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Romance Suspense Thriller

“Gather round.” my father announced beckoning us closer. I finished washing my dishes and then walked over to our large couch where I plopped myself down and waited for something interesting to happen.

“That's my spot.” My sister pouted pointing to where I was now sitting.

“No it's not, you barely ever sit there!” I pointed out.

“That's because you always sit there!” She exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. “Suureee.” I proclaimed. 

“Lu you can sit over here.” My mom told her. Pointing to a spot that was next to her.

“I don't want to! I want to sit where Morgan’s sitting!” She cried.

I sighed wondering why I had ever asked for a sister, they could be so annoying sometimes. I got up from where I was sitting and sat down in a chair far away from anyone else. My sister plopped down and wiggled around making herself right at home without even a thank you.

My brother who was just a year younger than Lu walked up to me, “That's my-” I glared at him and he scampered away and sat down on my moms lap who looked at me sternly, as if saying, ‘don't do that’ I shrugged it off and looked towards my dad. “You made me stop what I was doing to come sit down, what do you want?” I asked.

“Well-” 

“Wait!” My older sister yelled from the kitchen, she walked into the living room holding a tray full of hot cups of apple cider, she handed one to my mom and one to my dad and then gave them to my siblings.

“As I was sayi-”

“Wait!” She yelled again and my dad sighed and my older sister rushed back holding a plate of cinnamon donuts.

I stood up and grabbed two donuts from the plate. “I was going to serve you.” My sister frowned.

“To slow.” I told her spitting particles of donut in her face.

“Eww!” She yelled squirming frantically trying to get the donut particles off her face. Once she gave everyone else a donut and sat down and gave me stern glare.

“So-”

“Wait!” My sister yelled.

“What?” My dad asked.

“Nothing, I just wanted to do that again.” My sister smirked.

“So,” My dad paused waiting to see if anyone would interrupt him and when no one did he continued. “Who wants to hear a story?” He asked.

“I do!” My younger siblings squealed in unison.

“Let me tell you an autumn story about how your mother and I first met.” They stared dreamily into each others eyes. Until my sister poked them both in the ribs.

“So as I was saying.” My dad announced yet again as he tried to draw our attention back to him.

“It was a dark and stormy night.”

“Yeah yeah we know, since you've told this story 16 million times!” I exclaimed.

“Shh.” Lu told me to putting her chubby finger to her lips.

“It was a dark and stormy night. The sky was a sickly gray shrouded with dark ominous clouds that dumped bucket loads of water onto the people below. The wind howled angrily and was so fierce it caused entire branches to fall from the trees and onto my lawn. All around it looked like a tree had barfed, sticks, leaves and pine needles were everywhere.

My parents had gone out and because of this weather would not be coming back soon, the power had been flickering on and off all night until finally it gave up the numb darkness befell the house, because of the eerily darkness I couldn't do all the studying I desperately needed, I'm not sure if I would be able to concentrate on it anyway because of how loud it was outside or do anything at all because it was so dark, but because of the ferocious night there was no way I was going to be going to bed way to loud. So I sat in my living room staring out the window at the night sky.

Despite what was happening outside I felt calm, calmer than I had ever felt before like a veil of serenity, of just being had fallen over me. Cold, and warm, soft and rough, heavy and light, everything balancing each other out until I just was.

I couldn't get to sleep earlier because of how loud it was, but now all I heard was the soft hum of static which slowly beckoned me into dreamland."

"BORING!" Lu cut in. "Nobody cares how you fell asleep, wheres the action?" She demanded.

My dad sighed, "The action is coming now will you please let me continue?" He asked.

"Fiiiiiine" My Lu grumbled.


"There was a bright red blinding light that pierced my skull and sunk within the cracks of my brain, piercing everything as it sunk deeper, like needles, I groaned. “Go away.” I grumbled thinking I was still dreaming. But then I heard a scream and my eyes opened with a jolt. I wasn't sure how long I had slept. I just knew It was still dark, dark except for the bright red flames lapping at the sky reaching up, reaching for the stars.

fire.

Fire

FIRE!

My brain switched to flight or fight mode, alarms blared inside my head making it hard to think. But then there it was, a loud scream that sank deep into my heart begging me to do something to help them, I sprang from the chair I was sitting in and fumbled to get my shoes on, I needed to help them.

