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Funny Fantasy

This story contains sensitive content

Caution: Some fool language is used in this.

 The polished gray concrete was sticky to the patrons that headed towards the lobby of the large concert venue after the encore had come to an end. The Post-Rock band Ultrasonic Tentacle Monsters had just finished their encore. Very few of the concertgoers stayed in hopes that the band would come on for one more surprise. “One more!” A bearded drunk patron yelled while slinging the clear plastic cup which held his sixteenth cup of beer. The beer sloshed into his face and got on his biker jacket and denim pants.

Three women were laughing and helping their friend up as she had tripped over some of the clear plastic cups that lay strewn across the pit. “Come on Jane!” One of her friends called over with a tone of annoyance in her voice. “Hold on Kathy, we have to get this on the social’” Jane’s other friend Samantha who had also had a few too many said while now recording Jane’s drunken escapade.

As most of the patrons exited the

egg-shaped concrete venue, the ground began to shake erratically. “Earthquake!” Yelled Samantha. The bearded man looked around frantically and stumbled his way over to the bar and took cover there. Bottles began to shake off of the shelves and crash into the spot the biker had declared his.

The three women held their positions as Jane lay on the alcohol-coated floor giggling as the building shook. “We have to take cover”! Kathy yelled to Jane and Samantha.

 “It’s just the Earth tickling us,” Jane said with a smile on her face. “Are you high too?” Kathy asked now filled with anger and annoyance. Jane looked Kathy in the face with a big smile, “Yes” Jane responded. “And you?” Kathy asked now looking at Samantha, “ Just a bit drunk,” Samantha said smiling to Kathy. Kathy let out an audible sigh, “I’m taking you two home with me,” she said in a voice that sounded as a parent would.

The three headed towards the exit of the concrete venue not knowing there would be no Earth to step on upon their exit. “Where is everyone?” Kathy said in a worried tone to Samantha as the two carried Jane between them. Samantha looked around with her head swimming, and her eyes feeling as if they were on springs even though she had not had that much to drink. “This place is creepy, where did the venue workers go?” Samantha asked. Kathy looked around and noticed the lights started to dim out one at a time.

The biker, named Blaine got to his feet and felt the earthquake was just a drunken episode. “Craig, are you still here?” He called out to his friend that had gone to the restroom when the last song had ended, but there was no reply. Blaine headed toward the restrooms to search for Craig as the main concert hall lights began to fade out. By the time Blaine made his way to the restroom which past

 several concession stands that were still stocked full of items, Blaine eyed with food lust the main concert hall way pitch black.

“Craig, you in here?” Blaine yelled into the restrooms whose lights were now also fading one by one. “Blaine that you?” His fellow biker friend Craig yelled from the now dark bathroom. “Yeah, man are you good?” Blaine said entering the sulfuric-smelling restroom. “Good?” Craig asked and without waiting for Blaine to reply Craig continued. “ I about pissed all over myself when that damn earthquake started,” Craig said feeling his way to the sink to wash up. “ No damn water,” Craig said in disgust to Blaine. Just at this time, the lights began to slowly turn back on.

Kathy and Samantha now could see the glass doors that lead to the outside world. They had become tired from carrying Jane, which now began dragging her.”Why is it so dark outside, and where are the others that had attended this concert?” Kathy said as she noticed no movement outside the glass doors. “Probably ran away from your attitude,” Samantha in a joking manner.

As they now came to see what was outside the doors Samantha and Kathy were in full shock. The groups of others which they expected to be there were gone. They

appeared to be soaring in the sky inside this giant building which was now a method of transportation.

“I was taking a piss when that damn earthquake started, and I got piss all over my hands and shoes,’ Craig said angrily as the two exited the restrooms. Blaine listened to Craig but had his mind on the food at the concessions they were about to pass. “Hold that thought,” Blaine said to Craig as Blaine made his way to where the food had been only ten minutes earlier.

“What the hell?” Blaine yelled in a mixture of sadness and anger. “What are you yapping about?” Craig called over to Blaine. Blaine slowly walked back to Craig in an out-of- sorts manner. “Well you see there was food sitting there before I came into the restroom to get your pissed self sorry ass,” Blaine said pointing to where the red steaming hot dogs had been sitting.

