Forgive me, Forgive me not

Forgive Me, Forgive Me Not

Hi, how are you? My name is Jack, Jack Collins. Forgiveness, what is it? Is it being on a bent knee asking another worldly being to reach down and cleanse your soul with his hands as if you’re a dirty, old rag on a wash board or maybe sitting inside a room that is dark and desolate, talking to someone or something that’s not there. In some places they call this insanity. Well, forgive me, forgive me not is a little more my speed.

Why do I need forgiveness? Well, I murdered 16 women across 7 states. Why am I here now? This is a god question. The first step to forgiveness is to get the story off my chest. The story of my journey into the abyss of murder.

After its out there, we let the jury decide what level of forgiveness I deserve.

“Is that thing recording?”

“Yes. Now go ahead Jack and tell us about Suzanne. Find your redemption,” Detective Goldberg said.

“It was 1979 and I was driving through New Mexico. I had to go to work at a logging job in Washington. As I was driving, there she was on the side of the road. Something just came over me. The rest is a blur but I will try to remember the best I can,” Jack said with a far-off look in his eyes and continued,

‘Need some help?’ I asked.

‘I called my father, he’s about an hour away,’ Suzanne replied.

‘I can take a look if you want, I am a mechanic,’ I said.

Yeah, that would be great, thank you,’ Suzanne said smiling.

All of a sudden I felt an incredible urge to kill. It was as if she was the root of all my pain. I envisioned bashing in her skull, seeing the blood, tasting her fear.

I walked up to the engine and it was hissing.

“I have to stop,” Jack told Detective Goldberg, “This is horrific. I was another person then. I am not that Jack anymore.”

“Come on Jack,” urged Detective Goldberg, “Help us to understand and let it out. Help her family find some peace. Please tell us what happened.”

Jack nodded, “Ok, I will try, but I want you to remember that Jack has died. You need to understand that.”

“We do Jack. Now, let’s get the truth out so you can go back home,” Detective Goldberg said.

“Ok,” Jack sighed and continued…

The engine was hissing. It appeared to be low on coolant. I did not care about the engine though and the voice in my head kept getting louder. The vision of inflicting pain on her and having the power to take her life was getting louder also.

For a brief moment, I thought that I should just run away, but that thought passed in an instant and the thrill of inflicting pain on her coursed through my veins.

‘Let me get some tools,’ I said to her walking towards my truck.

I opened the toolbox in the back of my truck and grabbed the tire iron and some pliers. I looked back at her and she was bent over, looking at the smoking engine.

‘Now!’ the voice told me.

“I can’t do this detective,” Jack said.

“It’s important that you get this out of your head. We know since your accident, you’ve changed. We need to find closure on Suzanne’s death.” Detective Goldberg replied.

“You only want closure on Suzanne? What about the other 15?” Jack asked, sounding confused.

Immediately, Detective Goldberg called for someone on his radio. Apparently, they were unaware that it was 16 women. I knew I would never leave these bars again. Actually, I would probably end up in the electric chair. Even if that is the case, it is time to find redemption and release their souls from my head and heart.

The door banged open, “did you say 16 women,” the new detective asked loudly.

“Yes,” I nodded, “I still live with their faces every day.”

The other detective slammed the door of the interrogation room and Detective Goldberg quickly followed. I could hear them arguing in the hallway.

“Quit having sympathy on this scumbag! People don’t change!” the detective yelled.

“Jimbo, calm down. He’s finally talking.” Detective Goldberg said calmly.

“Fuck you! Don’t tell me to be calm, Suzanne was my niece!” He yelled, slamming his fist on the wall.

Detective Goldberg walked back into the interrogation room and tossed a pack of Marlboro’s on the table in front of Jack.

I pulled a smoke from the pack and Goldberg lit it for me. I had not smoked in 20 years, but I was due on this day.

“Continue Jack,” Goldberg said, starting the recorder again.

Jack took a deep drag and let out a plume of smoke, “Ok.”

As I approached her, I had the tire iron gripped tightly and raised it above my head, then swung it down, striking her in the back of the head. I still remember how loud the crunch of the tire iron was when it hit her skull.

She turned, confused and went to raise her arms to cover her head but I was faster and I struck her again square on the forehead. I saw blood trickling down her face as she dropped to her knees. I hit her again and again until there was no doubt she was gone.

The rush I felt was exhilarating, unmatched to anything I have ever felt before. I picked up the body and threw it into the bed of my pick-up. I knew I had to hide it. I drove to a cave I knew about from hunting trips I used to go on with my father. It was in an isolated location. I carried the body as far into the cave as I possibly could.

