July and August cannot be too hot.

The weather in Camelot had been legislated, by a law made a distant moon ago, to be perfect all the year. As this ruled out the extremes of heat usually found in summer, the only way to gauge the time of mid-summer in Camelot was to observe the stars. When Sirius, the Dog Star would rise just before the Sun in July, it would indicate the time surrounding the middle of summer, the dies caniculares, or ‘dog days’.

Malory Tennyson, the owner of Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies, was doing just that. He was particularly observing the positions of Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky, visible in the southeastern to southwestern sky and King Arthur’s stars, Ursa Major in the northwestern part of the sky.

Malory was trying to calculate which episode of the re-enactments of the Arthurian epic, in the Fog Lake below Cloudbank Cabin, was due to happen next. In the past Malory had always known exactly. That had changed dramatically recently, ever since he had accepted Little Plump Jo as an Artisan in Residence in the cabin.

Little Plump Jo had come to Cloudbank Cabin to work on a Photo Essay subject assignment for her university studies. She had stayed on after that intending to write the full Arthurian epic during the month of November. Malory had been happy to accommodate Jo; as she had brought with her five canine writing companions, the Dabrowski Dogs – Intellectual, Sensual, Emotional, Psycho Motor and Imaginational. As the dogs could hear a different range of sound, they were aware of Malory Tennyson and the Arthurian characters in their fictional dimension. They were able to act as a connection from the literal to the fictional for Jo. Malory had never experienced this connection to his artisans before; and had great hopes that he could influence Jo to write an important work, worthy of being included in Arthurian canon.

Little Plump Jo was not the first to bring dogs to Cloudbank Cabin. But none of the previous dog owners held the same opinions and preferences as Malory; and therefore Malory had used the dogs as the instruments for evicting their owners from the cabin. For example, Malory insisted that his favorite character, Sir Lancelot du Lac, was a stern, perfectionistic warrior with dark eyes and coal black curls.

One of the authors had depicted Lancelot as a blond Viking and Malory had told his dog to go and lick the toxic William Morris wallpaper; and the dopey, loping dog had obeyed.

Another author, one Mimosa Minipas, had brought a pampered little yappy dog with her and proceeded to illustrate Sir Lancelot as a half-fairy creature, with pink spiky hair, overly big blue eyes and ‘the darlingest little wings’ on his back. Malory had given her short shrift by terrifying the little dog. She only stayed in the cabin for one night.

Fortunately, Little Plump Jo’s grounding in Arthurian literature came from the works of Sir Thomas Malory and Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Her descriptions of the personalities and physical features of the characters were in accord with those of Malory Tennyson. And the presence of Jo’s five Dabrowski Dogs enabled the connection between Jo and Malory.

However Jo was not decisive in her plotline and character development. Several characters had claimed autonomy, causing a flow on effect which resulted in The Glitch in the Fog Lake. The Glitch had caused events to happen out of order and King Arthur had returned prematurely from his long sleep on Avalon before Sir Lancelot could complete his Hero’s To Do List from the previous iteration. This had apparently been remedied and now all the characters seemed ready to move on together in the Fog Lake re-enactments of the Arthurian stories.

Malory Tennyson could not be sure which of the tournaments was about to be enacted. He decided, based on his viewing of the stars, that it must be mid-summer now. Therefore, they had probably avoided the Maying episode, where Queen Guinevere was abducted by Meliagrance (or Malegant or some similarly named person). Actually Malory Tennyson had not seen Queen Guinevere yet in this iteration. This could mean that she had not yet arrived from Cameliard for her marriage to King Arthur and Sir Lancelot, as the established champion, would be sent to escort her. Or it could mean that she was in Camelot already and Malory had just not seen her around. If that were the case, this tournament would be the one in which a newly arrived Sir Lancelot defeated all comers and, when being presented to the Queen, had one of his absence moments, which would be deemed as being struck by love at first sight. Malory decided to title the tournament ‘The Midsummer Tournament’ and see which scenario would unfold.

