Seven seconds

It was a beautiful sunny summer morning, the fiery yellow star spreading its bright and warm rays across the blue sky, like fingers stretching; From my kitchen window I spotted my neighbors, Louise and Dean, walking Chili, their five-year-old Golden Retriever, who was way too fond of rocks and enjoyed taking them back home as offerings or souvenirs; Margaret, the oldest person living in the neighborhood, was feeding Blackie, our beloved stray cat. Many of us, myself included, tried to domesticate her, but she wanted to live in streets. So, we continue to take care of her, whether providing her with food or the vaccines and treatments she might need meanwhile her husband, George, was doing his ritualistic morning session of Yoga; and Christie, my best friend from college who returned yesterday night from a three-day trip to Hong Kong, was back from her sacred pre-city-madness run. I wanted to have picked her up from the airport, but she insisted I should stay at home with little Jack and prepare myself for Zane’s homecoming. She suggested I wore something naughty and even sent me a bunch of pictures of sexy Victoria Secret lingerie…as if I needed any help! Zane and I were madly in love with each other, even after twenty years together. When it came to sex, we were at it like after we lost our virginity to each other and discovered how great sex really was. Hum…On second thoughts, I think Zane and I had sex with more frequency than we did in our honeymoon. Well, that was partially my fault because I had food poisoning and we had to sacrifice three of the seven days…In fact, I already had a special surprise planned for Zane…In thirty-three weeks we would become a family of not four, but five!

And what was I doing now?

I was still struggling to make little Jack eat his breakfast instead of reading his “PreMed Kids: Microbiology” before taking him to his last day in school and starting my shift at the hospital.

In spite of the promise of another good day, something dark was lurking inside of me…For the past couple of weeks, the news have been saturated with information about this new flu-like virus that was spreading throughout the globe at an abnormal rate.

Since I did the ultrasound at the hospital ten days ago, my boss had put me on the non-infectious wing, and I had to wear extra-equipment to ensure my baby’s safety.

Although I was incredibly excited for this pregnancy and the new rounds of shopping for baby-clothes, I was also worried about how it would affect our finances…As soon as Zane knows about it, he will also share my concerns…After all, we both only to provide our children with everything they might need. Both Zane and I grew up in extreme and opposing situations- Growing up Zane had everything money could be, except for his parents’ time, attention and love. Whereas, my family was poor, to a point where we spent two months without electricity and water. Besides the fact that we were six living in one room…There was no single day where my brothers and I did not feel loved or cherished. But the kids at school…They were vicious and cruel as they made sure to mock us five days a week. Sometimes even on the weekends…They would write nasty things on the walls with graffiti. I saw how much it pained my parents to have their adoring children experience these hurtful situations. The night Zane proposed to me, we vowed to end the cycle and provide our family with comfort and love as well.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting noise brought me back to reality. As I saw the name of the caller, I smiled.

“Good morning my love, how are you?”

“Much better know that I am hearing your voice.”

“Why do I sense a but coming my way?”

“My darling husband, that is because you and I have been together for two decades and you can read me better than a polygraph.”

“So? But…”

“But you should know by now that I would love to see your beautiful face too baby.”

No sooner I said than he switched to a video call.

“You did it on purpose!”

“Did you really think I would forget how much I love seeing the cute dimples that grace your face when you smile? Or your mesmerizing emerald-green eyes? Or how lovely wild your curls look in the morning?”

“Ah you almost fooled me with your romantic words. One more compliment I would have filled a missing person report.” His hearty laugh was contagious, and I could not help but chuckle in return.” So, how was the conference?”

“Same old, same old. You know, lots of hand-shaking and coffee breaks filled with the most sinful but heavenly snacks.”

“Mommy! Mommy! Is that daddy?”

“Yes honey, I am talking with daddy. Would you like to say hi?”

“Hell yeah!!” “Hi daddy! How are you? I miss you so much.”

“Good morning my boy. I miss you too. But by the time you and mommy arrive home I will be there. And I have a little surprise for you.”

“What is it daddy?”

“If I told you, it would no longer be a surprise, wouldn’t it?”

“Alright daddy, but we also have a surprise for you!”

“Jack Morgan!”

“Ups…I’m sorry mommy.”

“Kimberly what is he talking about?”

“Nothing. I will tell you once you arrive.”

“Alright. By the way, do you still have some ibuprofen? I think I am coming down with the flu.”

“Yes, we still have ibuprofen. I will prepare a nice vegetable soup and grilled salmon with jasmine rice. How does that sound my love?”

