The First Day

The gate opened under its own power without making a sound, exposing the one space along the wall, big enough for someone to gain access to the other side. The air was thick with a misty haze, obscuring the view of what lay beyond the opening. The group of men, women, and children, numbering in the hundreds, walked in tranquil silence ever closer to the wall where, one by one, they entered, ushered in, and greeted by a single guard and a brilliant light. A woman’s voice that hung softly in the air above them called out the names of each one as they went in, guiding them on the path they were to take. Smaller and smaller the group became until there was only one left: a woman named Jeanie. “This way,” the woman’s voice called out again. She looked around her in every direction, trying to see through the haze, but couldn’t. But there was no darkness, only a hazy white light.

The vast white haze extended to every point of view and as far as the eyes could see, which was not far: an inch, foot, or a mile without distinction. She reached out her right hand and slowly waved it around, searching for anything that might be there, but there was nothing there to guide her path; the absence of all material substance blinded her, but faithfully obliged the voice and continued. A small hand that she instinctively knew to be that of a child reached up from her left side, interlacing its fingers with hers, which she clenched as with a mother’s custody of her child. She looked down to see who the child was, but there was no one there, but she could clearly feel each of the little fingers on the hand that held hers. How could this be? she questioned. Was the haze so thick that it could blot out the body of a child walking beside her? She became a little frightened of this, but it was somehow comforting. She thought she was dreaming but couldn’t wake herself up. Where is this that I find myself? What am I doing here in this strange place? She wondered. And who is this small child that holds my hand? She asked herself, questioning every bit of reality she’d ever known. How could she hold a child's hand but not see the child? How could she not see through the haze that blinded her sight to the presence of someone else so close to her? This cannot be real; it has to be a dream. “Come with me; we've been waiting for you.” The child spoke. Jeanie perceived the voice to be that of a little girl, not more than a few years old. Immediately, she thought of Jo, her daughter back home, who passed at about the age of the child, now clutching her hand. She regretted never getting the chance to walk hand-in-hand with her own child because Jo was born with and died, from Spina-Bifida, which left her unable to walk, sit up, or even stand. So, she could never do what all mothers get to do with their daughters.

The little hand that held hers, led her along a path she couldn’t see. The vast white haze that blinded her changed and revealed a winding golden road of cobblestones on which they walked. The further they walked, the more defined the road became against the backdrop of haze amid the brilliant light ahead. Looking down to see the child’s hand that wasn’t there, she couldn’t see her own hand but knew it still firmly held hers. It led her down the center of the winding golden road, cutting through the haze, and headed toward the light as if the abstruse little girl knew where she was going. She could feel her legs moving and knew she was walking, but when she looked, her legs and the rest of her body were hidden from her sight. How could this be? She asked herself, a little more frightened. Unexpectedly, the haze began to clear further still. She caught sight of a perfectly cultured garden and a remarkable shade of green grass on the sides of the winding golden road. “Don’t be frightened,” the little girl's voice exclaimed. “There is no harm that will come to you here.” Though she never told the little girl she was frightened, she addressed Jeanie's inner fear as if she could hear her thoughts.

Soon, there became a separation between the road and the sky that formed above it. “Stay with me, we're almost there.” Said the voice. Her hand, though unseen, gradually took on a new shape; it grew more prominent, and she felt the fingers intertwined with hers thicker and longer. She caught a hint of a sweet-scented aroma, a pleasing essence of lavender that permeated the air around her. The little girl's voice seemed older than it was and began sounding familiar. “Almost there? Almost where?” Jeanie asked. “Don’t worry about that right now. It'll all be explained once we get there.” answered the child.

They continued on, and Jeanie couldn’t help but feel secure. She was at peace walking beside the young girl who was, but wasn’t there. The haze continued to dissipate on their peaceful walk; it reminded her of the early morning dew that always formed on her favorite pond back home in the spring. And she noticed that the grass on the sides of the golden road had expanded into a field and the greenest rolling hills as far as she could see. The crisp, clean smell of freshly cut grass put her more at ease. She always loved that smell. In the distance, in front of the brilliant light, there appeared to be a castle that bore the same color of gold as the road. She stopped briefly to take in the beauty of the large majestic looking castle, with its flanking towers, archways, drawbridge and moat, and many small arrow slits at least twelve levels high. Its length took up the entire horizon, and it seemed to be glowing in the light. She’d never seen anything like it before in person. Its mystical aura made her feel the serenity of the quiet, open green rolling hills that led to its entrance, still far away.

