NFL Pass for Albie

“So, what's the catch?” Asked Gertrude, hunching over her 2004 Gateway computer, on the phone her grandson bought her around the same time.

“Ma’am, that's the best part! There’s absolutely no catch at all.” Said the friendly voice on the other end of the line. “All we need is the first four digits of your social security number, and we can get you started.”

“Wow!” Gertrude thought. With Albert's birthday coming up, this was the luck she needed. Finally, a break. Finally, a time to- 

“Wait... The first four?” She asked.

“Yes, ma’am. Just the first four digits, and we can proceed.” The voice on the other end of the line answered.

“Hmm, I think you mean the last four.”

For a moment, all Gertrude heard was silence. Then, the sound of papers shuffling. “Uh, the first four work also!” The voice finally responded.

Gertrude tried to think but was interrupted by the sounds of a garage door opening, followed by a car’s engine. Albert must be home.  

“Well, okay! It’s 929-4.”

“Excellent! Just give me a moment while we verify your account… ok, looks like we are good to go.”

“And this will give me NFL Pass for, you know,” she whispered. “for Albie.” 

“Yes, ma’am! We at DirecTV are just trying to give you the best package available for gameday for your husband.” Responded the friendly voice.

“That’s wonderful. So wonderful.”

“All we need you to do now is open your computer email.’

“Oh, Ok I-” A Door opened.  

“Hi, Gertie!” Albert peaked his head from the doorway of the room both of them aptly called, The Computer Room.

“Oh, Hi, Albie! I’m just in my emails.”

Albert walked to Gertrude and kissed her on the head.

 “Love you, Gertie!” he said, as he dawdled back out of the room. 

“Ma’am…” The voice interrupted. Sounding Anxious.

“Oh I’m so sorry Albie just-” 

“Have you seen the email, from DirecTV?”

“Oh yes, sorry, I see it right here. Do you want me to click on it?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Click on it.”

“Okay!” Click! “What does it do?”

“Ma’am, it should take you to your account page. Tell me what you see?”

“Oh just a moment… I see the DirecTV logo and a…” Gertrude had to think quickly. She didn’t really know computer “lingo,” and felt it to be embarrassing. “... And uh… the home button and, Oh yes, I’m seeing my account page right here.”

“Ok, great!” Said the voice on the other end of the line. It then became serious. “If you see the page, it, unfortunately, looks like you still owe us from last month's cable bill.” 

“Oh, dear!” Gertrude cried.

“Yes, ma’am. You see that number on the screen.”

“Negative a thousand?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am, it looks like you owe us $1,000 for your last month’s cable bill.”

“Oh my, that's terrible. Albie usually takes care of the-” 

“Yes ma’am. We can still get you your exclusive deal for NFL Pass up and running real quick, but first, we will need that bill sent to us. 

“Oh okay I-”

The serious voice continued, “And now I am terribly sorry, but it seems like our server is down, so we need to use alternative methods for payment, like gift cards.”

“I’m sorry, what?” She asked.

“Yes, Ma’am. Gift cards. Do you currently live near Target or Walmart, maybe?” The voice responded.

All of this sounded so new to Gertrude, so different from how things worked when she was younger, but Albert’s birthday was coming up, and an “NFL Pass” did sound like something he would like.

___________________________

“Ok, So what's the catch?”

Mark shook his head. “Sir, for the last time, this is the bargain bin. Everything in here is and will always be five dollars. That is the point.”

“So you are saying this DVD copy of I am Legend, AND this DVD copy of The Money Pit-”

“Yes, are both five dollars.”

“So what’s the catch?”

“I don’t know, maybe you need a DVD player? Are you gonna buy something, sir, or just ask questions?”

The man humpfed and scurried off. This was Mark's last day, or maybe his last week, last month, for sure. He had just enough savings to start something new. Maybe go back to school and become a vet, maybe! Mark liked animals. He was going to talk to his boss, and soon, right after he dealt with this kid coming in hot from Aisle 9.

“Hey! I saw you take that Fast & Furious BluRay off the wall and put it in the bargain bin, you can't just take it out now, and have it be magically five dollars. It doesn't work like that!”

The kid stared blankly at Mark.

 “Get outta here!” Mark scolded, and without a word, the kid took off.

“Ok then.” Mark thought. Now is the time he’d go up to Angela and tell her he was quitting. If not today, definitely tomorrow. He started his B-line to Angela's office, then froze. It was only Tuesday. Someone told him Fridays are the best days to quit a job once. 

“Ok then.” He thought. New plan of attack: He’ll coast the rest of the week and definitely quit Friday. But wait. Damnit, hold on. Friday was his day off. He was supposed to go fishing with his Dad. 

“Ok then.” He thought. He’ll first check on a calendar what weeks work and fully plan the best time to pull the trigger. Yeah, better to be prepared for something this serious. In that case, nothing can go wrong. In that case, he’ll be mentally prepared. In that case, he-

“Excuse me, young man, where can I find a thousand dollars worth of Google play cards?”

It took Mark a second to snap back to reality. Once he did, he noticed an elderly woman in a yellow floral house dress and slippers standing right in front of him. She had an old flip phone to her ear, seemingly having two conversations at once.

