5 comments

Horror Thriller Mystery

"Ohh no no no......"

"Sam wake up, what happened to you? Why are you shouting like this? "

Mom tried to wake up Sam while he was shouting so loudly while he was asleep.

Sam woke up and looked at his mom and felt relieved.

Mom asked, "are you okay?"

Same nodded, "yes, just a scary dream"

"What was it that scared you so much?" Mom asked.

"No nothing, it's just my imagination I guess" Sam tried to changed the topic and walked straight to the bathroom.

The next day he again started shouting in his dream and was drenched with sweat.

His mom now got worried. she tried to ask Sam about the scary dreams that he was having for many days, but Sam denied opening up about it.

Days passed and Sam's problem became worse. He started living alone and secluded himself from all of his friends. Now, his mom decided to talk about it to her husband. when Sam's father heard about it, he too tried to ask sam. but it didn't work.

After much thought, both of Sam's parents decided to take him to his grandma's house. They thought that the new place might bring some peace to him.

It was the first time after 18 years that Sam was visiting his granny's house. He was not so interested to visit there but at the insistence of his parents, he agreed to go with them.

All three reached Seattle, at Grandma's place. Granny was so delighted to see them. she welcomed them with a big cheery smile. she had prepared their favorite delicacies.

Sam also connected well with his granny even though he met her after 18 years. he was only 2 years old when he last saw her.

After all the hospitality, granny decided to take them to her bungalow in which they used to live but now that bungalow is almost in its ruins. she hasn't been there for 17 years. Hearing this, Sam was so excited to see that.

They all drove to the bungalow by their car and reached there.

As soon as they arrived there, Sam took a look at that bungalow with eyes full of curiosity. but wait, what has just happened? He got dizzy and fell down! His parents and Granny were awestruck by this incident. granny hurryingly picked up a water bottle and splashed water on his face. Sam opened his eyes by smashing them with his hands.

"What happened, son? why you fell, are you feeling weak?" Mom asked.

Sam replied, "no, I'm okay. but I can't come inside this bungalow"

"What?" Granny exclaimed.

"What's wrong with you. we have planned all this only for you and you're denying to come with us!"dad exclaimed in an angrier tone.

"Sorry dad, but I can't come"Sam replied.

Granny tried to calm down Sam's father and went near to the sam.

She asked him calmly, "what's troubling you, my child, if you won't tell me then how can we help you to overcome"

Sam broke down in tears and started telling them in his shaky voice, "I wanted to tell you about this a long time ago but I couldn't. Mom-dad you always used to ask me that why I shout in my dreams, right?" 

His mom nodded in 'yes'.

He continued, "I used to see a mansion in my dream which looked exactly similar to this one. I would get trapped in this mansion and would never come back. There I saw a scary man who told me not to tell you about all this you otherwise he'll kill me. he looked too aggressive and furious. once in my dream, I dared to tell you about him and that day he pushed me down that building and killed me. hence I never dared to tell you whatever I used to see in my dream. Please now help me, otherwise, he'll kill me."

As they heard what Sam has just said, his parents got awestruck.

 But, His granny looked normal after hearing this.

 She then started murmuring. Now I know what your problem is and why are you having a dream like this.

 She then continued with her heavy voice," when you were 2 years old, your grandfather passed away in this same bungalow by committing suicide. As you were just a kid, you might not be able to remember this.

 But don't worry son, it's not a matter of concern. I too get the same kinds of dreams, I've talked to the exorcist about this and he told me that your grandfather's spirit has not found peace hence he's roaming around intimidating his near ones.

"But why he's intimidating me now, and that too after all these 18 years?" Sam exclaimed.

"I'm unable to answer this, my child. I think he's trying to have his peace through you because when he'd committed suicide you were the only person who was in his room, playing around with your toys.

" Why did he commit suicide by the way," Sam asked.

As granny opened her mouth to tell the reason for suicide, a sudden gust of storm came.

The dust encircling the bungalow started entering their eyes and they were unable to see anything.

They all started crying for help. but it didn't work.

A gust of wind took them inside the bungalow. they started shouting out of fear. After some time the storm calmed down but where are these four people who were there in the bungalow?

The next day's city breaking news - 'four people found dead in front of the old bungalow. Is there something in that bungalow that took their lives? Scary or suspicious! huge bungalow or a scary mansion!'

(What was the reason for grandpa's suicide and why he told Sam in his dreams to keep quiet and not to tell anyone about him? and if this so, then why didn't he bothered sam for these 18 years, why only recently he came into his dreams?

And if he used to come in Sam's dream then why he took the lives of all four people?)

July 20, 2021 05:53

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5 comments

Karin Venables
14:17 Jul 29, 2021

Love the plot twist at the end. I see potential as a story teller here. Please give yourself the gift of good editing by using ProWritingAid online. It will help you to find the grammar issues and the little mistakes. Polishing your mistakes will help you make it easier to read. If you are like me, it is sad that Reedsy does not allow us to edit after they approve the submission.

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Ayushi Pandey
15:14 Jul 29, 2021

Thankyou so much karin for your suggestions. I'll try that editing stuff from next time. Hope so,I'll improve my writings in next prompts.

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Palash Ghate
04:48 Jul 29, 2021

Love it♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

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02:12 Jul 29, 2021

Story not well composed. Weak narration.Poor English. Bad editing. No 'thrill'. 'Mystery' absent. Blog artificial:'pushed me down and killed me' 'Horror' is contrived as the body's defense mechanism wakes us up when dreams are life-threatening or after what we call nightmares. More mature reflection is needed before trying to fit blog into prompt. CRITIQUE CIRCLE.

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Palash Ghate
05:05 Jul 29, 2021

It's her first time doing something like this, nobody masters in the beginning.. So if you can't say some good encouraging words for a newbie, then it's better to shut the fuck up! And don't call yourself a critique, cuz what you did there is clear HATING!

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