The office space was lit poorly and clutter filled nooks and crannies of the room. An old digital clock filled a small space on a desk and it read 10:53. Old street lamp lights shone dimly through the window and it was the only source of outside light. An overhead light gave off a small amount of light, but it was half burned out, flickering occasionally. A dying houseplant sat in a corner, clearly neglected. A woman sat behind the desk, her dull blue eyes lifelessly scanning the computer before her. Strands of loose, brown hair hung from her bun that was neat earlier in the day but had lost its form. Nothing was going right. “Ugh!” She vented into the still air. There was no answer. She was the only human in the entire building. She slammed her fists down on her desk and rested her forehead on the edge of the desk. The numbers weren’t adding up. She was trying to pay all the company’s bills, but there wasn’t enough money. The company was failing and she couldn’t fix it. She might as well go back to her house. Not that it was any better. Her whole life seemed to be broken. Her relationship with her husband, David, was shot, and screw a relationship with her kids.
She gathered up her few belongings, shut off the computer, and walked out. She walked to the elevator and pressed the down button to call it. After a minute it dinged, making her jump. She sighed and walked inside. The doors shuddered close and the lights flickered. She pressed the bottom floor and waited for the elevator to move. It creaked downwards and then stopped. She glanced at the display that showed the floors and it read 3. “Ummm ok,” she said aloud. She had come from the fifth floor. It had only gone down two floors. She waited for the doors to open but nothing happened. She pressed the door open button and nothing happened. She heard a loud pop and all the lights turned off. The display went dark and the flickering light made its decision and went headfirst into the dark side. “Help,” she tentatively called out into the darkness. There was no response. The only sound she could hear was her own breathing. “Help!” She called louder. It echoed around but died off before it should have.
After a minute of calling out and waiting, she pulled out her cell phone. The display was dark. She tried to power it on but it didn’t respond. “Ok, this is weird. I swear I charged it not even an hour ago,” she muttered. She felt around until she touched the doors and began to pound on them. “HELPPPP,” she screamed, her voice ripping through her throat. She knew it was hopeless. There wasn’t anyone here to hear her. She dropped down in the corner farthest from the door and tried to calm herself. “It’ll be fine. Someone will come in the morning and I’ll be ok. They’ll find me. I just have to make it to the morning.” The darkness seemed to press on her. She imagined what lay in the dark and shuddered. “Stop it Jelsa, you’re creeping yourself out.” Jelsa ran her hands through her hair and relaxed into the cold wall behind her.
Just as she was drifting off to sleep, she sensed something in the darkness. She waved her arms in front of her but felt nothing. “Hello?” She called out. There was no answer. Suddenly something cold began to creep across her ankle and up her leg. She let loose a scream and slapped at whatever it was. Her hand made contact with something cool and leathery. She grabbed it and hurled it across the small area. It hit the wall with a thud. A sharp hiss ensued and it drew closer to her. Her eyes strained in the dark, but it was complete blackness and she couldn’t see anything. She felt it on her again and she grabbed it again, screaming bloody murder. She stood up and slammed it again and again into the wall. Suddenly, it dissolved in her hand. She drew in a shuddering breath, her leg tingling from the contact of whatever it was. She collapsed back in the corner and slowed her breathing.
She had finally returned her heart rate to a semi-normal speed when a chilling voice came out through the walls. “You may have defeated me this time, but my brothers will come and you will not defeat them.” A chilling laugh followed that ended in a snake-like hiss. She whimpered softly but nothing appeared. Then she heard faint scuttling and a sharp pain in her right leg. She screamed and slapped her leg. She felt something squish under her hand and screamed even louder. Jerking her hand away, she investigated it as best she could in the darkness. She felt a slight weight slide off her leg and curl into a ball on the floor. She stood up and smashed it. When she slid her hand along the floor to find it, it was gone. She curled up in the corner of the elevator and quietly cried as another voice filled the room. The sound of pinchers being clicked together was amplified throughout and then the voice said, “I got you,” and then an insane giggle followed, rippling through the room. “I got you I got you I got youuu,” it repeated with a drawn out giggle. She sobbed until she didn’t have anything left in her. Her voice caught as she tried to regain her composure.
She finally calmed herself down again and decided to explore her surroundings. She tried to stand and her right leg buckled beneath her. She crumpled to the floor with a loud crash. She froze hoping the noise hadn’t attracted any more horrors. When nothing moved and she didn’t hear any sounds, she moved forwards and searched the corners with her hands for cracks and crevices. She found none. As she moved along the wall, she felt a cold reptile seep through the wall and a sharp prick in her arm. She whimpered and scurried back to her corner. But the walls were no longer safe. Hundreds of scorpions seeped through the wall and surrounded her. She began to scream and moved to the center, curling up into a ball with her right leg stretched out. She began to sob uncontrollably as the bugs crawled across her body, each one stinging multiple times. Eventually, she passed out from the pain.
