Move On: Rock bottom

Ever reached rock bottom? No, not that fantasy world with the talking fishes and tasty burgers. It's a mental place. And when you get there, your brain automatically tells you to leave. Get out. Move on. But it's never easy.

Some of us didn't exactly stick the landing and we're broken pieces scattered around.

Maybe we pick ourselves together, maybe we don't. Maybe we're too tired, tired of it all, tired from the drop, tired of being broken, tired of being put back together, tired of falling after getting back up, or like I said before just tired of it all. So we traipse all broken. Not like a lone soldier ant driven with purpose, marching towards a goal. We can't go that fast, we can but we don't, we're tired, and our purpose is broken too, just like us.

You brain always tells you to get up, leave, move on. Maybe you hear, maybe slowly you stop hearing it. Maybe you say, 'later'; you know it's a lie. Maybe you pick up a rock you like, the gray igneous mineral. You call it 'mata'. Maybe you call 'mata', friend; maybe so you don't feel lonely in this vast empty plane. So you wander together leisurely and the emptyness becomes home, till slowly you can't hear calls from your real home. You're at peace here now.

Some of us on the other hand, never stay there too long. Like a rubber ball we hit the surface (rock bottom), 'hey' we say. Our brain also says leave, move on. With the same intensity as we plummet, we propel ourselves off the wall, 'Bye' we say, leaving the vast empty lands fairly scarred.

Really, wherever you are on the spectrum, either at the far ends or in the middle; maybe you're there a while or maybe you've been there a long time. You need help or maybe you don't. But to those who do need help, just that extra push, you need Heux or well creatures like Heux.

The fire place gives the only illumination to the living room. By now, he knew that whenever the fireplace is lit his roommate, Doko, is home and by this time Doko is probably asleep on the Bridgewater couch. Doko always kept the White leather couch before the fire place. He says the fire helps calm his nerves and helps put him to sleep. Get in, get the stuff, and get out, before he realises.

"What are you up to so early, Heux?" The sound comes from underneath the blanket. Heux can see the creature turn underneath the blanket from where he's planted few metres away from the door. So much for going unnoticed.

"I got a job to do." Heux says still standing in place, sighs and continues with his hunt. 

The creature sits up. The light from the fireplace accentuates the glory of his messy blonde hair. He looks behind the couch, sleepy eyes observing the muscular figure. "It's New year," he sighs.

"I have an early client. Boss wants the job done fast...he doesn't have much time."

"Ohhhh," he mouths before resting his head back on the arm of the couch. "Who is it this time?" 

"I don't know, some Ex military or something. I haven't even looked at the file. I'm not his first, so probably another lost case."

"You know they only call you in for the tough ones."

"What about you?"

"I don't think I'll get called in till February."

"Right. Shouldn't you start packing too, you know how time flies here."

"I'm already packed, all I need is me." The creature stood tall, chest puffed and letting his friend bask in his glory. "Unlike you. All I need to do is get in, deliver the message and I'm out. It's a shame, you won't be around. Arain is having this get together and—I know you don't fancy things like this. But at least, Beix would be there, maybe I can get you to go then, probably not. But we need a break too, you most of all."

"Hmmm," Heux says picking up his bag.

"You'll probably won't be around for the March Carvinal."

"Doko you better than anyone should know how this cases go."

"Another human year and you won't still be around." Doko said, "I have an idea why not just say, no. When Big boss calls you to give you another case, say no."

"Why don't you try saying that to Xrya sometime."

Xrya isn't exactly the most approachable creature you'll meet. Leading district A messengers, work is paramount and perfection is expected from colleagues. But Xrya just like every other creature here knows nothing but good and love.

"Noooo. You know what happened to the last one who did that"—Doko shudders—"But you and Big boss have a different relationship. I mean Big boss calls you up personally, personally my friend...You think Big boss knows? I mean he knows everything." 

"Maybe."

"But he hasn't said anything. I have an idea, don't do a perfect job, take the lazy route—"

Heux crosses his hands. " You're talking like them.

" I'm just thinking that maybe if you didn't do such a good job, maybe...well, that was stupid."

"I'm glad you know it." Heux says, "Hey, relax. It's not that bad. I love helping them, it's why we're created... I just want to help another way."

Doko sighs and sits on the floor. "I love them too..."

"Well I'm gone, don't burn the house down," Heux says disappearing into a puff of white smoke.

***

The little boy runs right through Heux towards the farm house.

"Be careful, Aiden," his mother calls from behind him. 