Malory became aware that characters introduced or altered in the previous Fog Lake iteration were still present when Portly Scribe Aforementioned came seeking information for inclusion in press releases for the tournament. He also needed clarification about details to be included in the tournament entry forms.

“Will it be compulsory to have medical benefits coverage in order to participate in the tournament?” he asked.

“No, King Arthur has not instigated King Arthur’s Medical Benefits as yet in this iteration.”

“And will there be screening for performance enhancing substances? Agravain tells me that that the young knight with the fabulous brazen greaves, who shows superhuman abilities, takes herbal remedies.”

Then it was Lady Charlotte-Elaine of Shalott, the entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving and Scarlet Sleeve Care Provider Services who approached Malory Tennyson.

“I have set up a stand in the Main Hall where the knights can subscribe to membership of Scarlet Sleeve Care Provider Services. Membership will provide coverage for medical bills incurred for services provided by Scarlet Sleeve Care, including litter transport provided by the service exclusively for the use of the members. I am in negotiations with Charles the Armorer to create enamelled metal buttons in the shape of my Scarlet Sleeve Care insignia to be affixed to the shields belonging to members. This will identify which knights can be moved from the tourney field by Scarlet Sleeve Care litters.”

“That sounds a bit like the fire marks that insurance companies used to put on buildings back in the days when insurance companies owned fire brigades” barked Intellectual Dabrowski. “If a building had the company’s fire mark the brigade would put out the fire. If it did not, the brigade drove straight past!”

“Actually,” barked Imaginational Dabrowski “Lady Elaine was saying to Charles the Armorer that she intended to make tabards for the knights, with the scarlet sleeve sponsorship logo, and their names embroidered on their backs. But Sir Lancelot got huffy about commercialization of the sport of jousting. He said there was no need to put names on backs because people were supposed to be able to tell who the combatants were by the heraldic devices on their shields. Then he went storming off. And Charles told her that putting names and sponsorship logos on tabards was just tacky in his opinion. So she will not do that. But I am pretty sure Charles will make the enamel buttons for the shields.”

“I heard,” chimed in Psycho Motor Dabrowski, bouncing energetically, “that most of the knights would welcome sponsorship deals and be happy to wear advertising tabards. Sir Agravain said (mind you, I think he is just jealous of Sir Lancelot) that it is not fair because Sir Lancelot has the backing of the Lady of the Lake, who is always sending him brazen greaves and new shields and stuff.”

By the morning of The Midsummer Tournament, Malory Tennyson was still no wiser about which tournament was to be re-enacted in the Fog Lake. The row of shields had been set up. A knight could choose his opponent for the upcoming round by knocking a shield to the ground. Most knights mentally chose the shield of an opponent they felt they could defeat. Malory noticed that more than half the shields had Scarlet Sleeve Care buttons attached to them.

The moment the commencement trumpets blew, Sir Lancelot came galloping down the line, knocking over every shield with a Scarlet Sleeve Care button on it. There were exclamations of disgust and unbelief from all sides. Malory now knew which tournament this must be. It must be a variation of the first tournament in which Sir Lancelot had taken part. On that occasion Sir Lancelot had been an overconfident, idealistic youngster, not aware of correct tournament etiquette. He had been determined to be noticed by Queen Guinevere. And when he had defeated every one of the contestants and was presented to the Queen, he could only stand there with a vacant expression on his face. Malory glanced up at the royal pavilion but there was no sign of Queen Guinevere. Maybe she would arrive later in the day.

Sir Bors arrived looking flustered and apologetic. “I must apologize for the behavior of my cousin, Sir Lancelot” he said. “When he saw all those shields with the Scarlet Sleeve Care buttons, he thought he was going to be forced to wear a named sponsorship tabard. He was just staging a protest about commercialization of the sport of jousting. I have explained it to him now. He is relieved that he will not be required to wear a tabard; and he has accepted that his disrespectful, unconventional action means he will be compelled to challenge almost two-thirds of the Round Table in the First Round today.”

