Mother's Day

6:30 am - Opening my eyes, Sam’s next to me. Not sure when he got home yesterday.

7:00 am - Lucy, our kitten crawls under the covers, meows. She’s hungry.

“Get her off,” Sam mumbles without opening his eyes and turns on the other side of the bed.

I sneak out, holding Lucy. I can’t find my slippers.

7:10 am – Feeding Lucy. The kitchen floor is too cold for my bare feet. There are three tiny water puddles slowly forming on the tiles. Again! No matter how hard I try. I have to calm myself down, otherwise our flat will be flooded in no time again. I breathe in and breathe out. “It’s just another day, another day, you’ll stick to your routine and it’s going to be fine,” I tell myself and as my breathing slows, the water puddles disappear. Damned magic, as my grandpa used to say.

7:15 am -  I Shower. Today is Tuesday, and Lila’s after school dance class. I close my eyes for a second to concentrate, inhaling the smell of my newly bought cocoa shower gel. Sam’s not going to like it for sure. He only likes patchouli. No idea, why he’s not allergic to patchouli.  Last Saturday I couldn’t buy a patchouli shower gel because we went to the ice skating class and Lila fell and we had to rush to the doctor and she cried, even though the doctor said, there was nothing serious. She spent the whole evening in bed and Sam was furious, screaming I had to be more attentive. I spent the rest of that Saturday mopping the floor. The water puddles were everywhere, and Sam got panicky. Later in bed, he told me he thought my “water puddle syndrome” was gone. Huh, it never will. I’m just learning how to live with something so strange. As long as I don’t get really angry, I’m told it’s manageable. Damned magic!

7:35 am – I need to make a grocery list. I need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Clarks, prescribing me the “anti-water puddle” pills. They don’t do any good except for making me very sleepy. At least no damage is done while I’m sleeping. I have to change that lightbulb in the bathroom before Sam notices.  

7:38 am – Waking Lila up.

7:45 am – Making breakfast: Toasts, cheese, butter, chocolate cereals.

8: 00 am – Lila’s chewing her buttered toast. She just told me she’d skip school for today. I told her it’s out of the question and brought her school bag with silly ducks.

8:15 am - “Tina, what’s wrong with the electricity in here?” I hear Sam from the bathroom. Shit! He’ll now start his “you should’ve changed it and it only takes five minutes,” - monologue. From the corner of my eye, I see water on the floor.

8:17 am – “I’ll do it first thing when I’m back,” I shout back, and start to frantically mop the kitchen floor. I won! Nothing happened this time.

8:25 am – Sam’s kissing Lila on a cheek, she kisses him back. I pour him coffee and sit in front of him at the table. Lila is a true daddy’s girl. Same hazelnut eyes and dark brown curly hair.

“Plans for today?” He asks, with his mouth half-full. I hate that habit of his.

“Nah, not much, Lila’s dance class, possibly Mr. Clarks, grocery.”

“I think Lucy’s having fleas. Take her to the vet please, would you?” Sam sips his coffee. Not too hot, not too cold. In between.  I hear that familiar sound of water tapping from the faucet. Sam jumps from the chair.

“Tina, stop! Stop! For god’s sake, I can’t even talk to you!” He shouts as the water keeps coming from the closed faucet. I grab Lila, and we run to the living room.

“Time to go, Lil, hurry, honey,” I say and my voice seems changed. The sound of the tapping water stops.

“Thanks, that was quick,” Sam’s walking out of the kitchen.

“See you in the evening, princess,”  he hugs our daughter as we leave.

 9:00 am - “Tina, are you coming to Esther’s on Friday? She’s throwing a party.” Agnes, the tanned beauty tells me smiling, when I drop Lila off at the school.

A sudden jolt of jealousy hits me. I envy Agnes. She’s a working mom and still, she finds time for parties, so unlike me. She’s intimidating. I look at her, then down to the ground where I’m standing. The patches of snow start to melt.

“I’ll try if Sam stays with Lila, but it’s always complicated you know… we’ll see,” I say calmly. I’m ready  to drive away, but Agnes shoots me a look and asks after a pause: “ Why don’t you get a babysitter?”

She hits my nerve! I search for words to explain, why we’re not getting a babysitter ever. Should I tell her, that Sam’s against anyone else taking care of Lila? Should I tell her that according to Sam, a non-working mom’s primary obligation is to be with her child, that my daughter’s agenda is my agenda?  Or, should I cut her short telling we just can’t afford a nanny? I don’t say any of these, only put a stupid smile on my face, wave goodbye and drive off. Why does she care? I believe Tom, her TV executive husband won’t be happy seeing her talking with me. I know they’re calling me a witch.  I believe they’re already planning a family vacation to Bora Bora. I believe they’re not saving as much as we do, if at all. I’m not even sure why Sam decided we could afford Lila’s private school, but he sternly believes that creating strong social circles for children is vital.   Yep, that’s exactly how he stated it, saying Lila needed a better life than us, and her grandparents,  my mom, to be precise. Mom never spoke a word in English, and Sam could never take it in. He always got slightly suspicious whenever mom visited, thinking she’s plotting something against her son-in-law.

“What did she just tell Lila?” he would ask me for a hundred times a day, making me translate all of their dialogues.

9:45 am - Hurray! Grocery shopping is over! All bought within the budget. Well done me! Sam would be proud. Usually, he says I’m a spender. Well, not today and, guess what? I even have enough time for a cup of coffee and a Quiche Lorraine at Nina’s, that fancy new café two blocks away from our flat.  

