Inside Out

2018

Yes, I was sitting at the corner of the room, the guest room filled with a group of individuals partying. I could literally feel the Goosebumps on my hand being alone and nobody to talk to. My lips were held tight with a grin just to make myself look like I’m having a good time. If you’re wondering what I was doing at this party, let me make this clear. A close friend of mine named Jesse called me over to her friend’s house, where he just moved in and apparently is my neighbor. The dude was wealthy, as before I walked into his house, I noticed a Maserati lying in his garage. To be fair, I was creeping in and stalking the guy’s house. I was just being me, a self-proclaimed stalker.

Jesse was talking to her classmates, so I couldn’t get a chance to ask her why I am here. There he was, the host of the house, the most extroverted person in the room, dancing off, gaining all the attention from the hall. I was astonished after witnessing such a character since most people I know weren’t of his personality. Apart from his charming persona, what I came to realize is that he was a hardcore bully. He grabbed a guy next to him and began to put him in a headlock. You might think he was playing around, but he looked furious when he was bullying that kid. The fact that I live a few blocks away from him is daunting to me.

“Yo, what’s up” Jesse murmured while I looked annoyed because she left me alone watching others have a good time.

“Come on Justin, don’t be a little prat thinking you’ll look cool and everyone’s going to come to you”

“Me a prat? Well don’t you see I look moody because I have nobody around” I said with a flirty grin on my face.

“Now then, I’m here so I guess we could just dance!?” she reassured me with a blushed face. One thing is for sure that I’m not really into Jesse but we’re close friends. You could even go as far as to say we are best friends forever! So I accepted her request and followed her lead.

The music played in the room was hip hop, and I wasn’t a huge fan of it. Country and rock is my go to music for every party but unfortunately no room ever plays so using my air pods without anyone distracting helps. But in this case I had to go with the flow of hip hop since I am in a dance with the lady – Jesse. She knows her moves, trying to teach me the style but I stuck with my own, which was clicking my fingers and moving my hands just like the olden days. “Stop mocking me Jess, I despair of hip hop” I laughed. She kept mocking, with a teasy smile. As I was dancing I couldn’t help but notice the host – my neighbor, oppressing his guests and commanding them to do his favors. Being my school’s peace monitor I stepped up to him and shouted “Dude that’s not cool, why are you doing this!?”

“Listen to me crackjack, this is my house” and then he began to point his finger straight at me whispering with a cold look “Don’t ever tell me what to do, you dig?!” Jesse intervened and claimed the situation, and said that I should have ignored, which was a stupid idea since I represented my school for being a peace ambassador. If I didn’t step up, who would possibly do? Was everybody scared of him? Am I missing something? I had no clue who he was. Jesse then held my hand and took me outside of that mess. She brought me to the balcony while I couldn’t accept the fact that I didn’t decide to leave for home. “Zack, he’s a big deal if you didn’t know. He deals in drugs, basically an addict. It’s best that you slip everything from your head about whatever just happened, alright?” Jesse tried to comfort me by saying. “No Jess, that’s not acceptable. Did you see, he was bullying the other innocent guys? I can’t stand that. And to top it all off he's a dealer?! That is totally unacceptable” I replied. She got closer to me and unexpectedly kissed me. After the kiss, I rolled my eyebrows in surprise, and asked “You’ve a crush on me?”

“Oh come on Justin, you’re brave and the only one who got into his face” she said with her hands crossed and a grinned face.

“So you kissed me for that reason” I jokingly said.

She blushed and turned her head towards the beautiful moon.

I could sense that she wanted to do this and found the perfect time and excuse for it. Wait, do you really believe she did it for my bravery?  She took out her phone and played my favorite song – Can’t help falling in love. I put out my hands reaching out for a dance, a slow dance unlike earlier. We began dancing and holding each other. Few minutes later and nature was calling, so I informed Jesse, she let me go and before going I kissed her and left. I could discern that she was satisfied and looked clearly happy more than ever. 