I lay awake that night envisioning her body twitch and slowly disappear from this world. I knew that I had to do it again and again. I needed to feel that high, that rush and I chased that feeling 15 more times. I would have kept going but that night with Rebecca changed everything.

Rebecca was a helicopter pilot, ex Air Force. We met at a bar. I planned on killing her but she wanted to take me for a helicopter ride and I really wanted to go.

We went up and I think God intervened. After being up only a few minutes, we went down. The helicopter crashed to the ground and I watched her die, then I slipped into the abyss myself, only I saw Hell’s Fire. I returned back into my body and those feelings were completely gone. I no longer lusted killing. I soul was different, clean. Hell’s Fire scorched it clean.

“Jack, can you take us to the cave?” Goldberg asked.

“Yes,” Jack agreed.

Jack went with a police escort to the cave where all 16 bodies were laid to rest. It was time to put the nightmares to rest and set their souls free.

The true point of my story comes with my trial. It’s been almost 2 years since I saw my daughters. Kinda ironic, I killed women, now I’m raising them?

My lawyer was going for an amnesia defense. I didn’t have amnesia though; I remembered every bloody detail. I don’t feel empathy, however, I only see the murders from different eyes.

Now my jurors were all older, like 65 years plus. I thought they were supposed to be my peers! Oh well, regardless I will get my time to speak.

As the evidence was presented, I sat watching but not seeing, listening but not hearing. Just waiting for my turn to tell them that, that Jack was dead. I had to show them.

Prosecutor:

“We have shown you the testimony of Jack Collins admitting his guilt for the murders, brutal murders, horrific murders of 16 innocent women. He wants you to believe that after a helicopter accident, his brain changed and he deserves forgiveness.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there is only one verdict that needs to be given. Send Mr. Collins to his death. It’s the only fair punishment for what he did to those poor women.

Mr. Collins is guilty on all 16 counts of first degree, premeditated murder. Judge his fate on the evidence, not your emotions. He is an evil, vile man that deserves the same punishment that he executed upon those 16 poor souls.

The State rests its case but I implore you to find Mr. Collins guilty on all counts.

Ok, I had to admit, she was good. Hell, I was ready to find myself guilty after that speech. I had to tell my attorney that I wanted to take the stand.

“I want to testify,” Jack told his attorney.

“No, that will harm your case,” his attorney warned.

“I will testify anyway,” Jack said firmly.

“We have our closing argument tomorrow. Go get some rest,” the attorney said.

My attorney walked out of the courtroom, looking confident and heading home to her $750,000 condo in her brand new BMW.

What she did not know was that I had a plan. The Lord has shown me the way.

“Your honor, my client would like to testify,” the attorney said looking annoyed.

“Objection!” the prosecutor shouted.

“Overruled, please continue,” the Judge said.

“I am filing a withdrawal,” my attorney said, “this isn’t what I signed up for.”

The Judge looked over at Jack and asked, “Mr. Collins, do you understand what is happening?”

Jack nodded, “I do, your honor.”

The judge sighed, “Ok, I will allow.”

“Thank you, your honor,” Jack said.

“I will set this testimony for tomorrow at 1pm,” the judge said.

“For the record, I object,” the prosecutor said irritably.

“Noted,” the judge said looking at the court reporter who nodded, “We will adjourn until tomorrow at 1pm,” and the judge banged his gavel.

Jack dialed the phone:

“You have a call from a correctional facility, press 1 to accept.”

Beep

“Jack?” his wife asked anxiously.

“Hi hun, I am going to testify tomorrow. Can you bring the kids? I may be the last time I get to see them,” Jack said.

“Ok sweetie, I love you,” his wife said.

“I love you too, bye,” Jack said.

“Bye,” his wife replied and hung up the phone.

Jack’s plan was in motion now. What is his plan? Well, you have to keep reading to find out.

I know if I just tell the jury my story, in my own words, they will realize I’ve changed and find me innocent.

Jack lay down on his bunk and closed his eyes. The nightmares he usually had have left him since the truth has come out.

Jack’s eyes opened and the first thing he saw was those fuckin bars! There was no way he could stay behind those.

The guards came for him. He had been given a suit to wear to court. The guards shackled his hands and legs, told him to go and as he shuffled down the hallway, fellow inmates shouted words of encouragement.

Outside the courthouse a mob had formed. There were two groups, one side shouting, “Free Jack!” and the other shouting, “Fry him!”

