In your eyes

In your eyes

Yadidya was up for the fourth night in a row, tormented by a reacquiring dream... In the midst of a dark room crowded by soon to be young men, their eyes wide open, resembling open windows of a house on a hot summer's day eagerly allowing satisfaction, embracing the cool breezy in the air feeling, the warm sensation from the sun gently massaging the skin, absorbing the warm illuminating comfort, as though nested in the presence of unconditional love from the universe.

Those peeled eyes resembled nothing of comfort, but a shriveling feeling of fear, unworthiness, a deadly look of anguish and emptiness was his mirror. Drenched in sweat, heart beating faster than the terror of rebels breaking down the door, he rose up, sat up straight. Believed that it was just a dream. With his birthday slowly approaching, his fate decided, booted out into a world he didn’t understand, the pride, celebrations hoovered over his head a significant moment that made family's, community's elated, proud in sending their sons into a religious realm. Where boys are left feeling terrorized by forced knowledge and beaten into memorizing with little to no understanding of the true gift parted to them. A high price to pay. Your way back to normalcy, a body free from daily practices, occasional brutality, and a mind deeply entrenched by memories and pain. Yadidya had heard as well as seen forum Maddressa students sunken as they returned to the place they once called home.

Engulfed by his emotions, tormented by his dreams. completely unaware of his mother standing in the center of his room, Rachel was confused yet startled by her son's demeanor. Rachel slowly made her way towards Yaa reaches her hand, unto his shoulder as gentle and light as a feather leaving the body of a bird well it majestically flows down to the ground.``Yaa what seems to be the matter Rachel struck by pain, he throws himself over his mom's slim body sobs heavily. Rachel observes quietly comforting him from his pain. She felt so powerless and lost in the horror of thoughts questioning whether she has been a good mother, finally summing up the strength she gently lifts his head off of her lap ” What is it son?” concerned…’’Mamma why do I have to leave?” pushing the words out through his tears, devastated Rachel rubs his back slowly making her way to his head hoping this would give him some sort of reassurance ”Yaa I will see, what I can do. I am so sorry” Rachel secretly was against the arrangement, too afraid to confront Peter about it, she truly never understood why her husband felt so strongly about it. Making her way down the stairs, memories of Tresor and Patrick flood her mind those years traveled through her body like a speed of light, immediately leaving her belly sick. the images in her mind were of their once confident postures we replaced with hunching shoulders, bodies frozen paralyzed by tournament, eyes sunken deep inside an empty barrel invaded the most carefree and peaceful eyes. the feeling felt serial instantly a chill went down down her spine.

Not this time, it's not going to happen. Immediately rushing down the stairs, and into her vehicle, feeling somewhat possessed by a sudden surge of energy moving so fast in every cell of her body. Out of breath, not sure what exactly she's to say to Peter. After so many years of marriage, she had never challenged Peter's decisions. Being a village girl taught to never question and always remain submissive to her husband's wishes, never objecting to his views, Although, over the years Rachel learned a powerful method to get her point across without stepping the line. Today was different, all her diplomatic tactics have been left to rest.