As I came out of the bathroom, a strong arm pushed me back into the bathroom. I was being choked by Zack. He looked in a complete rage mood, he started yelling at me “LISTEN TO ME PUNK, DON’T MESS WITH ME!” I made an effort to push him away but he was too strong. As he was grabbing my throat I could sense that he was high. Yes! He’s definitely high and not conscious. He must’ve consumed too much and now he’s taking it all on me. Zack exclaimed “You messed with me, and now you’re going to pay for it” He pulled out a powder and splashed it right on my face. The powder completely blurred my vision. The powder then got inhaled in my nose which caused me to sneeze thrice. You might think it’s an ordinary powder as I thought the same but as he left the washroom he omitted to take his powder with him. I felt dizzy before I got hold of the powder to understand what exactly it contained that made me feel uncomfortable. The powder read “Demon’s Breath” The description was provided but as soon as I started to study it, I fell on the ground and was left unconscious for a few minutes.

Something took over me. I couldn’t feel myself at that very moment since my behavior looked odd. I got on my feet, everything seemed normal physically like no pain or no loss of breath. The only thing concerning was my state of mood was different. As I said, I wasn’t me. Rage took over me. I felt vastly agitated and within myself I came to realize that it was the powder Zack threw on me. It was some kind of a mood swing powder but this one was one directional since it only brought anger. Jesse was worried since I took a long time to come back so she decided to come to the washroom. There were plenty of washrooms in Zack’s house, she ended up coming to mine in the end.

“Justin you here?”  She knocked on the door.

My anger and frustration lead me to punch the door. Jesse screamed as she asked me if everything was alright. I unlocked the door and god I wish I didn’t do what I did next. Apparently, the powder is to a certain extent of a drug which gets you high as well as gets you seriously angry. Another aspect of this drug is that once you’re deranged, you have a victim in sight. The person you first see becomes your target for attack. In this case the first person I saw was the one I just made love with. As I opened the door, Jesse could see the powder and immediately understood what happened. It felt like she knew what was going to happen. The sensation inside wanted to stop this and just glare at her eyes. But rage took over me and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I grabbed her by her hair and pulled her with me. I directed her (badly) to the same balcony where we danced. The next thing you know, I threw her off. The outside of me watched her head bleed on the floor, the inside, saw something special we could have had together if she was alive, but it was too late. Everyone in the party witnessed what stood by them - a murderer. Once again, I collapsed on the ground, partyers phoned the ambulance and the police, the area confirmed as a crime scene. As I came to my consciousness, I knew I'd done something dangerous. I came across the sirens blowing loud and clear. People were staring at me from every possible angle. As I went to question some people about what happened and why are the ambulance and police out here, an officer walked straight into me.

He pulled out the handcuffs and declared “You’re under arrest for the murder of Jesse Clair”

“What!?” I gasped. “Officer, I don’t understand. Jesse!? She’s my friend, why would I kill her?” “Please sir, I want to see her…” I cried out loud. The officer didn’t say a word, but across the way I saw Zack also getting arrested and taken away. “Okay, at least tell me why are they taking Zack away”

The officer replied “Zack Kay is also included in the murder of Jesse Clair with you.”

“It’s that powder right, the one where he spilled on my face. Sir I wasn’t in my conscious please” The tears in my eyes wouldn’t stop falling, my best friend, my lover is gone, too soon.

“Look kid, you’ll have to discuss the matter in court. The powder that Zack Kay possessed was a manipulation drug which causes you to become rage mode. But since you had no intention of killing your friend-” he cleared his throat and continued “Jesse Clair, you will have a shorter sentence”

As I caught those words in my ear, I was low driven and dead inside. My mouth was dry, I couldn’t say another word to anyone, it was pointless. I followed the officer to the car, they had earlier informed my parents and they came to see me in jail.

2020

Two years have passed since the incident and I stood by the same house as I visited the neighbor’s house – Zack’ house. But now it wasn’t his house anymore, his parents had sold it, and the money they received from it was used to bail out their son. I just came out of prison and faced court. As soon as I walked out, I drove to this house. I entered the guest room. 

In my mind, I could only see ghosts. Ghosts of my beloved Jesse walking around. Near me was the same seat I sat on that day, my eyes glared and re-visited that same night where Jesse came to me for a dance. I was nostalgic in a good and bad way. The bad one was overweight as I walked to the balcony and stood there tirelessly.

I said to myself “What if I didn’t step up to Zack that night”

“You would have been here with me Jess. We would have gone out, danced to my favorite song. But I had to make things worse right?!” I cried. “Because of me you’re dead!

As I exited the balcony I thought to myself and remembered the exact same lines Jesse told me. That I was brave and I assumed she liked me for that reason. Guilt still couldn’t get the better off of me. The empty guest room closed and I left.