I Do Not Believe in Ghosts, But???

I was awfully busy at the office and had hoped to go in for a few hours on Saturday, but one of my brothers called and asked me to check on Mom. "Emma, I had a long talk with Mom today, and I really think something is wrong. Can you drop in on her and see if I'm right?"

Oh God Jim, first, are you overreacting. You do you know. Second, I'm planning to get caught up on a few projects this weekend and it means going into the office. Third, taking car service from Manhattan to Staten Island and back is big bucks. Remember, I don't drive. And with the weekend ferry and bus schedule it would be a nightmare.

"How many bucks kiddo?"

"One fifty, without the tip. I can manage it, but yessch"

"Well, if you can't do it, I'll fly in. But that's..."

"Stop right there. With Cindy in her eighth month, you can't do that. And the fact that you would, convinced me. Megan and I will go early tomorrow, okay? Besides, Megan's been asking me to take her to visit her Nana. Gosh, she started nagging a few days ago. Now I'm nervous. I'll leave in a couple of hours and call you after I get there."

"Thanks big sister. Oh, I tried Leon a few times, but no answer. Are those two away? Again." Jim asked.

"On a visit to her family upstate. That's why I didn't ask why you didn't try him."

"Okay then. Talk to you later Sis. And thanky. I'll get off now, so you and Meggie, whoops, sorry, Megan, can get going."

I hung up, found Megan and told her to get ready for a weekend with Nana. She threw herself into my arms, near tears. I hugged her tight and asked what was wrong, "I thought you wanted to go. What's the problem?"

She said, "I just had this funny feeling, like something was making me think of her a whole lot and it bothers me."

"Well, now we're going. I'll make something to eat as soon as I arrange for car service. Pack your backpack while I do those things."

I ran to the kitchen, made Megan a sandwich and put out a ginger ale, hoping the car ride wouldn't upset her stomach. Called the car service to come in forty-five minutes, grabbed a protein drink and packed some work I'd planned to do at home, and some clothes.

We got downstairs as the car arrived and were quiet for the hour and a half it took to get to Mom's. To my surprise, she was sitting on the top step. She looked pale and drawn.

First question out of my mouth was, "Mom, did Jim tell you I was coming?"

"No, he didn't."

"Then, why are you sitting out here in the cold?"

"Because," she said, looking confused.

I hurried her inside and made her sit down on the sofa and grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and wrapped it around her. Megan curled up next to her while I went and prepared some tea and grabbed some pastries from the fridge.

Megan had fallen asleep, so I helped get Mom up, covered Megan with the blanket, and brought Mom into the kitchen. As soon as she sat down, she saw the Cheese Danish I’d put in front of her, grabbed it, and started eating hungrily. 

"Mom, what did you have for dinner?" I asked.

"I don't know, maybe..."

She picked up the teacup in hands that shook, and smiling at something in the corner, said, "We went to that old diner, you know, the one on Forest Avenue we always went to."

I tried to figure out why she kept turning to that corner of the room but saw nothing that could have caught her attention. That, her sitting outside as though she thought someone was coming, and her telling me about the diner was enough to convince me. Now I understood Jim’s concern. Clearly, something was wrong. That diner had closed years ago, and who was the 'we'?

Mom suddenly stood up and walked upstairs to her bedroom. I followed and watched her undress and put on an old silky nightgown, one I'd given her for a trip she and Dad went on for her 70th birthday. The minute her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep. I covered her and went to call Jim.

“Hi. You were right, Jim. She’s very confused.”

 I told him everything and he said to let her sleep, but asked if I could stay awake for a while.

I chuckled and said, “Of course, I’ve got…”

Jim interrupted, saying, “Work to do. Don’t you always. Isn’t that what ended your marriage?”

“Yes, it was. He always wanted to goof off. ‘Come on Emma, let’s go bowling, let’s go for a walk on the beach—it’s not that dark out.’”

“Stop Em. I’ve heard it too many times. Poor guy just wanted more attention. When he wasn’t sketching ads for a client or for a painting, he just needed a break.”

“I’m not cut out to be anyone’s muse. And so he did a Van Gogh and went off to find an island, ignoring Megan’s existence?” I sputtered.

“Hey, Em, Let’s stop arguing about that. Get to work and call me if anything develops. Maybe Mom will be better after some rest—and get her to eat some breakfast.”

I hung up, got my work set up on the kitchen table and began to concentrate and mark up the galleys of the book we had to get to the printer by Wednesday.

As usual, I was focusing so hard, I jumped when I felt something sort of touch me, but then I heard Mom. She was talking to someone, so wondering if Megan had woken up, I went to find her. I rushed out of the kitchen, saw Megan still asleep on the sofa, and ran to Mom’s room.

