Howie Loves Lavender

I don’t know much about bulls. So, when a bull broke through the front door of my flower shop, I wasn’t sure what to do. I live in the city so being attacked by a bull wasn’t at the top of my list of fears, however ever since then, I have added it to the list. I have learned that I do, in fact, need to be afraid of bulls bursting into my shop and destroying all the flowers. I’ll tell you the full story…

The day started off as just a normal day. I was working alone, and I had just finished serving a long-time customer. As they left my shop, they turned right, and I waved as they walked past the windows. Just then, I heard a commotion coming from down the street. I walked out to see what all the fuss was about but after walking out from behind the counter; the commotion had already found me. 

The bull had silky black fur and white horns, and it paused when it looked at me. I was so in shock from seeing the bull that I barely noticed when 5 more ran right past my shop to go presumably torment other shop owners. But this bull stopped. I’m not sure what compelled me to do this, but I reached out to it. That was the worst dissection I have ever made. 

The moment the bull saw my hand move, it went crazy. It rampaged through my shop, tearing down the potted hyacinths and knocking over the hydrangeas. Luckily my fight or flight reflexes kicked in and my body chose flight. I ran to the back of the store, grabbing any plant that wasn’t damaged. I hid in the back, trying to think of how the hell I’m going to get this bull out of my store.

My first thought was to call the police, my second thought was, “yeah a lot of help they’re going to do”. Anyway, they are probably trying to deal with the other 5 bulls. But then who should I call? 

I’m right in the middle of this dilemma when I hear my phone buzzing across the room. Normally This wouldn’t be a problem, however, the place that my phone happens to be is in the direct line of sight of the bull. So I did what any sane human would do, and I ran to grab my phone and ran right back. I crouched in the corner of the room and start praying to whoever or whatever will listen. 

The buzzing of my phone reminded me that someone was calling me. The caller ID reads “Idiot” my best friend: Jay. I pick up right away-

“Took you long enough, boy do I have a good story for you-” 

“SHH!” I cut her off before she got the attention of the bull. “There is a situation in the shop, I need you to get here as soon as possible” I whisper into the phone.

“What is going on?” she asks. My mind races to explain.

“Well, there is a bull in my shop-”

“There’s a what!?” Jay screams in my ear.

 “SHH, we need weapons, the bull is in the front destroying my flowers so come in the back door,” I explain quickly. 

“Oh.. umm. Got it I’ll be right over, quick question. Are we trying to kill the bull, knock it out, or get it out of the shop?” Jay asks smartly. I didn’t think of this, I don’t want to kill the bull, but I really needed it out of my shop.

“Umm… just bring everything we’ll decide when you get here.” 

“Got it, be right there,” Jay responds quickly.

“See you soon.” and just like that the call has ended and I am alone in my shop with a bull.

Speaking of the bull, I hear clattering and the slightest sound of Cha-Ching, I suspect the cash register falls to the ground. It dawns on me that I have to wait it out until Jay gets here. With nothing better to do, I decide to come up with a name for the bull in my shop. 

Bessy is my first thought but then I think, “no, Bessy is a name for a cow, not a bull.” I decide to list names until I find one that fits. George, James, Jeffery, a lot of J sounds, Sydney, Howie… I like Howie. 

Howie, it is… There is a bull names Howie in my shop. I wonder what are its pronouns? Do bulls have pronouns, I’d imagine they do, they are sentient.

Before I can decide Jay knocks softly on the back door. I get up silently and make my way to the door. Once I open the door I see her standing there. 

The light from reflecting off the sword she’s carrying (along with an assortment of other items) makes it hard to see her, even still I can feel her smirk through the door as I open it. 

“Did you really have to bring your sword?” I ask her, as I walk out the back door so we can talk without Howie hearing us. 

“You expect me to not bring my sword? We are fighting a bull.”Jay responds, blowing the tattered black hair out of her face, It’s then I notice the blue streaks she apparently put in it.

“Nice hair”

“Thanks, now about the bull, what do you want to do?”

“Well I don’t want to kill it, we just need to knock it unconscious until we can figure out what to do with it. Maybe we could call the zoo?” I know Jay came here to kill Howie, but I really don’t want her to. “How about I call the zoo now and see if Howie is theirs.”

“Whos..? Clove, did you name the bull?” Jay asks me. When I don’t respond she asks me again, “Clover Marie Stewart…” oh no the full name, “Did you name the bull that broke into your shop, Howie?” Jay is obviously furious, but I think that the whole situation is hilarious. 