“That sounds like I made the right choice twelve years ago my angel, when I proposed to you.”

“And only now do you realize that?”

“Of course, not darling. Since the day you transferred to my class on high school, I had my eyes set on you Kim.”

“Zane baby, later tonight I’ll make sure to repay all that flattery.”

“I love how improper you are underneath your sweet and innocent look.”

“Just for you my love. Now, I have to go, or I’ll be late for work for the second time this week. Have a safe flight honey. I love you so so much.”

“I love you too my angel and have a great day saving lives.”

“Hey Jack put down that book and say goodbye to daddy.”

“Bye daddy. I love you.”

“I see he still reading the premed book I gave him last Friday.”

“Oh no honey. I had to buy another because he finished reading it on Saturday. So, on Sunday we went to the bookstore to buy a new one.” I lowered my voice so that Zane were the only one listening “Baby he is absolutely engrossed in microbiology…All he talks about are bacteria and viruses. Talking about viruses, Zane what do you think about this new virus? The reports have been conflicting…Some say it is no big deal, others say it is much worse than what the Chinese have been telling the world. In fact, some have gone further, accusing China of withholding crucial information about this virus.”

“I am glad you brought that up Kim…Remember my friend Nobunaga?”

“The great epidemiology teacher at the University of Tokyo, what about him?”

“He called me on Saturday morning, saying that an unusual number of people had been dying from this unknown virus. The symptoms are very similar to those of a flu, but some people develop an aggressive pneumonia. The majority of deceased people have been elderly. But the biggest problem so far seems to be its quick spreading capacity.”

“I knew it…This was no hocus pocus talk…This is real and dangerous. Have you been cautious Zane?”

“Yes, my love. But there is still so much we don’t know about it…” He paused for a second “Kim honey shouldn’t you be on your way to Jack’s school? His first lesson starts in twenty minutes?”

“Shit! I got distracted with this virus-conversation. I-”

“Ah! You cursed mom, put two dollars in the jar!”

“Han? But it’s one per curse Jack.”

“Don’t think I forgot yesterday when you picked me up after school and got very angry with the other driver. The one with that cool red Lamborghini.”

Zane’s laugh echoed in my ears and for a moment I forgot all about the new virus.

“Are you sure you are my son or the curse-police? Gotta go. Love you baby.”

“Love you too.”

After dropping Jack at school, my thoughts floated around what my husband had told me earlier ‘The symptoms are very similar to those of a flu, but some people develop an aggressive pneumonia.’ Actually, the hospital had been receiving a lot of people with pneumonia, more than normal for the summer season.

When Jack and I got home, I turned on the TV and fear paralyzed me. It took the news anchor seven seconds to announce that due to this new virus, the government had decreed an emergency state, meaning we were now officially on lockdown.

“Zane, honey are you alright? I tried calling your earlier, at the time you were supposed to land. What happened?”

“My flight was delayed, but I am on the taxi as we speak. Hey Kim-” His voice was weak, and he was coughing… Immediately in my mind and in my heart, it was crystal clear what I had to do “I know. I am going to start preparing things around the house. Don’t worry honey. You are going to be fine.”

“I know…I just want you and Jack to be safe.”

“We will all be alright. I love you Zane. Always and forever.”

“I love you too Kim.”

We hung up and I could taste bile in my mouth, the anxiety spreading throughout my body, hanging heavily on my throat; My heart was beating faster than ever, like if it were about to break free; Numerous questions popped on my head ‘Does Zane have the new-virus?’, ‘Will he be alright?’, ‘Will I be able to help him?’, ‘How will Jack react to all of this?’

I wanted to cry but now was not the time for that. Now was the time for me and Jack to talk about the implications of this and prepare everything for daddy.

“Hey buddy, come here for a sec.”

Jack was sitting on the couch, reading his book, but upon the seriousness in my voice he sprung to his feet, concern in his innocent eyes.

“Remember what we discussed this morning about this new-disease?”

“Yes. That is the reason we are on quarantine.”

“That’s right…” I took a long, deep breath, gathering all my composure. “Honey dad is sick. Now, I don’t know if it’s actually this new virus, or if it’s just the normal flu. But to protect dad and help him get better, there will be a few changes around the house and between ourselves. Difficult ones honey.”

“Like what mommy?”

“How does the flu spread?”

“The flu virus spreads mainly by droplets made when people with the virus cough, sneeze or talk.”

“Exactly and that means a quick or a slow transmission rate?”

“A quick transmission rate.”

“I am glad you are learning so much. Honey, we won’t be able to touch or be near daddy, at all times.”