 "Grand pa," says the boy as he hugs the startled old man. "Grandpa, I've missed you so much. Did you get my letters? I never got any back, so I didn't know if you got them. Mom tells me old people are very busy. So if you got them and didn't reply, I understand. I got you a present—"

"What...why are you—" 

"Honey, why don't you go unpack. You remember where, don't you?" the plump blonde hands him a blue duffel bag.

"Yes, mum," he says running into the house.

"It's nice to see you Bob. I'm glad to see you're looking well." 

Bob ignores the woman at the door and settles into the old wooden rocking chair by the living room window. Bob's wife, Gabriella, used to knit in that same chair. Gabriella didn't know how to knit, but she did so anyways. She'd sit down, singing along with Louis Armstrong and the song "What a wonderful world" playing in the DVD player.

The sturdy man stood perplexed, a stranger can tell Bob and him are related. They both had the same ultrafine coffee brown hair, flat nose and the weird way folds form between their eyebrows when they're mad like he is at the moment. He drops the luggages on the pile of newspapers and socks. "This place is a mess. Dad, why don't you let Martha in to help with the cleaning?"

This wasn't the first time they had this argument and it wasn't the first time they've had to change the cleaning lady.

"You want me to let a spy into my house."

"Martha isn't a spy. She's—"

"Why are you here?" Bob asks.

"Please excuse us, Michelle."

This wasn't the first time Michelle had to excuse them for their talks. And usually at this point she'll make her way to the kitchen to make tea. But not today. She looks towards the kitchen and concludes she's too tired to rumage the kitchen to find the teapot. And she forgot to bring her special lavender and mint tea, she decides to keep Aiden's company to ensure he doesn't mistakenly overhear their talk.

"We came to visit Dad."

"Why?"

"It's New year. We couldn't make it for Christmas. But then..."

" I told you not to come. I just want to be ALONE."

"It would be a great family time."

"You do this every year, Charlie. And every year I tell you NOT TO COME BACK."

"Aiden is going to hear you. You know how much this means to him," Charlie whispers.

"How long?"

"How long what?"

Bob asks, "How long are you going to be here?"

"We planned on staying the week."

"Not in my house."

Charlie begs. "Three days."

"Leave by tomorrow."

"You know actually I'd given up, but Aiden—he's still persistent. What am I supposed to say when he askes me if we're going over to Grandpa's house."

There's an extremely long silence. Bob does his famous act, "I'm asleep." Closing his eyes, he rocks back and forth. He's not exactly actor of the year, as he grumbles under his breathe.

"I don't mean to intrude. I'll do as you say."

"Great." Bob says.

"Is this how it always is?" Heux asks the creature behind Bob, Reki, his guardian.

Reki sighs. "Don't even ask."

Michelle and Adrien walk down the stairs.

Charlie stops Michelle. "I think we should clean up before we start any unpacking."

Aiden sprints to the rocking chair. "Grand pa. Can we go fishing today?"

Bob breaks his act again and opens one eye. His eight year grandson is kneeling. His almond eyes are filled with so much hope. Hope that Bob doesn't have, at least not any longer. Hope that reminds him of Gabriella. He closed both eyes back. "No."

"But we haven't gone fishing in a long time—"

"I'm busy today."

Michelle calls from behind him. "Honey. There's so much cleaning to do. You can't go fishing today."

"What about tomorrow, Grand pa?"

" I'll be busy tomorrow."

"But...Okay. I understand...Old people are busy," Adrien says standing up.

"Can you help pick up trash around the house?" Michelle asks.

"Okay," he says and runs upstairs.

Michelle touches Charlie's shoulder and smiles, he knows it means, Don't worry. I'll take care of it and she jogs up the stairs.

Charlie walks to the rocking chair. "Not only are you pushing us away, you're pushing Aiden away too. Pushing us away isn't going to help things. All Aiden wants is for you to be happy.

"Do you remember when you'd promised you'll take him fishing when you get back from Afghanistan. Do you know that because you told him to only reach you through letters? He writes to you all the time. I mean how many kids his age sends letters. What's worse is you've never replied, not even once.

"He asked me, 'Why is Grandpa always sad? I wish I could help.' I don't know what to do dad. You're not letting me help. You're not letting anyone, not us, not your therapist, noone. This is just one of those times you can't help yourself. It's been three years, it's time to move on."

Bob continues with his act, only this time he's convincing.

"I miss her," Charlie whispers. "I miss her too."

The Pines do as much cleaning as they can before setting off the next afternoon. Bob continues his act while they pack up, get in the car and leave. He continues till it was no longer an act. He wakes up in the evening, looks around the empty apartment. He rereads Adrien letters and goes back to sleep.

