A PLACE LIKE HOME

You had always felt as if you didn’t belong. For starters, no one in your family had red hair or freckles, and none of them had an inclination for science and math. To make matters worse your family and your community made sure you didn’t belong. Your siblings always made fun of you because you were nerdy and your parents never paid attention to you because you were the child they were least proud of. They choose your brothers over you every time because your brothers were gifted sportsmen. Each of them had scholarships lined up for them even before high school. In fact, they are all well on their way to be professional sportsmen. You on the other hand are what they describe as the weakest link in the family. You had no body strength, and your parents did not see how you could be of value to them. Nobody in your family ever paid attention to you and that’s why none of them knew you were dyslexic and that you stutter.

Your school and neighborhood always seemed to reinforce the ordeal you go through at home. No one ever seemed to know your name and they always referred to you as “Red Benson”, “the Benson with the red hair” or “the other Benson”. Some people even asked you why you were so different from the rest of your family. At school too, all what the teachers and students are interested in is the cheerleaders and the people who played sports. A huge chunk of the school’s budget was allocated to their upkeep, training gear and equipment and good coaches. The science program on the hand was underdeveloped and understaffed. You have complained about the curriculum to your parents and teachers several times but they all don’t care. The sportsmen and athletes bring funds and fame to the school, what better way to spend those funds than to reinvest them into the very people who made it possible? So you found a way to make it work and make sure to be educated by the time you graduated.

Popular girls and jocks were celebrated. Nerds, weirdos, straight A students were mocked. You had no social life and you certainly had no friends. Except that exchange student your class had in third grade. Diane. She was the best and probably only friend you have ever known. She stood up for you when Tom Baker bullied you. She had a genuine interest in the things you liked to talk about. But the school year came to an end and with it your friendship. Diane went back home and now you only get to see her on FaceTime. There was this other friend you had, Stephanie Zimmerman. You even thought she liked you. Turned out she just wanted an interesting subject for her vlog. She was also using you to pass science so her dad would buy her the new phone he promised her. It was nice while it lasted though. After Stephanie, you clammed up and stayed away from everyone. Not that they cared or tried to be nice to you. Well, there was one thing you were sure of – you were going to get out of this town after graduation and you weren’t coming back. Ever.

Home is a place of solace, a safe place away from a cruelly harsh world. Well, not your home. It is as harsh as the world you yearn to escape from. Your father attends all your brothers’ games and cheers them on. He refused to help you with your science fest projects time and again. He didn’t show up at any of your science contests either. On several occasions he has threatened to cut off your allowance just so that you would stop investing in your gadgets and experiments. Your mum, well, she was never around. The only time you get to see her is when she comes around during the weekend. Or stops by for an hour or two when you fall sick. She is always off to some place doing research and writing articles. And to think that she of all people would understand and support you. Sigh. Your brothers, they were too self-absorbed to give a hoot about you. Maybe if you were also interested in sport then you’d have their attention too.

All these things happening to you makes you wonder a lot. Would you ever find acceptance? Would you ever have a place in this world? When would you ever hold the attention of your family and your community? It was one moment of thinking just like this that you decided that certainly there is a place you belong. Somewhere in the world, there is a place for you. A place where you have a say, your opinion mattered and the people actually cared about you. And it was in this moment you vowed to find that place. You vowed to make your own path and find your own home. As you do with all your science experiments, you talked with Diane about this. Diane was worried about you but she supported you as always. She even offered to host you at her home in London. You said you’d think about it but the thing is you already knew where you were going.

You devised a plan to leave home. Not that you needed one – you could walk right out the door and walk into the sunset and nobody would ask where you were going or even look for you. But for your own sake you needed a plan. You had to find this Home you desperately needed. You had to make sure you had the finances to make the journey. You had to make sure you knew what you were doing. That’s why it took you a whole year to put this plan into motion. That’s why you endured another year of mockery and disregard. Another year of harsh words and looks of shame and regret. With each night you cried yourself to sleep came the assurance that in some months, weeks, days, it would all be over. You’d leave and they would forget about you. You’d finally know what it is like to be happy and loved. Slowly, steadily the day you set came closer. With its closeness came your anticipation. You wondered when you had ever looked forward to something this earnestly.

The day arrived. The time had come at last. You packed your bag like any normal day headed to school like any normal day. Sat through your classes like you’d ordinarily do. But this time it was different. You had a bounce in your step. You were on edge during your classes – you just couldn’t wait for them to end. You kept smiling at yourself each time you looked at the clock. School let out at 3 o’clock as always. We went straight home. You ran most of the way because your time was up. Nobody was home, as expected. You went to your room and collected the suitcase you packed the night before. You walk out of the house. You stop for a moment and look at your neighborhood one last time. You had a long journey ahead of you and it was a one way road. You were never coming back. You pick up the suitcase and head for the train station. Not once did you look back. Not when you walked by dad’s store or the school field where your brothers’ were.