Arithmomania

Celeste was starting to wonder if everything he said was a lie.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Cel! Wait for me!"

"Yeah, don't worry! I'll make sure to text you!"

Then, with a quick grin and a joyous wave with the promise of tomorrow, he was gone. 

She sighed. Looking out the scratched bus window, she peered up at the ashen sky. Two more stops until home. Well, her house. Apartment, to be exact. Celeste wasn't sure where her home was anymore. She has a living space, an apartment, yes, but that wasn't home. Home was somewhere where you felt loved, comfort, and safety. The drab gray walls of her apartment were anything but that. Celeste never felt at home living there.

Stepping off the thermic bus, she shivered underneath the heavy overcast sky and pulled her beige coat and monocolored plaid scarf tighter around her slender body. With her black ankle boots hitting against the pavement, Celeste hurried towards her apartment. She kept a strict schedule for herself, to avoid thinking about anything... unnecessary.

"27, 28, 29, 30, and... 31." Celeste counted to herself. She climbed up the final step and reached to unlock her creaky wooden door. She knew where everything was in her apartment, in terms of numbers. 9 steps through the front door until you reach the wall. 2 and a half steps to the left from there until her small and humble kitchen. 4 steps backwards into the dining table. 16 steps from there to her bedroom. 1 large step into the bathroom. 17 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 6 days, 19 hours, 48 minutes, and 36 seconds since he left. 

Celeste shook her head and repeatedly hitting her temple with the heel of her palm. 

Slim finger pressing a button, she started making herself a cup of coffee. 1 tablespoon of cream, no sugar.

Sitting with her hands wrapped around the steaming cup of coffee, Celeste peered out her window and to the heavens above. 

"Hello! My name is Káze! Want to be friends?" A boy near her age stood above her, hand outstretched. 

Celeste squinted her eyes. Wrapping her arms back around her knees, she glared up at him. 

"Me? Why would you want the be friends with me?" Celeste grumbled. 

"Because you seem like a nice person!"

"Well, I'm not!"

"Are you sure?"

"Y...yes!"

"Hmm."

The boy, Káze, she supposed, sat down beside her. 

"Your name is Káze?" she questioned. 

"Yep."

"What kind of name is that? How do you even spell that?"

He chuckled, seemingly having gotten used to being asked that question. 

"It's K, Á, Z, E, and the a has an accent going up." he made a small motion with his finger. 

A shower of cherry blossom fell upon them as a gust of wind danced through the branches of the cherry blossom tree they were both leaning against. 

Their laughter filled the wind with happiness and joy, flowing together through the air with the delicate blossoms. 

Celeste slammed her empty mug down on the table. Her hands reached up and clenched her long brown locks roughly. Ruffling her hair furiously, she groaned. 

Stop thinking about him, damn it!

Glancing at the silver clock hanging above the window, Celeste decided to go out for a walk. 

A wall of wind slammed into her as she stepped outside. Celeste strolled along the sidewalk, seemingly calm, but her mind was racing.

36 cars parked on the roadside, 9 pedestrians enjoying dinner, 16 letters on that road sign, 20 chairs and 5 tables in that diner, 11 seats taken, 48 steps taken since I left the apartment. 

 Celeste kept counting. Counting everything, everything that was around her, everything that could possibly be counted. Celeste had been counting for almost her whole life. She kept counting, she couldn't stop, she's afraid of what would happen if she did.

A deliciously wonderful smell wafted to her nose, making her salivate. Celeste looked across the street to see a newly opened chocolate shop. Pieces of beautiful, hazel, creamy chocolate adorned the storefront window, causing many people to stop and admire the delicately crafted bits of delights. 

Celeste's head started to spin a bit from the sickly sweet scent.

"Hey Cel! We meet again!" Káze greeted, meeting her under the cherry blossom tree.

"First of all, don't call me that. Second of all, we've been meeting here everyday for literally almost a year." Celeste huffed.

"Aww, don't be like that." Káze grinned. 

"Soooo... it's gonna be my 6th birthday soon. I like chocolate." he smiled.

Celeste raised an eyebrow. 

"So?"

Káze pouted.

"I said, it's gonna be my birthday soon, and I like chocolate. So maybe you could...?"

Celeste stared at Káze's hopeful face.

"A person who asks for gifts?"

"Well, you only get one birthday per year. Plus, I always give you stuff, you should return the favor once in a while too!"

Celeste thought about the flower crown, kitten stickers, and some of the other small trinkets Káze had made or bought for her over the months of their unexpected friendship. 

"Hmm.. okay. Maybe I'll get you a KitKat or something." she shrugged.

"Yessss." Káze hissed, tackling her onto the grass.

They rolled around, and pushed at each other, laughing.

If only those days could last forever. 

Celeste paused. She looked around her, not really sure where she was. Her feet had carried her somewhere without her even noticing. Celeste was starting to get a little worried that she was lost, until something soft hit her cheek. Lifting her hand up, she reached for the little something that had landed on her jawbone. 

It was a blossom. A cherry blossom. A tiny, thin, pink, delicate cherry blossom. Celeste froze. Slowly looking up, she saw a trail of cherry blossoms leading up an old empty cobblestone street. The wind blew the petals around, as though playing with them. It looked the same as that day...

"Hey Celeste," Káze said wearily. 

Celeste spun her head around to look at him. He usually never called her by her full name anymore. Something was definitely wrong.

"What happened?" she hurriedly asked, worried.

"Nothing," he shook his head, sliding down beside her, "I'm just very, very tired."

"Oh."

The wind swirled the blossoms that had rested on the grass back up into the sky. Káze reached up and plucked a single blossom out of the wind's grasp. The zephyr, as though angry, spun harder, ripping more petals of the tree and out into the open.

"Well if you're tired, then maybe we can go back to your house and read a book or something," Celeste suggested, her hair lacing together with the gale and cherry blossoms. 

"Yeah... I think I might have to go. Sorry about not being able to hang out today."

"Don't worry! We've been meeting here for 2 years! If you don't feel well, just text me to tell me!" 

"Okay then..." Káze gave a half-heart grin.

"I guess I'll be back tomorrow, Cel! Wait for me!"

"Yep! Sure thing! Hope you feel better!" Celeste smiled.

"Yeah, don't worry! I'll make sure to text you!"

Then Káze was gone, leaving behind a shower of cherry blossoms and a heart filled with hope for tomorrow.

Celeste stared up at the tree. It was still the same. The same chocolate brown bark, the same angelic cherry blossoms that still fell from the branches even when Káze wasn't here.

Káze. 

Where was he now? Did he forget about his promise? Did he not want to come back? Did she do something to make him hate her? 

182 steps taken since I left the apartment. 12 minutes and 56 seconds since I left the apartment.

Her doctor and therapist didn't know where her counting disorder stemmed from, but Celeste did. She knew when she first started counting. It was when Kàze didn't show up the next day. When he never answered her endless streams of text messages. When she was constantly waiting under the cherry blossom tree for him to come back. That was when she started counting. And she wasn't planning to stop. She wasn't going to stop. She couldn't stop.

Celeste will keep counting, forever counting, until Káze once more reappears in her life.

17 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 6 days, 20 hours, 1 minute, and 59 seconds.