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Funny Fiction Holiday


9:30 AM


My alarm screamed beside me. I woke up, stretching and yawning in bed. I grabbed my glasses off the nightstand, putting them on. My vision immediately sharpened. I got up, grumbling, and went to the bathroom. There, I was met by my usual morning sight; my mocha brown hair was frizzy and sticking up at all ends, my gray eyes clouded with exhaustion, my lips in a familiar downturn. I was about to reach for the toothpaste when I stopped, for today was April 1st. Pranking day. I couldn’t trust anything or anyone. I wondered if Max, my husband, has done anything to my things. Luckily. I was prepared. I had already bought some things; toothbrushes and paste, floss, toilet paper, etc, and kept them locked in a shelf so Max couldn’t get to it. I unlocked the door and got the bag out, dropping the contents on the counter. I did my normal routine and went out feeling fresh and alert for any pranks. 


10:30 AM


I was sitting in the living room, checking Instagram, when Max came into the room, carrying a huge plate.


“Hey, I made breakfast. Thought you were hungry, you’ve been up for an hour without eating anything. Some eggs with bacon, and also hash browns with a side of tomatoes,” he said, handing me the plate and a spoon. 


“... thanks?” I said doubtfully. 


Max never cooks. Hates it more than anything. Says it takes too much time. Why would he cook suddenly, and on April Fool’s Day? 


“Why did you cook?” I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them.


He looked shocked. “Well, as I said, you look hungry. Also, it is never too late to try anything,” he said, smiling.


“... yeah…” I said, nervous. Of all the days, why did he do it today? Something was up. I used my spoon to push the food around. To my relief, nothing was waiting to prank me. Max spared me this time, but is he going to continue to show mercy? 


11:30 AM


Max walked up to me, an open water bottle in his hands. I was immediately suspicious. 


“Hey. You look thirsty. Want some water?” he asked. He stretched out his hand to give me the bottle, but I didn’t trust him. What if he squeezed the bottle and drenched me in water? No, the risk is too great. 


“No thanks. I’m not thirsty,” I said in a cold voice, to tell him I won’t fall into his trap. 


“Okay, suit yourself,” he said. He walked away, drinking the water.


12:30 PM


Max tried again to prank me again. We were taking a walk, bundled up in jackets when we were passing a pond. The ground was level to the water, and I was worried he was going to push me in. Suddenly, he walked a little closer to me, and I ran away from him. I didn’t want a bath in the dirty pond water, thank you very much. I ran until I was on the road, away from the pond. I glanced over and saw him running towards me. He caught up, gasping, and glared at me.


“Come on! Why did you run away from me! I didn’t do anything!” he said, shaking his head.


“Suure,” I said, rolling my eyes. 


I kept on walking, and Max stayed behind, a confused look on his face. 


1:30 PM


I swear Max has it out for me for some reason. It was time for lunch, and I was walking to my normal seat when he jumped up.


“No, you can't sit there. Sit in that chair,” he said, pointing to the chair across from him. 


My heart quicked. Obviously, he booby-trapped the other chair, and he wanted me to fall for it. As if I was going to fall for that. I was going to decline when I thought of something. What if he had booby-trapped all of the chairs? That way I was getting pranked no matter where I sat. I was scared. I can’t get pranked today. 


“Actually, I am going to eat outside. The weather’s nice,” I said, glaring at him as I picked up my plate and headed to the door leading outside. 


“Wait! It is only 50 degrees! It’s too cold! Come on, eat here!” he shouted.


I gave him a piercing stare, opened the door, and went outside. 


2:30 PM


I was reading a book in the family room when my sister Amber walked in. 


“Hey, I was wondering. Could you come with me to the basement? I need to get something, and I am kind of scared,” she said, her expression hopeful.


Her? Scared? Yeah right. This has to be a joke. There has to be some kind of scare or prank in the basement. Maybe fake spiders or a man dressed as a clown. 


“No,” I said plainly.


She looked shocked.


“Come on Soph. Pretty please?” she asked, her voice dripping with fake sweetness.


“NO!” I screamed. I slammed the book shut and stormed out of the room, leaving her behind.


