Real Life Series of Unfortunate Events

“Uh, is this our cottage for the weekend?” Thomas asked nervously. “Yes it is! Isn’t it great?” his mom replied. Thomas would not use the word great. More like eerie. The cottage looked like it hasn’t been lived in for at least 100 years. It is a pretty small cottage Thomas’s parents bought really cheap. The owner bought a new cottage, so his parents bought it up. 

The cottage was tan, with a gray roof. It had moss all over the walls, and the roof leaks. There were 2 bedrooms, with a bathroom inside of each one. The lighting was really bad, and the lights flickered. There were mice everywhere, and the kitchen was flooded with cockroaches. Add these to the fact that Thomas has just watched Friday the 13th, it would be enough to scare anyone.

They walked into the cottage, and Thomas fully expected for some weird creature to jump out. Thankfully nothing did. They went to the kitchen, and almost every single tableware was rusted. His mom frowned. Thomas chuckled to himself. That is what you get for buying such a cheap cottage. They checked out the bedrooms, and everything seemed okay. At least ok for a cottage. 

When they got to the living room, his dad’s jaw dropped. THERE WAS NO TELEVISION!!!!! His dad is a total television addict. Taking away his television is like taking away his life. Thomas likes TV, but he can live without it. His dad can’t. One time, the power went out for the day, and Thomas’s dad totally freaked out. Thankfully Best Buy had generators, so they at least got to watch a little bit of television. Now, his dad will have to go 3 days without TV. Thomas shook his head. He didn’t think his dad would make it.

His dad immediately started walking back to the car. “Where are you going?” his mom asked his dad. “Home,” his dad answered. While his mom tries to calm his dad down, Thomas decides to tour the rest of the house by himself. He walked into the basement, and what he saw is almost too scary to describe. THERE WAS A WARRIOR WASP NEST!!!!!!!! Warrior wasps are very, very aggressive. If you accidentally disturb their nest, the whole nest will swarm you, and you might die.

How did Thomas know it was a warrior wasp nest? BECAUSE HE SAW THE WARRIOR WASPS!!!! A warrior wasp is kind of metallic green, so it is really easy to spot them. They are also incredibly fast, so most of the time, you will not have time to escape. Thomas ran out of the room, and got his parents to see the nest. Whenever they saw the nest, they all agreed to call an executioner specializing in insects. 

Their mom got on the phone, and Thomas watched as her mom’s expression suddenly changed into a frown. 

“What happened?” Thomas asked. “All of their executioners don’t want anything to do with warrior wasps.” his mom replied. That is not good. What if the wasps fly into the room, and one of them accidentally touches it? The warrior wasp’s sting is very painful. Imagine getting a nail stuck inside of your arm. Now imagine 30 of ‘em. 

I know. Very, very painful. Their dad is already dreading the place for no television, so he tried to use this as an excuse to get out of here. 

“Well, I guess we will have to go home,” he said. “No!” his mom replied. “All we have to do is close the door and not go into the basement.” His dad groaned. Thomas sighed. He was beginning to dread the place as well.

They decided not to tour the rest of the house, in case there is something even scarier. They sat down in the living room with nothing to do. They were getting really bored. His mom tried to get them to play a bunch of dopey games, like charades, tic tac toe, and Pictionary. 

Thomas’ dad was getting really really frustrated. Thomas can tell he really wants to watch television. 

“Can we just leave this place already?” his dad exclaimed, frustrated. “For the last time, NO!!” Thomas’ mom said. “We will go take a hike.” They got all of their hiking gear ready, and headed for the trail.

When they got there, they had to pay a fee of $200 to get in, which made his dad even more cranky than he was before. The trail wasn’t that bad in the beginning, actually. There were a lot of animals, animal tracks, and a lot of plants. They had fun taking turns trying to match the animal tracks with the animals with their animal guide. But as they went on, things started going downhill.

The mosquitoes started swarming them, so Thomas guessed the insect repellent isn’t working anymore. They were getting tired, and their socks are wet from the puddles they had to step in. Try hiking in wet socks sometime. It is not a pleasant situation. They were all getting really irritated. Suddenly, they saw a huge shadow.

They slowly looked up. They saw the one thing you never want to see a foot in front of you. It was a grizzly bear. “DON'T MOVE!!!!” Thomas’ mom shouted. They all froze, goosebumps forming on their arms. The grizzly bear started sniffing them. Thomas’ heart almost stopped. THE BEAR’S NOSE IS A FEW INCHES AWAY FROM HIM!!!! The bear eventually lost interest and walked away, but Thomas’ family were shaken. They decided to go back into the cottage.

They walked back, the mosquitoes still tormenting them, and their legs felt like rubber. When they walked back and took off their shoes inside of the cottage, a wave of stinky foot smell washed over the cottage. His dad finally cracked.

“I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!!! I AM GOING HOME!!!” His mom tried to calm him down again, but it had no use. “I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS PLACE!!!! GET INTO THE CAR!!!” Thomas sighed. In the end, they are going home. What a pointless day.