Nothing More

All Zia wanted was to disappear. Nothing made her happy. Nothing made her smile. She felt pain deep down in her heart, and she just wanted it all to go away, to stop.

Zia looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. All she could see was a broken heart girl that just wanted life to stop. How did she get to this point? Of all people, Zia never thought she would be a depressed person. She never thought that she, of all people, would be this melancholic girl who couldn’t find her peace anymore. This all surprised her because in her earlier life, Zia was always happy; she always wore a smile. So what changed? What happened? Why did she detest living now?

Zia rubbed her hands against her face and sighed. She wished she had superpowers. If she had superpowers, she could disappear. She knew no one would miss her. Her absents wouldn’t bother anyone, so Zia knew if she could have any superpower, it would be to disappear.

She turned off the bathroom light and headed for her bedroom.

As she sat on her bed, Zia pulled out a small razor from under her pillow and held it against her wrist. Was this the end? Could she, would she end it all? Was there nothing more? Tears rolled down her face as she took a deep breath and pressed the razor against her skin. She added a little pressure to it which made a circle or blood appear on top of her skin.

“Mom says lights out in five minutes.” Her younger brother, Zach said as he slowly opened her bedroom door. Zia threw the razor behind her bed and hid the small cut on her wrist.

“Okay,” she snapped at him. Zach stood in the door way as he scrutinized his sister. Zia looked like any normal teenage girl as she sat on her neon, rainbow colored bed, being annoyed by her little brother. If any other person saw Zia’s situation right now, they wouldn’t think twice about it. They wouldn’t see her pain. But her little brother knew better. Zach heard her quiet cries at night. He saw the pain in her eyes, even when she smiled. He knew her actions in front of other people were just an act. And he wasn’t about to lose her to depression.

“Shut the door, dumb nut.” Zia said evilly.

“Not until you do as mama said and turn off your light.” Zach was only nine, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he could just approach Zia about her depression. He wasn’t a grown up. He couldn’t help her in that way, but he could be a little brother and do what little brothers do best, which was annoy his sister, until their parents noticed her pain.

“Get out of my room!” Zia screamed. “Mom!”

“Enough you two! Bed now Zach” Their mom yelled at them from the kitchen downstairs. The two heard their parents quickly return to their conversation of laughter and wine.

Zach ran away to his bedroom; he left Zia’s bedroom door wide open.

“Come back and shut my door!” she screamed.

“Zia, Zach, I’ve had about enough of you two. Go to sleep now!” Their father toned. Zia slammed her body against her bed as she threw her neon, rainbow colored cover up and over her head to drain out the hallway’s light. The teen didn’t realize how tired she was until she had fallen asleep without even noticing it.

In her first dream, Zia landed in a forest surrounded by four big suns. The suns were GIGANTIC and various shades of pink: Light pink, dark pink, baby pink and salmon pink. Even though the suns were a bright pink color and looked to be very hot, Zia wasn’t burning up at all. She felt very comfortable. As a matter of fact, when Zia reached her hand out to touch one of the closer suns, it was cool to the touch.

Zia walked through the forest looking for life: animals, leaves, flowers, vines, scrubs, anything. But all she saw were canopies of pine trees. There weren’t any douglas-fir trees, redwood, lodgepole, or another tree; all there were, were millions of Eastern White Pine Trees. That was it.

“Where are all the other type trees?” she thought as she continued to walk through her strange dream. Seconds later, it began to rain. Small drops of water fell rapidly from the sky. The rain fell fast and hard as Zia tried to see through it. She shield her eyes and hoped that would help, but it didn’t. Zia tried to balance herself against a tree and fell. All of the Eastern White Pine Trees were gone. She fell face first right into the mud. With her face in the mud, Zia was able to see that all of the trees had retracted into the ground, and the ground was sealing up like it wanted, needed to keep the rain out.

“What?!” Zia yelled as she wiped the mucky mud off of her face. “Why is everything running from the water? I thought trees and plants needed water to survive?!” Zia could not understand why everything was hiding from the water. Like, everything, all that was left was flat land, like Zia had gone from a lush thick rain forest to a dry flat desert.