Nine weeks later...

In an apartment in Chicago, The Brunt sit around their glass dinning table.

"Do you want another meatball, Aiden?"

"Yes, please." Aiden says, "I wonder what Grand pa is having for dinner. Mom you know he really loves meatballs. "

"I do. Don't worry, when next we visit we'll make him some."

Adrien nods as his fork breaks into the meatball. Charlie's phone rings and he excuses himself from the table. A plopping noise from the kitchen causes Michelle to leave the dinning.

"I'll be right back. Just keep eating," she says.

Charlie is by the kitchen sink.

"What happened?" Michelle asks.

"I got a call from the hospital. It's dad "

"I'm so sorry Charlie." She heads for the door. "I'll go pack our things."

"No, you should stay here with Aiden. You know how tough my dad can be."

" I don't mind. Plus school has been closed down, Aiden can come with us. I'm sure he'll be elated. "

"Okay. We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning."

"I'll start packing."

"Step one: get them to come back. Done," Heux says.

They say we don't realise what we have till it's gone. Maybe their right. Sometimes the fear of losing what we have makes us fight harder. They're out of the door by six in the morning.

"Step two: pass the information." Heux says sitting beside Adrien in the leather seat.

"Why are there so many pop ups on my phone?" Michelle swipes irritatedly across the screen of her phone with her finger.

"Try to disable it in your settings," Charlie says changing lanes.

"I don't think that's it."

"What's it on?"

"Covid 19—London has declared lockdown—Panic buying—and the likes."

Michelle puts on her glasses and reads each pop up article. Few minutes pass and she asks, "Can we quickly stop at Costco?"

"Why?"

"This articles says a lot of countries have declared lockdown. They advised citizens to stock up as to restrict movement. I just think since we're visiting Bob we should help stock up his place. You know if there's a lockdown, it won't be convenient for him. He's all by himself. And it says it's more fatal in old people. "

"But why stop here? We'll just buy something from another store over there."

" Yes but Charlie it's Costco. There's no Costco there. I'm buying bulk and I'll get good deals here. I know you're rushing to see Bob, but you already called this morning. He's stable. It wouldn't hurt. I'll be quick."

Charlie pulls up in Costco's parking lot. Michelle had highlighted from the car earlier. Aiden had fallen asleep.

Heux looks out the window. "Step three: get them to stock up. Done."

The Toyota Tacoma drives up the front porch of the familiar farm house.

"Dad!" Charlie screams, searching the house.

"What is it? Why are you shouting?" The sound coming from the back of the house.

He gets to the field to see Bob sitting on the bench and feeding chickens. Bob had sold all the farm animals after Gabrielle passed but he couldn't bring himself to sell the chickens. They were her favourite. She didn't even let him eat their eggs. Sometimes he forgets about them until they wander towards the house. Other times, when he feels alone without Gabrielle, he comes to them first. Probably, this surprises the chickens or they've been surprised too many times and now they can only pity Bob.

"You scared me. We went to the hospital but they said you already came back home. Why did you leave? You—"

Bob staggers up from the seat. "I'm fine Charlie. I'm a grown ass man. You didn't have to drive all the way here—"

Charlie hugs Bob. "You passed out. I was so scared. I don't know what I'll do if something happened... I kept blaming myself for how the last visit ended..."

"Okay now. You can let go."

Michelle walks in with a sleeping Aiden in her hands. "Hey, Bob, " she whispers. Aiden twists in his sleep. Michelle draws a corral in the air with her index finger of her free hand, indicating she'll be back, before walking out.

"Y—you brought the whole family?"

Aiden scratches his elbow. "Yes. It was the spur of the moment."

"Be nice. Be nice. You almost died." Bob murmures.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"We thought it was something serious, the way the receptionist described it..."

Bob laughs. " Tammy tends to overexaggerate a bit. Just your luck."

"Not luck," Heux inputs.

"I was almost scared to death."

Bob asks, "Now that you know I'm fine. When will you be leaving?"

"Tomorrow. We'll be out of your gun by tomorrow."

Michelle walks back in with two cups of tea. She wasn't going to forget her tea this time. The smell of lavender hits their noses, with a little tingling from the mint. Bob had said tea like this were meant for scenting not drinking.

"I'll go offload." Charlie leaves.

"You gave us a scare there," Michelle says handing Bob a cup.

"I'm still my old rugged self."

"That's about to change," Heux says

Charles stammers. "Michelle... I was too anxious before to notice, but—what did you buy?"

"Trust me, their essentials. I got everything the article said I will need."

"Everything?" Charlie asks. He's voice getting a few octaves lower.