“Then, how will you help daddy?”

“I will use special equipment and take all the necessary precautions. So, you and I don’t get sick and we can help daddy get better.”

“But mom, if we can’t be close to daddy, how can we help him?”

“We will help by staying healthy and being here for him. That will give dad a lot of strength.”

And so, it began, our quarantine.

Day 1

Last night, when Zane arrived…it took all our willpower and restraint not to hug or kiss him…we had to do the exact opposite of what we wanted to…we had to go against our human nature and act colder.

It was painful to greet Zane with a mask and gloves, but it was worse seeing Jack wearing all of that equipment too, not being able to be with his dad…

We didn’t eat together nor watched TV together as we used to…

Zane slept in our room whereas I stayed with Jack…

Today when I woke up, the sun was still shining, but I didn’t feel cheery…Instead, it felt like a dark cloud was hovering over my head…

Fortunately, Zane had no fever and his cough seemed to be slightly better, but he complained about body soreness, mainly in his legs.

Despite his positive attitude, I knew Jack was sad because he didn’t get to play football with his dad.

Day 2

Once again, I barely caught any sleep…my head in always going a 100 miles per hour, thinking and questioning… Also, it didn’t help that Jack had nightmares…

The only times I get to be close to my husband are when I go check on him or bring him food…But Jack has it worse for he can only see his dad from the corridor…

We are together in the same house, under the same roof, but we do everything separately: There are two bathrooms- Zane uses the one in our master bedroom and Jack and I share his. We eat at different times and Zane doesn’t leave his room.

Jack and I take turns sitting on the corridor floor to talk to Zane.

Everything feels strange and unnatural, like a terrible nightmare. Never in my life did I ever think a day would come where we had to live in ‘social distancing’… What a poor choice of words.

I am positively sure I have developed some sort of obsessive compulsion over cleaning and disinfecting everything…

Because Zane is sick and we have a child, I have to stay at home…Since I was little, I knew I wanted to be a nurse and help other people, but now…For the first time I was relieved about not having to go to work and protect my family…Was I selfish and mean for feeling this way? Of course, I was…but still that was how I felt.

Day 5

Zane doesn’t have cough or pain anymore. His face has a normal color and his appetite is back and in full force. I think he only had a mild flu, but neither of us wants to jeopardize every effort we have made until now, so we have decided to keep this for a few more days. After all, the WHO says the incubation period can go up to fourteen days…

I still haven’t told Zane I am pregnant…I think I am going to wait until the end of our quarantine to tell him.

Day 8

Today, after lunch, an ambulance went to Christie’s house and my heart sank to the floor… I hope she didn’t have the new virus, but she had come from a trip to Hong Kong… Later I would call the hospital to know about her.

Day 10

Two days have passed since I found out Christie had tested positive for the new virus and had been hospitalized due to a severe pulmonary infection.

I have been a mess and the fear of losing my best friend is suffocating me.

I just want all my loved ones to be alright.

Day 14

I thought today was going to be the first day where we would finally be able to touch each other and be in the same room…Instead, I received a call from a friend at the hospital informing me that Margret and George had also tested positive and had been hospitalized, although George was in worst shape than his wife.

Anger, sadness, fear reigned inside me…What if only one of them survived? What if none did? They were such kind people…No one deserves to be put in a situation like this. So, I spent my day praying that both would make it out of this alive.

Day 20

Zane was absolutely thrilled when I told him that I was pregnant, but it seemed that joy had faded. In spite of Christie’s almost full recovery, all I could think was that George had passed way last night and Margret wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye to her husband of fifty years.

I have always been fascinated with biology and science, yet now I hate it. I hate what has done to the people I love. I hate that it has taken my joy and replaced it with fear and sorrow. I hate this uncertainty.

When I was studying to become a nurse we learned many concepts, one of them being quarantine and it said “a period of time during which an animal or person that might have a disease is kept away from other people or animals so that the disease cannot spread.”

Remembering these words made me realize that quarantine is so much more than staying away to prevent further transmission…Quarantine is a test to our ways, to our patience, to our will. It makes you rethink so many things, it makes you feel more grateful for everything that you have. It can drive you crazy at times, while in other moments fills you with nothing but anguish and anxiety. The whole world was turned upside down. Things we thought could never happen, such as the whole world stopping for an invisible creature or completely deserted streets, like if no one lived there became real.

I know that my family and I, we are coming out of this stronger and wiser than before, but I will never forget these days, the fear and anguish, the desire to hold my loved ones.