You Don't Own Me

Sunday evening. Madison was busy playing online chess while her father sat slumped on the couch, feeding his face sloppily with potato chips and watching politics, chiming in angrily every now and then with his uninvited opinions. 

Does he think they can hear him? Madison wondered. She shook the thought from her mind and focused back on her game. Suddenly, the tv went off. 

“Did you hear that the people that want to tear down the elementary school are having a get-together tomorrow with free dinner?” her father asked, though Madison was more focused on chess. 

“No, I didn’t hear that,” she said, not looking up from her computer. “Boy, they must be really desperate if they’re bribing people with free dinner.”

“Well, I’m going, and I was going to ask you if you wanted to go,” he said. 

This made Madison look up. 

“You’re going?” she asked, confused.

“Yeah, why not?”

“But...dad, you’re against the school being torn down, aren’t you?” Madison knew that her father occasionally did unexpected things, but this caught Madison. It made no sense. 

“Oh, completely,” he said nonchalantly. “I hate the people who are advocating for it. But I figure I can fake it for an evening.”

“But why are you going if you hate them?”

“Free food.” Madison raised her eyebrows and put on her you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me face, and rightfully so. Madison and her father weren’t extremely well-off, but they were far from starving. 

“Oh, don’t give me that face, Madison, it’s no big deal. I can lie for a night, I ain’t proud. Free food! That’s good enough for me.”

Madison wondered if her father realized how ridiculous he sounded, or if he just didn’t care. 

“I just thought you felt really strongly against the school being torn down,” she said.

“Oh, I do.”

“Yeah, well apparently you don’t if food is enough to bribe you,” said Madison as passively as possible, hoping that when he exploded that it wouldn’t be so intense. It was like stubbing your toe and thinking about how much it will hurt in a second. 

“And just what are we trying to suggest?” he said, his voice raising in pitch in that way Madison hated. He always talked so arrogantly like that when anyone dared question him, even in passing. This was always how it started. A normal conversation that would turn sour if anyone said anything that he just had to take offense to. 

Madison would be lying if she said that her father didn’t intimidate her. But she was eighteen now, and, if only a bit, less afraid of speaking her mind to him. She was hardly ever the one to start anything, but if someone else started something, she would at least try to defend herself. 

Madison, you’re legally an adult. Alright, you’ve only been one for a month, but still. He needs to learn that. 

“Well,” she started. “If you see free food as more important than your strongest beliefs, you must not have any values.” She knew she was asking for it. She didn’t care. It was the truth. She was no less than him, especially now. She had every right to speak to him however she pleased, like he would always speak to her. That was the beauty of freedom of speech. 

His face turned grave and Madison knew she was in for it. 

“Madison, you are going to stop talking to me this way, do you hear me? You are going to stop telling me I don’t have any values. I am your father, and that is disrespectful. You don’t get to talk to me that way.” 

Now she was pissed. 

“Okay, first of all, I’m only saying the truth. People who are easily bribed don’t have strong values, sorry, I was just stating a fact, I didn’t know that was illegal, and second of all, when have I ever told you this before? You say ‘I’m going to stop telling you this’ but when have I ever said before now that you don’t have values?”

Her father stumbled over his words, knowing that she was right. She had never said that to him before. 

“Well, you’re not going to do it anymore. Like I said, it’s disrespectful. I’m your father, you're my daughter and you don’t get to talk to me like that, and I really don’t think you want to continue this conversation.” He nodded in agreement with himself, as he often did. 

Is he threatening me? 

“Fine! I’m going to Christina’s house, since I seem to be such a burden to you.”

“Why do you do this to me?” he asked, like a little, whining child. It almost sounded like he was going to cry. 

Madison left without a word. Yeah, play the victim, like you always do. 

She hated how she always cried whenever she got angry. She felt the tears welling, but told herself to stop them. She was stronger than him, and anyway, she couldn’t drive with eyes full of tears, and what she needed most was to get out of there. 

