The Show Must Go On : The Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters Pt 2

“Contractual obligations, Merlin!”

“Loopholes, Malory! In your material it says Cloudbank Cabin will provide Arthurian epic re-enactments, in chronological order, in the Fog Lake and Cloudbank, within clear view of the porch of Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies, at all times when hosting an Artisan in Residence , except in extraordinary circumstances.

And Sir Lancelot du Lac disappearing completely is definitely an extraordinary circumstance!”

“If you know where he is, Merlin, I insist that you magic him back to the Fog Lake right this minute!”

“You know I am not wizard like that, Malory! I am more of a scientist inventor – a man before my time, if you like. It was that Walt Disney, with his cartoon version of The Sword in the Stone, that gave me that image of a blue robed wizard with a ridiculous owl perched on a pointy hat.”

“Don’t mess me around, Merlin. I need him back in the Fog Lake for the final chapters and I need him there now. We have Little Plump Jo here as the current Artisan in Residence and I need her to be able to write this epic properly. We do have deadlines, you know.”

“Even if I could find him he would not be able to participate, Malory. He was wounded in the fight with Sir Mador.”

“He always gets wounded in the fight with Sir Mador. It is part of the story line. I don’t care whether he says he cannot ride. Just get him back here now!”

“Wow!” yelped Imaginational Dabrowski, one of the five overexcitable Dabrowski Dogs who were Little Plump Jo’s writing companions. “I am so glad we have not told Malory Tennyson that Sir Lancelot is right here in the newly imagined rear wing of Cloudbank Cabin in our Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters! He would probably have him back out in the Fog Lake tomorrow in spite of the fractured femur and the blood loss.”

“To give Malory his due,” said Intellectual Dabrowski “he does not realise how seriously Sir Lancelot was injured. The Fog Lake script called for just a scratch and after Lancelot purposely walked into Mador’s strike without defending himself, the Fog Lake boiled and the Cloudbank descended like a curtain. So he would not have seen the result. And he must be completely puzzled by his disappearance from Camelot. That is not in the script at this point in the story.”

Emotional Dabrowski emerged from the newly imagine-created Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters. “Sir Lancelot wants to know what is happening in the Fog Lake now. I told him we don’t know and not to worry himself about it. Just relax and recover, I said. But then he got really agitated and said that if Sir Urre of Hungary was brought to Camelot to be healed, then he would need to go immediately and not delay because Sir Urre would be in dreadful pain. And not to let Queen Guinevere go a-amayING and get kidnapped by Meleagrance because he was really not strong enough to rescue her just now. I said I would find out for him.”

“You can tell him that the search parties Queen Guinevere ordered are still out searching for him. Do NOT tell him that Malory Tennyson wants to move on to the tale of Sir Lancelot and Elaine the Fair and the Tournament for the Ninth Diamond” barked Intellectual. “And a reminder to everyone – do not tell anybody except Merlin, Sir Bors and the Hermit of the Forest anything about him while he is here.”

Malory Tennyson came striding in. “Due to unforeseen circumstances, the re-enactments in the Fog Lake will not be presented in chronological order until further notice. There has been a request to film Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, which I denied. That tale was not part of my collection for Le Morte D’Arthur.

I have, however, arranged for a re-enactment of the Tristram and Isolde chapters. I am expecting composers and film makers to be interested in the offering. It will be appropriate for you to attend, Little Plump Jo.” And Malory Tennyson went striding out.

“I don’t want to write that story,” said Jo rather peevishly.

“Then just tell Malory you will be working on editing. It is not compulsory to attend all the sessions.” That was Psycho Motor Dabrowski. “You can tell Sir Lancelot they will be doing Tristram and Isolde next, Emotional.”

That night there was consternation in the Halfway House for Disgruntled Characters.

Lancelot was feverishly ranting in his native tongue - something about keys and evil things. Merlin called for a second medical opinion from The Hermit of the Forest and Sir Bors brought in a monk for a second spiritual perspective.

“Who is that monk?” asked Intellectual. “Is it Gildas or one of the Group of Unnamed Monks? I mean, can we trust him not to go back and start writing all this down?”

