As I bite on my wooden No. 2 pencil typing a report for my boss at my desk, I see a familiar face walk by on the corner of my eye.
A familiar face of an old crush that I had 14 years ago!
The smell of his Calvin Klein cologne sent me to heaven as my eyes wander in his direction.
Without a doubt, our eyes latched.
He looked at me with a generous smile as I stare at him stargazed.
The pencil that I was chewing on fell out of my mouth with my saliva, as I stood up from my squeaky chair to get a better look at him.
I felt the same rush that I felt when I was 14 years old! Butterflies tumbling in my stomach, sweaty palms & a heart that bursts out of my chest.
Matthew Bollock was his name!
football captain aka hottest boy in 9th grade.
Not to mention that he was a model too!
Ugh, he looks even better now that he is older! Is this guy like a bottle of wine, he just keeps getting finer over time.
As I still stand daydreaming about him he walks further & further down the hall of the office.
I hear a faded voice calling my name but won't answer because I'm not ready to return to reality.
The more I ignore the voice the louder it gets.
The loud shout of my name made me fall onto my knees & the cold water bottle that was sitting on my desk tipped over & spilled on my head.
As I look up from the ground I notice it is my boss Jeffrey.
He stands over top of me with his hands folded up against his chest & a frown that could scare a 2-year-old.
I stand up as the spilled water on my head tip over onto my face & shirt.
"What are you doing?"
Jeffrey ask me still with a face of disappointment.
Frightened as ever I responded.
"I-I was looking at the window"
"The window huh?"
With repetitive unclear words, Jeffrey somehow tried his best to comprehend them.
"It is quite a gloomy day."
"So how's the report going?"
"It's going good"
"Good! Now get back to it!"
Jeffrey walks away from me with an evil expression printed on his face.
I take a deep breath as I walk fast to the lady's room.
I stare in the mirror at my curls that are now damaged & begin to cry.
As I weep with my hands up against my face catching my tears I sniff & smell cigarette smoke. I look up & see smoke coming out of the only stall that had feet underneath it.
Janet is Jeffrey's Secretary & if you smelt cigarette smoke in the lady's room then you knew it was Janet. It was a place that she would hide so she could smoke her worries away.
She says from the locked stall.
"I assumed it was you"
Janet opens up the stall with a cigarette in her mouth.
"Yup, you know my secret place by now."
She says while blowing smoke into my face.
I automatically began to cough while waving the smoke out of my face.
"You're quite welcome, Aspen."
She then reaches into the pocket of her sweater and pulls out a single cigarette.
"No, I'm good we are not supposed to be smoking in the bathrooms any way it's against the policy."
Janet rolls her eyes & mimic me.
"It's against the policy"
"I know that, I've been here longer than you! You ought to talk in here bawling your eyes out."
"And? There's no rule here that you can't cry in the bathroom."
"The question to you is why are you crying?"
"I saw a guy that I use to have a crush on in high school."
"He was here?"
"Yeah! I think he's starting a new position."
"Well, you should go talk to him."
"No! I can't do that!"
"Gee, Aspen you are not that 14-year-old girl anymore, it's time to grow some lady balls."
"I know I'm not 14 anymore! Eww, lady balls?.. it's just I'm not good with talking to guys, especially ones I like."
"You still like him?"
"Yea I guess I still react in the same way that I did 14 years ago, it's as if I'm in high school all over again."
"Does he even know you exist?"
I turn on the faucet & splash water onto my face.
"I think...I mean we would see each other in the hallways & we had PE together."
"But did he know that you liked him?"
I rip a piece of paper towel & use it to dry my face.
"What?! I'm drying my face!"
"Does he know?"
I stand near Janet with the paper towel still attached to my face & as I spoke my words came out muffled.
"Ugh! Then you definitely should talk to him, you know to ask him out?!"
"Oh God no!"
Janet rips the paper towel off of my face & tosses it into the trash can filled with paper towels & feminine products.
"Eventually you are gonna have to put on your big girl panties."
"I can't wear plus size underwear do you see how little I am?"
"It was just an expression! Gosh! What planet are you on?"
"Not the one that you are on."
"I can see but seriously Aspen, ask him out on a date. It's not that hard I promise you when you do you'll feel so much better. The 14-year-old Aspen will be thanking you!'
I stand up against the sink with a blank face.
Janet finishes up her cigarette & laughs as she exits the bathroom.
when I returned to my desk with an incomplete report I think about what Janet had told me.
Maybe she was right, maybe it was time to stop being that geeky person that everybody expected me to be.
It was time to put on my big girl panties & ask Matthew Bollock to lunch.
But first I have to finish this stupid report that Jeffrey was expecting me to finish by the end of the day.
With both hands, I fastly typed, drank the little bit of water left out of my bottle & ate a granola bar. It was as if I had 8 arms like an octopus.
In 20 minutes boom! I was finished.
Underneath my eyes were purple & my armpits felt like a waterfall rushing through my shirt.
I look at the time that was at the bottom corner of my computer that read 3:45 pm!
I finished just in time!
I excitedly grabbed my coat & scarf from under my desk & began to walk near the elevator.
