the wind on his face. He knew nothing of sunshine or mountain lakes. Everything the King had ever seen had been through the images that the Palace painters had put before him.

Though the King was an intelligent man, understanding the deep mysteries of the desert did not demand intelligence, but something more visceral. Mohammed tried to describe the beauty of the desert as if talking to a blind man, which in some ways is exactly what the King was.

“Your majesty, the desert is a magical place with hot sands that can appear pink in a certain light. The wind creates ripples in the sand dunes that can break up the monotony of the endless expanse of land. Blinding gusts of wind will wrap around you like a lover’s arms until you lay down and surrender.

People who traverse the desert wear long flowing white robes to reflect the heat from the blistering sun. At times the sand is too hot to walk on, horses would burn their feet if they even tried. There are no roads in the desert, but instead people use camels to transport them and their goods in a long, slow parade. The stars are their only navigation system.

Despite the protective layers of clothe you wrap around your head, grit will find its way into your mouth, your eyes, and between your teeth. And you will be thirsty my Lord. There is nothing as parched as the lips of a man who is roaming the desert. Optical illusions-called mirages- appear, leading you to water that appear real enough only to evaporate when you arrive at their source. And when you drink the warm water from your canteen it is tinged with the taste of metal that is wet but never refreshing.”

The King leaned forward intent on learning more about this enchanted place of great beauty and great despair. When Mohammed was finished, the King asked “If it is as you say, why do men go there?”

           Mohammed turned the question over in his mind before responding with an answer the King would not be able to understand, for he did not understand it himself. “No one goes to the desert alone,” he began. “A deep community is forged in a place like that and though you are never alone in the desert, each person who travels through the desert will be put through many tests. No one goes into the desert and comes out unchanged.” Finally, Mohammed concluded “I think, your Majesty, man goes there to find himself.”

                                                                      ***

           While the King’s days in the palace were devoted to reading and reflection, they were not without entertainment. The King’s parents had made sure that he had adequate stimulation so the desire to go beyond the palace walls would not present a temptation. People from far and wide were brought in for tea or dinner, dancing or conversation. After the King’s parents had died, the Royal entourage had kept up this tradition so that the King would not grow bored.

           Eloise had been brought to the King for just such a purpose. Although respectful in every way, she was a bit free spirited and spoke quite openly with the King. Her royal blood made her a princess in her own right but she was disinterested in the title and privileges that accompanied them.

           “Where will you go next,” the King inquired as Princess Eloise had been detailing her adventures on an African safari where she had encountered the most magnificent and frightful creatures.

           “I should think I would like to take to the seas on a voyage to see icebergs and glaciers, perhaps some polar bears and whales.”

           “An adventure like that would take you very far away and I would not see you for a frightfully long time.”

           “That’s true,” she said lowering her head so as not to see the hurt in his eyes. “But I could not live the life that you live, in a castle that you never leave. I follow my heart and my wide- open eyes. My soul needs to wander to be free.”

           “And so it should,” replied the King as Princess Eloise took her leave.

                                                                     ***

           Over the next few days, the courtiers were unsuccessful in finding any views that would lift the King’s sullen mood. Trampolines artists, chess matches, gourmet meals with fine wine also fail to engage him. The chitchat in the antechambers of the palace coalesced around the opinion that the King was longing for his Princess.

           The King called for Mohammed. “Show me one of your views. One that I have not seen before.” Mohammed scurried out of the room to select a painting he hoped would restore the King to his usual humor. The King had tired of Swiss mountain lakes, vast tundras, breathtaking waterfalls. The King had been moved by the view of the desert, but Mohammed’s was inclined to go in the opposite direction and hung his painting behind the window frame while he waited for the King’s reaction.

           “What is this?” asked the King as he studied the red awning and brass tables that shimmered in the sunshine, taking note of the crowd which spilled outside onto the sidewalk.

“It is a painting I keep in my room from a time I spent with my parents in Paris.”

“But what is it?”

“It’s called ‘a café’ my Lord.”

“And what purpose does it serve?”

“People go there to drink strong coffee as thick and black as oil from impossibly small cups. But somehow the amount is just right. They go there to meet up with friends and discuss politics and poetry, family and food.  They go to laugh and have fun, to nibble a bite or sip a drink.” The King nodded as if he had a personal experience with just such of place, which of course, he did not.

“Do you think Princess Eloise might be at a café?”

“She might very well indeed.”

                                                           ***

A few days later, at noon, while the household was busy preparing the midday meal, the King slipped out the front door and stood on the top step. He drew a breath, then lifted his chin and closed his eyes. For the first time, he felt a warm breeze blow lightly over his face. He took two steps down onto the garden path where the odor of the horse stables wafted in his direction. It was not a pleasant smell, but the King did not mind. He startled at his own shadow delighted to find that it was accompanying him.

