Can't have Nothin in Ho Chi Minh

Jack just loved waking up to the smell of an overheating machine gun in the morning. He did a ninja getup and totally wasn’t assisted by any cables or pulleys that you totally can’t see. He was already in his commando outfit and smoking a big ol cigar to keep the runtime down. 

“Hey Jack, we’re out of toilet paper,” Copernicus shouted from the bathroom with the door somewhat cracked. “Can you get me some?”

“Sure thing,” Jack said as he picked up another roll of shredded Chinese flags and handed it to Copernicus through the door. Upon leaving his barrack, Jack was handed his huge assault rifle with his signature neverending magazine. “Thanks, Sarge,” he said. “What we got today?”

“The Siberian 12th Infantry unit is attacking to cover for the Chinese 8th and 77th who are in DC trying to steal the Big Capitalism,” Sergeant Eyepatch With An Equally Dope Pegleg said.

Jack gasped “Not the Big Capitalism!”

“Yesss, the Big Capitalism,” Sergeant Eyepatch With An Equally Dope Pegleg shook his head in despair. “They should be getting aid from Cambodian mercenaries, though. I’m sending you to DC with the rest of the 69th Red Commando Battalion to stop them. We will make sure you are fitted with the most aesthetically pleasing and rad gear we can possibly think of. We’ll have an opportunity to test the NoLookShot m8725, a device that allows you to shoot anybody anywhere without even looking, maximizing your awesomeness.”

“Can do, Sarge,” Jack said.

Suddenly, a Russian infantryman fell through the roof for some dang reason, and there needed to be action so Jack shot him until he was a pile of shredded cheese. “And remind me, Sarge, what’s going on here?”

Sergeant Eyepatch With An Equally Dope Pegleg cleared his throat. “On November 11th, 1985, a military coalition crossed the Bering Strait, composed of armies from the Soviet Union, China, North Japan, North Korea, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Poland, Finland, Bulgaria, Yugoslavia, East Germany, South-North Germany, Czechoslovakia, Romania, Albania, and Cuba. they took over Canada and renamed it to the People’s Maple Republic, and Washington and Oregon seceded and was annexed by the PMR because they were already moving towards Communism anyway. We are currently fighting the Russian front in North Dakota.”

“Thanks Sarge.”

Fires of Insurgence

“515,” the worker read off.

“Yeah, and the one after that, too,” Yosiiv said.

She paused. “...516?” she said with a confused expression still on her face.

“Yuh,” Yosiiv nodded. He handed the worker his coin and she dinged it against a black tablet and then hit it a second time, and then she gave it back to him. She gave him two paper bags and Yossiv cranked the window back up and as the carriage pulled away he turned to Qatliin and set both the bags down.

“Why’d you do that?” she scolded. “We only had one bag.”

“Yeah but now we have two bags with twice the amount of food and their order sequence is now messed up for at least the next twenty minutes.”

Qat stared blankly. “Why though?”

“Because it’s fun...and morality is irrelevant when it’s with something so mundane as buying junk food,” Yosiiv shrugged.

Qat smiled.

Haldir, their driver, turned the sound up to the music as they pulled away from the eatery, and Yosiiv decided to glance into the other bag. “There’s a lot of stuff here. I think I just wasted my money on some big family’s order.”

They both looked back to see the next carriage in line was some huge vehicle that sort of reassembled one of those kidnapper vans Qat remembered from back home, that was full of little people. 

“Dang, I bet they immigrated just so they could have kids...but we’ve only been on this island for three years...how do you have eight kids in three years?” Yosiiv smiled, and he and Qat started laughing.

They came to an intersection, and neither Qat nor Yosiiv was paying attention at the time, both laughing and enjoying themselves. They heard the super loud sound of a revving carriage, and no one thought anything of it, still not paying attention. Then bright headlamps shone in through the side windows and the sound of the carriage got frighteningly near.

Qat and Yosiiv didn’t even have time to glance over before the other carriage made impact, shattering the windows and flipping the entire vehicle, which continued to roll until it finally ended up upside down.

Qat was hanging by the seat belt around her waist, and she unclipped it, falling down and scrambling to get upright. She glanced over at Yosiiv who wasn’t moving. His arm was bent and bruised and he had blood coming out of the side of his brow and left ear. He had been on the side closest to the impact.

Haldir and their bodyguard, Tchus, weren’t moving either.

Qat grabbed Yosiiv under his arms and pulled him free of the seat belt and took him out of the carriage, having to kick the door to get it unlatched. She was in a hurry to get out and stay out because she smelled smoke, but she still had to get the driver and their bodyguard out before the machine combusted.

When she started to try and pull Tchus’ door open, she noticed people getting out of the vehicle that hit them. The only three that came out had done so from the backseat, and it seemed the people in front weren’t moving, period. They all had tan skin and black hair, so they were Angraquian, and with their maroonish eyes and the unpleasant way they gargled their A’s when they spoke to each other, she confirmed they were Kahlhelmi Angraquian.

But really, the only reason she’d paused was because all three of them were holding weapons. They all made eye contact with her and started trudging right at her. Her first instinct was to try and get the door open and use Tchus’ flash rifle, but when the door wouldn’t budge, she remembered her second option. She stepped out in between the carriage and the three men, and pulled out her hairpin and whispered her trigger tord, and the pin reacted, expanding into a curved-edge half sword.

She started to wish she’d gone for a projectile weapon. The men were using flash rifles as well, and she only had one way to deal with those kinds of weapons, and she wouldn’t be able to fight back.

Bystanders that had gathered to observe the accident screamed and ran, though two people went to try and retrieve the Haldir and Tchus who were still stuck inside the carriage, and to get Yosiiv away from the scene.