The sky began to shine above her head, clearing out the remaining haze to expose the beauty of the land before her. She was awestruck standing there, holding onto the hand of a little girl with no presence a minute ago. But when Jeanie looked again, she saw a little girl with big brown eyes staring back at her. “There,” she paused, “that’s where we’re going.” Said the little girl, pointing a finger toward the castle. But she couldn’t look away from the child because now, not only could she see her, but she thought she knew who the little girl was, who held her hand so tight, and why. Her heart raced, felt a little woozy, and got teary-eyed, remembering her daughter's big brown eyes. This little girl had her daughter's eyes. A mother never forgets. But if that was Jo, it could only mean one thing. If this wasn’t a dream, she had to be diseased. Either way, she was now overcome with the kind of joy in her heart no person alive could possibly feel, except maybe in a dream.

They walked in silence as they went on their way hand-in-hand. She didn’t want to be presumptuous and ask the child if she was hers, fearing getting it wrong. But wave upon wave of the purest form of happiness filled her spirit, swarming over her entire essence completely, and couldn’t be stopped. The little girl, seemingly without a care in the world, began to skip as she walked, tugging Jeanie’s hand. Suddenly, she realized the sun was shining, warming her pale and fragile skin. The most enormous sunflowers she’d ever seen and other flowers, plants, and trees appeared in the field and along the edges of the golden road. She couldn’t resist stopping to smell the flowers back home, and today was no exception. Motioning to the child and leading her to the edge of the road, she began her former ritual of bending down on one knee and fulfilling her all-time favorite pastime. That always made her feel better, no matter how good or bad the day. She took that liberty and knew somehow the child wouldn’t mind the slight detour.

It took a while to reach the castle, and Jeanie noticed she wasn’t tired from the walk. She saw it as nothing short of a miracle that she could walk at all. For the last seven of her ninety years in life, she had been confined to a nursing home and a wheelchair. Her Alzheimer’s had rendered her unable to function on her own, and the medications kept her in a near-constant state of confusion. She had many moments of clarity, but not like it was on this day. All of her concentration on this day was taken up deciphering this dream and admiring the beauty of the journey to the castle, not whether or not she’d make it. She had to be dreaming, she thought; how could it be anything else? It felt so good to be back on her feet again. She missed that freedom, which confused her because her legs no longer worked; they hadn’t worked in years. The reality was they were too weak to hold her up because of her advanced age and the broken back she suffered in a fall. But she was having no problems today. She walked with an exuberant stride and kept the vibrant pace and energy of the little girl who held her hand firmly and skipped her way along the golden cobblestone road.

The castle walls seemed as high as they were long, noted Jeanie as she and her partner approached the drawbridge, lowered for them in advance of their crossing. The moat, filled with a shade of light blue water Jeanie was unfamiliar with, teamed with large and small fish of different species.

The door to the castle opened under its own power, like back at the gate, and without delay or reservation, they entered unencumbered. Inside, it seemed as if it was one main room, like a lobby with openings to other rooms where hidden grand staircases led to the castle's multiple levels. Everything inside, it seemed, was made of gold, much like the outside castle walls and the road to get here. There were too many people in this main room to count. Each person had an escort until they entered another level. Jeanie and the child, without exception, walked amongst the crowds of people, with the child leading the way. It occurred to her that everyone seemed to be happy to be there. She could see it in their faces. So many people were hugging, crying, laughing, and just plain excited, thrilled even. She heard what she considered to be beautiful music that sounded like a choir harmonizing with a stringed orchestra playing the joyful noise they made together in the background. It was loud enough to hear but not so loud that it interfered with her ability to hear the child when she spoke. That made her suspicious because she was mostly deaf her whole life, since the day she was born. Then she put a hand up to her head, feeling behind both her ears; no hearing aids.

