Regret

Regret. The one word everyone is familiar with. The word no one dares to speak of. The single strand of five letters bundled in the deepest, darkest abyss in one’s heart. Yet that word strikes a little deeper into mine. For me, regret is the one thing that follows me, wherever I go, whenever I go, offering nothing but its whispering dark. I’ve come to accept it, all of its bitterness, its weight, its wretched hands twisting every hint of freedom. What can I say? I’ve already become one with it…

Born with the brightest laughter anyone has seen, I was introduced to the world as a gift. A gift none can compare to, with loving parents, a breathtakingly beautiful home, and a smile so contagious it brings the warmth of every living creature. My power was to be known as true happiness. Whilst only being five years of age, I grew to be the sun that sprouts joy and the moon that darkness yields to. 

In short, I was happy. My parents were happy. Happy ending? Read the title again and tell me that’s the case. 

Being the naive and innocent, eight-year-old I was, I didn’t dare dream of the day I would be left alone. It was yet another peaceful day with my parents, one filled with the scent of freshly baked pastry and the song of the birds waking the world when I was struck with darkness. An abyss so dark I was left bed-ridden for four months. The empty days went and left, and once awoken, the terrifying news of the death of my kind father left me weak for the next two years. The once beautiful, yet normal day turned into the worst nightmare no one could survive. 

I was finally brought back home, in which it suddenly seemed so overpowering and dreadful without my father. But I hoped. I hoped for the days I would overcome this obstacle with my mother and grow to show the world how beautiful our family still was. How beautiful I still was. I stepped. And I stepped again. Towards the future happiness that my family would bring. As soon as I reach the door, my body freezes. 

“My husband is dead! Murdered! This is not my home, and I have no such daughter. Get me out of this at once!” this voice. It couldn’t be. I slam open the door to see the stricken face of my once young mother, being restrained by two officers. And suddenly, all I could see in her face was pure hatred. “It’s her! She killed my husband. She’s the murderer! I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you, you hear?” I stood there, helpless as tears began to flow when I hear her push the officers aside and come stumbling towards me. And spat in my face.

“Mom? Mother, it’s me. Val. Valencia? Please stop. Y-you’re scaring me,” my voice can’t help but break with the image of my broken mother. 

The officers retrain her once more and a young man crouches down. “Kid, your mother is a little sick right now, and we’re going to have to take her to the hospital. Do you know what a hospital is?” I nod. “Good. You are going to be in good care, don’t worry. We will send you to a nice home and a nice family. Understand?”

I shake my head and stomp. “No! Don’t take away my mom, officer. She did nothing wrong!”

“We know, kid, don’t worry. She’s going to be okay, but you will have to be patient. Can you do that for me?” But the tears wouldn’t stop. My only chance of being the happy family we once were, the officers were taking from me. They couldn’t do that, can they? No. NO. NO!

My once bright and contagiously joyful power was no longer with me from then. What replaced it was pure evil. Evil that dragged me along, wherever it pleased and I had no choice but to succumb to its darkness. 

That leads us here, to the very place where I sit. On top of the world. 

“Ace. We bring you Alfred,” my second-in-command introduces the weakling. Alfred glares at me, refusing to move or speak.

I narrow my eyes, and scan his disgusting nature. Then, I smile. “Come, my friend. Sit, sit. Don’t stand there so awkwardly,”

Silence. I sigh. “Alfred, I have asked you nicely when I can. You know full well I don’t give second chances. Sit,” My lips curl just a bit when I see him shudder and take a seat in my office. “Great. Now let’s get to business, shall we? Where is it,”

“I-I don’t know, Ace. Please, I really don’t know anything, I promise,”

“Oh no, that won’t do, Alfred. Shall we have some fun then? I seem to remember quite well how your weakness works,” I glare into his trembling eyes as they widen. “Bring the information regarding Her-brattiness to me by midnight in two days. Or I’ll bring out the monster, just for you,” I wink and laugh at his weak gesture of a farewell and his scrambling out the door. 

Fear is what drives people to do things. That’s what I’ve learned within the past ten years since my nightmare. Trust is a fragile thing and has become so foreign to me the word became worthless. I refuse to give up until the throne is mine. This corrupt world has no need for worthless compassion or meaningless, empty words of love. I keep the loyal ones are protected with the Blackjack and only those worthwhile are given names. Names given by their Ace. Me. 

“Two,” I stare blankly.

“Yes, Ace,” my second replies quickly as always.

