The world has claimed victim to another slash-and burn operation in the Amazon Basin. The thick smoke of a variety of cremated remains from beautiful exotic plants rises upon acres and acres of land. Javier has worn a gasmask while clearing the land to prepare it for re-planting. His heavily forested farmland was used for an extensive amount of money by a foreign lumbering company to create exotic furniture for three times the price worldwide.
It’s easy to see villainy in Javier’s actions, but in truth, he has grown older and more desperate after his land has been home to militia attacks. His land is just too large to monitor on his own. His family has left them to live better lives in Europe. Javier only wants his family to live the life he could only have dreamt of. He wants to sell his massive tract of land, but the corrupt administrators failed to give him a fair offer. It’s just far too little value for all the decades of effort and commitment looking after his old farm.
The sun rises after the smoke has cleared, but the purple gleamed skies are darkened with an unnaturally sickly grey-ish fog. Javier is coughing, his lungs burning as he senses something behind his house, probably an animal that’s escaped the smoke. In the rubble, just a few feet from his white bricked house, built about a hundred years ago, said to have been built after the Great War.
The faint gleam of glass peers out of the charred debris just a few feet from the house. Javier picks up the object; It’s one of the famed ancient crystal skulls. He smells a faint whiff of fresh cigarette smoke, nicotine that’s different from the massive pyre cooling in the humid tropical air. “Who’s there?” he turns around with a rifle in his hand, practically permanently attached to him as soon as he wakes up every day. He hears loud breathing behind the house as he sees a large silhouette in the fog. “You better come out now if you want to live!” He’s learned to be aggressive and intimidating when facing threats. Any show of weakness or meek behaviour will only attract further unwanted trouble.
Javier, always a sensitive, loving family man, has hardened in this savage merciless jungle. He has fanned the flames of vengeance by his lonesome and aims to complete his final mission to help what’s left of his family in Europe. The loud laboured breathing and the stench of cigarette smoke ever-present and stronger than before approaching him, assaulting his senses. He looks around, turning quickly as snake coiled ready to turn and bite, his double-barrelled bullet-filled fangs ready to strike at any moment. With a quick flash the smell is once again faint as he picks up another object in the charred remains of what was once a lush green paradise. ‘What is this’ He thinks…a patch? He’s seen his son wear something similar, but this one seems older. He’s been living in this farm, sheltered from the modern world, merely a half a step away from civility, and a step away from the ancient tribes that still haunt this beautiful dense region.
It's in fact a nicotine patch, practically a relic from the 1980s that is still being used today. Javier, clueless of this piece of technology, notices that it’s stained with what appears to be blood, but it’s blacker somehow as if it’s afflicted with some type of disease. “I know you’re still there! I’m not sure what you’re doing here, but you cannot fool me!” The creature, smoking constantly has been roaming around his property for days. As if a total madman, Javier tries conversing with the creature, and after nearly a week, as he awakens, he sees a stone pedestal emerging from the same place he has found the mysterious crystal skull. He walks over as he sees a disfigured swollen charred hand grasping the skull. Javier has finally found the mysterious figure pestering him. The creature that he’s been trying to converse with, secures the faintly orange coloured crystal skull and activates it, brightening it with a light that seems almost magical to him. Javier gasps at the sight, with his rifle in hand once again “Who…are you!?” He exclaims at the large figure, which seems to be growing in height as it makes a strange rattling sound with his vocal cords “I…am…as I was…before…you!”
- “What do you mean by that?” Exclaims Javier, approaching the creature while pointing the crude weapon at the being. The creature points towards the sky, then towards the ground below. “I…am….as I was…” the creature repeats, trying to help the old farmer understand “Before…before…you!!”
- You mean you were here before…us? Before…how you say...humans?” He laughs absurdly at the thought of such a silly notion. “Why should I believe such a ridiculous thing? Tell me! Prove it!” Javier cocks the gun, a mixture of fear, anger and wonderment striking his mind.
- “I will….show you…” The crystal skull adjusts to a point in the sky, seemingly where the creature’s origins claim. The being unveils his body in front of him, with nicotine patches covering his arms and chest, over an unusually darkened damaged skin, as the creature smokes once again, his lungs glowing through his skin as he takes a large puff from his cigarette nearly turning the entire fresh cigarette to ash in one go.
- “Mother of God! What is this??” Javier shouts at the horrific and strange sight of the creature’s body as he makes the sign of the cross with his left hand. “This…smoke…it helps you?”