“All rise,” the bailiff said.

It was time. Jack made his way to the stand with a somber look on his face. The jury never took their eyes off of him.

Jack begins his testimony:

Jack swore to tell the whole truth and then began to speak, “I, Jack Collins, throw myself in front of you and ask for mercy. I am a changed man.” Jack pointed to the children sitting behind his attorney, “these are my children, I love them more than anything and this situation is a tragedy, which keeps me from seeing my kids’ milestones. We are all heartbroken. I sit in front of you to tell you that I am innocent. That other man was a killer, but he is dead. I ask you once again to show me mercy.”

Jack begins to weep and the prosecutor steps up and asks, “Mr. Collins, did you kill 16 women?”

“The other man is guilty, I am innocent,” Jack said and wiped the tears with the back of his hand.

“Nothing further,” the prosecutor said.

Jack walked back out and sat down. He was representing himself now.

“Closing Mr. Collins?” the judge asked.

“No your honor,” Jack replied.

“Anything else prosecutor?” the judge asked.

Once again, the prosecutor stands and begins to speak.

“The man you see sitting right there brutally murdered 16 women. He shows no remorse for his cold-blooded acts. Now, he is trying to hide behind an insanity plea, using his children and trying to convince us all that he’s changed. Those crocodile tears and everything else was just a ploy, put on by an evil killer. There is only one verdict that he deserves…guilty.”

“Court is adjourned until the jury comes back with a verdict,” the judge states and bangs his gavel.

Everyone just sat and waited as the jury filed out of the courtroom. To everyone’s surprise, after 45 minutes, the jury was ushered back in.

“Jury, have you reached a verdict?” the judge asked.

“We have, your honor,” the jury foreman stated.

The bailiff walked up to the foreman, took the verdict out of his hand and handed it to the judge. He opened it, looked at it and closed it back up. The bailiff brought it back to the juror.

“Jury foreman, what is your verdict?”

The jury foreman looked down at his piece of paper and started to read, “On the first count of murder in the first degree, we find the defendant…guilty.”

The room erupted, half cheers, the other half protesting angrily. The judge started slamming his gavel and yelled for everyone to be quiet. The bailiff had to remove a couple of men who started to throw punches at each other.

The juror finished reading their verdict and it was guilty on all counts.

“Mr. Collins, you have been found guilty on all counts and held at the county jail until sentencing. We will reconvene in 30 days for sentencing.” The judge ordered.

“No!” Jack stood up, “your honor, I wish to be sentenced right now!”

The judge sighed and looked over to the prosecutor, “do you have any objections?”

The prosecutor looked at Jack, then back to the judge, “no objections.”

“As you wish, Mr. Collins. For the murder of 16 innocent women, you are sentenced to death by electric chair,” the judge banged his gavel for the last time and said, “bailiff, take Mr. Collins into custody to await his execution.”

Jack’s response to the sentencing was something none of them expected. He stared at each of them, the jury, judge and prosecutor and gave a huge grin that did not reach his eyes. Now they all saw the evil that those women saw in their last hours of life.

Months passed and Jack’s appeal was denied. It was time…

They came to his cell to shave his head and give him his last meal. The next day, they came into his cell, shackled his hands and feet for the last time and started to walk him down the hallway. They let him use the restroom one last time, then put a hood over his head.

They sat him in the chair, removed his shackles and strapped him down and strapped on the helmet. After he shook his head no when they asked him if he had any last words, they put a leather strap in his mouth and watched the clock.

11:57, 11:58, 11:59, 12:00, the handle was pulled down and…ZAP, SIZZLE.

The room’s lights dimmed as everyone watched Jack Collins fry. After 1 minute, the handle was pulled back up, the coroner made sure there was no pulse and confirmed that Jack Collins was gone.

Everyone behind the glass cheered and hugged each other. It was finally over. As the room emptied, the coroner yelled, “guard! GUARD!!”

The guards ran over and the coroner said to them in a panicked voice, “This is not Jack Collins!”

You see, sometimes the bad guy wins. From the time I was arrested, I started to formulate my plan. Fucking the lawyer was just a bonus, but I will come back for her later. I had them all going for a while and I think it would have been a hung jury if it wasn’t for that bitch lawyer withdrawing on me.

Well, back to what I do best, killing women. Watch your back because I could be anywhere waiting for you, a dark alley or behind a club. Sometimes things don’t go as planned but in my case, everything went exactly as planned.

XOXO

Jack