“Tomorrow is the day isn’t it,”

“Yes, ma’am,” I glance at is slightly downfaced head and formal stance.

“You know, we’re alone, Corrus,” I can’t help but smile as my second plops down next to me.

“You sure you’re good, Val? It is her we’re talking about,” Cor is the only person allowed to call me by my name. In fact, he’s the only one that knows my bare name.

“Cor, I’ve been ready, since ten years ago,” He stares at me for a solid second, gives a slight nod, then proceeds to grab a cookie from my desk. I roll my eyes, laugh, and just lay on the office couch. It’s tomorrow. I’ll take what I deserve. The Blackjacks will no longer be waiting. I slowly close my eyes and relax for the first time since then. 

“Ace. Ace!” I blink open my eyes to see Cor shaking me awake. I immediately look for the time. Four. 

“Cor, what the heck,” Sleep hasn’t found me in ten years, yet I dare get interrupted?

“Focus. Get up. Now,” I let out a sigh, honestly annoyed at this point. 

“I swear, Two, if this is a trivial matter, I will smash your sorry little butt on my wall,” I get up and turn to face whoever I’m about to crush up. And stop.

Ten seconds pass. The clock ticks and my heartbeat quickens in an instant.

“Long time no see, Princess,” I mockingly bow. “How long has this been? About ten years, right?”

“Valencia, my dear cousin. You’ve changed a lot,” It takes a lot of me to restrain punching this cousin in the face. Truly.

I grin wickedly. “Who wouldn’t? When I know full well that you decided to abandon your struggling family the second we faced trouble. You know what? I was just going to come to meet you today,” I glance at her bodyguards and sigh. “I would tell your puppets to leave us alone,”

“Cousin, just because I have beauty doesn’t mean I have no knowledge,” she proceeds to flash that trick of a smile at me and turns to Cor. “Cor, I haven’t seen you in a while either. How have you been? I’d love to catch up,” That’s it.

“Dear Alyna, tell your pets off, and I’ll call off mine. You have three seconds,” she didn’t move. “Mmm. You won’t regret this?”

“No. You have no power over me, no matter the size of your home or your status. I will always be better,” 

I laugh so loud I see her visibly flinch. This is going to be entertaining. “Alyna Ross Arariel, of the Arariel Kingdom. Worst fear, let’s see. Hm. How surprising,” I turn to the bodyguard to her left. “Micah, I see,” Dramatically, I gasp. “Oh, darling. What would King Ridgell say when he hears of the affair between you and the Princess?” I turn to see Alyna’s eyes widen in fear and I drink it in. Ah, yes. Fear is above all else. I grin evilly and turn back to Micah and sigh. “Well, how saddening,” With a blink of an eye, I throw my knife, just past his fearful eyes. 

“No!” Panic wells up her tears rolling down her face and she turns to me. “I will arrest you at once. You will never see the light again!”

“Pft, child, I haven’t seen the light since my father was murdered and my mother’s mind broke into a million pieces. And I really don’t think you can tell me what to do. My next knife here won’t be so kind. Your pathetic excuse of bodyguards can barely tell the difference between life and betrayal,” I glare right into her eyes and say, “Tell them to leave. Right. Now,”

Like the weak self she is, she waves them off and falls to the ground crying. “What do you want, Val. Why are you like this?”

“Me? I don’t want much. Just your life,” Alyna’s head whips up and she sobs. I laugh. “I’m kidding. Well, partly. I want the throne to be mine forever. But don’t worry. It’ll be mine soon. Very soon,” 

“Ho-how disgusting. Both you and your power are monsters,” I pause and turn to Cor.

“Two. Am I a monster?”

“The monster is not you, Ace, but that creature faking those tears,” Two’s replies always strike home and he faces my cousin. “All throughout the childhood of your cousin, you refused to lend a hand to her broken family and instead chased her around the world, claiming her to be a monster. Burning houses down and threatening innocent people through sugarcoated bribes was a given. And you dare call our Ace a monster? I’m not leaving until you are either dead or Ace stands on her rightful throne,” I smile and face back to Alyna, now glaring at both of us.

“Welp. There you go, Your Brattiness. Problem solved. Now, we plan to overthrow the kingdom right about...now. You care to come with? I’ll even let you be the hostage!” I clap and signal to my Blackjacks, now ready for battle. “Let’s go,”

Getting in is easy once you have a small weapon wrapped around the Princess. In other words, me. We only stop when we get to our target. My throne. 