- “Yes, it helps me. I need…smoke…to live”
After a few hours of conversing with Javier he becomes slowly convinced. The creature, originally coming from a toxic planet, light years away from Earth, thrived and grew with his race until another race of beings were seeking to colonize his planet for the very gas they used to breathe in for fuel. After the battle, many such beings escaped and crash-landed on random planets peppered throughout the solar system. This creature crash-landed on Earth. It was surprised to find out that he wasn’t the first of his kind to have landed here. There was another of his kind that landed further away during the 1980s; he told him of a place where smoke was constant, and he could find a place to live and thrive amongst the beings of this planet. He told him of the nicotine patch that helped him keep a steady flow of nicotine throughout his body, but that it wasn’t enough so he had to supplement his existence with real smoke as well.
Javier, very knowledgeable of ancient cultures and legends that had been passed down by his ancestors, had always questioned if there were others beyond his race. He has seen many ancient carvings discussing the ancient visitors in suits coming from beyond the stars, artifacts, step pyramids, sundials, and even colossal lines fashioned on the surface of the deserts in countries nearby that even satellites can clearly see. He has found a new friend, but he doesn’t know how to help him. He barely knows how to help himself.
“What do you want from me?” Javier finally asks after almost two weeks of knowing him. “I need life...I need…home!” He points at the glowing skull’s ray of light positioning in the sky. He speaks of an ancient vehicle that could bring him back to his home world, directed exactly where the luminous orange light points in the atmosphere. Even an inch off the lit-up position, and he’ll miss landing on his planet.
He brings the column of light and angles it into the charred acres of land, searching for something. It suddenly stops angling the light as a series of stairs in what seems to be a doorway underground opens up about half of a mile away south. They descend into the dark depths of what appears to be a stone temple covered in moss, spiderwebs, and mold. “This cannot be!” Javier gasps again at the large, darkened stone hallways. The creature looks at a map carved out onto a side of the wall: An alien wearing a suit holding a spear pointing towards one of the hallways. “There…we must go…There!” the alien speaks up.
“Ok, let’s go my friend.” He walks over with him as he sees an unusual artifact where the orange light that the alien angled downward into keeps its luminosity underground.
“The light…the light is where the ship is!” the alien speaks faster with excitement in his low gravelly strange voice “We…must…hurry! Enemies…approaching! He hears footfalls and vehicles pulling up as someone just above their ancient tunnel shouts commands. It appears to be the militia once again; Javier recognizes the voice of their commander. “That fool! He has come down to explore this place for treasure. The crystal skull must have alerted him”
“Gold…they seek…GOLD!!??” the alien shouts with an aggressive growl, sickened by the greed of the corrupt army that aims to make everyone else weak and starving around them. He remembers the colonists that tried stealing the very gas they lived on his home world, and it triggered a rage in him that rivals that of any living being Javier has ever witnessed, animal OR human. “I…will…protect! Get...the ship. You must find….the way…to open”
The militia, with no regard for sacred ancient things swiftly go underground with jeeps and motorcycles in the vast tunnels that lead to their source of greed and ambition. They scramble with more urgent commands to press onward despite them closing in on a mysterious creature. Their large armory of weapons could easily decimate whatever lies in their path…or so they think.
The alien dodges their large caliber bullets whizzing by him with endless metallic fire and fury. “You…will….DIEEEEE!!!” the alien clutches the head of a militia man and immediately turns his body into ash as the vile screams of the man echo through the tunnels.
Javier is searching for the button as he sees a perfectly rounded stone capsule right next to the column of orange light. “I see something here!! What do I do!??” The alien grasps another man’s head and turns him to ash even faster than the first.
“Just….TURNNN!! AND PUSHHH!!” the alien shouts amongst the loud weapons fire nearly drowning out any sound the alien may utter. He turns around gets close to him and motions with a push and twist with his right hand. Javier sees this and proceeds quickly.
The army men pause for a moment at the unusual sight, but their hunger for riches knows no bounds as they continue pressing on charging on the alien all at once. The combustive smoke discharged from the heavily armored troops generates smoke that the alien soaks up into his body as if it were a vacuum sucking out bad air all at once.
“FOOOOD!! Thank..YOU!!” At this point the creature is overwhelmed by the amount of bullets and is shot multiple times throughout his body.
“NOOOO!!” Javier yells “NOOOOOO!!” The column of light continues as it brings down the crystal skull from above ground merging with the front of the ship, as a large rocket made of stone and steel rises up towards him ever so slowly with every second feeling like an hour “COME ON YOU STUPID THING!!! HURRYYYY!” Javier yells.
“SMOKE!!” the alien creature gurgles, his throat full of blood “I NEED SMOOOOKE!!” Javier shoots down a few of the armed men and sees packs of cigarettes in one of their jeeps.