She was sitting up and muttering something about a day, I couldn’t make out what day, and being ready then.

Mom, “Are you all right?” As I asked, I put my hand on her shoulder, and was relieved when she put her hand over mine and smiled at me.

She then said, “I’m fine. Go finish your work and get some sleep. I want to have fun with you and my only granddaughter—well only for the moment. Jim and Cindy could add to that, maybe this weekend.”

“I doubt that, she’s not due for a few weeks,” I said, happy she was remembering things, even if not totally clearly. I watched as she curled up on her side and drifted off again. Then I went back to my galleys, finished up and joined Megan in the living room, stretching out on Dad’s old recliner, which Mom still, after some six years, refused to get rid of.

I woke suddenly when the throw I’d covered myself with felt like it was being pulled off. Then I heard Mom and Megan talking in the kitchen.

Still a little foggy from my abrupt wakening, I managed to get the creaky old recliner to sit me upright. Then I went into the kitchen only to find Mom at the stove cooking, and Megan at the table using the mixer. 

“Hi, you two. What goodies are you preparing?”

Megan answered first, explaining she was beating up the eggs while Nana was getting the onions and lox browned and chopping the cheese. I saw the bread in the four-slice toaster, ready to go. Mom had the coffee pot, the old Percolator, bubbling away, and asked Megan for the eggs and began to make the large omelet in the old cast iron frying pan I’d replaced with a smaller Teflon one. 

“Mom, what’s with the old stuff? Where did you find it?” 

“Em, stop. Those things were in the attic, where Dad put them when you and your brothers brought us all those new things to replace them. I know the new stuff was easier to use, but some of those were wedding gifts and, well, we didn’t have the heart to just throw them away.”

“Mom. You went up the ladder to the attic. You promised not to…”

“Well, I did and here I am, uninjured. Now go set the table. It will all be ready in a few minutes,” she said, pushing down the lever on the toaster.

She seemed so happy, I shut up, sat down, and soon we were having a delicious meal, the omelet a recipe her friend Hannah had taught her.

“Okay, you two. We’re going to have fun. Get dressed and I’ll warm up the car,” she announced.

“What about the dishes Mom,” I asked, surprised because she never left them unwashed on the table.  

“No time. You can do them when we get back,” she said, rushing to the bathroom, then flying out the door.

Megan and I looked at each other puzzled, then got moving. When we arrived outside, there was Mom, standing next to the car, waiting.

“Get a move on, girls. We haven’t a lot of time before it gets crowded.”

Before what gets crowded?” Megan asked before I did.

“The Mall. I want to get a present for the twins.”

“What twins?”

“Oh, Cindy and Jim’s, I’m going to get both blue and pink—I can return the wrong ones later,” she added.

“That’s silly, Nana, why not buy one when you know which instead of returning stuff?” Megan asked.

“Oh, I’m just too excited to wait, and I want to get you something too Megan, for becoming a cousin.”

And so off we went, got to the Mall, parked what seemed a mile away, and headed for one of the fancy children’s shops. Mom found what she wanted, in both pink and blue, about a layette worth by the time she was finished. Then she led us to the junior section and urged Megan to pick out a fancy dress. 

“No, Nana. I don’t like dresses. Can I get something cool, like tie-dyed shirts and some patched jeans?”

“No. I said a dress. Come now, no arguing,” she said, marching us over to the dresses and picking out some velveteen dresses, mostly black with lots of white lace collars. 

Megan and I looked at each other and nodded. We could always get Leon and Susan to return it, and Mom seemed so determined, we didn’t want to upset her.

Horrid dress and other packages in hand, she led us to the Lane Bryant store and found a dress for herself, fancier than usual and in, of all things, green, muttering something about that was the color she was wearing when she met my father, her beloved Tony.

Then she said, “Let’s go to the amusement park and play skee ball.”

She was clearly in a strange mood, so we just went along without protest. She headed straight toward the skee ball game, won enough points for a prize and picked out one of those woven silly stretchy things you put on two opposing fingers and pulled to watch them grow longer and tighten,

Then she made us go on the teacup ride, explaining, “Dad and I loved that ride, but now we need to get something to eat.”

Back to the car and a Dairy Queen where we had hot dogs, fries, Cokes, and ice cream cones. 

She looked so tired, I said, “Mom, I really need to catch some shut eye. Can we go home?”

“All right. We can do the beach tomorrow,” she said, and turned toward home.