She looked up as the rain died down a little and saw the worst thing possible. A huge tsunami in the distance, but that wasn’t the worst part; the worst part was that inside the enormous wave was a huge whale like creature swimming as it waited for the wave to crash down on the empty space to swim freely. Now Zia knew why everything was underground. She quickly stood up and ran. As she ran, Zia looked for an opening in the ground, anywhere, where she could jump inside. She saw one in the distance and ran towards it, but by the time Zia reached it, the hole had sealed up. She tried to remain calm. She began to run as the rain began to fall heavier again; it made her sight hazy.

“Don’t panic. Stay calm. Stay calm.” Zia whispered to herself as she ran. She kept her eyes on the on the ground, but the rain blurred her vision. Zia wanted to cry; all hope felt lost, but she didn’t give up. Just then, she fell through an open hole.

“Oh Thank God,” she said, but then noticed that the hole wasn’t sealing up. “Seriously?” Knowing that she couldn’t give up now, Zia quickly thought. What could be causing the hole not to seal?

“Bingo” She raced to a tree under the ground and picked a pinecone off of it. Zia stood as close to the hole as she could and rubbed the cone around the top of the hole. The hole began to seal up like a hard metal just as the giant wave crashed on top of the ground, shaking it so that Zia fell onto her back. She watched as the giant, whale like creature swam free in the waters above her. Even though the creature was big enough to swallow her whole, Zia didn’t fear it anymore. The creature actually seemed peaceful and sweet. The howl that it gave wasn’t a scary loud one, but a soothing one that could put her to sleep. Zia inhaled as she stood up to continue to watch the giant sea creature. It was so beautiful. Why was she so afraid of it before?   

A greenish, bluish light shined in Zia’s face. The light came from a wormhole that sat only feet away from her. Should she enter? Without hesitation, Zia walked into the wormhole as it took her to another strange world.

On the next world, maybe in the same universe, Zia found herself in a field of flowers. There were various types of flowers of all sorts of colors and sizes. There were hills and hills of flowers, and on these hills was a brown, wooden staircase that led through the miles and miles of flowers. She climbed the staircase, following it through the flowers, over the hills, but it seemed that the stairway led to nothing. All Zia could see were miles and miles of hills covered in flowers and the one wooden staircase. The end wasn’t in sight. Was there even an end? She leaned across the railing. Should she continue? Where did the staircase go? Did it led to something special or was there nothing on the other side? Was it even worth the climb? Should she give up, or should she continue? As much as Zia wanted to give up, her heart burned to know what was at the end of the staircase. If she gave up now, she wouldn’t know. Zia turned around and saw that she had climbed a long way. She couldn’t even see the beginning anymore. So she knew she couldn’t give up. So it was final, Zia continued. Hill after hill, flower patch after flower patch, hours after more hours, Zia climbed. She was out of breath by the time saw the top.

“Finally!” She gasped, as she ran up the last few stairs to see what the view was like. Was it beautiful, was it worth the climb? As soon as Zia reached the top of the staircase, all of her questions had been answered.

Zia’s alarm clock woke her up, as she stared horizontally at the sun through her bedroom window. She climbed out of her bed, walked to her vanity and stared at herself in her in the mirror. This whole time Zia wanted superpowers to be able to get through the pain, the horror, the mess that life brought her. She felt as if she couldn’t take life anymore, with all of the disappointment and suffering that she felt constantly, Zia felt weak, too weak, to carry on in her life. That night before, she planned to take her life; she wanted to disappear, to be invisible. But as she stared at herself in her vanity mirror, Zia realized that she did have a superpower, the superpower to survive life’s pain.

Both dreams opened her eyes; they made Zia realized that she couldn’t give up. In her dreams, she didn’t give up. Zia fought in the first dream to survive and realized that her greatest fear was something beautiful that she didn’t need to fear at all. She also realized that she succeed to live when she fought, even when all hope seemed lost. In the second dream Zia realized that when she didn’t give up, she was able to make it to the top of the staircase that she felt led to nothing, but it led to a trail that led to the rest of her life. She saw the future Zia, smiling and living her happiest best life. It was just a motionless picture of the future Zia smiling, but whatever made Zia smile in that picture made the Zia now know that she was willing to fight to see what it was. And that was her superpower.

As Zia stood from her vanity, she noticed her little brother staring at her from the hallway. His eyes sparkled as he watched his sister come to the conclusion that life was worth fighting for no matter how dark or morbid it may seem. He smiled and knew that his sister was his new superhero and by choosing to fight for her life, she saved his.