The Things We Do For the Ones We Love

It was one of those days when everything had to go wrong. I woke up with a really bad hangover from celebrating my best friend’s engagement the night prior. I was trying to remember what time I had gone home when I realized something horribly wrong.

This is not my bedroom. I looked around and saw my clothes strewn about the room. I pulled up the blanket closer to my chest, just in case my partner last night decided to wake up.

I don’t usually do this, going home with a man. In fact, I have been single for the better part of five years. I went out on dates. But I never seem to find the right guy. There’s always something wrong, always something missing.

So that doesn’t explain THIS situation.I was seriously hammered last night. From the onset, I told myself that I would have fun and not stress myself out for a change. I talked to a lot of guys last night. Sandy, my best friend, insisted on it. She said I’d been living like a monk for a long time.

Well, I don’t feel like a monk now.

Still clutching the blanket, I started feeling my way through the room to get my clothes. I grabbed my underwear and my bra. I was about to get my dress when I heard a voice say, “Leaving so soon?”

I could feel myself blushing. “Oh, crap!” I thought. “I guess it’s too much for you to say goodbye to me this time, Lex.”

I froze. There is only one person that calls me Lex. I prayed to every saint I know that I didn’t sleep with him. Anyone, but him.

The lights came on. I slowly turned around and there he was.

Max.

“You are making a habit of leaving me high and dry, baby girl. I thought you’d mature somehow,” he sneered. He was still as handsome as ever. Of all the people, I could run into. Why did I run into him?

I grabbed my dress from the floor, and stood up. “I’d like to change, if that’s okay with you?” I asked, my voice trembling.

He nodded, and I made a beeline for the bathroom.

There, I washed my face with cold water, hoping that this is a bad dream. Too bad it’s not. I dressed slowly. I guess I was delaying the inevitable.

This was something I’d been putting off for the past five years.

Max and I dated in high school. I thought he was charming, handsome, smart and protective. He was everything that I wanted in a boyfriend. I thought that he was perfect.

Until he wasn’t.

I slowly crept out of the bathroom. He was dressed as well, sitting on the bed.

“I guess you don’t remember much of last night? Typical,” he said. “No, I don’t. And I’d rather not talk about it. In fact, why don’t we just forget this ever happened?” I suggested. I took my bag and was about to leave when he said, “That’s what you said the last time, Lex. You left before I even gave you an answer,” he said, standing up. He started walking towards me.

I’d never been scared of Max. We’ve had our shouting matches, plenty of them. But I never in a thousand years believe he would do anything to hurt me.

Until now.

“M-Max, I think we should just, um, go our own way. We’ve been doing so for the past five years. L-Let’s just pretend…okay…” I trailed off. He was now standing so close to me. I could see the anger in his eyes. But I saw something more.

He was sad and vulnerable.

It hurt my heart to know that I made him feel that way. But what’s done is done and there is nothing I can do to change it.

“I saw you last night, Lex. You were dancing and laughing. You were flirting with a lot of guys in the club, babe. And you know what I felt when I saw that?” He asked.

I closed my eyes.

“Open your eyes, Lex,” he commanded.

I opened my eyes. I could feel tears forming. I feel like I couldn’t breathe. This was precisely the reason why I avoided him for the past five years. I hated this feeling.

“When I saw you last night flirting and laughing with all those guys, I told myself that it should’ve been me. You should’ve been with me. I thought you’d forgiven me that night, Lex. When we spent the night together, I thought we would start again. You have no idea how happy I was. And then…” he trailed off.

“I’m sorry.” I cried.

“I don’t get it. I did everything for you to forgive me. I made sure you saw how much I changed. I wasn’t the immature boy you dated in high school. I wasn’t the boy who broke your heart,” he continued.

That was the problem. I did see that he had changed. He has changed from the childish boy who only thought about himself, who only saw me when he needed something, who only wanted me when others did.

I moved away to college with a heavy heart because I knew the boy that I loved would not change.

When I moved back home from college, he was there, waiting for me.

He wanted to be friends.

I was shocked. That was the last thing I thought he’d want to do. But we formed an easy friendship.

And I saw that he had changed. He became the man I always thought he would be. He was charming, handsome, smart and protective.

He changed for me.

I should’ve been happy, but I wasn’t.

I was so scared that I was only seeing what I wanted to see.

So after a night of passion, I told him to pretend that nothing happened.

It’s not because I couldn't forgive him. It’s not that I didn’t think I would not love him again.

It’s I know I could and I have. And it scared the bejesus out of me.

So, I did what I do best, I left.

And now, here he is.

“What else can I do? I’ve been with a lot of women, Lex. And I wish every time I’m with them that I could forget you. But I couldn’t. It’s always you. Always. So tell me, what can I do so that you would see that I am the man for you? Why can’t you forgive me?”

He looked so stricken. He was crying as well.

“I already did. Five years ago,” I said, quietly.

“What?” He said, shocked.

“You thought I left because I couldn’t see how you changed? I did. You turned out to be the man I always thought you’d be. I was so proud of you, Max. So very, very proud,” I answered him.

I turned away from him.

“I was so scared of my feelings. I wasn’t sure if I was only seeing the things that I wanted to see. I didn’t know how long it’ll last,” I said.

“You broke my heart, Max. And I told myself I will never let you in my life again. But there is something about you that I can’t say no to. No matter what, I’d always say ‘yes’ to you.”

“That night, five years ago, was the best night of my life. And it made me realize that you have so much power over me. I realized that I was still in love with you. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

With that, I turned the knob and went away.