Choices

"I'm gonna do it." May says, shaking out her hands.

I smile encouragingly. “You’ve got this.”

“And she’s gonna say yes!” 

I nod. “Yep.”

“Wait. What if she doesn’t?” She exclaims, a panicked look on her face.

I sigh. This is the third time in the last hour she’s panicked. 

May is my best friend, and has been since we were children. She has long blonde hair, and tan skin.

My name is June, and I have short brown hair and light skin. I don’t really care about looks, but May always assures me that I’m beautiful, too.

We're both nineteen. She's in college, but I'm not sure what to study, so I'm taking a gap year.

We’re both openly out, she’s pan, I’m a lesbian, and she’s planning on asking one of our other friends to marry her, which she’s been waiting to do forever. She crushes easily, and is almost always dating someone. 

“It’ll be fine. She’ll definitely say yes.” I tell her. 

She walks around my room, running her fingers through her hair. “But how do I know? Rylee never shows her feelings to anyone. I don’t know how she feels!”

“That’s not true. You're the only one she actually talks to.” I remind her.

She nods. “Yeah...but what if she doesn’t like me because I’m not smart enough?”

“May, you’re plenty smart. If she doesn’t like you for that, she doesn’t deserve you.” I say, quoting something my mother once told me.

She sits on my bed. “Okay. But what if she doesn’t like me because I’m not pretty enough?”

“May, don’t be insecure. You’re literally the prettiest girl ever.”

She sighs, and drops her head in her hands. “I don’t know, June. Why would she like me?”

“May, you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.” I say, going to sit by her. “You’re generous, thoughtful, honest, creative, and I don’t know why she would say no.”

She nods, looking up at me. “Thanks, June.”

“Of course.” I smile.

She pulls out her phone. “Okay, so I’m going to ask her to meet me at the park. Then I’ll propose there.”

I nod as she calls Rylee. I never realized it before, but when she talks to other people, her voice changes to sound happier. 

“Hey, Ry! I was wondering if you wanted to go to the park later? Really? Great, I’ll see you there soon!” 

She hangs up, and looks at me. “I’d better go. I'm meeting her there in twenty minutes! Thank you so much.”

“You’ll call me after, and tell me everything?” I ask.

She grins. “I’ll come back here.”

“Alright, you’ve got this.” I say, hugging her, then walking her to the door.

She walks out of my apartment, and I sigh, going back into my room. 

I am a bit worried, since Rylee’s kind of protective, and I don’t want to lose my best friend.

The walls of my room are decorated with pictures. They’re kind of like a timeline. The ones by the front are me as a baby. May’s mother knew mine, and lots of the pictures are of the two of us. 

After those, are the ones of me in elementary school. I smile at one of my favorite halloween, when I dressed as a knight, and May as a princess. There’s one of my tenth birthday, where May threw a piece of cake at a girl who yelled at me. 

In middle school, we had our mom’s take pictures of us going to our first dance. We decided to match, and wore dark blue dresses May picked out that she knew I would like. Neither of us had dates, so we just danced together instead.

There are pictures of us at the middle school graduation party, eating cupcakes. At that point, she had more friends than I did, but she always included me in everything. I worried she’d forget about me, but she didn’t.

I glance past the picture of my first and only girlfriend, Rose. She had curly black hair, and a brilliant smile. We dated for about two months in high school, till she moved away. I hadn’t known she moved till she was gone, and sent me a letter. I cried in my bedroom for days, not letting anyone in. Finally, May crawled through my window, with a bag of donuts. That's always been my favorite food. She sat with me as I cried, and by the next morning, I was feeling much better. I never got over her. I still love her.

There are pictures of us at prom, which is when she came out to her parents. May had a girlfriend, but I went alone. In the middle of the night, however, she found out her date was using her. She ran out, and I followed her. We went back to her house, where I sat with her as she cried.

There are lots of pictures of me hanging out with her and whoever she was dating at the time. Now that I’m looking at them closely, I can see them looking at me weirdly. I frown, and look at them all again. 

Yeah, that’s pretty weird. They were all giving me a look that looked like jealousy. Were they actually jealous of me?

I seriously doubt it. Nobody would be jealous of me. May doesn’t even like me like that. And also, I mean, the fact that I’m me. I’m literally the most boring person on earth.

I wish she did like me, though. If she did, I’d finally get the courage to ask her out, maybe even kiss her. 

We’ve only kissed once, and she doesn’t even remember it. It was the one time she ever got drunk. She kissed me, and not knowing she was drunk, I kissed her back. When I found out the next morning, I could barely hide my heartbreak.

Since I knew she’d probably never love me, I kept my feelings bottled up inside me, never telling anyone, or letting them show. I never let her see me cry about her loving someone else, or cheering when she lost them.

I think about asking her to marry me. I could do it right now. Before she asks Rylee who I know will say yes. 

But I can’t. Because she doesn’t like me. 

I close my eyes as tears come. I'll never be able to love another person if Rylee says yes. I can't handle heartbreak.

But. I can text her the question before she gets there. 

I wipe my eyes, already knowing they'll be red from crying. pull out my phone and type, May, I’ve been in love with you since we were ten. I know this is inconvenient considering where you’re going, but would you make me the happiest person ever, and marry me?

My finger hovers over the send button. This should be easy, right?

Before I click it, I hear a knock at the door. I go to answer it, and my jaw drops when I see Rose standing there.