Unbreakable

I have vowed.

I have vowed never to mix with the lowly ones; the ones who hack away at the rocks in mines to craft the beautiful pendants we wear around our necks, who break their backs so we drown in our riches, our wealth.

Mine lay on my collarbone, a pastel locket that went well with my gown that cascaded to my ankles.

“Fintis!” the maidservant calls me and I flinch turning around, wondering if she had read my mind.

But she says nothing, wordlessly placing the tray of chocolate fondants before me. “As you had asked for, miss” she mutters bowing, and walks away with a gesture of my hand.

I’m again left alone to my thoughts, munching away at the sweets when I hear a rap at the door.

Slipping the sweets into the empty package I had hidden under my dress I wait, praying it was him.

He enters the room quietly, politely nodding at me whilst clearing the table. He eyes the generous amount of cake I have wasted, eyes licking at them with hunger.

And that’s when I pass him the package.

He starts and looks at me. “Take it,” I say. “N-No.” he says, and looks away. I feel it isn’t just ego that’s holding him back.

“Mom,” he says and I start, not expecting him to call me that in the open like that. “I’m leaving”

***

I stand at the balcony, watching my sons frail little back retreat into the distance, never to see him again. I turn away.

Good Riddance.

“Miss, your dress you had ordered the other day” the maid enters the room, holding the dress up so I could see it. I run my hands through the fabric. Beautiful. It was the only word that could describe this dress.

Handmade by the best tailor in this land, its different layers ruffle even as the smallest wind pass through it. “Switch the lights on,” I command her, wanting to take a closer look at it. She does so. Pastel hues of white and blue swirl into each other to give a dreamy sky-like effect, frills at the bottom that felt as soft as the clouds.

“Place it on that table,” I tell her.

And as she turns to leave, I toss it into the fireplace as it blazes red, the blue now blackening in the fire. “Tell him it is one of his worst works,” I say, not looking at her. She leaves.

The gown lies there smouldering, seeming to want to choke me with its last dregs until I push the windows open.

***

“Miss,” I’m snapped out of my thoughts, confused about when I even fell asleep. A fluffy blanket covers me and I squint out the window into the distance, the fog lazily hanging over the mountains. “What is it?” I ask, rubbing my eyes. “Miss, he has sent another dress”

“Tell him I don’t need it” I say, knowing that if I let myself look at it, that if I let myself steal a glance, I might fall for him all over again.

You told him to leave for a reason, Fintis I harshly remind myself.

“But he says that you might like this, your highness” she presses. I can almost see how many coins he must have pressed into her hand to persuade me.

“Okay, show it to me” Her face genuinely lights up as she almost skips up to me, displaying the dress. Without me even telling it, she turns the light on.

Its very sight takes my breath away.

Layers and layers of thin, paper-like fabric ran over each other in criss-cross patterns so twisted, so intricately stitched that I couldn’t place where the beginning and end of each one was. The navy blue base shone like the night sky, stars carelessly yet perfectly splattered across its surface.

“Did you like it, miss” she asks, eyeing my face.

I realized I was catching my breath.

“I’ll think about it,” I curtly answer “You can leave it here”

That night I slept in the dress.

***

There was huge bustle in the palace the next day, maids hurrying around with tables and chairs and the servants and butlers, with layers and layers of cakes and pastries.

The next day was the day of colors. We celebrated this day each year, when the moons eclipsed, by splattering each other with color, eating lavish sweets and gifting each other exquisite clothes. It was said that the wishes we made on this day would come true, and I was excited to try it out this time.

I was nervous.

On such an occasion as this, he must have a dress with him that he must have worked on, for months. A dress that I know I wouldn’t be able to resist.

I then go over to my wardrobe, and pick a familiar navy blue gown for the occasion.

***

The next day morning I lie awake on the bed, dreading the moment when the alarm would go off.

“Miss,” there’s a knock at the door. “A letter”

“From whom?” I ask “It’s from Westos”

“Take it back to him” I say. “But your son, he-” the maid starts but I raise my hand, not wanting to know more. “Please,” I say, voice breaking, “Leave”

Ten more minutes for the party to start. And there’s no sign of him.

Five.

I find myself biting my nails, actually anticipating him.

One.

The choir starts playing as everybody yank open their pouches of colored powder, throwing it first towards the sky, whispering a wish and then pouncing on each other. Colors fly across the sky, creating beautiful swatches of rainbows as I look up at them and make mine. Please. Please let him come.

As I dance alone in the ballroom, tears of pain flow down my cheeks as the realization slowly sinks in. Maybe I was too harsh with him the last time, I think. Maybe I’ve pushed him away, once and for all.

You’ve bid our son goodbye, I can almost hear his accusing voice, I did not expect that of you.

Someone taps at my shoulder.

I turn. “Miss, someone has come to see you-” but I swat her hand away, unable to take it anymore “Tell them to go away,” I say already on my way back, “I-I’m busy,” already on my way back to my bed.

Away, away from my son, away from my long lost husband, away from this darned piece of time we call ‘life’

***