The Spirit Demon

It was raining. Of course it was. That’s all it ever does in this backward town. Some may call it London, they get so excited by it’s grand clock and overpriced “souvenirs”, but it’s not what it used to be. Nothing is. It isn’t right. We were the only ones in the square. Everyone in London was hiding. Cowards. Like in some story setting. Unrealistic. Was it that, or was I tuning out the world? Selfish. That’s right, I’m selfish. That’s how I cope. I don’t know any other way. The fountain just seemed to be gurgling quietly, and the light seemed to be spotlighting me and the stranger. Their hood was dark, and casted a shadow over their face. Of course it didn’t, people just love to hear drama. His hood. His face. I never saw gender as a variable. That's wrong. It isn’t. How does it matter? Gender defines the person. It isn’t an option. Of course it isn’t. That’s not what I meant- shut up. 

“I’m looking for a Fiona West?”

“Finn.” i replied. Fiona. That wasn’t my name that was never my name…

“This sheet says Fiona-”

“My name is Finn. do you want my business or not?” 

your name is Fiona. it’s a beautiful name- why are you in my head again? You were given the name Fiona. How can you decline a gift? my name is Finn. Fiona please- leave. Give me 10 minutes to myself. I don’t think either of us have a choice. 

“Very well, Finn… i come bearing the news-”

“Yes! I know I'm ‘special’ , I know ‘you need me’. Why? Why do you think you’re different? That you’re the one who can convince me? No one. Has convinced me to come.”

“You don’t have a choice, this is your destiny-”

“Of course! Of course i don’t have a choice! I never do! Everything is preordained because power and tradition is all you have ever cared about!”

How dare you talk to one of the star elders like that! The fountains have stopped gurgling, the bird stopped chirping, everyone is staring at you. The fountain didn’t stop gurgling! That’s not how gravity works. Gravity doesn’t stop because I spoke my mind. It’s a figure of speech- well then speak clearly for once! 

“You must come with us. You hold great power that no one else has, and we can’t just give that to someone else.”

“I'm not coming. The fact I’m unique and important doesn’t make me feel any better. Especially when each one of you say the same things each time. It doesn’t help.” 

“You leave me no choice, Fiona.”

I couldn’t correct him in time. Of course you couldn't, there was nothing to correct. And you’re just so stubborn… All I remember from that hour was a strong pain coursing through my body. And blackness. Why did they want me so bad? They don’t want you, they need you. Even in my reflections, you still don’t leave me alone? I’m always here, i can’t leave you alone, we all need you…

‘Wake up. Fiona, wake up.’ It was cold, and cramped. I couldn’t move. Was it because I was stuck in the trunk of a car, or because I was paralized in the middle of the square? ‘It’s both. You’re just so stubborn. There never was a choice. Why did you have to do it the hard way?’ 

You again. 

‘Me again. Why do you hate me so much?’ 

You really need an answer? 

... 

You never leave me alone. I can’t have a thought to myself. I don’t get a choice, do i? 

‘I don’t either, Fiona. I’m part of you.’ 

Are you me? 

‘No.’ 

Why are you a part of me? Was it something ‘foretold from my birth’ or something? 

‘more or less.’

 Who are you?  

‘Call me Aziel. I’m your spirit demon. My soul is fused to yours, so I can talk to you in this way.’ 

I find that unbelievable. You know alot about me then, right?

‘yes, generally speaking.’

Why am i here?

‘Because, you’re special, Fiona.’

Finn. 

‘You hold fire in your center. It’s always been a part of you. Pyrokinesis. Your born gift. You can use it to accomplish great things. You have potential, Fi-’

Sorry I asked. You’re one of them, aren’t you?

‘No, actually. I just thought that it would be humorous.’

The car came to a sudden, lurching stop. ‘Ah, that’s because we’re here.’ 

I figured. And how exactly do they think of getting me out, since I'm so ‘powerful’? More zappy tricks? 

I can almost hear you grinning.

‘More or less.’

‘Fiona. Fiona!’ 

It was… taunting.

‘You’re not safe. Don’t trust anyone. Not the elders, not the students-’

‘Not me.’

‘No! Fiona something’s happened-’

‘You’re fine. Just stay calm.’

‘Fiona don’t leave me… Fiona can you hear me? Fiona…

Finn…’

I woke up to the sounds of scraping and shuffling. I assumed it was night, only a small pool of moonlight poured out onto the floor, lighting up the chair I was in, a small bed, two shelves, and an assortment of unnecessary room decor. The walls were a faded grey, nothing hung on them. Something stopped me from moving. My arm hurt tremendously. I tried to speak, but my voice was weak. “Aziel” i managed to croak. Nothing more. Aziel, why aren’t you responding? Someone pulled a chair in front of me. 

