Wandrin' Evil Spirit

I don’t know how it came to be, so long ago when everything seemed possible.

He was my inspiration. That and his photograph. Of what you ask?

Oh, a demon! Uploaded it to YouTube, he did. So, a picture was formed in my mind from a video that shouldn’t exist. I can hardly get my mind around it. Its hard to even speak of it.

But we all do what we must. And he certainly did what he wanted! Two children, one impossibly older, so ready to accept things…

But we’ll have to start at the beginning. A hot summer’s day, so brutally hot. Hot enough to broil eggs on the sidewalk that are over hard and crisp, no sunny side up!

I trudged up the scarcely graveled driveway, kicking dirt over my sneakers, Peter Pan booties, my sister called them, seeing as in her mind I was more a fairy than a real boy!

“You’ll never have a girlfriend, dummy!” she hollered through an open car window, my mother yelling at her for being so “disrespectful.”

I’d rather visit Ted, this uncle of mine, lost hook, line and sinker to his stories and pictures than go with my sister and my mother to the beach. Oh, the bikinis! Oh, those hunks! Sheesh, give me a good book!

That toothy grin, paws on the holy screen door, his mug was there to greet me as I climbed the rotting stairs to the side door of his bungalow.

“C’mon in! Want some lemonade? Or how ‘bout this watermelon?”

Yeah! Just where is the soda? How ‘bout them chocolate bars there, Uncle Ted?

It was not to be. I scarfed a piece of watermelon, to be polite. Warm and with a days old red skin it was. Ugh. We slipped into the living room, my uncle beside himself with excitement.

“I’ve got that picture all blowed up and framed for ya!” he hollered.

I never asked for my own copy, but there it was, old Boogerhead himself, trapped in a framed photograph near the LED TV. Which sat on one of those furniture TV’s that no longer worked. Which overpowered the room. I mean totally!

Boogerhead looked like no demon I ever imagined. Sheepish looking, like he had been caught out in the open, peering at the camera from behind two people posing at a wedding.

Such big eyes he had! And a mouth? Like it looked like a mask, but this was no joke. No occasion for masks. The couple posing wasn’t aware a demon was right behind them!

On YouTube there was a whole video about the picture, something about how the guy was down and out, the guy, not the demon! He had a drug problem and now there was this picture to show how people get these demons when their life goes wrong on them.

Yada Yada. Religion up the wazoo! Uncle Ted believed this stuff. Me not so much, though the ideas were interesting.

“You want me to have this?” My face communicated what words could not express.

“It’s yours from your Uncle Ted!” he enthused. “Here, let me wrap it up for you! I’ll put it in the bag the framing place gave me. You should have seen the sales lady’s face when I told her what it was! She flipped!”

#

Mom was all sun burnt. Sis couldn’t stop talking about the hunk that said “Hi!”

“You’re to blame for all our problems!” Mom said to me as she emptied grocery bags in the kitchen. “If you had come with us, we would have remembered to bring the sunblock seeing as you never tan.”

“You’re welcome, Mom,” I said. “Here. Meet my new friend!”

I shoved the eight by ten into her face.

“Get that away from me!” she shrieked. “What is it?”

“Boogerhead.”

“Booger what?”

“Head.”

“Oh, your Uncle Ted. Unmarried and nothing going his way. Too much time on his hands…”

“Yeah, Mom.”

My sister had to see it. “I was going to say you should get it framed, but there it is!”

“Your new boyfriend?” I replied.

She punched me. And Mom saw it.

#

Such long days when you are given two hours only to video game. You’re so rushed. I mean you can’t text your friends, there’s a cellphone for that. And you don’t want to watch your friend’s video game, there’s a TV for that.

So, you hunch over and pick a time when the parentals are occupied. Like when they are video gaming themselves. That was the idea. Then when you’ve squeezed say four hours out of only two, you go to your best friends place to visit and uh talk and of course video game.

Your best friend should be someone who can video game all the time if they want. The only problem being that they have to take turns or you end up watching them play all the time.

So, I devised a plan. Boogerhead to the rescue.

How? Well, lets see. When your friend is researching an interesting video, they aren’t playing. Which means that you are, playing on their system that is.

I posed a bunch of questions for Matt, my friend, after he recovered from the shock of seeing my framed old nasty.

Is this a demon? If not, what the hell is it? Should a demon look like a deer caught in the headlights? Wouldn’t a demon look like they are in charge?

If it is fake, wouldn’t the perpetrator have the demon look like it is dangerous instead of looking like it is out of place?

By the time I was through compiling a list of these questions, I half believed I was onto something real.

#

“You aren’t going to watch me play Helldiver’s 2?” Matt opined as I settled into a chair in his rec room.

“Nah, I got this project!” I said. “Its so interesting. I could get published. You want in?”

“That picture? You make me laugh!”

“Why aren’t you?”

“What?”

“Laughing. No joke. This is real. My Uncle Ted is a changed man. He’s spooked.”

I could smell his Mom’s cooking. Supper would be soon, and I wouldn’t be hungry.

“I want you to think carefully about what you say after you read this.” I handed my notes to him.

“Get out!” he sighed as he read. “Religion and shit!”

“Read like your life depended on it,” I said. “That brown boogered face could be the ticket for us, fame, money. Happiness.”

“Girls?”

“Not so much!” I laughed.

He handed my notes back to me. “Watch your language. This is a racialized demon we’re dealing with here.”

“I can’t help it if it is brown!”

“Whatever!”

Yeah, I got my fill of Helldivers 2 when Matt went to eat and then he was too polite to kick me off his system when he came back down to the rec room.

By then we had big plans.

I would do the posters and the social media posts. I had an idea of a title, “Do you know this person?” came to mind. You know, don’t be too religious about it.

Matt was the genius though. Every idea he had was paved in gold. So long as he did the work to make it come true.

Which suited me fine. Uncle Ted was amazed, his wallet opened doors. And I got to play as many video games as I wanted.