Carnival Clown

Many people say your best friends has to be around your age, and you have to know them for a long time. But really, my story is the exact opposite. With a lot of twists and turns in the middle.

Rachel, Hannah and I had all been waiting for the carnival to finally get here. And here it was! The Girls and I had been talking about it for a while, but they insisted on letting their boyfriends meet up with us. I didn't want to be a bad friend, so I said, "Of course! Why not, I love those guys." I really do, but I was kind of hoping it could be a girls night, knowing every time the pairs are together, it's like I was never there, unless they want something. We all met up at the ticket booth and chatted a little. Josh, Rachel's boyfriend, made one of his original jokes, just calling us all pretty, and hug Rachel. She would giggle happily and squeeze him tight. "Mia", she said to me, "do you wanna go grab us some cotton candy? Or hotdogs. I'm kind of starved."  "Let's just go in a second and talk for a bit." Josh whispered with a sly smile, picking up Rachel and tossing her over his shoulder. She would yell "Stop!" and laugh, but everyone knew she loved it. "Guys? Where's Hannah and Tyler?" But by the time that came out, I already knew what was happening. They were standing in a spot where the bright lights of the carnival didn't shine. "We're just over here! Calm down!" Tyler yelled with lipstick all over his lips. "Can we not start this yet? Let's go ride some roller coasters!" I try to sound excited, even though I wanna drive home and curl up under my warm, silk sheets wishing I wasn't always the fifth wheel. They all nodded their heads in agreement, and we started for the little rides, so we wouldn't get tired.

We rode a few, and as usual, I sat by a complete stranger, being awkward and all, while everyone else was screaming their heads off in enjoyment.

The ride was over, and Hannah said to everyone, "Hey, let's go get in the photo booth and take some pics!" Everyone agreed, but it was just the couples that wanted it. I knew there wouldn't be just pictures, so I wandered off, hoping there might be someplace I could hide. 

I played a few carnival games. Ring toss, get the ping-pong ball in the cup, beanbag toss, the classics. I found a balloon making station, which was deserted and sad. So I bought one. 

"Hi. I'm Bonzo the Clown. What kind of balloon do you want?"

Wow. I might've said that out loud, but that was the saddest clown...ever. "Um...I like orange. Are you okay, Bonzo?" I really didn't know what to say, remembering I feel like that every day. "Bad! My life is horrible, I have no friends, and I just found out my wife cheated on me!" Dang, he was tearing up quickly. "What shape?" He asked sobbing with white, blue, yellow and red clown making rolling down his face. He tries to wipe it off, but ends up just smearing it more. 

"It's okay. I feel you, Bonzo." I say in a very understanding voice. "My friends always bring their boyfriends places, which always turns into a couple thing, and we never get to hang out. My parents are divorced, and I'm tired of going back and forth." I start sobbing after this one. " I feel like no one understands me and I'm a joke to everyone. I'm always the awkward one, watching my friends make out all the time. I just need a real friend, and I can't take it." 

Honestly, I couldn't help but pouring out all of my emotions. I hadn't had a friend like that in a few years. Talking to him was weird, with the clown costume and all, but I'll take what I can get. He looked to be about the same age as my mother, 43 or so. Turns out his real name is Luke Clark, and I kinda liked it.

"So Rachel and Hannah are my friends..." I would say, and he would reply as if I was his teacher. "...and Josh and Tyler are their boyfriends. Okay." He actually had quite amusing humor. I would say something, and he would make a quiet comment, which would make me laugh hysterically, being heard all over the food area. 

"One time, we were at the mall, at my favorite store, and I found this beautiful, floral, sunset pink top, and I went to try it on. The Girls were waiting outside, and I really wanted to buy it. It was 40$, and I didn't want to spend all of my money, so I walked out of the dressing room, wearing the top. I was about to ask if they could lend me 20 bucks, when I looked up, and they weren't even out there."

"Brats. Did you slap them?"

"No!" I said and burst out into laughter. "I couldn't find them at first, so I changed back into my shirt, and walked out of the store, to find the eating ice cream, and cuddling on the public sofa with Josh and Tyler! Remember, this was supposed to be a girls day, and they just invited them without my consent."

I really was quite upset about this, because they had spent the whole day yesterday with them at the waterpark, and now they are just ignoring me again.

"So I said to them when I walked up, 'What are y'all doing? I went looking for y'all and I searched the whole store! And I thought today was a girl day?' I can't believe what they said after that!"

"What? I couldn't deal with that." And really, I couldn't either. It dawned upon me that those girls clearly weren't the best match of friends.

It went on like this for a while, me telling him my story, he responding with a little side comment that made me giggle a bit. But really, his story was the sad one.

He talked in more of a quiet voice, like he didn't want anyone to hear. "My parents weren't the best role models, and most of my siblings became drug dealers, all of them smoked, and I was kinda left alone. I had just given up with all the bad things in my life, so I went to a bar, ordered a drink, and pretty much made my decision then and there. I was just gonna move on like my siblings, when I met this stunning woman wearing a flowy, blue dress, the color of her gorgeous eyes, with white heels and curly, brunette hair. She was wearing two pearl hair clips on each side. I remember it very fondly."

He gazed up at the sparkly night sky ask he spoke these words, and I think he was dreaming about this beautiful lady, in his words.

"I introduced myself, and she said her name was Jennifer, and at that moment, I knew I loved her, so I married her. But it happened too quickly. We had only been dating for 3 months when I proposed. We wanted to be wed as soon as possible, so we planned something small. But soon enough she started to get angry with me for forgetting anniversaries, or coming home late, or missing date nights. I tried to make her understand, but she ended up signing the divorce papers too quickly, before we could settle. But the worst part was the baby coming, and I didn't want to split up, for the baby's sake."

