79 comments

General

"Come with us", two burly men in grey suits say, grabbing you painfully by the arm and handcuffing you. "You know what you did." But you have no idea. "What did I do?" you ask the men, the question only to be followed by silence. Finally, the one with the swollen black eye answers "You know." Then he motioned in the direction of the Apple pie you had just made. "It is illegal to own, sell, or use sugar outside of the white house." It was true, you thought. You had forgotten the sudden shortage of sugar. "Oh, no" you thought and quickly and silently said a prayer.

"How could this have happened?" You knew good and well that ever since the spring of 2688 their had been a major food shortage. Their had not been enough rain that year and by spring everyone was half starved. "How could I forget?" you asked yourself. It was thanksgiving day and you were making an Apple pie to share with your family. Last night, you had dreamed about a time, 20 years ago when you were allowed to by sugar and corn. you were just 7 years old and you and Mamma were making Apple pie.

Just then the fatter of the two shoved you through the door and outside your itty-bitty apartment. They tried to whisper, but you could still hear "Wonder what the president will do with this one." "I don't know but he will surely punish her severely. ." "Oh he dose not like it when people steal his sugar" That scared you half to death. You had heard about a time when the president was not the only form of government in the country. Not at all like now. Each president had an 15 year shift and was completely in charge. And they got sugar. Sugar was not the only food they got. They got corn, peas tomatoes and figs too. The shortage of water effected those things to.

First, you were stuffed in a police car you stared out the window and watched the scenery. Trees, Trees, Trees. People, dogs, grass. Boring! Suddenly you pulled up at an airport. Finally, You saw something that interested you an pretzel cart! "Can I have a pretzel?" You ask. You don't even like pretzels, not without sugar anyway, but you were starving after 3 1/2 hours of riding in the car as if on cue your stomach grumbled. "Fine" the police with the black eye said reluctantly. The other police looked disapprovingly but did not stop me when I walked over to the pretzel stand. I quickly walked and ordered a pretzel. You paid for my pretzel and took a big bite. As I was devouring the pretzel you realized it was made with sugar. I quickly winked at the lady that was running the stand and she winked back. I boarded the plane.

Half an hour after the plane lifted, you was sick to my stomach. And another half hour after that and you was positively green. While the police were up in first class dining with fine china, you was stuck in third class eating chicken nuggets. That was fine, at least it was food! After that, you quickly fell asleep even though the chairs were quite uncomfortable. Plastic seats who does that? You couldn't sleep long because you was between one 4yr old trying to learn to read and one teenager listening to music ugh. Just as You thought things could not get any worse the plane landed.

Once at the white house you entered through a set of large doors and looked the short, skinny guard in the eye and whispered "help." The guard looked at you with a face full of pity and said "I can't" You sigh. Out loud. All the people in the room stare at you like you have three heads. You don't care. "Lets get this over with" you say just as loud. Soon the doors burst open and the president himself entered the room. "You!" he called, pointing to me. "You are trying to ruin me!" he cried. "Why would I try to do that? you asked honestly. "You want my sugar!" "Well guess what you can't have it." "What you can have is coronavirus send her in" he shouted. "NO" I screamed. Not the room the corona room! The corona room is a room full of coronavirus germs. There is no cure.

"Anything but that" You yell but it does not matter. "Now you need to see about this Apple pie, "he says as he gets a delighted look on his face. Two guards with long masks and virus shielding clothes grab my arms and pull you. They pull me right to the exit doors. "Run" says a voice you recognize. Then you realize it is the short guard who said he could not help you. "Thanks," You say then you take off. you run and run and run. you see snobby ladies walking their snobby poodles. Soon you think you must be a good eight miles away. You walk into a Walmart and purchase a cold water. As you must look like a disaster the clerk looks on you with pity. The water tastes so good, so,so cold. You tip the Deli clerk $10 and take off for a second time. You reach the president's personal field of sugar cane. No people are here. Well that is what you thought until you heard humming. You looked for what was Causing the noise but could not find it. Then when you was giving up you saw the president slicing the apple pie. Then, before he got to eat it he got a phone call. He walked away speaking into his phone and you took the chance and got the pie. You ran and did not look back. you ran all the way to your house where You sat on the couch with your mother and enjoyed the apple pie.

July 26, 2020 22:27

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79 comments

21:10 Jul 27, 2020

Very cute story.