“Just tell Lance to

Strike down the lusty and long practised knight,

And let the younger and unskilled go by

To win his honour and to make his name,

And tell him to unseat them gently, because Scarlet Sleeve Care does not have sufficient resources to provide litters for two-thirds of my knights during a single round and I cannot afford to have two-thirds of my knights indisposed.

“Let the tournament begin!” announced King Arthur. And the trumpets blew.

As Malory Tennyson had anticipated, Sir Lancelot single-handedly demolished two thirds of the competitors in the first round and then soundly defeated the winner of the other section. As Sir Lancelot stood, staring vacantly, in front of the royal pavilion, to receive his prize, Malory realized that there was still no sign of Queen Guinevere.

That evening Sir Lancelot paced under the Summer Stars, looking towards the North Star. He and Queen Guinevere had always semi-jokingly bid each other farewell with the words ‘Meet you at the North Star.’ Lancelot had been quite perplexed when Queen Guinevere had not been present in the royal pavilion. He wondered whether she was unwell or had not yet arrived from Cameliard for her marriage to King Arthur. Or, of even more concern, could his lady still be in the nunnery at Amesbury in the previous iteration of the story. He was usually the one who conducted her funeral service. But what with his life threatening wound, and then Arthur returning early from his long sleep on Avalon, he had not been able to do that in the previous iteration. Was Queen Guinevere still in the nunnery?

On the other side of Cloudbank Cabin Malory Tennyson was also pacing under the same Summer Stars. The proceedings of the Midsummer Tournament had done nothing to help him decipher which episode of Le Morte d’Arthur was being re-enacted in the Fog Lake at present. And that was something which he should know! He needed to find out whether King Arthur had signed the treaty with King Leodegrance of Cameliard, married his daughter, Guinevere, and received the dowry gift of the Round Table yet. He certainly did not want to ask King Arthur himself!

Malory spotted a young fair haired lad coming towards him from the kitchens. Maybe that was Sir Gawain’s younger brother, Beaumains, who would later be known as Sir Gareth? That was a great story, Malory thought to himself. If this were Beaumains, Malory would have at least a point of time reference.

“Greetings, Passing Fair Kitchen Lad. Are you the one known as Beaumains?”

“No, Sir. I be Limpet, Master Merlin’s harp apprentice.”

That was another one of those non-canon characters who had appeared during the previous iteration. Maybe he could give Malory the information he was seeking.

“What shape is King Arthur’s high table in the Great Hall?”

“What a daft question!” said Limpet and ran off.

Now, as much as he hated to do it, Malory sent a messenger to Portly Scribe Aforementioned, ordering him to come to Cloudbank Cabin.

The messenger returned bearing the message ‘You have reached the Scribing Services of Portly Scribe Aforementioned. My office hours are Matins to Vespers. Your concerns are of importance to me. Leave me a message and I will contact you at the earliest convenience.’

“That is just not acceptable!” yelled Malory. “He does not even supply an after hours contact. What if the kingdom’s safety depended on the transcription of a treaty? Tell Portly Scribe to come at once!”

When Portly Scribe appeared, Malory demanded “Has a treaty been signed with King Leodegrance of Cameliard?”

“No, Sir. When King Arthur returned and drew the sword Excalibur from the stone, you told him to condense the scenes of his early reign and he has not instigated King Arthur’s Medical Benefits Scheme or enacted any treaties as yet. But His Majesty did send a treaty offer to King Leodegrance. The answer that came back had some complex legal terms in Latin that indicated that King Leodegrance questioned King Arthur’s right to the throne.”

“That would be the ‘se nominato’ clause mentioned in the film Sword of Lancelot” barked Intellectual Dabrowski, who had just come in from his evening walk.

“King Leodegrance was demanding a Trial by Combat to settle the matter. Sir Lancelot was away in Corbenic being healed and King Arthur wanted to delay sending a reply until he returned” concluded Portly Scribe Aforementioned.

“At least I know now which version of the tale we are in.” Malory confided to Intellectual after Portly Scribe had left.

“Well, yes. But I was just talking to Sir Lancelot, on my walk,” barked Intellectual “And he is not sure whether Queen Guinevere has made it into this iteration yet!