“We’ll get something to eat when we get out of this hell hole,” Craig said as they now made their way to the main concrete hall. “Man this place is a mess,” Craig said looking around at the empty concert hall which had the half drank cups, empty cups, cans of beer, and confetti all over the floor. “Where is the clean-up crew?” Blaine asked looking around. “Good question, they are in for a long night,” Craig said not knowing they were as well.

 “Can we get Taco Bell?” Jane asked her two friends. Kathy and Samantha looked at each other in horror, not knowing how to respond with them not even being on the ground anymore. “What, we can’t get Taco Bell?” Jane asked downheartedly. “Well you see Jane,” Samantha began to say with a dry feeling in her throat.

“ Sure, sure we can,” Kathy said smiling at Jane which surprised Samantha. “What are waiting for?” Jane asked. “ I want to use the restroom,” Kathy responded swiftly. “We’ll go together,” Samantha said. “Does Taco Bell not have a bathroom?” Jane asked with confusion and wonder in her voice. “Come on it's right over there,” Kathy said to the other two. “Fine, but you’re buying me a Nacho Fries and Crunch Wrap Supreme,” Jane said.

Craig and Blaine now noticed the three women returning to the concert hall. The three women stopped for a moment and stared at the two biker friends that appeared in front of them. “Where are you three going the exit is that way,” Craig said pointing to the way the women had just come. “Plus there’s no water in the restrooms,” he said. “And you’ll piss on yourself,” Blaine said jokingly.

“Take Jane to the bathroom,” Kathy instructed Samantha. “You trust these two,” Samantha asked giving a cautious glance over at the two biker men. “I got pepper spray,”

 Kathy said winking at Samantha. “Of course you do,” Samantha said as she and Jane made their way to the restroom.

Kathy cautiously approached Blaine and Craig, not knowing even though they looked tough, those two would not even harm a fly. “Why haven’t you ladies left yet?” Craig asked. “Let's talk a little walk,” Kathy said.

Kathy led the two men to the glass doors which let out to the clouds in the dark night sky. “Holy shit!” Blaine yelled out. “How did this happen?” Craig asked now starting to slightly panic. “ Your guess is as good as mine,” Kathy said calmly contrasting the two men’s attitude. “How the hell can you be so calm right now?” Blaine asked frantically breathing. “How else should I act? There’s nothing I can do to fix this situation so why freak out?” Kathy said looking at the two men. “Fair enough,” Blaine said.

The three walked back to the concert hall and met with Samantha and Jane. They found the two women had sat in the seats that had been at the back of the concert hall. Jane had fallen asleep and had put her head on Samantha’s shoulders. “Kind of stuck here,’ Samantha said as the three approached.

The five of them now all sat in the blue stadium-style seats thinking. Craig spoke up, “ Maybe this is some crazy dream,” he said. “ I’m sorry but that makes no sense,” Samantha said. “ How would one of us dream up you two if even never met?” Kathy questioned.

“We could be placeholders for people we don’t want to see or perhaps one of us could be manifestations of part of ourselves we don’t know yet,” Blaine said with everyone now staring at him with bewilderment.

“How in the world do you know about dreams, and what they mean,” Kathy asked with curiosity. “ I dated a chick a while ago that was into that kind of stuff, and I honestly found it interesting,” Blaine said.

Before anyone else said anything one of the members of the band appeared on the stage. “Oh shit! It's Johnny Fireside,” Blaine blurted out. The others quickly shoot their heads up. “Hey, what’s going on,” Kathy yelled. Johnny Fireside rapidly looked over to where the voice came from, and his eyes grew big.

The group watched as Johnny Fireside frantically ran backstage. The group of five made their way over to the stage now and stopped as they heard the voice of the lead singer they knew as Garrett Lee. “Please don’t come any further,” Garrett Lee said in a booming low tone no one in the group had ever heard before.

“You won’t like what you see,” Garret Lee said in a disenchanted tone. The five looked around at each in confusion as Garret Lee began to appear on the stage. “What’s going on?” Kathy asked him. “It's a very long story,” Garrett answered. “It seems we have all the time in the world if that’s even where we are anymore,” Samantha responded. “Fuck, fuck,” Garrett said under his breath. “Please stay where you are and do not follow behind me,” Garrett said as he exited the stage and went behind an ignoramus black curtain.