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Samantha Davis
21:15 Jul 27, 2020

Thank you

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Abigail Slimzy
20:07 Jul 27, 2020

Nice work dear... I guess what you meant was "buy" Sugar and corn not "by" Sugar and corn. Good story.

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Samantha Davis
20:07 Jul 27, 2020

Thank you

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Itay Frenkel
16:14 Jul 27, 2020

Hi Samantha, first of all, it's really nice to see a fellow new-writer create something like this. I loved the main character, especially the little observations they made along the way ("you see snobby ladies walking their snobby poodles" 😂). The only faults here were grammar and spelling, for example in the second paragraph you used their instead of there and by instead of buy. That being said, this was still a very enjoyable read. Could you check out my story 'The Cost of One' and let me know what you think? Good luck in the contest :)

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Samantha Davis
19:43 Jul 27, 2020

I will check out your book thanks for the comment. Also, how do you post those emojys?

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Tvisha Yerra
02:38 Jul 28, 2020

You have to copy and paste from the web! 😋

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23:45 Jul 26, 2020

Hi, Samantha! This is super creative and was awesome. One question/suggestion: around halfway through, you switch from 2nd person (‘you’, ‘your’, ‘you’re’, others) to 1st person (‘I’, ‘me’, others). I think that’s unintentional, so you might want to fix that! Overall, amazing job!

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Samantha Davis
23:49 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you! I will change the first/second person thing

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Samantha Davis
23:49 Jul 26, 2020

New to writing.

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Akshat .
07:55 Oct 22, 2020

When are you gonna write a new story Samantha?

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Akshat .
13:56 Sep 03, 2020

When will you write more stories, Samantha?

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. .
05:32 Sep 01, 2020

Great story!

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Amogh Kasat
12:27 Aug 24, 2020

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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Mackenzie Meetz
03:13 Aug 16, 2020

This was a humorous story that brought a smile to my face. I liked how you used the current state of things to make a comedic future situation. I'm not going to point out any mistakes because I see others have already. I will say, maybe check out Grammarly. I use it. It's a service that helps with spelling, punctuation, grammar, and capitalization. It points out flaws that we often miss ourselves. But anyways, well done :)

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Amogh Kasat
10:13 Aug 15, 2020

It's an amazing story P.S read my both story what is a Second Chance The Secret Mission Meeting

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Evalina Williams
15:38 Aug 10, 2020

Enjoyed

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03:07 Aug 08, 2020

This story reminded me of something out of a Grimm's tale. The unlikely hero, aided by an unlikely source, to best the evil overlord. Great stuff. I really enjoyed it!

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03:03 Aug 06, 2020

Very interesting and creative story

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Abby Irwin
16:31 Aug 05, 2020

Great idea! It did get confusing at some parts with the grammar and sentence structure but I loved the theme and the whole idea of the story! You also could've gotten into more detail with the whole story. It just seemed kinda rushed like you didn't have any room for any details but you did have room. If you worked on grammar and adding details this would make a GREAT story!!! Great work!

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Anna Irwin
21:22 Aug 04, 2020

I loved how intriguing this story was! Other than the few errors, your creativity was superb and interesting to read. As soon as I saw your fun title I literally said, "I have to read this." I like how you kept it sort of lighthearted too!

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Michele Duess
18:32 Aug 04, 2020

Besides the grammar errors, how did you run home when you took a plane to get to the president? Pay attention to things like that. Otherwise, interesting story.

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Maya Reynolds
22:38 Aug 03, 2020

Very nice story! Fixing the grammar errors would make it an easier read, but it was enjoyable and funny nonetheless!

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Raquel Rodriguez
18:57 Aug 03, 2020

Hey Samantha! I love how you used the prompt! I also saw many punctuation and grammatical errors. 'Suddenly you pulled up at an airport. Finally, You saw something that interested you an pretzel cart!' Okay, so first: You should remove the word 'finally' in the beginning of the second sentence. It's definitely unnecessary because that usually signifies when something happens after a long time of a character waiting for it. It also signifies the end of a paragraph (in an essay). Now your sentence should be: 'Suddenly you p...

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Benny Njuguna
14:36 Aug 03, 2020

I like the humour in the story.

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17:25 Aug 02, 2020

Hi Samantha, good story. I like how it was fast-paced and kept you reading. I like when a story keeps the action going!

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