Strings

I really don’t like talking to people. Especially new people. I don’t know why I spoke to that pretty girl in the library. 

“Hi!” 

She looked up from a well-worn paperback. A pair of eyes flashed at me. My face went red. I don’t know why I kept talking to her.

“What’re you reading?

Actually, I do. While I was exploring for essay resources, I noticed her reading. I was getting ready to enroll in the university of any lawyer's dreams. I caught sight of her with my eyes wandering like they normally do. She was the epitome of the phrase "Emo Princess," and I was there for it. Essay resources? What are those? All I could think of was talking to her. She seemed like a person I’d like to talk to. Wait. I don’t know how to talk to people. But she was so pretty. Smoky eyes, short dark hair, and she was reading a book. Ha! Easy conversation starter! Assuming one knew who to communicate with other human beings, that is. My anxiety got the best of me after I stood there for what seemed to be years too long. I’m not the type to talk to pretty girls. But then, my legs, of course, disobeyed all orders to flee and instead made their way straight to the girl.

“-work of fiction.” She finished, before eying me.

“What?”

She had been talking, and of course my brain wouldn’t shut up and listen. Internal monologue. Every single time. My thoughts are far too important, and I just can’t seem to ignore them. Around and around they swirl and- crap, I’m doing it again.

“Yeah, many consider it a quintessential work of lesbian fiction.” She said.

I heard her that time. Clear as day. Lesbian. As in women-loving-women. Girls who like girls. I’m a girl. I’m a girl who likes girls. I like this girl, and she’s reading a lesbian work of fiction?!

“Cool.” I managed to say. “I like the kite on the cover.”

“It’s symbolism. One of the best literary tools.” She smiled. I turned into a tomato. She glanced back at her book. I was desperate to keep the conversation going. So I went into full fool of myself mode.

“I’m Campbell!” I blurted. Her smoky eyes looked up at me.

“Hi Campbell. I’m Ammara.”

Ammara. Really an emo princess name.

“What’s so good about the symbolism? You don’t seem like the symbolism type.”

Her eyes again. I said something wrong. This is why I don’t talk to people.

“Well,” Ammara sighed. “Looks can be deceiving, or they can be more accurate than you could really ever realize.” She smiled at me. I don’t know how, but her vagueness made her cooler and more attractive. I started staring again. Then my socially awkward personality set in, deciding that the silence had to stop.

“What’s the kite symbolize?” I asked.

“Freedom.” Ammara said. “And a lack of stability. The string keeps you stable, but also keeps you from reaching your greatest potential. But, without it, who knows where you’ll end up. You could see places beyond the atmosphere, where no tied down kite could see. Or, you could crash. Missing your connection to the planet, you have nowhere to be and nowhere to go.”

I was dumbfounded. I needed time to ponder the comment. Of course, my mouth moved faster than my brain.

“What’s your string, Ammara?”

The emo princess grinned and soon responded. "The desire for greatness. These expectations keep me grounded and provide me with a clear picture of the future. Ironically, I'm well aware that they're preventing me from reaching my full potential. What would life be like if it weren’t so planned? What could I do? Who could I be? Where would I fly?”

Once again, my brain left the building, all I managed was “wow”.

“Campbell,” Ammara said. “What’s your string?”

I was not prepared for philosophy. All I wanted to was talk to a pretty girl. But, no that I’m here, I don’t want to stop talking philosophy with a very pretty emo princess.

“I have no idea!” I said too quickly.

“Really?” She asked. “Hmm... What’re your plans for the future? That’s usually a good place to start.”

I was confident in my ability to respond to the question. I’ve been trained to answer that question. That question was answered by my essay resources, my college-bound future. My dead-end office job… My entire life has been spent preparing for this moment. I had memorized my future-self monologue, which I'd been working on for years. I made the decision to give Ammara the greatest performance possible. Robot mode is activated. 

“I intend to practice criminal law as a lawyer. I've been studying diligently for years and have my sights set on all of the top law schools. I’ll work for a firm here, no need to leave when there are jobs here. An apartment close to everything. A family, maybe. A bank account, a job, and a retirement plan. A small, steady life. Who could want more? So, there you have it. That is my dream.”

Ammara studied me. Too deep into robot mode.

“Really? You don’t seem like the lawyer type.”

I looked at her. “What?”

“Campbell, you have the potential to be better! I can already sense that you are capable of so much more! Campbell, who could you potentially be? What would you do if you realized your full capabilities? Where could you possibly go? You deserve to loosen your strings!”

“I don’t-”

Ammara stood up. “You could be among the ones who soar. Don’t you see?” She walked past me. She glanced back at me briefly.

“Bye, Campbell.”

I walked over to Ammara's newly-abandoned table, nearly stumbling over my own legs in the process. I took the battered book with the kite on the cover from the shelf. It was an old book by an author I hadn’t heard of. I opened the small book, took a deep breath, and I loosened my kite string.