Shoot, she thought. Christina won’t be expecting me. She drove a few miles until she found a payphone, and dialed Christina. 

“Hello?” 

“Thank God you’re there, Christina. Look, I’m sorry, and I know it’s late, but would it be too much trouble to come over? I know it’s almost seven, and it’s a Sunday night, but I would really appreciate it.”

“Oh, sure,” Christina replied. “I’m not busy with anything. What is it? Are you okay? Is it your dad again?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “It’s my dad again. I’m sorry, I know I always talk about him a lot. I’ll tell you when I get to your place.”

“Aww, it’s okay. If I lived with your dad, I’d need someone to talk to a lot too.”

“Thanks for being so nice. This is why you’re my best friend,” she smiled. 

Madison recounted the whole story to Christina, still feeling guilty for always coming to her when she needed to talk, even though she was assured that it was alright. 

“Look, Madison. You’re eighteen. You’re done with highschool. And you’re going to be living at college in a month. Your dad needs to learn that he can’t just treat you like this, especially now. You can spend the night here, that would probably be best for your sake, but tomorrow, go back home, and let him have it. All those feelings you’ve kept inside of you your whole life. He can’t keep doing this to you. Even though he plays the victim, he’s not. Remember that. Just don’t be scared to stand up for yourself. Tomorrow. Tonight, we’re going to have ice cream and a sleepover.”

Madison giggled. 

“Thanks. It really means a lot. You know, I’ve been thinking about living with my mom, but she has a drinking problem, you know. And you’re right, it’s only one more month.”

I am so not looking forward to this, Madison thought, walking to her door to face her father. He was right at the door. 

“So, the offended, entitled little princess is back, is she?” he spat. 

“We need to talk.”

“I thought I made it clear to you yesterday. I don’t think you want to see what happens if you continue that conversation.”

“See, that’s the problem, dad.” Her voice shook, but she continued. “My whole life, you’ve treated me like I’m less than you, because I’m the daughter and you’re the father and that’s just how it works, well, no, it doesn’t. You don’t get to just cut me off when it’s something you don’t want to hear. Believe me, you have said millions of things I never wanted to hear, but I never shut you up. You get to say whatever you want to me, no matter how it makes me feel, but I can’t say even one thing you don’t agree with. Tell me how that is fair! And don’t just say that it’s because we’re blood or because I’m your child and you created me. You don’t own me.”

“Well, young lady, when you have your own kids someday, you’ll get your turn to be in my position. As it is, though.”

“No,” she began. “I’m not your young lady. I’m no less than you, no matter how much you may wish it. And I would never treat my kids this way. I’m sick of this ‘children are to be seen and not heard’ crap, because that’s what it is! And need I remind you that I am legally no longer a child, and I know what you’re going to say, but it doesn’t matter that I just became an adult. I’m still an adult and you are going to learn to treat me like it.” Madison stood up straight, with a confidence she didn’t know she had. “Do you really even want me here?”

“Madison, it’s not that I don’t want you here, it’s that you’re getting to be a real nasty person. I don’t like your attitude.”

“Getting to be? I’m no worse than you, and it’s not like you’re a great person to be around. And there is no ‘getting to be.’ All these things I’m telling you now are things I’ve always felt since as long as I can remember. I’ve just been too afraid to tell you until now. But no more. I’m not going to take this, the way it’s always been. I’m your little doll, that can only say what you want, and you can shut me up whenever you feel like it. If I dare step out of line, it only takes a bit of empty threats and then you’ll get me back to where you want me. Well, no more. And stop playing the victim. You only want me here if you get to control me. If I’m to your liking. And what is it with ‘attitude?’ Is that your favorite word or something? Whenever you don’t like something I say or do, it’s always ‘attitude.’ Your go-to word.”

Her father backed down. 

“All those times I cried myself to sleep because you yelled at me for hours about how bad a person you think I am, but I wasn’t allowed to say one damned thing back. Not anymore.”

She walked away.