I froze in those words. A baby? I started wondering a gazillion questions at the same time. Where is it now? How is Jennifer? This was intense, but the melting clown makeup almost made me break out into laughter, but I held it in for Bonzo.

"At the time, I worked for an insurance company in a office space cube. I was so in love with Jen, that I painted my office the royal blue of the dress she wore when we first met, and sprayed her perfume in there every morning. But when we divorced, I was stupid, and I quit. I couldn't stand to think about her because I was still in love. So here I am. Living in some nasty apartment, single, no friends, and a part time clown job that pays minimum wage."

Wow. That was a lot. I'm still incredibly shocked how I'm actually talking to a stranger, and I'm having an intense conversation with him. He was crying the whole time so it was hard to understand, but most of it might've been me sobbing anyway.

"That's a lot to take in. I'm sorry about you and Jen. Do you ever hear from her?" This question was one I had been thinking about since he told me about her.

"Rarely. Maybe a Christmas card every now and then. Not much. But the baby is fine if you were wondering. A girl. Her name is Laura." And I definitely was wondering. I just hope they are okay. Now that I had heard this story, I wondered what my parents felt, having to split up and share a child. "You know, my parents are divorced. I don't talk to my mom much about it. Actually, I don't talk to her much at all. I'm at my Dad's a lot. You know, you and my mom should meet! You might have a lot in common!" And really, I meant this, because I thought of Luke-after an hour of conversation-as a great person and friend, and I wouldn't mind him and my mom meeting. Most guys I'm pretty picky about, but he's great.

"I don't know if I'm ready to start dating again."

"Come on. Just meet her, and see if you like her."

"Fine. But I'm just dropping you off, and introducing myself. Let me get changed and take off all of this makeup." But when we got home, he stayed way longer than he'd said. They chatted for an hour or so, and mom made some tea for the two. I sat on the stairs an observed. It was a beautiful sight. My new best friend and my mom getting along.

That night was the beginning of something I would never forget.

Throughout the next few months, my mom would make special dinners just for him, and boy did she not like cooking. He loved my mom, but he would always make time for me, and take me to the carnival each year. I would walk back to that same spot where we sat and talked the very first time, and let out and sigh and say, "Thanks." And yes, I said YEAR. They were dating for about 3 years now, and I was just waiting for the proposal!

He finally proposed, and I got to wear a gorgeous, light yellow, lowy dress with spaghetti straps and a v-neck. My mom gave me her special pearls to wear that she got from her mother. The reception had mexican food, which was in a gorgeous gazebo, with a beautiful garden for photo ops. All of our family and friends were there, and surprisingly enough, my dad showed up at the wedding, gave my mom a present, and a kiss on the cheek. He congratulated her, and told her how gorgeous she looked. He introduced himself to Luke, and the funniest thing happened! (Not as funny as a clown marrying your mother, though.) Bozo and my dad exchanged numbers, and they started to become great friends! I got to talk to dad a bit, just about life and how I felt about all of this. I told him I was the reason, and he wanted the full story, but we all know that would take many, many hours that could be spent dancing our butts off on the dance floor. So, I kept it short. Mom and I danced and while we did, she kept repeating in different ways how proud she was of me for stepping out of my comfort zone, and helping someone in need. She said this wouldn't of happened without my loving heart, and she couldn't be more proud to have me as a daughter. I embraced her, and a few tears trickled slowly down the side of my cheek, because this what I had been missing in my life.

The reception was beautiful, with dancing and a limitless amount of deserts. There was cake to cookies, tarts to chocolate colored fruits, and a whole chocolate fountain which you could stick sweets such as marshmallows or strawberries under the waterfall, and it would drench it it delicious, rich, milk chocolate. I couldn't believe this was all happening so fast, but I was more than grateful for an amazing family.

Luke moved in with us a few weeks after that, but I still called him Bonzo. For the first time in forever, I felt like I had a best friend. Best friend. Hannah and Rachel. After all this time, I had really forgotten about them. They had invited me the go out a few times these past couples of months, but I had ignored it, and didn't really pay much attention. And honestly, I don't think they missed me either.

They messaged me in our group chat one day asking how was I was doing, and if I wanted to hang out, because we hadn't had a legit conversation in I don't know how long. I really didn't know what to say, so I just told them the truth.

"Look guys, I don't enjoy wasting my time with you two when you clearly have other priorities. I know we haven't hung out in a really long time, but I'm doing fine with my new dad, if you've even taken my life into consideration, and I'm happy. So really, you guys can go along with your guys friends or whatever, but I'm good."

I didn't feel bad at at all, really. I felt accomplished, and happy. They responded later with some things like, "Ok, if you really feel that way," and "Wow. Okay thanks even though we tried to be nice." I know they might've still wanted to be friends, but I'd end up crying at home, complaining about my horrible life to my fish.

Dad would come over to have a beer and play poker with Bonzo, and we'd have dinner every now and then occasionally.

One reason I was so grateful for this was because many people's parents that are divorced don't get along when they get remarried like mine do. I couldn't imagine my parents hating each other, but still loving me through their dislikes.

After my moment with mom at the reception, I still am having a hard time realizing that this all happened because I saw someone in need, and I showed compassion. I'm not the type of person to talk to strangers, or start conversations, so I boosted my confidence a whole lot throughout this journey. I've been ignored by my friends my whole life, and it feels great to help someone like me. Even though Bonzo is my dad, he is still my best friend for life.

And I'll never forget that ol' Carnival Clown.