Before I pressed any buttons I kept looking down the walkway that he went through but there was no sign of him.
As I repeatedly looked the elevator dinged & opened up causing me to lose focus.
I roll my eyes & look down at my boots that have a smudge.
I dig into the pocket of my coat to find a tissue.
I found a bawled up tissue that I carelessly thought of using for my boots.
As I try to kneel to clean the face of my boots the papers that I had in my Lisa Frank bag fell out.
" oh great!"
I say while picking up the papers.
I curse at the wind & slam the messy papers in the bag.
As I look up I see Matthew Bollock staring at me with his same generous smile.
Nervously I say "Im so clumsy, forbidden me."
I laugh awkwardly & softly say "what the fuck"
The elevator opens & we both walk onto the elevator without communicating with one another.
Except he said, "Which floor are you getting off?" As his fingers wait to hear what number I say.
"Um, the 1st floor."
He presses the number 1 & I hold on to the bar that is sitting beside me in the elevator thinking of what to say to him.
Matthew looking at a funny video on YouTube laughing having the time of his life while I continue to fight with my thoughts.
Soon as you know it the elevator opens & we both walk through the garage to our cars.
His car right across from mine what a coincidence!
Ugh, I must say something.....Mathew!
That was meant to be said in my head but came out of my mouth instead.
My voice echoed Matthewwww.
Matthew looks up from his car door & looks in my direction with a confused state of mind.
I stare at him as if I saw a ghost.
"I'm sorry did you say my name?"
He asked as he walked closer to me.
"Yea I did."
"Oh. Im sorry, how do you know my name?"
"Um from the people in the office."
"Oh yeah duh! So what's going on?"
"Um nothing just wondering if you would l-like to g-go to lunch with me"
I take a deep breath.
"Yeah, sure what day?"
My heart is about fall out of my chess.
Did he just say yes!?
"Um, tomorrow's good at 12."
"Cool it's a date haha!"
He presses the unlock button on his keys and entered his then pulls off.
I stand in the garage all by myself kicking, dancing & yelling!
The next day at noon Matthew & me sits in a diner eating tuna salad wraps with fries.
well, he eats his as I slowly pick at mine.
"So what made you ask me out for lunch?"
he says while wiping his mouth with a napkin that came with his meal.
"Um, you're gonna think this is silly bu-"
He cuts me off & says "No I don't think it'll be silly."
"Ok, um you & I went to high school together.'
In an excited tone of voice, he says
"No way, you went to Raily High school!?"
With soft laughter, I replied "yes"
"Wow! I don't remember you."
"No? We had PE together & I knew that you were the captain of Raily's football team."
"Yea I was wow! The memories, but no, I don't recall us ever exchanging words with one another."
"Um, we didn't talk we just strictly went to high school together."
"Oh, I see."
He then picks up the other half of his wrap & began talking with food in his mouth.
"Do you talk to anyone from school?"
I couldn't believe that I understood his words with food in his mouth.
"No, I was pretty much anti-social."
"Oh I wish I was, being popular in school was like a full-time job."
I covered my mouth as I snickered.
"Are you gonna eat? I'm pretty sure that the gnats in this place are having a feast with your lunch."
I remove my hands from my mouth & laughed louder as Matthew joined me.
Later on in the day, I invited Matthew over to my house to have a few beers.
After a few drinks, I pulled out our high school yearbook.
I say with the yearbook in my hand.
"That's our high school yearbook? Wow, mine is probably up in the attic at my parent's house."
I sit next to him on the couch with the yearbook in my hand.
Before I opened it Matthew pretended to blow on it as if it was ancient!
I laugh uncontrollably as we both look through the yearbook.
"Let me see your graduate photo."
I turn to the page where it was the photos of graduates & there I was a mouth full of metal, Lisa frank earrings & sweated out curls.
I say as I pretend to throw up.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I hated my graduation photo."
"Oh please stop! You were cool."
Matthew replies as he stares at the hideous photo of myself.
"Cool? I didn't think I was cool."
"No! I mean I was the only girl at Raily's High who wore Lisa frank's merchandise I mean I still do bu-"
"That's what makes it cool! You were wearing things that other girls weren't wearing. It's called being different."
I stare at Matthew in a glamorous way as if talks sweet of me.
"Well, I thought you were cool, I should've told you that in school you are so down to earth no wonder I liked you."
I laugh & then realize that I said that I liked him out loud!"
Matthew looks at me as if he's trying to put the puzzles together to this situation.
"Wait, haha so that's why you asked me out for lunch you used to like me."
"No, it's cool. I think that it's cool"
Whoa, that wasn't the words that I expected.
I expected a beer bottle to the head but I think I like this MUCH better.
"You think it's cool?"
Matthew raises his beer bottle towards mine & our bottles are kissed.
After the time that I spent with Matthew, was the best time of my life.
although he didn't remember me he did all that he could to get to know me.
He didn't think I was weird he thought I was cool then & now.
So again it doesn't matter that he didn't remember then what matters is he knows me now.
Did I mention that we are officially a couple...
Ugh the 14-year-old me could die at this very moment.