They Speak

“Hunter, hey, Hunter—it’s time to wake up.”

Hunter opened one eye and looked at the clock. “Oh, six o’clock, okay, okay!” He closed his eye again, then raised his head with a start! “Who? What?” He looked around the room, but saw no one. “Oh man, was I dreaming? It didn’t sound like any of the neighbors. I guess somehow a dream friend knew what time it was here,” he chuckled out loud. “I’ll wait for the snooze.”

He settled back on the bed, facing the ceiling, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

“Hunter. Hunter, it’s five past six. I’ve given you your snooze break. Now it’s time to get up,” the voice said.

Hunter bolted up, and looked around again. He focused on the alarm clock. “Nah.” And yet, the clock seemed to be smiling at him, but it was a smile Hunter felt, instead of really seeing. He rubbed his eyes for a moment, looked back at the clock. “Geez, don’t be so stupid. A clock smiling!” He then headed for the bathroom.

“That’s good. Have a nice day,” said the voice. Hunter’s shoulders raised up around his neck, but he forced himself not to respond to it.

He relieved himself, then went to the sink and splashed cold water on his face. As he started drying his face, a sultry voice said, “I really like it when you wrap your whole face in me and pat yourself dry.”

Startled, Hunter threw the towel to the floor. “Nooo… oof!”

“C’mon, what gives?!” shouted Hunter. He grabbed his toothbrush and opened the toothpaste tube.

“Hey, not so rough,” said a tiny voice. “Ew! I hate when you put that gunk in my hair, it’s mmmppphhmmphph.”

Hunter brushed his teeth vigorously, hoping to wake from this nightmare he was convinced he was having. He spit out the toothpaste and rinsed the brush. “Hey! watch… glupgppgpggpgpllugug!” Hunter jammed the toothbrush into it holder.

“I’m not listening,” he started to sing. “There are no voices to be heard,” as he grabbed up the towel, “Hey! Easy!” Hunter wiped his mouth and quickly tossed the towel on the rack.

Warily, he walked into the kitchen, listening. “Oh, good, nothing.” Relieved, he grabbed a coffee pod and turned on the Keurig.

“Ahh, that’s great! I’ll have some hot joe for you in a jiffy, Hunter.”

“NOO! STOP IT!” Hunter screamed. He pinched himself, and nothing happened. He sat at the table while the coffee brewed. “Okay, I’m not dreaming, I don’t think. No dream has ever felt this real. Hmm, maybe…maybe Steve and Luke are pranking me, to see, to see how I react to something crazy and impossible. That’s gotta be it! Well, two can play at that game. I’m not going to give them the satisfaction of being freaked out. I’m just gonna go through my day as if everything is normal.”

With that he got down a cup and poured the coffee. “OW! Geez that’s hot!” came a voice from the cup. Hunter just smiled.

“These guys are good. I wonder what else I’ll hear.” He kept glancing around the kitchen, looking for hidden cameras, but saw none. As he started away, a voice called, “Hey, dude, how about some Pop Tarts? I’m happy to warm them up for you.” Hunter wavered a moment, his neck sinking into his shoulders again, then kept walking.

He took his coffee into the bedroom, setting it down on the dresser, and headed for the closet. As he got closer he could hear muffled sounds. He hesitated before opening the door. “Hunter, wear me.” “No, wear me today.” “They’re all wrinkled, wear me.” “I’m your favorite shirt, put me on.”

Hunter’s eyes widened and his back stiffened. He closed the door and took a few breaths. “Stay cool,” he thought to himself, “Just stay cool.” He quickly opened the door and grabbed a shirt and pants and slammed the door shut. He hurriedly dressed, and pulled on his shoes.

“HEY! Would it kill you to undo the laces once in a while?” Hunter’s eyes widened, but he said nothing, just grimaced.

He started back to the kitchen when he heard, “Coffee! You forgot to finish your coffee.” He gently picked up the mug, holding it like it was a soiled diaper. He walked the cup back to the kitchen and set it in the sink. “Rinse me. I hate that scum drying in me all day.” Hunter shakily rinsed the cup. As he picked up his keys he heard giggling, and just shook his head.

Heading to the door, the handle wouldn’t turn. He moved the deadbolt and the lock back and forth, but the handle wouldn’t budge. “Okay, come on! Enough is enough. You guys win,” Hunter yelled at the walls. “I know you’re watching me. I don’t know how you’re doing this, but please, I’ve got to get to work.”

He heard clicking noises coming from the door. “Stupid nerd can’t take a joke,” a voice mumbled. He grabbed the handle of the door, and it opened for him. He quickly stepped outside, making sure it was locked as he closed it, and started down the path to the driveway.

“Bye Hunter, we’ll miss you. Have a great day.”

“Hunter, you forget to check the mail yesterday!”

“Hunter, we need water! Our roots are drying.”

Hunter stopped and hunched his shoulders, turning his head away from the house. Julie, from across the street, was pulling out of her driveway too fast. She glanced at Hunter and he saw that her face was twisted in horror. Her tires squealed as she drove away up the road.

Oliver, who usually jogs by every morning, was sprinting today, looking back over his shoulder as he raced down the street, his earbuds dangling behind him.

Hunter cautiously approached his car, listening for any sounds, the slightest peep. Slowly, he opened the door to his car. “Finally, quiet.” He got in, buckled up, checked his mirrors, and started it up.

“Good morning, Hunter. Shall we go to work? Be sure to buckle up. ”

Tears slowly came to Hunter’s eyes as he backed out of the driveway, and headed to work.