10:30 am - I’m seated by the window, the coffee is delicious and so is the Quiche, mouthwatering. That’s how I’d describe it if I was to write about this place. But I’m not writing anymore. Sam says Lila needs my undivided attention at least before she turns ten and then maybe I could find time for a writing career. I agree she does.

11:00 am – I’m home. Making dinner, need to do it fast before taking Lila from school and off to her dance class. Roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and salad. I’m not the best at cooking, I know. Sam reminds me of that every time, telling what a marvelous cook his sister Nancy is. She’s a better wife, a better mother, and a better cook! We’re not competing, you can’t compete with a family idol, can you?

Noon - Dinner’s ready! I can have a quick cigarette before leaving. Shit, I had a pack somewhere I don’t remember where. Last time I smoked I was so nervous Sam would find out, I hid it. Sam’s worried Lila would get “strange” habits from me or worse, asthma.

12:15 pm – Fed Lucy. She’s a sweet, sweet kitten. Pees on Sam’s blanket sometimes, but sh… it’s our little secret.

12:30 pm –Did I tell you about my husband being a slob? Well, I’m sorry to say he is. I’m used to it. I just have to carefully check not to wash his wallet. Oh, please, don’t think I’m sneaking into his pockets. As I pick his jacket from our bedroom floor, I notice there’s an envelope in it. I carefully take it out and put it on Sam’s bedside table. I put the jacket into the bin and return to the bedroom for my perfume. Forgot to use it this morning. I see a speck of tiny dust on Sam’s bedside table. Oh, no. He’ll get hysterical. I quickly wipe it off with my palm and get a glance at the envelope. Wait for a second…. It has my name printed….

“Dear Tina, I’m delighted to let you know that after reviewing your manuscript I would like to offer you representation. I repeatedly tried to reach you through email but in vain. luckily I had your home address provided. Please, get back to me at your earliest convenience so we could discuss the details.”  

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Best regards,                                                                           

Julia

12:45 pm, 12:55 pm, 1 pm – My head is spinning! Oh my god! I’ve been offered a representation! Julia K can be my future agent! How come I didn’t get her emails? How come Sam forgot to give that letter to me? Oh, that’s so Sam, forgetting things! I hear the sound of water again. I’m alone and nervous. I feel water tickling my ankles. Shit, shit, shit, where’s the mop?!

1:10 pm -I can’t log into my email. What the hell? All of my passwords are Lila 17.11. Yes, her birthday! Why would I change that?!

1:15 pm -I’m calling Sam. He’s not answering! I’m late with picking Lila up.

1:40 pm – I’m at the school gate finally and Lila’s there with her teacher. I can see she cried, so I apologize for being late and hug her and kiss her, and I apologize to her teacher Mrs. Anna. That look on Mrs. Anna’s face makes me feel embarrassed but I manage to contain myself and we get home without flooding the schoolyard.   

2:10 pm – We’re home. Lila had her lunch and now we have to rush to the dance class. I can’t think of anything but the letter, and Sam, and my future agent, and I want to talk to her as soon as I get back home.

3:45 pm - Lila had to rehearse in her socks, I forgot her dance shoes home. In Lila’s world, it’s a catastrophe. She’s mad. “How could you mum?” What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know we’re having a concert next week and that every rehearsal counts?” She’s in tears. 

It's my fault. I should have checked her rehearsal bag.  

“You always forget mom, and then you get angry and water is everywhere and you scare me! ” She screams and shuts her bedroom door. Daddy’s girl she is. I need a drink. Just one glass of something, but I don’t want my daughter to see me.

4:15 pm. Mm… that cognac is really good, warming me down my stomach. Its taste sends me back to the mountain hut where Sam and I first met 10 years ago. I was his interpreter, he was a ski cabin engineer. We had a crush, I followed him to Vienna. In a year and a half, Lila was born. A bilingual spoiled princess. I wonder if she’s also cursed with transforming her anger into the water like me?

 I quickly wash the glass and put the bottle back to Sam’s mini-bar before Lila enters the kitchen. 

4:30 pm - Lila eats roasted chicken in silence. I don’t intervene. I go to the bedroom and sit on the bed, looking out in the window. Our right door neighbor Steven is walking his Great Dane dog, Pirate. Beautiful dog it is. Lucy’s meowing and I ask Lila to take her.  

“I just have to make a call”, go lock yourself in the bathroom, just in case,”  I say and leave my bedroom door half-open.

5:00 pm – My hands are trembling as I make the call, trying to reach Julia K. Finally someone picks up. I’m thinking of Sam. He’ll be home at 6:30 at the latest. We’ll need to talk.

5:05 pm - “Hi, my name is Tina Rowens, I’d like to speak to Julia K,” I say after I hear a pleasant hello.

“Hi, thanks for calling, Oh, Julia K? You’re sure? The editor?”

“Yes,” I continue. My hands are cold. I hear the sound of water.

“Oh, I’m so very sorry but Julia passed away a year ago,” The pleasant voice responds. I stand up.

“ Sorry, thank you… goodbye,” I say and hang up, rushing to the kitchen. Nothing serious. Four puddles. I quickly mop the kitchen floor.

5:10 “Mom, can’t you hear the doorbell? Can I come out? Is everything okay?” Lila shouts from the bathroom and I throttle to open the door. It’s Sam, holding a beautiful bouquet of roses. He’s smiling from ear to ear. “Happy mother’s day!” He almost screams.

“You’re early…” I reply as he steps in and a gigantic sea wave swipes us out of the door.