Thriller Drama Suspense

“That movie fucking sucked.” 

“Cmon, Paul. Not that bad.”

Said Darren, picking his leather coat up off from the theatre seat. 

“I liked it.” 

Said Kira, barely audible enough for anyone to hear. 

Prying their feet off the sticky theatre floor, the group marched out into the summer evening, leaving behind their trail of empty wine spritzer cans, sunflower seed shells and popcorn kernels. 

“Hmm, Gus’s is close to here. And I know they’re still open..

That dude never sleeps.”

Said Darren, stepping out into the warm late August night, fumbling through a pocket of cigarettes.  It was a cloudless night , and the sun was hanging in the sky like a desperate lover, clinging for life, filling the western horizon with one final, magenta and orange, fiery blaze. 

“Ehh, pretty beat, man.” Said Paul, looking over at Kira for agreement. 

Kira was vexed; her eyes darted all around before they reached Darren’s, where they lingered, silently pleading with him. 

Darren gave her a knowing smile as he exhaled a cloud of smoke up towards the stars, just beginning to reveal themselves. 

“Cmon man. I’ll buy you a maple glaze. I’m so lit up right now. We never spend time, all of us. I’m not letting you off so easily.”

They had a table for four in a little booth by the window.  Henrietta, the middle aged waitress was prompt to bring them their coffees and desserts. She had served them many times before, but aside from their orders, no other words, no other pleasantries were ever exchanged.  It was not that the group was unfriendly, but Henrietta was prompt, with a  sharp, no bullshit way about her, and she made no business of delaying her speed of service with idle chatter. 

Behind the front counter was a window where her husband, Gus, the owner of Gus’s Dough, could be seen worked in the back all through the night, kneading the dough and carefully sprinkling ingredients into the batters containing his locally famous creations. 

Despite baking doughnuts for a living, Gus was built like an Olympic diver, tall, slim and broad shouldered. His hair was silver, his face was stolid, and his long arms stuck out from his apron, while his hands expertly maneuvered through batches of doughnuts and fritters, from batter to fryer in endless procession.  

The shop may have been famous for its desserts, but certainly not the hospitality. The only smiles to be found in Gus’s all night cafe were those on the patrons as they experienced the overwhelming enjoyment Gus’s doughnuts had to offer. 

Darren held several packages of sugar over his coffee, tarring them open simaltaneosly, and letting a cloudy heap fall into the steaming coffee, speaking frantically as he did. 

“I know no one will agree with me, but the movie was actually pretty good.”

He said. 


Kira said. 

But Paul cut her off before she could finish her thought. 

“That’s one thing you’re right about.”

Said Paul. 

“No agreement here. That movie stunk!”


Said Darren. 

Smirking while sipping his coffee. 

“I think Kira may feel otherwise...”

He said, putting the coffee down before stirring in yet another packet of sugar.  

Kira blushed while the others laid their eyes upon her. 

“I agree with Darren.”

She said meekly 

“Well, Kira, I guess it’s official....

We’re through.”

Paul laughed. 

“Nice knowing ya. “

They all laughed before a few silent moments passed between them, sipping their respective coffees, and Kira, her chamomile tea. 

Kira’s eyes were fixed upon the custard doughnut sitting in the centre of the table. 

Darren pushed the plate towards her with an eyebrow raised. 

“I see you looking” he said, a sly smile creeping across his face. 

Kira remained fixed upon the doughnut. 

“Babe, are you having a moment with the doughnut, or what?”

Paul laughed at his own joke but no one else did. 

Darren and Kira looked at each other knowingly. 

“It reminds me...”

Said Kira 

“Of our first time here”

“Our first time here?”

Said Paul, squinting his eyes. 

“I can’t remember that...”

Kira looked straight ahead into Darren’s eyes.

“It was right when that Robbie Steltzer film came out”

She went on.

“Back in...junior year.”

Paul  looked around with a confused expression. Darren stares ahead at Kira with an alarmed expression. The tension between everyone at the table was heavy and foreboding. 

“I dont have any clue what you’re talking about…”

Paul said. 

“I didn’t even know you in junior year.” 

“Um, she means…Us...”

Said Darren, leaning back against the plastic red cushioned booth.

“You two? What the hell are you guys talking about?”

“Well, we came here once in junior year...”

Said Darren. 

“Before you and I met.”

Kira interrupted. 

And suddenly the table was silent, yet again. The only sound was that of Gus behind the counter, working away on the next batch, and Henrietta, bussing a just made vacant table .

Paul’s face started turning red.

“And you never told me? What the fuck?” 

No-one else dared to speak.

“What happened between you guys? You fucked, didnt you? Thats why it was a secret this whole time!” 

He said, rasing his voice.

Darren stared down at his empty coffee cup, shaking his head, desperately searching for something redeeming to say. 

Kira folded her hands in her lap, trying to restrain herself from shaking with fright. 

“I can’t believe you two…”

He went on.

“If you’ve been keeping this a secret between all of us, how the hell am I supposed to know what else you have been keeping a secret? Should I look beneath the table just to make sure youre not both playing footsie like a couple of teenagers? I feel sick. I feel betrayed. Fuck this...”