Lancelot was muttering

J'offre habituellement l'asile à Tristram et Isolde à Joyeux Garde.

Mais je ne peux pas être là alors. Tristram aura besoin des clés de Joyeux Garde.

Heureux doit prendre les clés de Tristram mais je dois dire à Tristram de n'utiliser aucune des clés en cuivre !

Tellement important ! Tellement important !

Dites à Tristram que les clés de cuivre vont aux choses maléfiques dans le coffre-fort.

La grosse clé en cuivre ouvre le pilier. Ne l'ouvrez pas ! Tellement important ! Ne l'ouvrez pas ! Des choses méchantes à l'intérieur… si méchant… Dites à Tristram ! Dites à Tristram !

“He is sleeping now,” Merlin said an hour later. “We gave him poppy syrup."

“He is just worried about what is happening in the Fog Lake since he heard it will be the story of Tristram and Isolde being re-enacted” said Sir Bors.

“Yes, Lancelot is usually part of the Tristram and Isolde story. I am concerned that Malory is trying to force Lancelot’s appearance in the Fog Lake by running these chapters. But it will take him a few more months to recover” added Merlin.

“Couldn’t you just magic him better, Merlin ? ” That was Psycho Motor Dabrowski who was always keen to find a quick fix solution.

“I am not wizard like that! I am a scientist inventor – a man before my time! We will be able to plaster his leg but not until the external wound has healed further. Until then he just needs to lie very still and hope the splinting and bolsters will allow his leg to heal correctly.”

“See, you should have read the doctoral theses and scholarly articles about wound care in the Middle Ages that I found for you. There was Larissa Tracy and Kelly DeVries Penetrating Medieval Wounds and Wounds and Wound Repair in Medieval Culture and Wounds in the Middle Ages by Anne Kirkham and Cordelia Warr. But no, you just wanted an Internet search quick fix! ” That was Intellectual Dabrowski holding forth from his favourite soapbox about the necessity for Little Plump Jo to adopt a more scholarly approach to her writing.

“Lancelot usually gives Tristram and Isolde sanctuary from King Mark in his castle, Joyous Garde. So, as he cannot be there in person, he wants to get the keys to Tristram. He could ask his companion dog, Heureux, to take the keys, but he is fretting about the copper keys on that ring which open a pillar and box down in the vaults which once contained materials of dark magic. He has disposed of everything he found ; but he is concerned there could be more. He wants to give the keys to Tristram in person and explain what they all open ; but he is not able to move at the moment” explained Bors.

“Could you take the keys to Tristram, Merlin? ”

“I could but I would need a pretext. I am not part of that script ”

“What about this for a pretext?” suggested Imaginational Dabrowski, who claimed he could produce a solution to most problems, using some lateral thinking and imagination. ”

“ Meet Limpet! I found him sitting on a rock on the shore. He is the most promising of your young harp students – he has the potential to be the next Crown Bard. He is a huge fan of Tristram’s harping and was sitting on the rock waiting to see Tristram arrive from Ireland. He did not see him then, so he wants you to take him to see Tristram now ”

That afternoon a shaft of sunlight beamed down through the clouds of the Cloudbank spotlighting the golden hair of the small boy with Merlin and the copper keys in the bunch of keys which Merlin handed to Tristam.

“What was that all about, Merlin? ” Malory Tennyson demanded that evening. “You know better than to just walk into any scene you fancy in the Fog Lake. We have a classical composer here working on an opera based on the tale of Tristram and Isolde! We cannot afford interruptions like that – we need to maintain professionalism and work to deadlines. ”

“ My young harp apprentice, Limpet, is a great fan of Sir Tristram and has always wanted to meet him. Limpet has the potential to be the next Crown Bard, you know!”

“I did not know! I have never heard you mention him.And Merlin, I really need Sir Lancelot back in the Fog Lake for the action tomorrow. I cannot wait fifteen years while the searchers look for him. If you know where he is, and I suspect you do, I need you to magic him back to the Fog Lake. Yes, yes, I know, you are not a wizard like that!

But there are deadlines to meet!”