Sparkle Soliloquy

Sparkle Soliloquy

My name is Daisy and I like sparkly things. I mean—really like them. Check out my apartment. See my bare lightbulb dangling? Yeah. No, you don’t. Because every time I “find” a sparkly necklace, I hang it on that bulb. It’s so thick with jewels that it looks like a big fat chandelier. I just love it, don’t you?

How did I find the necklaces, you ask? It’s almost impossible not to. Walk with me.

Okay. We’re on the street. See that lady on the phone? The one rummaging through her purse with her other hand? You probably see her fluffy poodle or those designer shoes. I just see the sapphire around her neck glinting in the sun.

I’m just going to bump into her a little bit. Check this out: “Whoopsie, excuse me, Ma’am!”

Heh heh. That was too easy. Notice the sapphire necklace I now have in my hand.

Why are you pointing to that pawn shop? Are you crazy? I’m not going to sell the necklace, I’m no criminal! I don’t want money, I just want something sparkly. No harm in that, right?

Oooooh! Bubbles!

Follow me.

See that little girl blowing bubbles? Bubbles are sparkly too. Me, me, me, mine mine mine.

Sorry, little girl. Here, have a lollipop instead.

Hey! Water glistening! Come with me, I’m getting high as a kite from all the glittering ripples on the ocean! Let’s run!

Splash splash splash, I’m up to my waist, surrounded by the most magical sun-shimmers on the water!

Oooh! A boat! The kind with a sparkle paint job—hot pink! Mine, mine, mine! Let’s swim to it!

Oh, snap. I forgot. I can’t swim. Phooey.

I’m sinking. And… now I’m completely submersed.

I’m splashing and flailing underwater (and giggling, because of the sparkling froth I’m creating!).

Giggling was a bad idea. Now I’m out of air. Aw snap.

I’m sinking farther. Bubbles are coming out of my mouth. They are sooooo sparkly! Tee hee!

I’m on the bottom of the ocean now. Too bad. No air, and even worse, no sparkles.

I guess I’ve met my end. My demise. My ironic denouement, to die without a single gleam, in the shadowy depths. Wait—an oyster! With a sparkly pearl! Even in the dim filtered light, I can see it shining. As I feel myself fading, I reach out and take the pearl. Somehow it comforts me. Goodbye, cruel world!

I’m sorry I brought you with me. Hey… where’d you get that scuba gear? Can I borrow that regulator for a second? What? Only if I return my sapphire necklace? Are you crazy? It’s way too sparkly to give up!

Still, my lungs are pretty desperate for oxygen. Okay, fine, but I get to look at all the bubbles coming up. I’ll need you to carry me up, too, since I can’t swim. What? Not till I promise to return every item on my lightbulb? You ARE crazy!

No, I will not go to Sparkles Anonymous. I don’t have a problem, YOU do.

Except I’m still at the bottom of the ocean. Okay. Sparkles Anonymous it is, and I’ll return all the jewels. Maaaan, you drive a hard bargain.

Phew! Here we are, back on shore. Thanks for saving me.

And, true to my word, I’ll return everything, starting with the poodle lady. Check this out: “Ahem, ma’am, you dropped this.”

See? I returned the sapphire necklace to its rightful owner. And I’m only slightly quaking from sparkle withdrawal.

***

It’s been a week. It took some doing, but I returned every single necklace. My lightbulb is bare. Not a sparkle to be had. My cheeks are sunken, my eyes have dark circles, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep, I’m a junkie with no junk—a stoner with no stone. A sparkler with no spark. I think I’m dying.

Wait—where are you taking me? Probably to Sparkles Anonymous. I did promise I’d go. Sigh. Just when I thought I couldn’t sink any lower…

Wait. Why are you taking me to that factory over there? Is that where the meeting is?

HOLY COW. It’s a glitter factory! Hallelujah! I shall build an empire! I shall take over the factory, then the town, then the world, mwa ha ha! I shall make the universe sparkle, I shall cover the stars and the sun with… never mind, they already sparkle. I shall be a tycoon of twinkle, a megalomaniac of metallic merriment, a sultan of scintillates, an emir of effervescence! I shall be a…

Tap tap tap.

Yes? Hello?

Oh, it was all a dream. I’m waking up now. There is my light bulb, bare as a baby’s head. There was no glitter factory. Was I even in the ocean? Did I almost drown, or was this whole thing an elaborate, epic effort to extricate my empty, erroneous ego?

The sapphire was real. Or was it? No. That was a dream, too. The scuba gear? Oh. Yeah. That’s pretty ridiculous. Of course, that wasn’t real.

My love for sparkles was real. Sigh.

What about you? Why are you still hanging out with a loser like me?

Oh. You have to go. I understand. Well, thank you for sharing this ridiculous journey with me. I’m feeling a bit foolish and truth be told, a little melancholy, too.

What is life without sparkles? Nothing but shadowy depths. Why did I have to be so selfish? I could have been satisfied with one sparkle. Now I have nothing.

Think I’ll take myself for a walk. No, no, no, not to take a necklace. I’ve changed my ways. I shall become small and insignificant and plain and ordinary.

Okay. Time to put on my shoes.

Wait—why are they sandy? WAS I in the ocean? Maybe I did drown. But if I did, then how did I come back? That whole scuba thing seems pretty outlandish. Maybe I was brought back for a do-over. Maybe I need to find joy in the little things… ouch. There is something in my shoe.

Well, well, well. It’s a pearl.

My heart is swelling with joy. It is so beautiful, this little pearl. I think I’ll just sit and stare at it for a while. And then I think I’ll go find a job at a glitter factory.

And snatch a necklace or two…dozen.