He said slamming his fist on the table. 

“Enjoy you’re fucking doughnut.” 

Paul motioned to get up, and Kira evacuated the booth to let him through. He left without another word, or glance. Darren paid the cheque, and the doughnut remained on its plate, uneaten.

Eventually, the phone calls from Darren and Kira ceased. Thats when Paul finally debated calling them to make amends. He let a few more days go by, and began to worry. Had he been out of line? He wondered. 

But, eventually, his phone did ring. He was surprised, and slightly disappointed, however, to hear neither Darren, nor Kira’s voice, but Nancy’s timid greeting coming from the other line. 


Said Paul

“What’s up?”

“Not much, Paul. Everything alright with you? Didn’t see you since the other night when you left Gus’s.”

“Uhh, yeah...”

“Listen, about that...”

Said Paul. 

“Let’s get together.”

Said Nancy, her voice urgent and abrupt . 

“Um, okay. I guess I can call Kira, and you call Darren?”

Said Paul, his face twisting with confusion 

“You know what? Don’t worry about them. I’ll make the arrangements.”

“Oh, well, okay. Thanks.”

Said Paul  

“I just finished class. I’ll take a shower and then leave. 4:45, good?”

“Um, okay. Yeah. That’s fine.”

Said Paul. 

When Paul walked into Gus’s, he was greeted by both Henrietta’s swift service—bringing him straight to the booth where Nancy was sitting, by herself—as well as by the wafting aroma of fresh doughnuts. On his way to the table Paul stole a glance through the window behind the counter  to see Gus, busy moulding his next batch of masterpieces. 

“I see we’re the first ones here”

Said Paul, as he assumed his spot across from Nancy. There was already a coconut sprinkled doughnut sitting on a plate in front of him. Just a moment after he sat down, Henrietta arrived to serve Paul his coffee and to refill Nancy’s half empty mug. 

“Coconuts your favorite, isn’t it?”

Said Nancy. 

“It is, actually. Nice to know someone listens, haha....”

Paul said. 

“So where is everybody?”


Said Nancy

“No one else is coming...”

Paul began to feel all his already brewing unease  reaching new heights. 

Meanwhile, Henrietta went to the back to refill the trays of honey cruellers

“I’m telling you, Rita” 

Said Gus, his hands plunged in a bowlful of dough. 

“Somethings up with those two in the corner.”

“You think so, Hon?”

Said Henrietta, her voice sweeter than any customer had ever witnessed. 

“That girl. I see it in her eyes.”

Said Gus, his eyes fixed on the dough. 

“I saw it the other night, too.”

“What is it? What do you see?”

Henrietta asked, alarmed.

“They’re cold. They’re empty. They’re null and void. She’s the silent type. The worst kind. The kind who could be there the whole time, and you wouldn’t know it. But then, when nobody expects her to do anything, that’s when—“

Paul had eaten half of the doughnut, caught up in conversation with Nancy. He had never realized how personable she truly was, only ever seeing her as Darren’s quiet, wallflower girlfriend, and nothing else. 

“This is nice.”

Said Nancy. 

“We should do this more often.”

Paul found himself nodding before he stopped himself. 

“But what about—“

“We don’t need to worry about them, anymore.”

Said Nancy, her voice lowering. 


“It’s just us...

Just like we wanted. “

“What are you talking about?”

Said Paul

“You know. We both know. The way those two always looked at eachother. The way you looked at me. The way I looked at you....”

Paul was speechless as Nancy went on. 

“I saw it in you the other night. You were happy in a way, weren’t you? You knew it would give you an excuse to leave her. To take me instead....

Well, here I am”

 Nancy said. 

“Wait, wait. Wait a second.”

Said Paul. 

“I’m not sure about this. I mean. The other night. Maybe I got out of hand. Maybe this is all being blown up out of proportion.”

“What’s done is done. “

Said Nancy 

“We don’t need to worry about them and their bullshit anymore. You weren’t out of hand the other night. You did what had to be done, that’s all...

And now I’ve finished the job”

Paul felt a surge of acid reflux spray burning coconut sprinkled sludge up inside his throat. 

“And you were right, by the way,”

Said Nancy with a grin 

“that movie fucking sucked...”

November 07, 2020 04:38

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Rick Bramhall
21:48 Nov 18, 2020

Excellent dialogue, although you need to fix the punctuation. For example, "And you were right, by the way," said Nancy with a grin. "That movie fucking sucked." Great description of Gus. You need to do the same with the other characters.


Matt Render
00:30 Nov 19, 2020

Thanks for the feedback. I think I see what you mean, make the characters more vivd? Agreed- my punctuation sucked (even worse than the movie)


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Oh, did Nancy kill Kira and Darren? I love this story.


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Yes, The Movie F*cking sucked, but your writing didn't. Niceeeeeeeeee!


Matt Render
06:50 Nov 15, 2020

You made my week, Celeste. Thank you, you are too kind.


Your Stories have great tempos! Love "Reeding" them! (hehehe) Pls do more! :D


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