As he continued down the garden path, he imagined people would think he had gone in search of Eloise. He knew that he would not be able to find her, and she would not want to be found. As he distanced himself from the Palace and his life, he contemplated all the things he would do. He wanted to row a boat, and climb a tree. He thought he would begin his new life by visiting a café. Anything could happen.

November 12, 2022 04:26

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46 comments

Richard E. Gower
11:21 Feb 28, 2023

A wonderful story. You set the kingly tone with the very first line, and then reinforced it with another imperative “Not that one. Another!”.....before unraveling a beautifully-crafted coming of age piece (and him in his late twenties...) building his confidence and developing his character through the senses of the wise counsel. Someone else mentioned sad, and I felt a bit of that as well while reading it, but, overall, Just terrific!! Cheers! RG P.S. I was reminded of some of the tales from One Thousand and One Nights.....:-)

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Wally Schmidt
15:25 Feb 28, 2023

Can't tell you how much it means to have people drop in, read a story, and comment. No change that...it means everything.

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Trudy Jas
23:57 Mar 05, 2024

A righteous win, Wally. I saw that you have two others. I'm in the (virtual) presence of a great talent. :-)

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16:36 Jul 21, 2023

"I'm done with that view, show me another." Perfect. You know without reading another sentence that it's a king talking. I wonder how long it takes them to become like that. ' - this enchanted place of great beauty and great despair.' The desert description... hit the nail on the head. Not that I would know, not from experience, but it just feels... right. Pointed out that sentence fragment because it was my favourite part of the desert description. Imagine being the king and listening to Mohammad describing places that you have never been...

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Wally Schmidt
05:35 Jul 28, 2023

Thank you so much Khadija! This was the first short story I ever wrote. I had been working on a book and decided to take a break and try something knew and I really like the closure of the short story format. So glad it resonated with you.

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Helen A Smith
16:32 Jul 09, 2023

A fascinating tale. I think there may have been real examples of royalty who lived like this, or a bit like this. They were kept on seclusion so they never experienced the outside world. The king’s character develops along the way and when activated by love and a contrasting character, he finds he cannot stay in his present confines. There’s a palpable longing here. I love Mohammed’s descriptions of the desert and the effects such an environment can have on people. How it will change them forever. Something very moving about it. Highly im...

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Valerie Shand
02:30 Feb 27, 2023

I enjoyed reading about this king who, for his own protection, was held within his castle for his whole life. It was very sad reading about him and his isolation, but it made me wonder how he could rule if he never experienced the real world. I think you excelled in character development, since I even felt deeply for the scene painter trying to describe a desert to someone who didn't even know his own shadow always went with him. And of course, there's the princess who finally lured him out . . . Very enjoyable.

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Wally Schmidt
03:51 Feb 27, 2023

Thanks Valerie for your comments. In my head it was a really positive story about being able to change things even though something has always been a certain way. It was the first short story I had ever written and a surprising one at that since I do not read or write fantasy and this is sort of fantasy adjacent. Having said that I am currently writing a story about a mermaid, so maybe it is my thing. Anyway thank you for reading and for your support. Always appreciated.

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Roger Scypion
07:09 Feb 25, 2023

A very enjoyable read, captivating, reminded me of fables in the vein of ancient storytellers.

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Sean McGillis
21:18 Feb 05, 2023

Well written Wally. Really enjoyed the dialog as the artist described the desert to the King.

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Starry Skies
15:32 Jan 04, 2023

This was extremely original, something which is pretty rare. The story was very thought-provoking. I wonder what all of us would be like if we never went outside, never saw anything but walls and paintings. How would we be different as individuals and as a species? Would we lose the things that make us human: compassion, empathy, love, if we never get to go into the world and experience them?

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Wally Schmidt
16:19 Jan 04, 2023

Good questions, all of them. I like to think that people who are sheltered in one way or another from the outside world, whether children, people with disabilities or others (who might not have control of their own lives) can lead rich inner lives nonetheless

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David Drake
20:50 Dec 23, 2022

This was fascinating! A King that had never seen the outside world, only knowing it through paintings. Takes a Princess that he's enamored with to attempt to bring him out of his royal shell. Nice dialogue too!

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Wally Schmidt
02:35 Dec 24, 2022

Well, put like that, I guess it is the story of a lot of people... a pretty girl lures the guy out of his shell. A classic really. Please check out The Cancer Patient that I wrote about a totally different type of relationship. It's not getting any love on Reedsy, but I do think it is one of my better written stories. Hope you like it

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Robert T
21:11 Dec 13, 2022

Immensely captivating prose. You really nailed the fairytale structure, but infused it with some modernity and kept it incredibly engaging. I really loved how you used the plot to lean into some amazing imagery. I could almost taste the desert description. Like others, I think there could certainly be a second installment :)

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Wally Schmidt
02:38 Dec 24, 2022

Thanks so much for reading Robert. I must say I feel like the King has had more than his share of people meddling in his life, so I think I'll leave him alone for a while and see what he gets up to on his own. 😉

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Suma Jayachandar
04:49 Dec 05, 2022

What a fantastic fairytale that makes a very creative use of the prompt! Descriptions and characterizations are great too. I'm a bit late to catch up on reading this but I can see why it was shortlisted. Very good work!