3:30 PM


Max and Amber have teamed up. 


Oh god no.


 I was in my room, trying to finish my book when I heard a knock on my door. 


“Come in!” I hollered. 


Max and Amber walked in, a box in their hands, smiles on their faces.


No. No, no, no.


“Hey. The UPS guy came, and he has a package for you,” Amber said, beaming at me. 


Max took the box from her and handed it to me.


“Come on. Open it!” he said. Something was different in his voice. 


I held the box, my heart racing.


“Why do you want me to open it so bad, huh?” I said, staring at them in suspicion. 


“Oh, we just want to see your reaction!” Amber said, hopping up and down. 


Yeah, right. Something is in this box that I won’t like. Maybe fake snakes that pop out. I can’t open this. I got up and handed the box to Amber. 


“You can open it,” my voice sharp, daring her, calling her bluff.


She looked shocked. “What, no! It’s for you!” pushing the box back to me.


“I don’t want it!” 


I threw the box into her hands, grabbed my book, and went downstairs. 


4:30 PM


I realized it was too dangerous to stay inside. Max and Amber will just not give up. I had to leave.


I grabbed some clothes and was headed to the bathroom to change when Amber rushed towards me. 


“Soph, I really need to go. Can I go for a sec?” she said, dancing in place. 


“Okay?” the words barely left my mouth before she rushed in.


About 30 seconds later, I heard her call my name. I walked to the bathroom, thinking she was done. I was eager to get out of the house. 


“What!” I said through the door. 


“There’s no toilet paper! Can you get me a roll?” she yelled back. 


I had heard of pranks where people say this, and prank the person who gives them the roll by splattering Nutella on their hands, making it look like… well… you get it. It was disgusting and I didn’t want it to happen to me. 


“Look around! There has to be something!” I yelled.


“There isn’t!” she said. 


I can’t get out of this. If I didn’t help her, I would seem like a jerk and she would hate me. I had no choice. I got the roll and went back.


“I have it!” I said. 


“Okay! Can you give it to me?” she opened the door slightly, reached her hand out, and grabbed it before I could say anything.


I gasped and reeled back, but there was nothing on my hand. 


“Thanks!” she said as she closed the door.


“You're… you're welcome,” I said warily. 


5:30 PM


I was cooking dinner because I failed to get out. They just wouldn’t let me. I was getting more nervous by the second. 


“Boo!” Max yelled in my ear behind me. 


Startled, I jumped up and dropped my knife on the counter.


“Why did you do that?!” I screamed.


“Woah, woah! Calm down! Sorry if I scared you so much,” he said, looking at me like I was an alien. 


“Yeah, I’m not scared at all. That’s why I just jumped and dropped my knife!” I said sarcastically. 


“Are you okay? You seem… off,” he said tensely. 


“I’m fine,” I snapped, vigorously chopping up lettuce and carrots and dumping it in a metal bowl. 


6:30 PM


It’s time for dinner. Chicken and sliced turkey, with boiled vegetables, a stir fry, and a small apple pie for dessert. Yum. We all sat down at the dining table. I was careful of the seat I picked, and everything was normal until I started eating. 


Max and Amber were staring at me very hard and very long, a weird expression on their faces. My mind raced. Amber had helped me make the chicken. What if she did something and there was something in my food? 


“Why are you guys staring at me?” I asked. 


“Oh, nothing,” Amber said, even though she and Max exchanged knowing glances. 


Disturbed, I ate as quickly as I could, got up, and ran towards my room, desperate to go to sleep. 


I catapulted in my bed, not even brushing my teeth, grateful I survived April Fool’s Day. 


NEXT DAY


“Happy birthday!” someone yelled in my ear.


I bolted up and saw Amber and Max grinning at me, wearing party hats. 


“Wha… huh?” I said groggily. 


“It’s your birthday, you goof!” Max beamed at me. 


“What? No, it isn’t... my birthday is April 3rd. Today’s the 2nd,” I said sleepily. 


“Um, last time I checked, today is April 3rd, meaning it’s your birthday,” Amber said, looking at me with a weird expression.    


Wait…


Huh?


March 30, 2021 23:16

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