She was woken up when the doors creaked open, a crowbar being forced between them. She let out a small cry, then collapsed, the poison from the scorpions coursing through her veins. “Help,” she croaked and then passed out again. When she next woke, she was in the hospital with needles hooked up to her, keeping her hydrated and keeping the poison at bay. The doctor came in, saw her awake, and set a bottle of pills down. “You’re going to have to be taking these for the next 6 months to keep the poison from reaching your heart and killing you. You are very lucky to be alive. She sighed and leaned against the pillow. “I guess it’s a good thing I lived. I just wanted to die though honestly.” The doctor looked up at her curiously. “What happened in there? When the paramedics found you, you were all alone in the elevator with scorpion stings covering your body along with a severely infected spider bite on your right leg.” She shuddered, not wanting to relive the night so quickly. “Horrors,” was all she said. The doctor dropped his gaze. He knew when not to press a patient. “When can I go home?” She asked after a moment's silence. “This afternoon if you want,” he replied. “I want to go as soon as I can.” He nodded and left the room. She closed her eyes and shut out the world.
A soft knock sounded on her door and she opened her eyes. David walked into the room. He was disheveled and looked like he hadn’t slept in over 48 hours. He paused in the doorway, then rushed to her side. He ran his hand down the side of her face and slowly caressed her. “I thought I had lost you,” he murmured. “You didn’t come home and that’s so unusual and no one knew where you were.” A tear trickled down her face. “I didn’t know if I’d be coming home at all once those elevator doors shut.” “Jelsa love,” he breathed, “what happened?” She closed her eyes and he felt a shudder move through her. “I can’t tell you yet. I’m not ready to relive it that way. I’ll tell you one day though.” He nodded and took her hand. “I’m here to take you home.” He helped her out of bed, checked her out, and drove her home.
When they reached the house, the kids came swarming out to meet her. She gently wrapped them all in her arms and they squeezed her tight. With a look from their dad, they scattered and he brought Jelsa into the house. He tucked her into bed and turned the lights off. He made dinner for the kids and they ate it in near silence. When he crept back into the room, the lamp was on and she was sleeping peacefully. He walked over to her bedside, turned the lamp off, and left the room. He put the kids to bed and then got ready himself. He slipped into bed beside his wife and that was when the screaming started. She began to thrash and scream and when he tried to reach out to her, she slapped at him and screamed all the louder. He jumped out of bed and flipped on the light switch. The light seemed to calm her and he gathered her in his arms. He held her like a child, rocking her back and forth. “Baby it’s going to be ok calm down I’m here for you.” He continued to talk to her in a soothing voice until she fell asleep nestled against him. He finally looked up from her and his oldest child was standing there silently. “What’s wrong with mama?” He whispered. David sighed. “She’s just scared still from her accident and her medication is affecting her. She’ll be alright but you need to be strong for her. It’s going to take her a while to recover. Be a good example for your little siblings.” He nodded solemnly, burdened with his new role, and left the room.
It was eight months later and Jelsa had completely recovered from her physical injuries. Not her mental ones though. She still suffered from nightmares every night and had severe PTSD. She climbed the stairs at work instead of taking the elevator every day and night and she always slept with a nightlight or lamp on. Every night, David was woken by her screaming and he calmed her every night. He’d gotten it so that he could get her back to sleep within 10 minutes of her awakening. He’d stare at her face as it slowly relaxed and stroke her hair with his hand. He made amends to fix their relationship because she didn’t need any more problems. That night when she woke up screaming and he caught her up in his arms, she didn’t fall immediately back asleep. Jelsa looked at him and said, “You need to know what happened.” He nodded and she told him. It took her well over an hour with lots of crying and shuddering. He pulled her close to him and whispered, “It’s ok I’m here for you always.” She smiled and closed her eyes. The next night she slept without nightmares for the first time since the incident. David woke up though, his body expecting her to be screaming and calling for him. She slept peacefully, with a smile on her face and he smiled. He bent down and pressed a small kiss to her forehead before snuggling back under the covers and falling asleep.
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2 comments
Hi! I'm from your critique circle. I really liked this story! Your descriptions of what happened in the elevator were creepy, and it got even creepier when we found out that all the stings and stuff were real. Wow! My one note would be to start a new paragraph every time someone new starts speaking. You had dialogue from different people all in the same paragraph and it got confusing at times. But other than that, great work, and I hope to read more from you in the future!
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Thank you so much for the critique! I really appreciate it. I will definitely work on that in the future.
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