Peter, stunned to see his wife coming to the farm so early, got him worried and curious.  As she parks her car so carelessly raging out like a dragon “WE need to talk” not giving him a second to even greet. Peter's hands started trembling, heart beating uncontrollably matching the pace of his wife's rhythm, he slowly put down his tools. Extends his arm towards his wife's back allowing her to lead the way. Without a word  Rachel lifts her dress, furiously making her way to the patio sits down,n and crosses her legs, maintaining a facial expression of intimidation... Peter had never seen this side of his wife, he sat down like a small child that had been scolded by his mother, Rachel took a quick glance at her husband, realizing she had got his undivided attention. ” “Yaddidya will not be going to Madrassa”  stares him straight in the eyes, something she seldom does. Caught off guard Peter asks “Since when do you get to make that decision” opening his eyes wide enough, in hope of intimidating her. “ As of today.” Still contemplating her return. I am Yaa's mother, I am deciding not to send him. I will not allow Yaa. Neither of our other children leaves home before their time” suddenly all fear subsided ”That will not be possible. That is how it has been for years in my family as well as in our community. In case you are not aware” bewildered that she would go against all social norms, even though he knew she wasn't an ordinary woman, she was a wild as fire.``well I do not care about all of that. Nobody shares, nor carries the burden and pain of my children. When the world disappoints them, they find solace at my feet” ëxsaprated yet confident in her stance, she sits back to listen to Peter, before she knew it she asks “Why have you never taught our children about Islam?” Taken aback by the question, he can't help but let his ego do all the talking “You are the mother. Instead of teaching them about meditation, breathing, and yoga all that other nonsense you should be focusing on what matters” Rachel's blood boiled, refusing to take the blame Peter takes a deep breath, looks her in the eye “My decision is final  Yadidya will be going, no questions asked” believing his wife would back down, and let it go. Rachel stands up abruptly .”NO Peter I did not come here to ask for your permission, I am here to let you know it is not happening whether you like it or not. Walking Around the chairs leaving her husband speechless, she makes her way down the stairs walking at speed slow enough not to fall over her feet. Sliding into her car driving away like a maniac. Peter stands in disbelief, his hands on his waist as if he were in one of the drama series Rachel watches, confused and shocked he stares into thin air watching his wife fade into oblivion. He walks across the farm, a mango had caught his attention it had finally gained some color, he touches it with care smelling the fruit appreciating its existence, he found himself confronted by his past, bitter-sweet memories of Maddressa. Rachel never knew that Peter and his brothers ran the dormitories, he was never a victim, but protected by the bullies he was amongst the oppressors. His brothers would intimidate and take whatever the student received from their parents. Back then it was fun. They enjoyed the name they created for themselves. That was just the life of boarding school.

Peter knew his sons were nothing like that and Rachel raised them differently, he actually appreciated how they turned out, all though he did not understand her ways.

As Rachel walks into the house, still in her high she picks up the telephone. To call the school.” As-salaam Alaikum” greeting the polite man over the phone “ Waliakum Saalm how can I help you?” the sheik (teacher)responds. Rachel introduces herself, the sheik asks her to hold, whilst he looks for their family file he carefully sifts through the files and finds it “ Gee(yes) I have your information, your family has a long history with us.” Gee sheik we do, however, Yaddidya will not be attending” the silence between them was cold and unnerving “ Ok what could be the problem” Sheike get the courage to enquire “Well you see sheik my sons did not have a pleasant experience, We had to deal with PSD for two years” trying not to offend the sheik and the school. Not taking the news so well “ I am sorry about your sons, that's how we educate them, after all, they are boys, boys learn by the fist.”  Rachel could feel the hairs of her skin lifting off her skin “ It is sad to hear you believe that is the correct, for the very reason he will not be attending. I have also decided to open my own Maddresh where boys can learn in a peaceful environment” The Sheik could not believe that woman just lay her position with grace and assertiveness. It was unusual for a Muslim woman t to be blatantly honest and confront another man. Lost for words he says “ Should you need any help in any way we are more than happy to assist. Silence… '' Shukran I will keep that in mind Salaam '' What just happened Rachel thought to herself, She places the phone back onto the hook, shaken and in awe of herself mostly the events of today. It was lunchtime and the sound of Peter's truck brought her back to reality. Quickly making her way to the bedroom grabs a book and buries her face into it. Peter walks in to find Rachel's shoes lying in the kitchen, something she never did. He walks into the bedroom. Rache immediately lets him know he has called the school, Peter gives her a hard stare, walks out, banging the door, Terrified Rache sits on her bed with a blank expression. Yadidya heard his father leave and he knew something was not right. He ran to his mom, finding her sitting on her bed pale and shaken “ Mamma are you ok” worried he had never seen his mom like that. “ I am ok son, you will not be going to Maddressa'' So excited and relieved Yaddiya hugs his mom, thanks to her. “What about Papa?”  “you don't worry about that. One day when you are married you will understand we don't see things the same and that's ok”

Confused, but grateful he hugs his mom again. Rachel welcomes the stillness in her son, she now knows what the right thing to do.