“Excuse me?” Mark questioned.

“I said, I’m asking him now!” The woman yelled into her phone. She then looked up to Mark, with eyes as wide as owls’ in her reading glasses. “I need one thousand dollars of Giggle play car-” she paused to listen to the voice on her phone. “Oh, sorry, one thousand dollars of Google play cards for the NFL pass for Albie.” She blinked.

“Sorry, I’m not sure I follo-”

“iTunes Cards work also.” The woman interjected, phone hovering from her ear.

“Who are you on the phone with?” Mark asked.

“Oh, this is DirecTV. They need a thousand dollars of Google play cards so Albie can get NFL Pass.” Owl eyes staring Blankly.

“Albie?” He responded.

“Oh yes, it’s his birthday coming up!” The woman put the phone back to her head. “Oh, they really want to know the status of the Google play cards…”

Mark thought for a moment.“Would you mind if I talked to them?”

“Oh of cours-” She paused. Mark could hear yelling from the other end of the line. “Oh wait, no, you can’t”

“Why can’t I?” Mark asked the woman.

“Why can’t he?” The woman asked the phone. After a short pause, the woman dictates, “Because you are not a ‘verified user,’ they said. They said they can only speak to verified users to, you know, protect from scammers.”

“Ok, give me the phone, please,” Mark said as directly as he could, and with little delay, the old woman did just that.

“Hello?” said Mark to whoever was on the other end of the phone, “Who is this?

For a moment, all Mark heard was silence. Then, the sound of papers shuffling. “Uh, this is DirecTV.” A voice finally responds. The voice sounded young and anxious, and the sound of papers made it seem like he was reading from a script.

Without hesitation, Mark hung up the phone and returned it to the woman. 

“Oh no! Why did you hang up?” She cried.

“I’m sorry, but here’s the thing. That wasn’t DirecTV.”

“It wasn’t?” She asked, absolutely puzzled.

“No, those people were trying to scam you.” Sternly replied Mark.

“Me?” She asked.

“Yes.” He answered.

“But why?”

“I don’t know, they probably figured you didn’t understand technology or whatever, and you wouldn’t question all the weird stuff they asked for you.”

“But what about NFL Pass for Albie?” Her owl eye’s bigger than before.

Mark paused. He tried to sound as sympathetic as he could, “I’m sorry, there was never going to be NFL Pass for, is that your kid?”

“Oh no, my husband, Albie. We’ve been married for over 60 years. His birthday is coming up, and I really wanted to surprise him with the NFL Pass or whatsitcalled.” The woman lit up, “Wait is that something you can help me with.”

“I’m sorry. It’s not.”

The woman looked down in defeat. 

As a last-ditch effort, Mark grabbed a DVD from the Bargain Bin, “But I do have Remember the Titans.” He added.

The old woman’s face lit up more than before. Her entire pupil filled the frame of her owlish reading glasses. “Did you say Remember the Titans?”

“Yes! I mean, there are tons of DVDs here. There’s gotta be one tha-”

“Albie loves Remember the Titans! Oh, we saw this the night of our 42nd anniversary. That Denzel Washington is a real knockout, even Albie thinks so! And don’t get me started on that Hayden Panettiere! Yes, yes, this will be fantastic! How much?”

“Please, just take it, on me! Help yourself if you find anything else here. I’ll charge it to my name. It’s the least I can do with what you’ve been through.”

“No, No, this is more than enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Cheered the woman.

“Well, please let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with today!” Smiled Mark.

“That will be all! Have a wonderful rest of your day.” The woman then turned toward the exit, took a few steps, and stopped. “You know,” She added, “there was a time when I wasn’t such an easy target for people like that, you know.”

“I hear you.” Replied Mark.

“I used to understand people and the world and how it all worked. How it ebbed and flowed. You understand?”

“I understand.” Replied Mark.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, life is short, and sometimes I get so caught up with my own little problems that I forget to notice an entire world is changing around me.” The woman paused. Her face turned somber and then, in an instant, happy again. “Oh well,” she smiled, “Toodaloo!”

Mark tried to think of a reply, but before he could, the old woman was gone.

Mark made a B-line to Angela's office. 

___________________________

*RIING* *RIING*

Gertrude was just about to close her emails when she noticed a number she hadn’t seen before pop up on her screen. Promptly, she picked up the phone.

“Hello! We’re here with Chase Bank to inform you that you’ve had a serious breach of security on your account today! We’re here to help provide service to get your money back!” The voice was strict but friendly.

“Oh, dear!” Gertrude responded, “It was these terrible, terrible scam artists. They made me drive all the way to Walmart for gift cards it was awful!”

“So sorry to hear, ma’am! Thankfully we are here to help. All we would need to do first is verify your account. Can you please provide us with the last five digits of your social security?”

“Wow!” Gertrude thought. After a day like hers, this was the luck she needed. Finally, a break. Finally, a time to- 

“Wait... The last five?”

“Yes, ma’am. Just the last five digits, and we can proceed.”

“Hmm, I think you mean the last four.”

For a moment, all Gertrude heard was silence. Then, the sound of papers shuffling.