Michelle suddenly has an interest in the tea. She takes a sip, grins uncomfortably and lets her smile dissolve with another sip. Michelle is so interested in the tea that she doesn't see him storm off.

"What are they for?" Bob asks.

"It will make things easier for you in case there's a lockdown."

The next day Heux sits on the bonnet of the black vehicle. He watches as they say their goodbyes, get in the back and Charlie's failed attempt at starting the car. "Step four: Don't let them leave," he says.

He watches as they crawl back into the house. He smirks at Bob's disappointing face. After a whole day of Bob and Charlie trying to fix the vehicle themselves, they give up. It was a good bonding moment for both men, not that they realised it. They argued over spare parts. Made jokes on engine fuel. If anything they talked and it wasn't akward and tensed like it used to be. Eventually, they give up and settle on calling the Mechanic, Carl.

Carl comes over the next day. He starts the ignition and it starts.

Charlie whistled. "Hey. We actually fixed it."

Bob laughs. "I told you it only needed to rest the night."

They send the mechanic on his way. They eat lunch and get back in the car. Only it doesn't start again.

Michelle sighs. "What did you do?"

Bob walks up to the drivers window with a frustrated face. "Ya. What did you do, Charlie."

"I didn't do anything."

"Well, you must have."

"Oh brother. Aiden let's go back in honey. Let's leave your father to think about his life choices," Michelle says.

Later that evening, as they watch the evening news; little did they know that life as they knew it is about to change.

Michelle watches the evening news, while the boys tried desperately to prepare dinner. Bob says he wants to show Aiden the right way to cook fish and Michelle needs any reason to not cook.

"The city of Chicago is imposing a Lockdown. All social activities are to be suspended. This is a stay at home orders. Now to our correspondent—" the blonde newscaster reads.

"Honey, did you get a call from work." Michelle shouts.

Charlie shouts back from the kitchen. "No. why?"

"You need to see this," Michelle says. "Luckily, I stocked up."

"You're welcome." Heux says, "Now this is the hard part. Step five: Help Bob move on and that will be easier if his family are around."

Reki says, "Well, you've certainly come a long way."

Days pass and the car doesn't still start. Charlie gets a text from work asking him to walk from home. He is about to walk the year in Michelle's shoes, who is work at home Blogger. They

decide on going back home with public transport. But to everyone's surprise Bob stops them.

"You can stay till this thing blows over. Your car breaking down is a sign. I've learnt from my years on the field that you shouldn't blow things like this off. Plus, I don't want to you exposing my grandson to any risks. I heard on the radio that it's more deadly in children and Aiden is asthmatic...Gabrielle won't forgive me if anything happened to any of you, because of me. So—stay." Bob says his lines before continuing with his signature act, leaving Charlie and Michelle dumbfounded.

Four month has passed. The brunt family is playing Charade on this warm evening. Laughter in the air, face masks covered faces, hand sanitizers and disinfectants with the pile of game boards. Aiden and Bob are in one team, they were surprisingly leading even though it's only by a little margin, while Charlie and Michelle were in another.

Gradually, Bob is becoming a stranger to the empty plains and slowly he is embracing the New.

Reki says, "There were right about you, Heux. You're actually great at this."

"I did nothing. They did it. All I did was give a little push."

***

Heux gets back home. Doko, probably out on a job, is luckily no where to be found. Heux takes the quick alone time to make the move. He brings out the letter and rereads it for the thousandth time. The writing seems unfamiliar each time he reads it. Each time he'd convince himself that it wasn't time yet. Or he didn't say something quite right. And each time he'd keep it back in the cabinet.

Sometimes even the strongest people need help too, they need that extra push to Move on. To let go. It's never easy to move on.

Doko isn't there but Heux hears the creatures voice "Just do it, Heux."

The ball is rolling. It's time to leave the emptiness, say goodbye to 'mata' and Embrace the new.

Dear Big boss,

The new years mission was successful. You probably already knew that. You also probably know what I'm going to say. I've been meaning to say this for a long time now. I've spent most of my career in the Human world. It's beautiful as it is dark. I've learnt a lot too. I guess what I've learned the most is that we're constarntly changing. Changing who they are as a person. Likes, wants, needs, preferences all are changing.

I love my job. I love the humans. I love earth. But it's not quite the same. I've been feeling this way for quite some time now.

It doesn't mean I love less. In fact, I begin to love more. I still want to help. But I want to help with the next phase. I hope you grant this request of mine and approve my transfer.

I want to leave that old life behind. I want a new start too.

Yours sincerely,

Heux.