  “Do you know where you are yet?” asked the child. “I think so, but I’m afraid to say it out loud,” Jeanie told the child. “There is nothing to fear here in this place, as I have told you. You are not dreaming. This place is real, and you are standing in the middle of it.” She said. She leaned down to the child and whispered in her ear. “I have a few questions for you first, and I have to ask.” She paused for a moment. “Did I die? And, is this place heaven?” The child also answered with a whisper, reaching up to Jeanie’s ear. “It’s only your body that passed away. But what makes you who you are is still very much alive. The spirit of who you are never dies. And to answer your other question, many people have called it many things. But you are correct. This is Paradise. You’ll live out eternity in God’s house, in perfect health and happiness. There’s no war, sin, sickness, disease, or disability. There are no rich or poor. No matter what or who you were in your temporary life on earth, here we are all the same. Here, it’s Love, serenity, purity, and peace all the time. Here, you will never hunger for anything because you believe. You’ve been judged righteous by God and saved through the actions of his son. The essence of your spirit lives here now, and you were given a new body not long after we passed through the gate. It happened in the blink of an eye, and you barely even noticed. And soon, you will know so much more than I can tell you now.” Jeanie stood back up again and stared around the room, trying to comprehend what the child told her and whether or not she could believe it. She thought of her sons, left behind, brothers to the daughter she had and lost so long ago.

Looking back to the child at her side, she froze, unable to speak. Her jaw hung open, unable to fathom what she was seeing at first. Could this really be true? But a mother always knows. Overwhelmed with fear and joy, she began to tremble because now she did believe it. She now knew the child for who she was and began to sob tears of joy. She didn’t look the same as she remembered, but Jeanie was given the blessing of clarity to recognize the spirit of the little girl standing there who led her into God’s house from the golden road. It was her daughter, Jo. She got down on her knees and took her into her loving arms as only a mother can. “Hi, Mom, we've been waiting a long time for you.” She said. “I know, but I’m here now.” Replied Jeanie, wiping her eyes. “I’m so happy to see you. Oh my God, is that really you?” She asked. “Yes, Mom, I assure you it is.” Jeanie hugged her little girl gently while she continued to cry her happy tears. She pulled her head back to get another look, never releasing Jo from her embrace. “It’s really you? I had a feeling back on the road before we got here, but I never imagined this. Have you seen your father?” she asked. “Of course, Mom, he’s here. He wanted to come with me to bring you home, but he’s at work right now. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, and we all have a job to do. He’s working in the garden today.” She told her. “He always did love gardening.” She said. “So, that doesn’t surprise me.”

They sat on a bench and talked, but Jeanie couldn’t take her eyes off Jo; it was equally evident that Jo was delighted to see her mother. They discussed getting her settled in and showing her around once she finished a meeting scheduled for this, the first day. She didn’t tell her who it was with, only that her father had arranged it. She told her mother not to worry; she’ll figure it out if she thinks about it. “It’s something you said you always wanted to do once you got here. You must have told Dad a thousand times. C’mon, I’ll take you. It’s right up that staircase.” She said, pointing a finger across the room. Hand-in-hand, they walked along the golden marble floor, weaving through the crowd and into the next room to the foot of the grand staircase. It was enormous, big enough to accommodate many people at once, and it did.

They ascended the stairs to the twelfth level, happily conversing on the way. When they reached the castle's top floor, Jeanie was not surprised to find it was a beautiful place. She and Jo stopped to observe the views and stood in awe of the scenery and landscape surrounding the castle. To the right stood an archway into a terrace with a sign engraved with the words ‘Hortus Conclusus’ meaning ‘Enclosed Garden.’ Jo told her to go inside. “Find a woman wearing a veil sitting at a table overlooking the land and sit with her. Don’t worry, Mom. She might be the mother of God, but she’s really nice too. Now go. I wasn’t supposed to tell, but I’m so excited for you.” Jeanie looked back at her, wide-eyed and smiling.

She walked through the archway and found the woman wearing the veil sitting at the table. “Jeanie, you’re here. I’ve been expecting you. I’m Mary. How do you take your tea?” she asked. “Plain, with a little milk,” Jeanie responded. “Very good. Please, sit with me. We have a lot to talk about. You must have a lot of questions.” She said, pouring the tea into a cup. Jeanie sat on the chair across from Mary. “I do. I must have told my husband a thousand times I wanted to do this once I got here, if I got here. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Jeanie said. “The pleasure is all mine. Your husband told me all about you and your request. And now, here we are. No need to be nervous, Jeanie. I’m just a woman and a mother, the same as you.” She said, sipping from her cup. “So, what would you like to talk about first?” Jeanie smiled and took a sip from her cup.