“Goodness. Would you care to get off my throne, Your Kingliness?” The King and Queen stand with absolute fright and hatred in their eyes. 

“Release my daughter at once, Valencia,” My aunt cries.

“Mmm, lemme think… nah. If she dies right now, I’m next in line for throne, correct?” 

The King takes a step. “Valencia. My niece. You don’t need the throne. We forgive all your deeds and have lent our hands out for you to grab. Why don’t you let us help you? You grew up with no love, ever since you were eight. Let me fix that,” I tighten my hold against Alyna and narrow my eyes.

“You say this now? Ten years later, you try to approach this issue only after your own daughter is about to die?” The Queen sobs into her hand. “You have no right to call me your niece, Your Majesty. Repent only after you step down as King. Otherwise she dies. You have five seconds to decide,” I glance beside me and make eye contact with Two, Three, and Six. They nod, ready for action.

“One,” The Queen kneels and begs.

“Please, we’ll give you whatever you want. Just give me back my precious daught-,”

“Silence!” She jumps and falls into silence as I raise my eyebrows.

“My, what a temper,” I grin and wait for an answer. “Two,”

“This throne will never be yours. You will never face success, only the darkness of the dungeons,” I can see the King is falling apart. But I didn’t come here to show compassion.

“Three,”

“Please. I beg of you, Valencia. We have done wrong. Give us any other punishment. Please!” I have come to love his begging. This grin won’t come off my face and I feel it releasing every bit of darkness I’ve hidden and resisted.

Finally. “Four,” The guards begin to walk towards me and I gesture at them. “I would get rid of your trash,” He nodded and they backed off. I smile for the last time.

“Five,” Darkness enfolds the room, and evil spreads faster than ever before. 

When daylight finally hits the sparkling throne, I stand on top of the throne room, with bloodstains ripping across my shirt and a whimpering Princess at my feet. The stench of blood fills the air throughout the Kingdom and news of the death of their King and Queen spreads quicker than any fire. The blossoming darkness of fear and regret fill all of the hearts of the weak, but The Blackjack stands with their Ace. I am done. No more regret. I will face no fear ever again. Now that I have a Kingdom, I have no need for trust.

I proudly stare into the eyes of my loyal pets, one by one, promising them their desired futures if they pledge their loyalty furthermore. And finally, land on Two. My friend. My Cor. But I see nothing but sadness in his eyes. Cor smiles, but tears fill his eyes and he wouldn’t look at me. Why?

“Two, look at me,” he shakes his head.

Now, I’m irritated. “Two, I am your new ruler. Look at me!” I demand.

His eyes shift up and my heart nearly shatters. His eyes scream regret, much like mine used to be, for not being powerful enough to defend my own. “Leave us alone,” I see Blackjack hesitate and I scream, “Did you not hear me? Out!” And we’re alone.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m thinking we did something wrong. We didn’t have to kill them, you know,” hearing this, I burst.

“Corrus, you know these people. They threw out my mother and me the second they heard of the death of my father and my illness. They chased after me, claiming to bring justice. But to what? It makes no sense! You, of all people, should know how much I suffered because of these worthless creatures. They were the monsters, not me!” I became desperate for understanding, at least from Cor.

“Val-”

“Don’t call me that,” I interrupt.

“Fine. Your Majesty. All I’m saying is that you did justice. But only to yourself. You could have thought to banish them or put them in the dungeon, yet you decide to brutally kill them right in front of their daughter? Isn’t that an act of one from a monster?”

I stand still, and my voice runs cold even to myself. “So now I’m a monster,”

“Val, please-,” 

“No! You do as I say. I am your Queen and your ruler. You were the one person that I trusted, despite me telling myself I trust no one. You were the only one I didn’t dig for weaknesses for. Yet...yet you dare,” I break down, collapsing on the throne. I am broken. “Leave. Don’t let me see you again,”

“Ace. Valencia. My friend. My lov-,”

“Don’t you dare finish that. Leave before I kill you too since I am a monster,” my heart has hardened and I cannot bear to look at my most trusted friend.

“As you wish. But you were never a monster to me. You never will be, as I will never forget you. Goodbye, Val,” and his footsteps seemed to slow as he approached me, kissing my forehead. And left.

“No. Don’t leave. Please come back, Cor. I can’t do this without you. My own weakness, you know this, is myself,” I look up, beyond my overflowing tears, to see that the doors has closed and the throne room is empty but for the hint of death. I am alone.

Forever alone and regretful.