The Lady in the Mirror

"Do you have a big mirror in your home?" she said to me on that fateful morning. She spoke with soft comforting words as we walked into my bathroom. I knew that she could see my tear- stained face and puffy red eyes. I knew that my loving neighbor had

sent this Angel to me. There she was with beautiful white hair and an aura that radiated love. There she was to assess my crumbling world; a world with six small children, a soon to be absent daddy and a big old home I could no longer afford to buy. She was so kind.

I can still remember her exact words. "Look into the mirror" she said, with her arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder. "Get to know that lady. Talk to her....often....Tell her your fears and tell her your dreams, she continued. You see the here and now, with lost hope and broken dreams. She sees the "You" and your future and the day will come when you become one."

I have to admit, I thought her idea was crazy. As we went back into my reality in my living room, it became obvious that her words were very inspired by the person most precious in my life; my loving Heavenly Father. She talked as though He had visited her,

sharing what He could see for my life. She and I talked of so many things that morning. We made a plan to help me survive until I could relocate to a city with a college or university with a nursing program. She looked at my kitchen cupboards by the end of the week they, they went from bare to brimming. Though I had only my GED she brought books to help me study for the Spring nursing exam. I studied every night when my children had finally closed their eyes.

Every night before I opened one of those books, I went first, to my mirror. I talked with that lady every day. Sometimes I had to lock myself in the bathroom to do so. I knew she was proud, for she

knew I had gained new courage and hope. By the following spring she was there in a subsidized apartment in a large city, always waiting in my bedroom mirror. She and I talked for hours just before my nursing exam to get into a very competitive nursing program. She said I would do great. I told her she was crazy. I tried to tell her how difficult it would be with six children and no husband to help. She did not argue. We both sighed and then she said "Let's do this."

I had to of course tell her my news when the letter, the dreaded letter came in the mail. "Next fall, I told her. I enter the program in the fall!"

She was there laughing when I told her how I forgot one of my children, forgot to wake him up and even notice he was not in the car when I went to drop him off at Head Start. She just laughed and

said "life happens." I asked her how I would ever pass the missed math test that morning when I could not even count to six. There was supposed to be six children in the car! Six! And she laughed once more.

I needed her, really needed her the day I fainted on top of my first assigned patient and the day I fainted during my first c-section. She just said, "Well, did you pick yourself back up?" I smiled back.

The day came when I had to tell her about my results on my licensed practical nurse boards. Eight hundred questions answered. They were all answered correctly. A perfect score. And on that day I saw "the lady in the mirror" differently. I no longer had to argue with her about my future or tell her I simply could not do it. I started seeing the person she wanted me to become. I started placing IV's with skill. I became a team leader in my class during the following two years and she watched me achieve a near 4 point GPA, as I soon walked across the stage on graduation day. She was so proud and the morning soon came when I told her how a prestigious University Hospital had asked me to interview for a position that would eventually be a stepping stone to a charge nurse.

I will never forget those first words from my sweet Angel in my

first mirror. Her words were to ring true. The "Lady in the mirror" and I became one. She was with me always. She helped me make wise choices when I had to lead. She helped me trust in that extra sense that nurses come to know and she helped me to save more than one patient because I felt her companionship when I had to keep my mind focused during emergencies. She became more and more a part of me when I would go running into a patient's room with a foreboding feeling that let me know they were in a crisis. She and I said the IV prayer in many patient alcoves before an IV was placed and she became part of me as we cried over dying patients and comforted families.

I was to remember often, our talks, talks of encouragement, talks of things so hoped for and talks that would show how much she knew. How my Angel's words would be true, for so many years ago I could only see a struggling young Mother with sad eyes and a weary face. I could only see a tired student who was prone to faint out of fear. I could not see myself clearly. "The Lady in the Mirror" looking back at me could see what I could not. She could see me grow and find confidence. She knew my reflection would soften, that the worry would subside. She knew what the girl locked in the bathroom and again in the bedroom, could become. She watched me grow. She listened as my most difficult days became days of joy and heard the girl looking into the mirror say "It was so worth it." No, "The Lady in the Mirror" would never leave me. We indeed became one and for many years to come my associate nurses would ask me who I was talking to as I walked down the hall and I would say "Oh, just to myself" and I would always say it with a smile.