To Sacrifice a Heart

It has been forever since the end of my life. I stand in the forest. I have not moved from this place for what feels like centuries. My family is gone and I have accepted the truth. Never will I be found. Never will I be rescued. I made my bed, and the time has come for me to lie in it. I think often that it is too bad it was not my memory that was given up. Alas, I remember everything about my life before. 

I remember my childhood. Filled with laughter and screams of fun. Running around in fields of wildflowers, rain soaking through our clothes. Sliding down freshly waxed hallways on our knees. I remember baking bread in the kitchens and spilling flour over the floor. It ended abruptly. Only days after my fifteenth birthday. She arrived in the kingdom. She overthrew my mother and father, becoming queen. I was banished. Living every day in hiding and in fear. 

The world turned black with worry and sadness. The sound of despair rang endlessly through the kingdom. I was alone. The day I returned to the kingdom from my hiding place was only two years since the day I had left. I did not recognize my old home. The people walked, heads down, through the streets, their clothes tattered rags. Their faces were caked in dirt and dried tears. The sweet smell of bread was gone, replaced with the smell of horse manure and burning waste. I remember walking through the streets, mouth agape at the sight I saw. Even the palace that once had been tall and gleaming, a symbol of hope for the people was changed. The windows were blocked with black cloth. The door was bolted with chains. The stone walls were covered now in vines and ivy. This was not my home. I had no memory of this place, devoid of all life and happiness. I began to run.

I ran away from the castle as fast as my legs would move. The forest surrounding the kingdom was the border. If I could get into the trees without being caught by palace guards, I would be free from what seemed like an otherwise terrible fate. The moment I touched the place where the trees met the cobblestone streets I was thrown backwards. I felt myself fly through the air at what felt like the speed of light. I heard a crash. I felt warm blood trickle down my neck. My vision went dark. I remember waking up some time later. I was in a long dark hallway. I could not see the end. The only light came from a lit torch on the stone wall. I took it and waved it around, trying to figure out where I was. Suddenly, a voice rang out in the darkness. “Have they not told you?” The question echoed loudly down the corridor. A cold clear laugh ripped through the dark making my hair stand on end. “You cannot leave without offering me something in return.”

Suddenly, I knew who was talking. The queen. The terrible ruler who had forced me into exile years ago. “You see,” she continued, “I lost myself in becoming queen. It has taken me years only to get to the point of even speaking to my subjects. Now, I only miss one part. According to humans like you, it is the most important of all. It is the thing that turns one from a presence to a living human being. Do you know what it is?” I did. I did not want to say it out loud for fear of what it might mean, but I forced myself to speak. “A heart.” A noise of agreement came from the end of the hall. I can still remember the bang of my heartbeat in the silence. “Why are you telling me this?” I choked out. 

“I have been told of your kindness and compassion almost as if it is a tale of the ages. The people of the town revere you. They miss the kindness that blossomed from your chest in abundance. At least, so I’m told. Thus, if you wish to leave the kingdom, that will be your payment.” I remember my eyes going wide. The torch in my hand fell to the floor and went out as my arm went slack from shock. I was plunged into darkness.

“If I give you my heart, I will die.”

“No.” I could picture the queen smiling from wherever it was she was standing. “I have created a special, some may even say magical, armor. It will keep you from dying as long as you are not killed by something else. Now, do you agree on this deal?”

Dear reader, what was I to do in a situation like this? If I had refused to take the deal I am almost certain she would have killed me on the spot. If I did take the offer, well, I did not know this at the time, but I would be ridiculed for the rest of my days. I agreed with her, and felt something metallic clamp against my chest. A ripping sound. Pain washed through me. Pain so great no human could comprehend it. Then, suddenly I was outside. I tried to run towards the woods, but I could not move. My limbs creaked as if they needed to be oiled. I could hardly see, for the sudden sunlight had blinded me. Slowly, I moved to the woods, my legs creaking loudly with every step. Children and adults alike came into the streets and stopped what they were doing to stare. 

I had hardly made it to the border before I could not move at all. There I was, stuck for what seemed like eternity with nothing to watch but the people who stared. The children called me the Tin man. They thought I was nothing but an unimportant statue. Something put there as a border guard by the queen, and I suppose that in some cruel, twisted way, I was. Legend now says I have been standing watch over the old kingdom since the beginning of time. No one lives there anymore. The queen died, and slowly, without a ruler, everyone else left. Maybe to find solace, maybe not. I will never know. I could not even speak to them and tell them to take me as well. She told me my life would never end, but really, it already has.