The Heart of a Wanderer

"I never wanted this life," I say. My eyes flicker to Lewie, gauging his reaction to the one secret I have kept from him. I wait for what I know is coming: Anger. Annoyance. Frustration. I had lied to him. He is training me to be one of them. I told him I was excited. I had told him I wanted this. What else could I have said when my father took me to him. But Lewie's face is calm.  

"It's a little late to back out." Lewie smiles. He has been with the wanderer's all his life, all thirty-five years. His hair falls to just above his ears, the locks as black as night. His obsidian eyes stare into me, seeing all the things I've tried to hide from him.  

"I know, but-" My voice halts as Lewie takes my hand and pulling my arm away from me, flipping it over. Pulling back my sleeve at my wrist, revealing my scar, a perfect circle stained blue. Carved out by the same knife I know is in his boot.  

"You can't back out," Lewie says as he holds out his wrist, the same scar visible. "You are one of us now. Come on, it is time to enter the forest."    

I nod. My eyes cast down.  

I suck in a breath. My hands shake as I stand and walk towards the forest. My mind goes back to the day when my dad told me I would be one of them. The wanderers, they are the guards of all the world I know. They keep the others out of our kingdom.  

My father told me they needed me. My smarts. My silences. But we both knew the real 'reason' he sent me. He didn't want me. My dad can't stand the sight of my raven black hair and blue eyes that are so much like my mother's. I never knew her, the love of my father's life. The one he says I took from him. It isn't my fault; I was a baby. She got sick. It isn't! But it never mattered what I told him. I cried, begged him to keep me, but he still hated me. He always wanted me gone.  

And know I am gone from his life forever, I think as I take my first step into the forest. It is dark as night; it's always like that in the woods. Lewie follows me into the trees. He pulls back his sleeve, reviling the circle. It glows, but I shudder as I think of the other use of the scar. I pull back my sleeve, knowing I would see the same glow. The light illuminates the trees around me with the strange pale blue light. I see other lights moving through the trees, other wanderers like me.  

"Come this way," Lewie says. I follow silently. A tire streaks down my cheek as I force myself not to look back at the world I am no longer part of.  

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I sit at the fire. Around me, the wanderers talk. I stare at the blues fire. It would be dinner time at home. I don't even need to eat anymore. I don't need to sleep. Nothing that would remind me I use to be normal. The only thing I have left of that world is my memories.  

"You see that," Lewie says, tapping my shoulder. I glance up at the trees. I see a flash of blood-red light, then nothing. "Looks like someone dared to enter our forest." I feel sick as I bite at my bottom lip, wishing I could somehow help. "Come on. Rosetta, it's time to wander. No more rest." I follow.  

We don't find anyone. I don't know what I could do. No, I don't know what I would do if we ever did. We walk for what feels like days, weeks, mouths. Time no longer has meaning to me.  

The woods seep into me. My tan skin turns pale, ashen. The red light that flashes through the forest doesn't bother me. Why should I care for those people? Those things that are not wanderers. My memories start to fade. I welcome the loss of my father's face and the feel of the sun on my skin.  

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"Lewie, are we ever going to find someone," I say finally after staying silent for so long.  

Lewie laughs. "So, you are finally coming around. I know you would. You have the heart of a wanderer." The heart of the wanderer. Something is wrong with what Lewie is saying, but I can't seem to care as I grin. Red light flashes to our right.  

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I wander the woods. Sometimes I sit at the strange fire, but I mostly wander. The blue light from my scar leads me through the trees like a trusted friend. I don't follow anyone anymore. I am a full wanderer now; I am as free as one like me can be.  

I haven't seen Lewie since he went to retrieve a new wanderer. A new sister. I walk the path. Then I see movement. I follow. My eyes search for the movement then I see a flash of yellow hair. I step closer as I see a face staring up at me from the bush where it was trying to hide.  