The house was a bit far away tucked in the countryside which was probably why the fire hadn't been put out yet, no one noticed it.

Not thinking fully I sprinted out into the night, completely regretting it when a large branch knocked me to the ground some of its twigs drawing blood from my flushed cheeks, but I remembered the screams and got up trying to stay steady against the viscous winds, the rain pelted me as I ran as fast as I could avoiding large branches as they fell from the trees. I just kept running letting my desperation fuel my movement, the urgent pounding of my shoes against the asphalt as I slowly got closer to the burning building.

I stopped in front of the house, the smoky air filling my nostrils, I fell to my knees coughing instantly, my eyesight was blurred but I needed to do something. I looked and saw a girl who looked around my age but it was hard to tell.

Very hot, nice tan. I thought.

"Ewwww!" All of the sibling's exclaimed at once.

"So while mom's burning in a building all you can think of is how she hot she is?" I asked.

My dad cleared his throat. "Well she was hot, literally and figuratively." He pointed out and my mom rolled her eyes.

"Well do you want me to continue or not?" He asked.

"Keep telling the story!" My little brother piped up.

"Okay so as I was saying your mother was trapped by a wall of flames, she was on the second story and the only side not covered by flames was the window, but the window was high and all that was beneath it was hard asphalt, The other option was to die.

“WINDOW!” I screamed at the top of my lungs immediately coughing some more. She didn't show any sign that she heard me so I yelled again. “JUMP OUT YOUR WINDOW!” I screamed desperately.

“BUT IT'S SO FAR DOWN!” she yelled back.

“I'LL CATCH YOU.” I reassured her, or as reassuring as you can be when your breath is ragged and you'r kneeling down beside their burning house.

She looked conflicted and unsure. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?” I screamed and sudden realization came over here, she needed to jump.

“I'LL COUNT TO THREE.” I told her running underneath her window, I could feel the burning heat of the flames right next to me. I could feel the sweat trickling down my forehead and the ash in my lungs, but this girl needed my help.

“3, 2, 1.. JUMP.” I yelled, the girl spirited forward and jumped out the window like how you would see a superhero do in a comic."


"I like the next part." My Lu announced.

"Hey things were just about to get interesting." My older sister Megan sighed.

"Interesting?" My dad demanded. "Are you saying that not all of it was interesting?"

Megan shrugged.

My dad sighed, "Sometimes I don't know what to do with you four sometimes."

"Just tell the story already." Lu demanded.

"Okay here we go again,

But we didn't have the luck of superheroes, I ran underneath her but I wasn't strong enough to catch her. She fell on me with such force that the last thing I remembered was the inky blackness consuming my mind.” My Dad told us.

“Well what happened next?” My sister demanded.

"Can I go a minute without getting interrupted?” My dad asked.

"Nope." Lu told him.

"Well-"

“How bout I tell because I'm the one who wasn't unconscious.” My mom teased and poked my dad's arm.

“Go ahead Milady.”

“Well, after I jumped out the window and landed on him, I realized he was out cold, I was scared and I didn't know what to do, but suddenly the porch lights flickered back on you could hear the buzz of electricity humming happily, I knew I needed to help the boy, which was sort of ironic because he was the one who was supposed to be helping me.” My mom smiled and nudged my dad playfully.

Lu stuck my tongue out at my dad. "Loser, didn't really do a good job or rescuing her if she had to rescue her!"

My mom ignored Lu and kept going.

“We had a neighbor who was only a fourth mile down the hill so I took your dad in my arms and I ran for my life, the rest was a blur after that, calling the fire department them putting out the fire we were both taken to the hospital of course, I got my burns treated and got the pieces of glass removed from my skin but you can still see the scars.”

She showed us her arms which were covered in white jagged lines. They covered her face, neck , arms and legs. Everywhere that wasn't covered when she jumped, which was a lot because she was only wearing a tank top and short shorts.

My dad cut in and started telling the story from his perspective yet again.

“The first thing I remembered when I woke up after being unconscious for a little bit was your mom, she was sitting beside me holding my hand. And when I asked her what happened she put her finger to my lips and she leaned over me, one of her blonde ringlets falling onto my face as she leaned down and pressed her warm lips to mine.”