She curled up on the sofa as soon as we got there and fell into a deep sleep. After I covered her, I went to the kitchen, found Megan doing the dishes, and so I called Jim. But no answer. Then I tried Leon and again no answer.

As soon as Megan finished, she turned to me and said, “That was weird Mom. I think there’s something really wrong with Nana.” She looked at me for an answer, tears in her eyes.

“I agree sweetie, but I can’t figure it out, either. I’m going to find something to make for dinner.” I stopped in my tracks when a drawer slid open. When I went to close it, I saw it was full of takeout menus. I recognized the first one.

A pizza place Mom and Dad always took us to when we’d all come for visits Saturday afternoons years ago. I called in an order for a seven o'clock arrival, then I went back to work, until Megan came in. Whoops, it was ten to seven.  

I told Megan to wake Nana, and when it arrived, I paid and brought it into the kitchen. When I opened the box, I saw two slices covered in olives. “What in the world?”

Mom laughed and explained that she and Dad went there a lot and she always asked for two slices with olives. And that after Dad died, when she ordered, it was always two slices with olives, and even when ordering delivery, that was what she asked for, two slices with olives and to reach the minimum, an order of baked ziti. It was good for the next day’s meals she explained.

We dug in, enjoyed it, and then Mom announced, “Now for the movie. We’re going to watch a John Wayne picture, one Dad and I loved.”

Megan rolled her eyes at that, but I signaled her not to leave the room. So there we sat, Megan and I miserable and Mom happy as a lark, making comments throughout.

Finally it ended and Mom said, “Get to bed now, tomorrow’s the beach.”

I didn’t say anything till she went upstairs, then put on the TV news and catching the weather report, breathed a sigh of relief. Rain. That would stop the beach idea. It was too cold for the beach, but even Mom wouldn’t insist on going in the rain.

Sunday morning came and I tried to reach Jim and Leon. But all I got were answering machines. When Mom came downstairs, she was glum, agreeing the Beach was out. She picked at the breakfast pancakes I prepared and walked around the house clearly upset. 

After an hour of that, the front door opened and in came Leon and Sue. “Towels please, we’re dripping. We left early trying to beat the rain, but didn’t make it. Megan came in with the towels and took their coats into the bathroom to dry.

“Thank god you’re here, Mom…”

the doctor, but she refuses,” Sue said.

“I don’t know what to do either,” I said, only to be interrupted by the phone. Megan was closest to it so picked it up. Something she’d been told clearly upset her and she tried to hand me the phone, but Mom grabbed it.

Her face lit up as she listened, and we heard her say twins, of course. How are they, what are they, is Cindy okay? What are you going to name them? Oh, that’s wonderful. Here’s Em,” she added handing me the phone.

“Twins, really? And what are the names? Mom’s glowing,” I asked.

“Anthony and Alana,” he managed to get out before I said, “No wonder Mom’s over the moon. You know, I almost forgot her name, she’s always Mom or Megan’s Nana. Here’s Leon,” I added handing him the phone.

Mom just stared into that corner again, beaming with happiness.

I noticed that the sun had come out and thought we’d better leave before it could rain again. So, as soon as Leon got off, I called the car service.

We got ready and there was Megan, her old Brownie camera in hand.

“Come on Nana, I want to take some pictures. We followed her out and she ordered us to stand backs to the house. First it was me and Mom, then she handed the camera to Leon and joined us, giggling something about three generation. Then took one of Mom with Leon and Sue.

The car arrived and she ran up to the driver and asked him to take a picture of all of us. He did and we left.

She seemed nervous, so I asked her what was wrong. She said the drugstore that sent out film to be developed didn’t stay open late.

The driver asked where it was and offered to stop there first, then bring us home. So we did, and I tipped him well.

On Wednesday after I got home, I grabbed the phone when it rang. It was Leon. I stopped by again today, Emma, and Mom, Mom,” he said. Emma looked at me and ran out of the room. Sue got on and said, “Leon is in pieces. I'll just say it, Em. Mom died sometime today. We found her laying on the floor, next to that old recliner. The Doctor’s coming, but, well.”

“I understand. Call Jim, please. I can’t do it. I have to tell Megan.”

“Of course, I’ll get back to you later, I’m so sorry.”

I got frantic when I couldn’t find Megan in the house. I noticed that she’d grabbed my purse which I’d dropped to the floor when I ran for the phone. I was crying and wondering what to do, when Megan came back.

“Mom. Look at the pictures. Please, you’ll understand everything if you look.”

I took the pictures. I started laughing. So help me God, there standing in the doorway behind us, was a light somewhat blurry figure, smiling. It looked like Dad.

I still don’t believe in Ghosts, but I had no words to explain any of it.