My Bio

All the voices in my head are family, and they're always fighting.

When I was a girl, I read to escape reality. I even made up adventures and conflicts in my mind. I dreamt of writing, but never did. Then I grew up and stopped reading. My imagination died with my inner child. God has ways of helping us when we don't know how to help ourselves, though, and He sent me a friend, a writer.

This friend interviewed my very soul, and in the process, he made me realize I'd lost all my dreams, but he resuscitated them through hours of interrogation. The search began. Feeling inspired, I decided to start writing.

I joined this site and wrote a few stories. They weren't great, but they were my own. Then I deleted my account, along with my stories. See, insecurity won. How could I compete with y'all?

But my friend didn't give up on me, even when I had given up on myself. I've never had anyone encourage and coach me, but I liked it, so I made a new account and started all over again. That's when the struggle began.

What kind of stories would I write? No one wants to read the same old story told in a hundred different ways. Yeah I wrote a few mediocre ones by Reedsy’s standard, but I liked them, and it was fun for me to explore my mind.

Then I messed up and wrote a personal story. The comments I received weren't the standard polite back pats so commonly thrown around on here for karma points. These were real people, giving me love, pity and telling me that my tragedy had touched them.

Que dissociation. Yup. Had to delete that account too. I guess I didn't want anyone to know the real me. Now what? My mind craved more, I couldn't stop thinking of stories, but I still didn't know what kind of writer I wanted to be.

I'll just be blunt. Most of the stories I read on here bore me, and I don't even finish them. I'm sure I'm not alone on that. I didn't want the same judgements. What would people think if I wrote the weird stuff that amuses my mind?

I wanted to find out, so I wrote and posted a pretty vulgar, very funny (to me) story that had a good moral. Imagine an armless man wearing a legless woman in a backpack, working together as one to help those less fortunate. Yeah…On a roll, I was excited to start my next project on this very prompt.

My story turned into an angry rant about how much I hate Thanksgiving. All the cooking, cleaning, preparing for a week with no help only for everyone to eat for fifteen minutes then leave. It went all Sylvia Plath in the end, but to me it was hilarious. Imagine your turkey telling you to suck it up because he had it worse. I literally laughed like a super villain every time I read it, and I read it a lot.

I hadn't posted it yet though, because I wanted my friend's feedback first. Then something happened. Shame. It set in deep. The Holy Spirit was convicting me hard.

How does God talk to you? He speaks to me through my emotions, then he reaffirms it's Him by sending people or scripture my way.

In my waiting, I was reading other people's comments from their stories. I'm so thankful for the unashamed Christians here. My heart was reminded that I too am a Christian, and I can't just talk the talk. I must want the walk. That's not a typo. I want to be a good Christian. My fresh two new stories are not how I want to represent myself, even though I'm very confident a select few would have liked them. They got deleted.

Back to my struggle. Do I delete a third account, this one? No. I don't want to do that. I prayed, then I prayed some more. I kept hearing a conversation my friend and I had a few times. Who are you writing for, yourself or your audience?

Then I kept thinking about the sacrificial turkey and laughing like a mad man. It felt so good to put my feelings down. It gave the voices peace. Everyone wants their side of the story told. I can hear you eloquent authors whispering “cathartic.”

Then I realized something else that hadn't dawned on me. “Relatable.” Maybe that's what makes a story good to me. It's nice knowing I'm not alone. Am I willing to be vulnerable though?

Yeah, I am, because you're reading this, but I still need 300 words, so :p

As the prompt goes, “A family argument gets out of hand. Neither side will budge, requiring a mediator with unusual methods.”

Back to my opening line. All the voices in my head are family, and they're always fighting. My short stories will help me mediate them.

And to answer an unanswered question: Who are you writing for, yourself or an audience? I choose to write for God. That is my desire, to do His work, however He chooses to guide me, and He does guide me.

I know my stories won't be for everyone, and I'm finally okay being judged. We all have opinions. Here's mine: I need therapy. This was my first session, so allow me to introduce myself to me.

Hi, I'm human. I think and feel. It's normal. Nothing to hide or be ashamed of.

Right now, I'm brave and confident. In an hour, I might be embarrassed and second guess myself. I'll probably contemplate deleting this right after I post it. (Note to self, seek reassurance.) And my friend, if you read this, I know, I know… a good story needs a conflict, but this isn't a story. It's my bio. It's justified. Right?

Oh yeah, my name is Sarah. And I May be back to tell you more about myself through a thousand words or so , as long as there's an important message in there somewhere.