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Wally Schmidt
02:40 Dec 24, 2022

Suma I'm so glad you like the story. It means the world to me, coming from a writer of your finesse. Looking forward to reading your other stories.

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18:00 Nov 29, 2022

I really want more of this story!!!

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Wally Schmidt
20:21 Nov 29, 2022

Glad to hear you liked the story. Where would you have it go?

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20:53 Nov 30, 2022

I imagine the character commissioning a café for him to lure his princess or making his first venture trough the streets of his kingdom somewhat like jasmine in Aladdin somthing like the awakining of the world around him and the good and bad it is. or the love story growing in his search for the princess

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Amanda Lieser
03:29 Nov 25, 2022

Hi Wally, Congratulations on the shortlist! I loved this piece. It felt like a grown up fairytale. And I thought your characterization of the king was superb. I was also intrigued by Eloise. What a great name, by the way! Nice job on this piece!

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Wally Schmidt
23:28 Nov 25, 2022

Thanks so much for the encouragement Amanda. It was the first short story I've ever written, so I'm glad you liked it. Please let me know what you think of my other stories. I'd love to know

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Philip Ebuluofor
15:46 Nov 22, 2022

Congrats Wally. Hooking prose.

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Wally Schmidt
19:53 Nov 22, 2022

Thanks so much Philip! Hope you'll read The Cancer Patient and let me know what you think.

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Ginny Moore
12:01 Nov 22, 2022

Beautiful prose. It reads like a fairy tale, and I love the detail in your descriptions. The desert was particularly evocative. Well done!

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Wally Schmidt
20:24 Nov 29, 2022

Thanks Ginny! It was fun to step out of my usual mode and try my hand at fantasy. Hope you'll check out my other stories. Katheryn and the Piano man is the polar opposite from this one, but very close to my heart.

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Michał Przywara
21:33 Nov 18, 2022

The premise here is fantastic! The coddled monarch, whom an entire court revolves around to pantomime what reality is like. His servants work to preserve the tradition, but as Mohammed pointed out, it's difficult finding the words to explain things to him. Kind of the difference between theoretical knowledge and experiential knowledge. Considering his focus on Eloise, it seems his love of her is what finally pushed him to step out. It's a human connection, and maybe it ties to that idea of communities in the desert. But why did he not ac...

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Wally Schmidt
20:29 Nov 29, 2022

Thanks Michal for your thought provoking and detailed comments. Where would you have the story go next??? Hope you'll check out my other stories which were written with a flavor that is very different to this one. I'm new at this short story writing business, so much appreciate your thoughts while I'm learning the craft.

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Michał Przywara
22:48 Nov 29, 2022

I don't know where he would go next, but I'd expect him to get into trouble :) He's got an idealized view of the world, and reality doesn't work like that. Whether that means getting lost in a sweltering desert, or not being able to pay for a coffee at a café (and of course no one will believe him when he says he's king, because everyone knows the king doesn't leave) he'd have to make mistakes. That's what living is about, isn't it? Welcome to the wonderful habit of short story writing. There's lots of great examples on this site, and many ...

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Denise Fiducia
21:31 Nov 18, 2022

Loved your story! Look forward to more!

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Wally Schmidt
23:41 Nov 21, 2022

Thank you Denise -more on the way!

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Andrea Hillman
21:03 Nov 18, 2022

I enjoyed your story of this sheltered king and his very unique views of the world. Mohammed's description of the desert was engaging enough to make me want to visit one personally! Loved the ending too. Well done.

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Wally Schmidt
23:41 Nov 21, 2022

Thank you Andrea! I've been to the desert in Morocco and Jordan and it is surreal. You should go! Or we should go together!! If you like stories about magical places, you should read Guava by Kaiomi Inniss https://blog.reedsy.com/short-story/nkin8m/

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18:45 Nov 18, 2022

A beautifully written short story. I enjoyed the mystery of wondering what he would be shown next by the courtesans to keep him occupied, And the non-disney ending where he was self aware about not chasing after the princess was a refreshing surprise! Well done and congrats on the shortlist.

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Wally Schmidt
23:45 Nov 21, 2022

Thanks so much for your comments Scott. Someone told me they thought the story was sad, which really surprised me because while I was writing it, my intention was to highlight the fact that anyone can turn their life around and go in a new direction, no matter what circumstances you come from. I always felt that life was best life my not chasing after someone else, but by following your own dream. That was what the story was about.

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Clyde Laffan
18:04 Nov 18, 2022

Great story! I loved how you create so much empathy for the King and how original this is.

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Wally Schmidt
20:33 Nov 29, 2022

Thanks so much Clyde! I hope you'll check out Kateryna and the Piano Man and let me know what you think. It is also quite sentimental, but based on a true story this time.

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