“Welcome.”

“Where- where am i?” my voice was weak, i could barely hear myself.

“You’re in the Star Space. Here, you begin your training.”

Of course I was. Nobody cares about what i want. If I'm blessed with a gift, 10 other things are taken from me. Freedom seems to be one of them. ‘Fiona-’ 

“Aziel. What did you do to Aziel?”

The Star Elder laughed. “That Spirit Demon? I thought you didn’t like him. He’s a distraction, Fiona. You don’t need him. You’re safe now.”

“I was perfectly fine with my own life. Why did you have to take that all away from me?”

“You mean in london?” she laughed again. I was nothing more than a child to them. “We’ve seen you, heard you. You hated it there, no? We thought this would be a fresh start for you. You’re more stubborn than we thought.”

Stubborn. That’s the word everyone uses to describe me. My parents, friends, Aziel… I need him now. Why did they take away Aziel? What did they do to him? 

“Just let me go!” i made a lunge at her, but something restrained me. Something’s wrong…

‘it isn’t right.’ 

“Stay. you’ll be fine. You’ll be more than fine, you’ll be powerful.” her eyes darkened, and she put her hand on my shoulder with force. I cried out. Dark spots closed around my eyes. No, no, I was too weak. I’ll never make it here. 

‘Fiona, Finn. get out.’

A month passed. I had no choice. I trained. I guided my fire through my blades, taking down hundreds of bots everyday. People were too scarce to sacrifice. everything was perfect. I was accepted for once, praised. I felt like I belonged here. But something was… off. I don’t remember how i got here. Did I just walk in? Was I escorted? Or were the Elders hiding something from me?

As I cleaned up in my room, a shadow flickered across my mirror. I paid no mind. It flickered again. More and more, until it became a person. 

“Finn. this isn’t right. What are you doing?”

I jumped back, and looked around. No one was in the room. But in the mirror, the figure was right beside me. 

“My name isn’t Finn… it’s Fiona.” i felt quizzical saying this. “Who are you?”

The figure looked dismayed. It was written all over his starry eyes, and lavender cheeks. 

“It’s worse than i thought. I’m your Spirit Demon, Aziel. Something’s wrong. You need to leave. Please. Your life is in danger. To them, you’re just a pawn. You’re worth nothing to them. But you’re worth something to me. Leave this place. You’ll know what to do, I'll be with you the whole time.“

Something felt off. Was it the figure, Aziel, or the place I was in? I trusted the Star Elders. But it’s only been a month. 

“Fiona?” a trusted voice came from the other side of my door. “Are you talking to someone?”

I looked from Aziel to the door. He was desperate. 

“N-no. no. s-something’s wrong.”

I rushed out of my room. Aziel’s heartbroken glance followed me out of sight. I ran to the training rooms. I picked up my swords and stepped in. I slashed at the bots without intent, moving on further than I had before. Bots fell before me like bodies in a war, I showed no mercy to anything. I needed to get something out there. Anything. Strength, power. I hit bots for Finn, for Fiona, for Aziel. The Star Elders stared wide-eyed. I hit the last bot, and stood, panting, my swords in the ground and my eyes aflame. 

“She’s going to be perfect.” I heard one of the Star Elders remark.

No, no, no, no. That isn't right. I’m not perfect to them, and, I'm... i’m not a girl. 

I did what I could. I ran. I saw Aziel’s shadow flickering through the hallways. I followed it for hours, out of the Star Space, back into london.

I sat at a table across from Aziel. His silver hair flowed around his shoulders elegantly. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my short, shaggy hair, a men’s graphic tee, and jeans. I looked like any young man would. A week had passed since the events of the Star Space, and I was running from my troubles with Aziel at my side instead of in my head. We talked about everything. From meme cats to my future, but there was trouble following me around every corner. Aziel and I were laughing and talking, when in the mirror I saw someone approach me from behind. Thinking fast, I grabbed my blades and hit them in the wrist with the handle, disarming them. I turned around, and Aziel got up calmly. We were surrounded.

“What do we do? There’s 5 people trying to kill us right now!” I exclaimed, holding my blades at the ready.

“Actually it’s more like 8.” Aziel replied, tidying his hair behind his shoulders.

“Oh, sorry i wasn’t specific enough!”

Aziel and I exchanged amused glances, like any couple would. 

I could take them on. We could. 

After all, I learned from the best.