April Fools

Mild swear warning

The day started off normally, the Aunties pitched together to make a feast and the Uncles decorated the courtyard. The grandparents sat in the shade and watched, and the children ran around, getting under everyone's feet. I sat down under the big oak, reading my new favourite book, Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley. I was thinking up some new pranks as well, our family is well known for its elaborate, and exciting jokes. This year I thought I might do something with the ducks. I had a vague idea including balloons, streamers, and quacks.

Abby came through the gate, dragging her girlfriend Charlotte. She gave a couple confused looks at the decorations of whoopee cushions, and fake spiders. The kids were giggling already, and I put down my book, ready for the show. The Aunties came out, holding steaming plates of turkey, pig, and lamb. The family all gathered around the table. Great Grandma, as the oldest woman, stood up at the head of the table and shouted “Good luck losers! I’m winning this year!” Charlotte looked at Abby and she explained that we held a competition for the best prank. I had won last year, with my incredible toilet trick.

The pranking started before anyone had taken a bite of food. A chorus of whoopee cushions sounded out when we sat down, and the children let out a cheer. I laughed, and took a bite of chicken. There was a scream as Auntie Pamela found a fake spider in her drink, Uncle Frank and Bob high fived, laughing their heads off. Patiently I waited for the timer to go off. I had given it about five minutes, enough for the other minor pranks to finish, and for everyone to enjoy some food. I checked my watch, and counted down. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… BOOM!

A confetti cannon blasts out and streamers and balloons fall from the sky. The sound spooked the ducks, and they flew around the courtyard, carrying a big banner that said: ‘Auntie Carol has a fat ass’. Everyone was laughing, including Auntie Carol. Charlotte smiled at Abby, that was until Abby smashed a pie into her face. Charlotte sat in surprise for a couple seconds, then picked up her cup of orange juice and splashed it all over Abby’s new dress. I slid under the table, knowing that my family would take the food fight way too seriously.

I was met by my cousin Ben, who was tying everyone’s shoes together. He smiled at me and I nodded. We were on mutual pranking terms since last year, when I ‘accidentally’ shaved his hair off, and he ‘accidentally’ broke my Greek vase (long story). I opened my book, and started reading where I left off. Ben crept over to me and looked over my shoulder, “I thought you might want to be in this year's food fight, I heard Cousin Shelly brought a potato gun.” I laughed, “That sounds like her, but I’m still quite tired from wrangling the ducks.” Ben nodded, “I thought that was you, well done it was-” He was interrupted by the collective sound of chairs being pushed away from the table.

“Get ready,” he said. I nodded and smiled.

Grandpa Joe was the first to fall, bringing down Grandma Bess, Grandpa Boris, Grandpa Tom and everyone else at the table. Little cousin Timmy slid under the table and whacked Ben with a whoopee cushion. “You ass!” He says, “I was going to do that!” Ben laughed and tackled him to the ground. I left them rolling around, and crawled all the way over to the head of the table, where Great Grandma sat. I popped my head up and squirmed my way behind her high backed chair. “Hello, Millie,” she says, hunched behind her chair. “Mind if I join you?” I ask and she shakes her head. “What have you got planned this year?” I ask, she laughs in reply, “You’ll find out! By the way, impressive stunt with the ducks,” I nodded, “Thanks.”

After a couple minutes, the shrieks of laughter die down, and Great Grandma steps out from behind her chair. I follow her and see the destruction following my and Ben’s pranks. Ducks standing all over the place, quacking in distress. People and food strewn across the courtyard (don’t worry, no one got hurt badly). Ben and Little Timmy standing at the gate cheering. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Great Grandma turned to me, “May I see your watch?”

“Of course!” I said, and showed her the time, “Ah,” she said, “Ten seconds.” I counted down in my head, but at one, nothing happened. Then everyone’s phone buzzed, even Charlotte’s! I checked my phone, and saw a new Instagram post from the biggest prankster on the internet. The whole family was following them on all platforms. I opened it to find a picture of our house, as it is now, labelled: “Best prank in history.” I look closely at the back of the house, and see a large banner, half unfurled.

The whole family turns and looks at the balcony. There, Pranxzter69 stood next to a giant banner saying, ‘Winner: Great Granny Dot’. We all cheered, and Pranxzter69 fired pie guns into the air. After we cleaned up, and finished getting autographs, we all sat down at the table, and the Aunties carried out dessert. Towered cakes with beautiful sugar flowers. Cupcakes drowned in sprinkles. And, of course, a giant pie, with frosting spelling out: ‘April Fools!’

That was officially the best April fools I have ever experienced. Until next April, which is only a week away. I have something big planned, something involving pies, spiders, and confetti. Ben has agreed to help me, and he’s added his own personal twist of course. Got to go, I think I hear Uncle Frank and Uncle Bob conspiring their next prank. If I have a chance of winning, I need to know what I’m up against. Goodbye, and good luck pranksters, may the jokes be ever in your favour!