THANKS, NO THANKS!

Frances.goulart@gmail.com

THANKS, NO THANKS

“Thank you? Are you joking? You expect me to be grateful to you.  Really? You, you kidnapped me. You took me out of my bed at midnight. You must have because and I don’t fly. How did I get here? No, don’t tell me. A princess doesn’t travel in a sleeping gown. This not a proper outdoors dressing gown. And where are my slippers? “.

“Those slippers came from my father the King. There, I am grateful to him for those slippers but not to you! He will be here to rescue me before you can put the kettle on. What am I saying? You probably don’t even own a kettle. You must be very poor; it smells like a dungeon in here.”

“You can go return as soon as your father the king pays the ransom. Now won’t that is something to be grateful for?

Meanwhile you haven’t tasted your soup. It is the best in the village. “

“The best in what village? What wizard or petty thief or whatever you are…kidnaps a princess and expects her to eat his poor soup like a peasant?”

“This soup was made by my mother. You should be grateful that my saintly mother would make you soup. You are a stranger after all.”

“I am prisoner, after all.  And this is not soup for a princess. …”

“You are a minor princess, princess, from a second rate kingdom, after all, so a thank -you might be in order. That I chose you instead of Princess Oleaner from much finer kingdom.”

“You insult me, peasant.  I am thankful that I am blind-folded and don’t have to lay eyes upon you! And that I don’t live with you in this dungeon with you and your soup-making mother, or is she really a witch? I would rather drink moat water.”

“I can find you a tankard of that, in place of the soup, if you like, princess. It won’t have fresh vegetables in it like my mother’s soup but it might be juicy and fit for a princess like yourself because there will be newts and frogs in it. “

“No thank you. I would rather starve. And what do you know about gratitude anyway? You have nothing to be thankful for. You live in a dungeon. “

“It is a humble cottage, dear princess, but even a dungeon can be home to someone with gratitude in her heart.”

“That’s because you don’t know your worth or maybe you do. Perhaps that is why you live here!

It’s damp and cold in here. Have you no stove or fireplace?”

“Wood is dear for the time being. But I will fetch you a

Woolen blanket. One that my little sister made. She weaves warm things for the family even though she is lame.  When she isn’t tending the pigs and chickens and the garden.”

“I knew it …you keep …swine…..ugh “ 

“Yes, we grow our own cabbages, turnips and greens, and raise pigs and chickens...so you see ..I am a free man in some ways. In ways that matter. Freer than you perhaps."

"Ha! I am a princess. I don’t have to grow my own vegetables. They come to me already harvested, already prepared served on a golden platter. Our mutton chops come from prize sheep not poor people’s sheep. I have servants who wait on me. They are grateful to me because I am a princess. You are a nobody. 

“Oh wait, I am grateful for one thing-- that I am not you. There, there is my gratitude. serf. “

“The animals are food for us and the soil…and  they are as grateful for me as I am for them.

” Even If I were a dragon, I would refuse your hospitality. This will all be over when my father the King arrives. But

I will cover my arms with the blanket for a moment just until my father arrives…he will be coming soon to pay your disgusting ransom. So you can buy another disgusting pig.”

“And then…?

“And then I will be gone from here. Thankfully, I will have my own thick warm blankets and my own beautiful clothes and comfortable slippers. And tasty soup in a golden bowl.”

What if the king refuses to pay the ransom?”

“You jest. “Take that back. Who are you, a mere servant to correct me and find fault?"

 “Are fancy clothes and slippers so important to you?

 “Oh, so so much.  “

“And how much does your father the king value you, princess? As much as you value your gowns and dancing slippers?”

“Oh, much more.  To him I am worth all the gold in Asia, all the ivory in China, all the silver in the valleys...all the..."

"All the generosity of spirit and human love in this room between us?

“Why do you ask?”

 “Because there is very little of that here in this room. I for one, even though I am a lowly serf, would not be grateful for a daughter who valued herself so highly and others so little.  Perhaps your father the king will not be returning quite so soon.”

“You lie.  And how little you understand. Serf. I tell you when I will be grateful.  I will be grateful when my father the King strings you up by the heels for mistreating me in this vile fashion. “

“Are you certain that he may be here to rescue you because he is grateful to have you as his daughter even though you don’t return the respect? Meanwhile while here you disparage my food and drink and cast me out in your mind, as less than the sheep in the field, as less than the turnips in the earth outside ."

"Turnips and sheep and woolen blankets! These are things that are given to us, not things we have to be thankful for.”

What would he do without me? I am his favorite daughter. “

 “Ah, his majesty will be fine. Thankfully. We have arrived at a new ransom bargain. His majesty will have my sister to cover his knees at the fire in the evening with a nice woolen blanket, and my blessed mother to bring him mugs of juicy steaming soup to keep him warm.  Things that, unlike you, he will express his gratitude for every day. As surely as the sunrises and sets.”

“What about me? What will become of me?

You, dear princess, will stay here and earn your own keep. You learn grow the vegetables and raise the livestock and the befriend the chickens. And learn to weave a blanket here like the one keeping you warm right now. You can bring it to him and wrap him in it when you are done. When you feel the words ‘thank you’form in your mouth and swell your heart, you will reunite with your father the King and my sister will return to our hearth. And we will all give thanks for pigs, soup pots, warm blankets and this visit with a princess.

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