He takes a lighter and lights the entire pack throwing it into the ship “GET IN…NOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!” Javier pushes the alien as it falls staggering into the ship, with one of his arms hanging out of the ship before it closes. “WAIT!” Javier yells as he pushes this arm into the ship as it closes, angling towards the light that now points upwards at the cockpit of the ship with the skull glowing more and more intensely.
“Come on you cowards!!” He runs towards them, tripping and falling into the ground as the rocket jets off faster than any of the army men’s bullets, its propulsion from behind vaporizing everyone in the tunnel, except for Javier who is covered in the stench of the poisonous cigarette smoke.
He sees a large beam of light once again come down the exact same spot where the rocket took off, but the mechanics of the stone temple continue moving upwards towards Javier. “What in the world is going on?” The stone mechanics halt suddenly as a large stone box appears. “What? Maybe…Could it be? He sees a smaller version of the exact same rounded capsule in the centre of the thick stone ornate cube. “No. There’s no way!” He quickly whispers afraid someone might hear his excitement, but the ancient temple is now deafeningly quiet with his feet moving around in echo. “This is..it?” He touches the smaller capsule as the cube opens revealing a golden glow of coins, ancient coins, thousands of years old.
He takes a jeep and empties the cube, and after nearly two hours of loading the riches onto the jeep, he makes his way up laughing. He cannot believe the luck, but he’s exhausted.
Javier hides the treasure in his house in the basement, where no one can find it. The lone farmer then jumps out of the doorway and sees a rescue helicopter that seeks anyone that may have been trapped in the smoke from the jungle. The rescue team rappels down from the helicopter and airlifts him to the nearest hospital. He wakes up in the hospital miles away from the charred land he so carefully tended for so long, as he sees a nurse watch him, an older more experienced woman.
“Hello? Javier? Are you ok? You’ve inhaled a lot of smoke.” Javier nods as he’s breathing through an oxygen mask, as she listens to his breathing through a stethoscope. It seems you’ve grown accustomed to nicotine as well. We’ve put on a couple of nicotine patches to help you get rid of any cravings. Javier sees his left arm with two round adhesives on him, similar to the older ones he saw on the alien creature he helped rescue
“Nicotine? Patch—ohhh I SEE! THAT’S what these are??” the nurse smirks and chuckles “You must have spent a lot of time in that farm of yours. The world has passed you by” She smiles at him as she lightly taps his shoulder, reassuring him. “You’ll be just fine. You’ll need to spend some time here until your lungs clear.
Javier remembers the gold that he’ll use to keep his family prosperous for their entire lives. ‘Oh no.’ He thinks to himself as he searches frantically while sitting up in bed. ‘Where---Where is the key, the tracker attached to my keyring? The keyring!?? Where is the keyring??’ He looks at a nearby drawer next to him where tv remote lies on top. He frantically opens the drawer and sees the keyring with the small signal tracker and treasure key” He laughs with great relief continuously as he looks up at the sky thanking the strange creature that helped him finally gain some happiness after all that misery. “Thank you…” he whispers “Thank Youuuu...” He takes off his oxgyen masks as he smiles, speaking slightly louder, his lungs still in pain. He continues thanking the sky, the passers-by thinking he might be thanking God for surviving the smoke in the jungle. Perhaps he is indeed thanking all of the mysterious entities beyond the stars, far above the pitch black, star-patched sky.
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4 comments
Much smoother read. Try: sickly grey-ish - sick, grey fog. Try: he could only have dreamt of. - he can only dream about. (it's ongoing not in the past) Try: disfigured swollen charred hand - 3 adjectives! So choose between disfigured and swollen. They are not the same but a swollen hand is disfigured and a disfigured hand could also be a swollen hand. “COME ON YOU STUPID THING!!! HURRYYYY!” Javier yells. - leave out Javier yells. It's the 2nd instance and it is Javier's paragraph. we know it's him. I love the way you have separated thes...
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Hello again Kaitlyn. Some very nice fine tuning advice. Thank you very much again for all of the advice. I'll keep it in mind and make some changes. Thank You!
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Very vivid story. Lovely happy ending. A few points. Words ending in 'ly' try to leave them out. They are often unnecessary and clutter up the writing. Same with feeble overused adjectives like "great'. Watch the cliches. They are boring. eg 'top of his lungs' - and I thought he had damaged lungs. Maybe he wheezed out the Thank you after all. Javier only wants his family to live the life he could only dream of living. - 'that he can only dream of' is correct "He wants to sell the land, but corruption from land administrators failed to gi...
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Hello Kaitlyn. I've made the necessary changes. Have a look if you can. Appreciate the feedback!
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