Yesterday When I was Young

Yesterday When I Was Young

    As a young entrepreneur, it was not unusual for Paul to work six days a week sometimes seven, ignoring anything else that may require his time and attention. As he moved into his 30s and then his 40s, his ambition only increased with each successful venture. People were well aware of his day – to – day demeanor. Everyone knew not to cross him or take another side unless they were willing to deal with his wrath. He was well known for his ruthless business tactics and everything he did was about profits and increasing his personal war chest. Returning from a 10 day trip to Africa, Paul had noticeably changed. A warm smile now powdered his face. Something no one had seen for a long time. He again had a skip in his step and a kind word for all that he came across. Everyone wondered what happened in Africa. Obviously, something life-changing had taken place because his main focus had turned from financial to philanthropic. What was it that had brought about this dynamic change?

Paul Lane was a completely different man as compared to ten days ago when everybody had seen him last. No one knew what brought about the change and Paul himself was not sharing any pertinent information. Paul upon returning told himself he would adhere to the old business adage when referencing his personality change. It stated, “Don’t brag to others outside of your business about your business. Because left to their own volition, they will make you more intelligent, successful and prosperous than you ever could achieve on your own”. Paul, home only a week, was already hearing different versions of what happened in Africa. There were no fact-based stories, only speculative ones, but very creative. This radical change in Paul was no accident and possibly part of a plan of calculated choice.

While in Africa Paul unexpectedly encountered someone, whom he had known his entire life. This person reminded him during a four- hour dinner engulfed in deep conversation, why he made the decision to start his own business. Also, he was reminded of the experiences which had shaped him as he and his business grew. Experiences, although sometimes very costly, many times the best teacher. This lifelong friend who he had not seen in over 20 years had always been able to get right to the core of Paul’s life, especially during the tough and strenuous times. And that’s the main reason Paul had avoided letting him in his head all these many years. His friend had a way of derailing Paul’s cruel and devious plans. Plans to destroy his competition, to ruin a good man’s name, or send a message not to get in his way if they knew what was good for them. This change in Paul’s personality began soon after he last saw his best friend. His friend who knew how to push all the right buttons was his twin brother and ex-business partner, Jeff.  They had started the business together and were equal partners in establishing a mission statement,” Work to become, not to acquire.” Like so many young entrepreneurs, they were idealistic, hard-working and believed it was the job of a leader to make it easy to do the right thing, difficult to do the wrong thing.

By the 15^th year, Jeff was no longer associated with the company. When they started, Paul really wanted to do good things and would work hard to find a way to make them happen. But now, since Jeff’s exit, he had no interest in those good things and he would simply find an excuse.

During their four- hour dinner, the two brothers talked about the beginning and the plans they had and what had happened to make those plans go astray. Jeff said, “An individual’s character should take command in moments of crucial choices. I know we were taught correctly while growing up. Those choices should have already been determined, via 1000 other choices made earlier during seemingly unimportant moments. They would have been determined by all the little choices made during the past years. All those times when the voice of conscience was at war with the voice of temptation – whispering the lie,” it really doesn’t matter.” Those would have been determined by all those day – to – day decisions made when life seemed easy and crisis so far away. “Those decisions, piece by piece, bit by bit, developed habits of- discipline or of – laziness. Habits of self – sacrifice or of self – indulgence; habits of duty and honor and integrity or dishonor and shame. Jeff reminded Paul, without good character your greatest fault was that you were conscious of none.”

Jeff reminded Paul, “About the early days when they were both determined to take care of their good employees, but as we preferred then to call them fellow coworkers. We knew some were struggling’ Jeff said,’ and needed our help. Some had bills that outnumbered their paychecks and challenges that outweigh their strength. Some had been robbed of their lifelong dreams. For some there, life’s journeys had been very long and some shouldered burdens few could carry.’ We encouraged them to open up and allow us to lend a helping hand but somehow as time moved along Paul, you backed away from offering that kindness, eventually avoiding those situations altogether. Your attitude changed to,” you get a paycheck – stop your bitching and go to work or I’ll find someone to take your place.” It became easy for you to judge a person rather than help one. You should have known by then life cannot be lived without meaning and hope.”

“Paul, let me ask you something, Queried Jeff. Since we last talked, how often in your life have you spent trying to go forward while looking back over your shoulder into the past? Dealing with old regrets, resentments, hatred, and guilt? Do you remember when we started together, both of us would comment about the miraculous and how it seemed someone was looking after us? Today, you wonder why the miraculous is so rare. Our goal early on was to be successful of course, so we decided together rather than to strive to attain it, we would work to deserve it. You know as well as I, we understood that concept better than many around us.”

Paul interrupted,” Jeff I’ve never told you this before but the most difficult thing I ever had to say to you was goodbye. I’m convinced you are of the opinion I don’t care. You may have noticed I’ve been struggling to save face. I’m afraid in the end I’ll fail, not realizing that constant use wears away at anything, especially old friends and brothers.”

As the two brothers talked into the night, Paul began to feel a changing wash over his entire body. By the end of their conversation, Paul knew deep in his heart and soul it was all right to dream again. He felt new freedom, freedom from the fear of death, freedom from the fear of the future, and most of all freedom from the fear of man. He now realized wisdom was a learned skill in positive living. He understood everything had its complexities and controversies but also everything has its basics and its fundamentals. In the end, all things go back to those basics. Paul now knew the word [stay] was a charming one in a friend’s vocabulary and all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single loving action. Paul asked himself a question, what would he do if he ran out of tears? His answer was to finally accept Jeff’s death 20 years ago. His fondest memories were about yesterday when he and his brother were young. While Jeff was alive, his life had promise but with his brother’s demise, the goodness in life seemed to disappear.

Paul didn’t know for sure if he had actually sat and talked and enjoyed a meal with his brother or was it a life reassuring dream. He decided not to attempt an answer to his question. He knew- either way- his heart had been renewed and his soul replenished. This was one of those moments in life placed there to give Paul a nudge in the right direction. He had spent many years looking for forgiveness and now realized it was he who needed to forgive. Paul had spent the past 20 years close to a fall, his senses numb, his eyes trained to turn and roll when they should have paused and observed. But without any doubt, Paul once again knew the warm feeling of being a Good Samaritan.

                                                                                         THE END