Trash is Fun

“Let me get this straight! You’re telling me that she complained because I took all the trash?” George looked incredulous.

The boss raised his hand to diffuse the tension coming from George. “I know. Apparently, her husband threw away her crochet basket by mistake, and some of her favorite clothes.”

“Seriously! I remember those clothes. They were like, from the ‘40’s, and full of holes. It’s one of the few times I agreed that they should definitely be thrown away instead of donated.” George sat back down.

“I hear you. But, since the city is coming down on me to lower our complaints, I’m bringing it up. So, any suggestions?” The boss asked as he looked at the guys around the plastic folding table, serving as their conference table.

Stan, the newest member of the sanitation department, raised his hand. The boss pinched the bridge of his nose in mild frustration. “As I’ve said before, Stan, you don’t have to do that. Just speak out.”

“Uh, well.” Stan cleared his throat. “Perhaps we can knock, um, at the customers door and ask if they meant” - he cleared his throat again - “to throw away the stuff that is in or around” - he awkwardly paused - “um, their trash can.”

All the guys loved the kid, but when it came to thinking, they agreed that Stan wasn’t good at it. They all looked down, fearing to make eye contact with each other. Because eye contact could set off an outbreak of laughter.

“Ok, Kid. Are you suggesting that we actually ring the doorbell and ask if they meant to throw away the stuff inside their trash can? And if they meant to drag their trash can to the curb? And if they knew that we stopped at curbs to pick up trash?” Franz tried to sound as sarcastic as he could. And with that, the guys could no longer hold back their laughter.

“Alright, guys.” The boss settled everyone down. “What, Fran, is trying…”

“Seriously!” Franz cut in. “You too, Boss?”

The laughter broke out again, even louder.

“It’s bad enough that all the guys call me Fran, but now you.” Franz tried to sound offended, but his scandinavian accent just made it sound even funnier. Especially, since he could never say Fran right. It always came out like yawn, with a “Fr” in front.

“Sorry, Frranzzz.” The boss laughed with the others. “As I was saying. I don’t think that would work, Stan. Besides, it would increase our pick up time, which  would increase our labor cost. And since the city has us in their sites already, that is the last thing I need to do.”

Stan was laughing with them. He was used to getting laughs, although he never really got the joke. 

Hopkins was the oldest and was seen as the wisest. “Going back to the last complaint we mentioned.” The laughter died down and everyone tried to get back to the meeting. “I believe the husband meant to throw his wife’s stuff away and that the lady should be talking to a marriage counselor, instead of trash men.”

The laughter started again.

“If you think of it, it’s kinda symbolic. Her clothes in the trash are symbolic of her marriage in the trash.” Mike, dubbed the poet, just couldn’t help himself.

“Oh, brother.” George slapped his forehead. “The Poet speaks.”

The meeting was getting out of hand. “Let’s forget about the lady with the failing marriage.” This only rekindled more laughter. The boss clearly saw that he lost control. He also saw the brotherly bond between these guys. “How can these guys, who pick up trash for a living, be so happy? And be such good friends?” He thought to himself. “When I was a lawyer, none of us had any fun, and my coworkers would have stabbed me in the back in a heartbeat if they thought they would have gained something by it.”

“Guys! We need to get this meeting moving again.” The boss returned from his thoughts and regained control of the room. “Now this next complaint is a serious one and it specifically involves you, George. Did you call a customer stupid?”

“Not exactly.” George looked guilty.

“Care to elaborate?” The boss stared at George.

“I just said that everything he says and does is stupid. I never called him stupid.” George saw that his boss wanted more, so he added. “This guy keeps yelling at me for not picking up all his trash. But he doesn’t put the bags that won’t fit in his trash can on the curb. He expects me to walk to his garage and get them. So, the last time he yelled at me, I might have said a few words that included stupid.”

“Ok, George. You are right. We don’t get trash that’s not on the curb. However, I don’t want you to use the word stupid to a customer. No matter how stupid he’s being.” The boss smiled. Even though he was never “one of the guys,” and he never did a trash route, he wanted to be a part of them. As much as he could be and still be respected as “the boss.” He knew these guys were real men of character and loyalty and he valued their opinion more than any judge or lawyer he ever worked with.

“That’s enough complaints for now. Let’s move on to safe driving. I have here a report of erratic driving by one of our trash trucks in the Southwest Village neighborhood. I’m not sure who was in that area or when this report came in, so I can’t punish the guilty party. Nonetheless, if I ever get a report again that the driver was, and I quote, ‘trying to knock the guy off the little ledge behind the truck.’” Guilty laughter quietly broke out as the guys looked anywhere but at the boss. The boss continued. “I will dock everyone’s safety bonus for that quarter. Got it!” All the guys grunted in agreement. George and Stan caught each other's eyes and quickly lowered their heads to conceal a smile. “Although, the customer also put in his report that he was impressed that the guy stayed on through the swerves and tight turns.”

The boss looked up at the clock and saw that It was about time to start the routes. He started shuffling his papers together. “Look, Guys, I know you all are professionals and know what you are doing. I know the city takes you for granted and our customers can be a little stupid at times.” More chuckles erupted. “And I also know that you guys are way too skilled to get thrown off the ledge of the truck. But for goodness sake, don’t do it in front of people!”