I found one. Brown eyes stare up at me. My raven black hair blows in the wind as I stare at the thing. It is not a wanderer. Its eyes are full of fear as I see its bottom lip quiver, its long hair blowing across its face. My lips spread into a grin. I finally found one of them. Then I see a tire streak down its cheek.  

I stare at the tire. My mind freezes, the grin leaves me just as fast as it had appeared. Tires? My mind flashes back to something. Something strange. Something before this. Before I became a wanderer. A tire falling down my face. The first sight of the forest. My mouth parts as I think back to the warm sensation of the sun. Of the taste of blueberries. The face of the mother I wish I had met.  

"Please don't hurt me." The thing says as more tires fall down her face. Her. This is a person. What am I doing? What has the forest down to me? I look back at the girl, who looks to be around fifteen years old. How old am I, seventeen? No. I have grown since I came to the forest. Eighteen. Yes, eighteen, that seems right.  

"Come with me," I say. I hold out my hand, the hand without the light I know will kill the girl if she touches it. She looks at me with confusion. The girl's eyes flicker to my hand then back to my eyes, and I see fear there. I give her a small smile. "I won't hurt you." Her hand touches mine, and I pull her up, and we run.  

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We stand at the edge of the woods. If I take a step forward, I would be in the sunlight. The girl, no Ellen, she had asked me to call her Ellen, pulls at my hand. My gaze turned to her as I frown crosses my face.  

"Go, Ellen," I say gently.  

"Aren't you coming?" I see in her eyes something I had never seen before hope. I want to keep that there. I want to see that in more eyes. I wish I could go with her. I know what I must do.  

"Go. I can't come with you," I say. "Go find your family." No family is waiting out there for me.  

"But," Ellen says. I squeeze her hand and give her a small nod gesturing towards the forest.  

"Please."    

Ellen nods, and I see a tire streak down her cheek, and then she is hugging me. I freeze, my arms held up in awkward positions as the girl hugs me, but then she pulls away.  

“Thank you.” Ellen whispers then she is running out of the woods. She is safe. I wish I could run with her, but I need to make up for my mistakes. I have to save others like Ellen.  

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"Lewie," I say, flashing him a big smile, "your back." Is it strange for me to love this man that is like a father to me? This man who has taken life's, but I can't blame Lewie, not really, the forest had taken something from him too.  

"Yes, and here she is." A little girl couldn't be more than three peeks out from behind Lewie's leg. Poor child. Brown hair that goes to her shoulders is a mess, and the greenest eyes I've ever seen staring up at me. I take her hand and pull her to me and away from Lewie.  

"What is your name," I say as I kneel in front of her. A small smile on my face.  

"Ady." Ady smiles at me as a hand uncovers and covers her scar making the light flicker. She gigglers. "Up." Ady holds up her little hands. How could any parents give her to the wanderers? I pick her up and stand as I turn on Lewie.  

"She will follow me," I say. Looking at Ady. She lays her head on my shoulder, playing with my hair. I feel like laughing for the first time since I came into the forest. "I will teach her our ways."    

"Rosetta," Lewie's voice holds a warning, "you are too young." 

"She is mine," I say firmly. I turn away from Lewie.  

I can keep Ady; I can raise her. I'm not going to let the woods ruin this sweet little girl. We will save the people who wander where they shouldn't. I am going to do good with the life my father forced on me. I will free this little girl someday when she is stronger and can protect herself. I will keep all who wander into the woods safe.  

"Rosetta." I turn back to Lewie as he says my name. I smile as Ady pulls at my hair. She giggles. "You do have the heart of a wanderer." I think on those words. I don't have a heart like that anymore.  

I have the heart of a finder. One that searches and saves. One that will not let this slaughter of innocent go on anymore. Not a wanderer, but Lewie won't let me stay and help if I tell him the truth. I smile as I pull Ady's hand out of my hair. She giggles. Then my eyes meet Lewie's with all the determination I can muster. I see Lewie's eyes search mine.  

I raise my chin. "yes," I lie. A smirk crosses my face. "I am a wanderer through and though."