I really tried not to laugh. I did. But when your best friend is yelling at you about something ridiculous you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

Luckily I wasn’t alone in my laughter for long because Jay joined me soon after with her joyful cackle. And we reveled in the ridiculousness of our situation. 

Once we calmed down, it was time to call the zoo.

“You do it,” I told Jay.

“What? No, you do it” she said back

“Why?”

“You sound innocent” 

“That’s no reason, they won’t take me seriously, you call” I really didn’t want to call so I pulled out my trump card: puppy dog eyes. “Please?”

“Oh god, fine, just stop doing that.” Jay took her phone out and dialed the zoo’s number. I could only hear one part of the conversation so I started to take inventory of all the weapons that Jay brought.

She brought her trusty sword, a bow with a full quiver, a steak knife, and a couple of mallets. And apparently, she also brought armor, like pieces of suits of armor from medieval times. Jay is a big fan of medieval knights. Unfortunately, I don’t think that any of these will help much, save from the armor. Bulls are really strong and they are full of mussels. 

“So the zoo person said that we should try to wait it out, their people will be here soon, we do need to keep an eye on it though in case it decides to leave in favor of a different flower shop,” Jay tells me as soon as she is off of the phone.

“Ok, then let’s put on some of this armor and head into the shop,” I tell her as she walks over to me and the pile of weapons. 

“Your kidding right? That armor is going to make so much noise, we should be-” Jay starts to respond but is interrupted by a loud disturbance inside. 

I run to see what damage Howie did to my shop with Jay not far behind me. When I get there I see Howie causing a ruckus near the petunias. He is somehow still finding new plants to knock over. The loud noise seems to have been caused by Howie knocking down the shelf containing the hibiscus’. 

Jay quickly assesses the situation and decides that the best course of action is rushing the bull with her sword. 

“Jay, what are you doing?!” I stop her and pull her into the back of the shop.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” 

“It looks like your trying to get yourself killed.”I take a breath, trying to compose myself. “The zookeeper said to just keep an eye on it so let’s just sit here quietly and wait.” 

“fine, what are we going to do to pass the time?” Jay looks at me, clearly frustrated, but I see the wheels turning in her mind. “We could play truth or dare?”

“Ok” I’m a bit confused but I let her ask me.

“Truth or dare.”

I think about this question for a second, I could play it safe and say the truth, we are in a life or death situation here… but if I do that then Jay will say I’m a wimp. 

“Dare.”

Jay’s smile should have been my first hint that something was about to go wrong.

“I dare you to find out what Howie’s favorite flower is,” Jay says like the evil mastermind that she is. 

I knew that I could just not do the dare but the truth was that I was curious. What is Howie’s favorite flower? 

I stood up. I walked slowly out to the front of the room making the least amount of sound as possible. A little something about me, I am not a lucky person. Therefore, when I finally looked up and saw Howie looking right at me, I was not surprised. I was, however, scared. 

I did what any logical person would do, I ran to the other side of the room climbed on top of the checkout counter, and screamed. Not in that order. 

Howie apparently thought I was very amusing because it didn’t charge, Howie only stared at me. I thought I was about to die right then and there. My last thought was: “I have to finish this dare”. I am aware that this is a sucky last thought however at the moment I did not care. 

My next move was to grab the nearest flowers put them up to Howie’s nose. I tried chrysanthemums, lilies, snapdragons, bleeding hearts, roses, daisies, everything I could think of. Howie had an especially bad reaction to baby’s breath. 

I kept searching for more flowers on the floor in various stages of being trampled. I grabbed anything I could get my hands on, I must have looked like a crazy person. 

Finally, I grabbed a jasmine flower. When I put it up to Howie’s nose, I think Howie smiled. I looked back twords the back room and I saw Jay standing there looking rather impressed. 

“I found it, it’s jasmine,” I told her, smiling like an idiot.

After a while, Howie fell asleep. Jay and I started to clean up the flowers from the floor. We assessed the damage and we figured that insurance should cover it. 

We see the zookeepers pull up and we go to the broken-down front door. 2 people get out of the large truck. When they see Howie in the shop they seem confused.

“How did you do that” one of them asks.

“Well…” I explain the whole story to the two and they seem a bit in awe of what happened. To be honest I think Jay and I were also still in awe just a little bit. After they took Howie back to the zoo, Jay and I sat on the floor of the flower shop. We talked for a while about this and that. Eventually, we settled down, we were just sitting in silence.

We just sat there for a while, eventually, I got tired of the silence.

“Hey, Jay! Truth or dare?”

end