“EWWW!” My sister declared. “Skip that part none wants to hear it, go to when it gets interesting again.” She demanded and both my mom and dad blushed.

“Well after your dad woke up he got discharged from the hospitals after a couple check ups, we hung out a lot, dated and married three years later, and eventually had four amazing children.”

On cue the four of us all rolled our eyes.

“I still don't get how this is an autumn story.” I grumbled.

“Because It's in autumn, dummy.” My sister told me.

“We don't say that word, calling someone a dummy isn't nice..” My mother told her, and my younger sister rolled her eyes.

“Since that's it can I go text my friends now?” I asked standing up.

My mom and dad both sighed and mumbled something that sounded like teenagers.

“Sure go ahead.” My mom sighed.


October 21, 2020 22:30

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14 comments

Charles Stucker
17:34 Oct 24, 2020

My mom told her to pat down a spot next to her.- sit down at? how me and your mother first met- your mother and I "It was a dark and stormy night, the sky was a sickly gray shrouded with dark ominous clouds that dumped bucket loads of water onto the people below, the wind howled angrily and was so fierce it caused entire branches to fall from the trees and onto my lawn, all around it looked like a tree had barfed, sticks, leaves and pine needles were everywhere." Run on. Replace all the commas with periods to form sentences. until f...

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Echo Sundar
18:12 Oct 24, 2020

Thank you for your critique I have gone back and changed all my punctuation issues. Not sure why I had her jump out the window, was sort of lost for how to have her get out of the house without dying. Thank you for your comment i'm glad you took some of your time to read it and give critique.

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The Potato
17:44 Feb 02, 2021

this was a really good story, not my fav of urs but still really good! i liked the characters and how they kept interrupting, but to me it felt like they were saying the same things over again whenever they interrupted. but overall great job!

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Echo Sundar
19:33 Feb 02, 2021

Okay, thanks for the critique.. didn't mean to have them say the same things over and over again. I'm glad u liked the critique I mean whenever My dad told us stories he'd get a minute before someone interrupted and asked a question.

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Echo Sundar
22:21 May 11, 2021

Sasha.. can you see this comment?? I've commented like a million times on a million different stories but no one has responded and I was worried that maybe it never sent them?? can you see this?

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The Potato
17:45 May 12, 2021

ya i can see it

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Echo Sundar
17:56 May 12, 2021

Thank you very much!

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15:31 Nov 01, 2020

Haha! This story made me literally laugh out loud. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the part where both Mom and Dad are telling the story of how they met. And the reactions of all of the siblings were realistic and priceless. Great job! -Brooke D.

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Echo Sundar
17:34 Nov 01, 2020

Thank you so much! You comment means a lot to me. I'm really glad you liked it!

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19:51 Nov 01, 2020

You're welcome!

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Raymond Kelly
17:19 Oct 22, 2020

This is a good story! I really like the love story, it's semi-realistic and heartwarming and fun. Good job! I love the idea of telling the story to the kids, how he has to rescue her and gets squished; they come together and make it a good romantic plot. I think the sibling interactions are good, but could be better. The opening scene should probably be shorter so that maybe the siblings could interject more, like maybe one has a favorite part, or the boy jokes that mom should fall to her death, or something. I like it overall. The line ...

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Echo Sundar
18:32 Oct 22, 2020

Thank you so much for your constructive comments! I always seem to have a problem with commas.. And i'm glad you like the interaction with the siblings, and you are so right about not being able to tell some ones age as soon as you see them I just needed to add that because I saw later they get married a couple years later and since I don't explain how old they are someone might think their like 13. I was actually going to add a part about him talking wondering if she was his age or talking about how pretty she was but I was afraid it was go...

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Raymond Kelly
03:30 Oct 24, 2020

You could mention college or something before he goes to sleep, or that he was trying to study but couldn't for the storm—you can show that he's an adult without exposition-dumping the reader. No problem! 😁 I low-key prefer giving constructive criticism to actually writing for myself.

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Echo Sundar
03:56 Oct 24, 2020

Okay I am going to go back and add something like that, thanks again!

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