The five former strangers now stood alone in the concert hall still unsure of what was going on. Behind the curtain the five began to hear strange sounds, it sometimes sounded as if someone was gargling water or if someone had food stuck in their throat and spoke an unearth-like language.

After about tenth fifteen minutes of this, all four members of the band appeared on the stage. For a second Blaine forgot about the situation they were in and yelled out “Yes! One more song,” Craig politely tapped his shoulder and shook his head at Blaine’s incompetence in him understanding the situation they were all in.

 Garrett Lee began to speak, “We are not from your planet, in fact, we travel throughout all of space in hopes to entertain many species,” he said. “What the hell,” Samantha said. “ We simply believed our time on what you call Earth was over,” Johnny Fireside spoke. “We decided it was time for us to move to a new planet,” Draxton Roy, the drummer of the band said.

“We shapeshifter into what the average lifeforms look like on each planet to disguise our true form,” Draxton Roy said. “Well what is your true form,” Kath curiously asked. “Should we really show them?” Johnny Fireside asked Garrett Lee. Garret Lee sighed, “ If we show you, you may never be able to unsee what we are,” Garret Lee said. “Do it! Let’s rock!” Blaine yelled with his hand cupped around his mouth. The other member of the group led on “Yeah show us!” They said in unison.

The four band members looked at each other and waited for acknowledgment of what to do from the group’s leader Garrett Lee. Garrett Lee shook his head yes, and the four band members returned to the back of the stage, and the next time they appeared they were not what the five humans were expecting.

The band had now transformed into exactly what their band named was called Tentacle Monsters. “Wow,” Craig said in amazement. “What the hell?” Jane screamed. The band members were ten feet tall purple-colored monsters with eight tentacles, and giant razor-sharp teeth. The band members had two eyes that were black as night, and no noses.

“We will not harm you! My real name is Squilien” The Tentacle Monster that was formerly named Garrett Lee said. He continued “We are really only into this for the fun,” he said. “Plus humans do not taste good at all, I had one for dessert at The Altair Galaxy Cafe and it was disgusting,” The Tentacle Monster known as Johnny Fireside said. “ Oh my, where are my manners my real name is Elek.

It was dead silent for a second until Squilien spoke up again. “We have a few choices here,” he said looking down at the humans. “You five can join us across many galaxies and become our VIP guests at every show or we can send you back to Earth, I will give you some time to think about it,” Squilien said.

“I’m sorry but I have to go back, I can’t leave my life behind,” Kathy said. “I love my home and my pets,” Samantha said. “ Well my life kind of sucked, and I used to work as a roadie for an old Punk Rock band,’ Blaine said. “I’ve always wanted to be a roadie for a band!” Craig chimed in. “We’ll take Jane back with us,” Kathy said as the looked and saw she had fallen asleep.

 The group went back to the stage where the Tentacle Monsters were standing. Each one told them their decision and after the five expressed their feelings they all awaited what the Tentacle Monster would say together.

Squilien listened and thought deeply about what the two men had requested. “We won’t be able to pay you two, and space food is a little different than food back on Earth,” Squilien said. “ We can visit the Altair Galaxy Cafe!” Elek said.

“Can you three ladies step over here,” Squilien said gesturing with a tentacle to a metal oval shape platform. “Jane wake up, we’re leaving,” Kathy said tapping on Jane’s shoulder. “Huh, where am I?” Jane asked. “No need to worry, we’re going to go get you that Taco Bell,” Samantha said. “Yum,” Jane said with a slight grin on her face.

The three women stepped into the oval platform, and the Squilien handed them some Ultrasonic Tentacle Monster merchandise sunglasses. “Wear these the lights are blind,” Squilien told them. “ Are you ready?” Elek called from a control board that doubled as the sound engineer's board. “Ready!” The ladies called back.

A blue beam of light radiated through the hall concert hall, and Craig and Blaine shield their eyes from the light. Once the light vanished the two men looked up, and where the ladies stood was now empty.

“You boys ready to have a lifetime of adventures in space!” Squilien asked. “Let's do it, rock on!” Craig and Blaine said in unison. “To The Altair Galaxy Cafe!” Elek roared out, and the giant egg-shaped spaceship which doubled as a stadium blasted off into deep space.

June 06, 2023 02:59

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